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I’ve seen him here before. He’s not usually alone. He’s normally here with the same man, who buys him drinks and holds him at the base of his neck possessively, a distinct look of superiority about him. Like the cat that got the cream, only he’s the guy that got the hottest man in the room and I suppose I can’t blame him.
I guess I’d look pretty smug too, if he was mine.
Only he’s not here now and I wonder if I should approach.
Maybe he’s just waiting for his boyfriend to arrive, maybe he’s actually somewhere else in the club and this is a game they play. Watch as the vultures descend and then swoop in to claim him as his own.
Maybe I’ve had too much to drink for any of this.
He looks across at me as I approach the bar and his bright blue eyes are shining, his eyeliner smudged a little more than just from the heat of the club and I wonder if he’s been crying.
I try and offer a conciliatory smile but he looks back at the drink he’s nursing and swirls the clear liquid in the glass before knocking it back.
I think this might be my only chance so I slide a little closer.
“Can I get you another?”
“I shouldn’t, but thanks.”
He looks up at me and I feel my pulse quicken. I’ve never been this close before. Able to appreciate the sharp height of his cheekbones, the distinct curve of his cupid’s bow, the full arch of his dark brow. And those curls.
The curls I’d noticed before, thick and black and tousled. The sort of hair, you’d never tire of running your fingers through.
I realise I’m staring, a little too late, and step back abruptly. He’s politely declined my offer of a drink and however much I want to find out whether I could fit his narrow waist in my two hands, I should walk away now.
“Em, OK, well – enjoy your night.”
He scoffs out a soft jet of air as if I’ve suggested something entirely ridiculous and I feel like I’m missing something.
“What?”
“No, it’s nothing sorry.”
“What’s nothing?”
“It’s just a little late for me to enjoy my night. I don’t even know why I came here. I should go.”
“Don’t go on my account, I promise I won’t bother you.”
“You weren’t, you haven’t, I... actually maybe.... maybe I will take that drink?”
I nod a little too enthusiastically and he smirks at me like he knows the effect he’s having, and I can’t bring myself to care. I catch the barman’s eye and lean in closer to the beautiful man’s space. I place my hand between his shoulder blades and bring my mouth to his ear.
“What can I get you?”
He turns his head and I feel his breath on my skin as he replies.
“Vodka tonic.”
I reluctantly remove my hand but don’t put any further distance between us, our arms pressed against each other while the barman mixes drinks.
“I’m Nick by the way.”
“Charlie” he replies.
I feel a smile spread across my lips at the simple fact I now know his name.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“So, do you want to share why you’re having such a bad night?”
“Not really.”
“That’s fair.”
“Well, I prefer to keep an air of mystery about me.”
His brow twitches and his smirk returns and I’m close to asking if he just wants to head straight back to mine, or even the fucking club toilets at this point but I worry that even if he agrees that will mean that’s all I’d get. And as much as I’d gladly get on my knees for him, I’d rather this wasn’t over before it’s begun, so I hold on to that suggestion and take a sip of my newly delivered beer.
“Is that so - man of mystery?”
“I mean not really, but it sounded good. Better than sharing my sad tale of woe.”
“People say I’m a good listener, but I get if you’d rather not go through it all.”
“It’s not that interesting. Had a fight with my boyfriend. Or I don’t know – ex boyfriend maybe. I haven’t called him that till now but...”
“The guy with the floppy brown fringe and the expensive looking shoes?”
Shit. Fuck. Fuck. I’m a dick.
He looks at me confused and I can feel my face heat up from the inside out.
“I shit, sorry, I... I’ve noticed you. Before tonight I mean. You’re always with him. I’m not like a stalker or anything you’re just... you’re hard to miss.”
He grins at me and takes a sip of his drink and I can feel the trail of his eyes as he examines me. I feel a bit like I'm prey and he’s a predator despite the fact I’ve probably got three or four inches on him and several stone of muscle. But we both know he’s in control. I might have been the one to approach but he’s got a hold on me I can’t explain.
“That’s... good to know. And yes, that’s him. 'Fit but he knows it' type.”
I look at him and raise an eyebrow. The implication is clear.
“What?”
“I mean pot... kettle?”
He laughs and his head falls back and I want to suck on the white flesh of his throat but instead I grip on to the bar for dear life.
“I think you’re getting the wrong impression of me Nick. I just... it’s the way you’re looking at me. It’s doing things for my ego.”
“Oh yeah? And how am I looking at you?”
“Like you’re starving and I’m a snack.”
“Baby, you could be the whole meal.”
He giggles and bats my chest. “That’s terrible Nick!”
“What? I’m trying here. You’re better at this than I am.”
“You’re doing alright.”
“Yeah?”
He nods and turns to face me completely. He drops his head but looks up through dark lashes and we both know he really is better at this than I am, but I lessen what little distance there is between us and bring my hand to his hip. My thumb finds a little sliver of skin above his jeans.
He holds his drink in his left hand and places his right on my chest.
“So Nick, you want to make my night a little better?”
I wet my lips and start to lean, the pull of his magnetic mouth drawing me closer when a hand yanks me by the shoulder.
I spin and I’m met by a pair of angry green eyes staring up at me. He steps back when he takes in my size but I try not to loom too threateningly. I don’t know what the argument was about. Maybe I’m just a distraction till he makes the big apology and the lovers reunite. I look to Charlie, I’ll follow his lead.
“Ben, what the fuck?”
“I should have known you’d be here. You little slag.”
Oh fuck no.
“What did you call him?”
“Stay out of this himbo – I’m talking to my boyfriend.”
“Ex boyfriend. We broke up Ben – like an hour ago – your memory can’t be that bad.”
“Oh fuck off Charlie, so we had an argument. Stop being so dramatic. You know you’ll come running back.”
Seriously this guy and fuck all the way off. I cross my arms and form a physical barrier between the ex and Charlie. But Charlie puts a hand on the small of my back and tells me, It’s fine.
He steps forward and looks at this Ben guy directly in the eye.
“I’m not coming back this time. I’m not doing this any more. I can’t.”
“You told me, you understood – said you were OK that I wasn’t out!”
“And I’ve supported you this whole time with that Ben. It’s not about that. It’s about you treating me like something you’d find on the bottom of your shoe whenever we’re not alone or not somewhere like this.”
“I don’t.”
“Don’t lie. And fuck, I don’t even mind, pretending to be your fucking flatmate when your parents visit- paying over the odds so we can get a two bed place, I agreed to all of it. You’re in the closet, and it’s hard and I know they’re not supportive like my family and I feel for you I really do but.... that’s your issue. Not mine. I’m not going to sit there and pretend to be straight. And you tell them about all the ‘birds we pull’ like what’s the need?”
“So, I over compensated a bit. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“I know that I hate it when you call me from work and refer to me as ‘mate’. When you flirt with that woman from your office in front of me just to put everyone off the scent. I hate the way your hand jerks out of the way, if I so much as brush it with mine when we’re on the street. I can’t do it Ben. And I’m not sitting there listening to your homophobic parents go on a rampage about Pride while we sit and smile and nod.”
“They’re stuck in their ways.”
“They’re bigots. And I don’t want to have to pretend to be someone I’m not in my own home. I didn’t come out just to hide again - not for you not for anyone.”
“Charlie please, let’s just go back, talk things through.”
“Nothing's going to change, though is it? You can’t even tell your parents you’ve got a gay flat mate?”
“I'm protecting you as much as anyone.”
“I didn’t ask for it. I’m proud of who I am. Of my identity. If you’re not ready that’s fine – I want you to feel safe, but don’t put that on me. The truth is you’re ashamed of me, of you, of all of it and I know you’d change this about you if you could, but I wouldn’t Ben. I’m happy being who I am, and I don’t feel ashamed.”
“No one else is going to want you. You know that right? No one else will put up with all the shit you come along with.”
I’ve heard enough. He’s clearly a sad little man and he’s got plenty issues to deal with before he’s ready to be in a relationship, but he won’t speak to Charlie like that. Not when I’m here.
I look at Charlie and tilt my head to the side in a question and I think he understands. He nods back. I step between them once more and fold my arms.
“I think it’s time you left.”
“You know he’s mental right? He gives good head, but I hope you’re ready to put up with the fucking crazy town that goes along with it.”
I grab him by the collar and my fist is clenched and I want to knock him out so badly but getting thrown out of a club for a brawl isn’t a good look for a primary teacher and I content myself with shoving him backward and telling him to go.
He looks like he might actually spit at me but he turns and heads for the exit and I feel two hands snake up my back. I turn and Charlie’s eyes are shining up at me, slightly glassy with unshead tears.
“Sorry, you had to see that. I... guess I’m not so mysterious anymore. You... you can go if...”
I wrap my arms around him and his head finds my shoulder and after a long pause his arms clasp round my waist and I feel like I never want to let him go.
He looks up, eyes wide and I bring my hand to his jaw and tilt his face to mine.
I tell him, “You’re amazing.” Because he is.
He smiles. “Can I tell you a secret? I noticed you too.”