Chapter Text
Quiet.
Quiet was the house since the mournful ghost's disappearance. Quiet was her life when she stopped reading letters. Quiet was all she'd ever come to know while she was healing. (Y/n) could not lie to herself; the quiet was driving her mad and lonely. Even if she had friends, she felt like part of her had been missing. She longed for affection after she had gone mad for letters that were addressed to no one at all.
But quiet was her life now, filled with serenity and a comforting peace. She had therapy to help her out of her sadness, and she had people supporting her. She had a successful career, and her parents were now on better terms. Over the past year, things had been going right for her.
Quiet was a pull and a push, with (Y/n) wandering around in separate directions, nearly lost and confused. It comforted her like a mother would, but it would leave her starved like a distant father. In the arms of her peacefulness now, she was tranquil and lazy, her mind constantly buzzing about things she should be doing instead of being stuck in her bed.
So she smiles at her mattress, browsing through endless pictures of cute animals her friends had sent her. She lies in bed, under the blankets, with her head on her soft pillows. She could smell the fresh linen, a fruit of her labor for today, the chocolate sitting at her bedside table, as well as the fruity air freshener in her room.
(Y/n) would continue to wallow in her bed, mindlessly browsing through various media before looking up from her phone, spotting a familiar white hue. Large white ears perked up, and a black snout hovered closer with each step. The bed creaked under the weight of the giant dog as it approached the woman lying on it. (Y/n) glanced up from her phone and put it down on the mattress.
"Kuma..." she whispered. With her arms outstretched, the mutt walked closer until it was nuzzled within her embrace. The dog had recently been bathed, his scent smelling of oatmeal and vanilla. A soft whimper comes from Kuma's mouth as he nudges his forehead against the woman's hands. The needy pup wanted attention, and knowing (Y/n), she was easy to convince.
Gently, the woman's hands ran down the dog's snow white coat, gently brushing through long strands of fur. She scratched the back of his ears, earning sighs of satisfaction from the Kuma. "You don't normally get this much love from Matthew, do you?" she asked. Her voice was gentle, but held a clear bit of exhaustion from doing today's chores.
"Too bad I have to bring you back when the day is over," (Y/n) mumbled. She had agreed to have the dog over on certain days. Matthew mostly insisted on it, believing the dog's affection would allow her to feel better about herself. Being alone in a house would only make her festered emotions worse, he always told her.
"Kuma is the best thing you can have right now, since you're so insistent on not having someone stay with you." Matthew's words echoed in her mind. It was from a distant memory, from when she was still starting her therapy. He was right, unfortunately, and she hated that he was. She always thought she could depend on herself for most of her problems, but she had learned that it never worked for special occasions.
(Y/n) continued to browse tirelessly on her phone, forever staying in her bed. Kuma lay atop her arm, sleeping, with his face nuzzled against her chest. A free hand allowed her to soothe the sleeping dog, allowing it to rest until the clock struck 8 pm. An alarm blared from her phone, causing her to suddenly drop it on the sleeping mutt.
The woman scrambled to sit up, grabbing her phone and immediately soothing the poor puppy. Whining leaves Kuma's mouth as he nuzzles his face closer to her chest, playfully pawing at her for what she had done. She cooed endless apologies as she petted behind Kuma's ears. "I'm so sorry, puppy. You have to go home now," she mumbled. She hadn't meant to wake up the dog this way.
But he was awake now. It meant that it was time for him to go home.
(Y/n) pulled her arm from under Kuma's head. Blood circulated back into her flesh, ridding her of the prickly, numbing sensation. Gaining control over her limb, she clambered out of bed with Kuma in tow. She wore her pajamas, not bothering to change for a task so mundane and quick. The young woman walked out of her bedroom, grabbed her keys near the door. Just before they left the home, she connected the dog's leash to his collar, ensuring that he never ran back inside her home.
The young woman heard the dog whimper and felt his paw against her leg. He didn't want to leave, but only because she was so liberal with treats and food. (Y/n) merely shook her head with an amused smile decorating her features. She pets his head once again, brushing her fingers through his fur, and stood up properly. "You can ask your dad to send you over more. Maybe that way, you don't have to be so whiny when you leave my home."
Kuma couldn't understand a word she said, but always loved being perceived by her. Just the eye contact alone was enough for him to stop whining. The dog nudged his head against her leg once more before he started walking forward. With Kuma in the lead, they walked to Matthew's home, which was down the street.
The home was pretty from afar, with lights decorating the lawns. Aside from the addition of flowers on the front yard, not much has changed at Matthew's house. Holiday lights still hung from his roof, though they were not on. Matthew liked to argue that he had thought they looked pretty and that he should keep them, but (Y/n) knew that he was just lazy.
She couldn't blame him. He had been such a tired person recently. The man loves his work, buries himself in it, for climate sustainability is important to him. He's the type to hate polar bears wasting away in the north because of global warming. He had been too busy to even take care of his health, which is why sometimes Kuma was entrusted with her care. It was beneficial for both of them, and Kuma gets to experience love from both of his favorite people. Though she does tend to Matthew too, ensuring he gets his meals and proper sleep.
"Go outside sometime. We should hang out," was the usual text, alongside "Have you eaten yet?" and "I made food at home. You should come over." The feelings were mutual; Matthew cared for her just as much as she did for him. It was a delicate exchange between them, a ritual that neither of them wanted to break.
The two approached the home. Kuma sat perfectly still on the porch, waiting for (Y/n) to call Matthew. It wasn't too much of a bother for her; she just had to ring the doorbell, and people would come running to the door.
Though once she had done it, no one responded. Standing outside underneath the dim lighting of the porch lamp, she waited. The breeze had gotten cold over the months, and her pajamas weren't cutting it. She hadn't anticipated waiting in front of the entrance for someone to open the door.
Her gaze wandered around, observing her surroundings for any clues. The lights of the home were on, indicating the presence of someone inside. There were two cars parked on the driveway, both she could recognize.
"Alfred must be over," (Y/n) mumbled to herself. The loud American had been visiting much more frequently than before. She hadn't exactly thought it was a problem, but she was concerned for Matthew's health after all. Having to accommodate someone as loud and obnoxious as Alfred could be exhausting sometimes, especially when life has gotten so hectic as of late. Though Alfred could have been here just to talk to his dearest cousin, and could take care of him for a little while.
Regardless, she didn't want to stand out in the cold any longer. With a heavy sigh, she pulled out her phone and dialed Matthew's number. It rang several times, with the noise bouncing off the wall. The call was cut off eventually, with no one picking up. Then another call was placed, which had been ignored too.
(Y/n) knew that patience was a virtue, but the more she stood out in the cold, the more she got irritated. She needed the warmth, but she feared that walking back to her home to grab a jacket would only make her miss Matthew. She decided to shoulder the burden and stayed outside for a little longer. It would be a shame to miss Matthew because of her inability to stand outside.
Where the hell are you, Matthew?
Seconds passed by, though it felt like minutes. Kuma himself was getting anxious and cold, despite his thick fur. He pawed at the door, scratching against it to show his desire to be inside. (Y/n) placed her hand atop the mutt's head to ease his worries, but he was a needy puppy, and his desires were strong.
Though with their patience came their reward. Just beyond the barrier, there were loud noises. Steps and voices came from the inside; it mostly seemed like shouting in a mix of French and English clashing against each other. From their tone of voice, she could only guess that they were arguing about something; however, she couldn't fully understand what they were saying.
The context could be different. They might just be loud; they don't have to be arguing to be loud.
The door swung open eventually, displaying Matthew. His red sweater loosely hugged his body, and his bright maple leaf pajamas reached to his feet, slightly covering his bear slippers. His hair was kept neatly, though there were knots between a few loose curls and straight hairs. There were eyebags under his eyes, but despite his tired appearance, he was smiling at her.
"Oh- how long have you been here, (Y/n)?" Matthew asked. "I'm sorry- Here. Come in. You shouldn't be out there for too long." He ushered her inside, gently pulling her wrist so that she would be in the comforting warmth of his home. Kuma followed suit and stretched in front of the blonde. The Canadian knelt in front of his giant white dog and unhooked the leash from the collar.
"I've only been out there for a few minutes. Probably around ten minutes," (Y/n) replied, "it wasn't too bad."
"Well, from the amount of calls I've gotten on my phone, it was," Matthew remarked with a smile. "I should have replied sooner. I'm sorry for making you wait outside for too long. I didn't mean to." The blonde brushed through his loose curls and sighed. "Do you need anything to drink? Any water? Food? If you haven't had dinner yet, you can have some at my place."
(Y/n) blinked and smiled at her friend, before waving a hand dismissively, "Oh no, Mattie, I don't know if I can," she replied, "How many times have I had a meal in your house this week?"
"Does it really matter?" he asked with a hint of amusement on his face, "I already told you that you're always welcome to eat inside my home. I don't care how many times you do. I just like having you around for dinner."
The woman sighed and shook her head. She knew it was terrible to turn down his offer for food...and she had missed his cooking. It was easy for her to cave in when it came to Mattie. He had been there for her, and she already considered him a close friend, even if they'd only known each other for a year. She walked alongside Mattie, giving in to his offer for food.
(Y/n) sat down at the dining table as Matthew walked around his kitchen, with Kuma in tow. He brought over plates, bowls, cutlery, as well as filled glasses of water. Dinner was presented in front of her, and like a caring waiter, he smiled at her as he cut her bread into pieces. Kuma sat by her chair, panting and whining, asking for food. She connected eyes with the dog before ignoring the requests for food.
(Y/n) ran her fingers through Kuma's fur, feeling his soft fluff against her fingertips. Things were tranquil between the friends, but then someone walked in. A familiar blonde with bright blue eyes walked into the dining area, with an empty bag of chips and cans of soda on top of each other. Alfred blinked as he looked at the two, before a bright smile appeared on his face.
"Oh, hey, (Y/n)!" Alfred greeted Matthew's guest. "I didn't know you were having dinner over here. I would have sat with you guys instead of being cooped up in the guest room." He tossed his garbage in their respective bins before coming over. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing her over for a side hug. (Y/n) merely tensed up and laughed at the sudden contact.
The hug wasn't at all awkward for her, as she knew Alfred was a man who showed platonic interest through contact. After being friends with Alfred for an entire year, she had come to learn many things about him, and a constant need for physical contact was something she noticed about him.
But with his presence came a hint of distress in her poor, sensitive heart. Although she had spent months learning to forget him, even donating the letters away in a museum, just the mere look of him made her...empty. The blonde and her looked at each other. He sat across from her on the table, grabbed his serving of food, and chowed it down as if it were nothing. Her careful eyes watched him as she ate her food.
Ever so observant she was. She noticed the way he messily ate, but his way of portioning his food was organized. He ate Matthew's cooking with a look of appreciation. Every time he took a bite, his eyes would twinkle underneath the lights of the dining room.
Matthew scolded his lack of manners, pinching his cheek. Just by personality alone, one would think that Alfred was the younger of the two, but in fact, Matthew was younger than Alfred by a few years. It was a surprise to her, too, when Matthew confessed that Alfred was two years older than he, yet had the personality of a "toddler", as he described it. (Y/n) just liked to say that he had a youthful glow to him, and his energy made him young.
She watched him as she idly ate her food. She moved mechanically, her actions practiced and reflexive. Bite, chew, swallow, drink, repeat. Kuma sat his head on her lap, causing her free hand to rub his soft fur. Dinner was quiet, but fulfilling. She always loved whatever Matthew cooked, be it pastries he had been dying to bake or delicious, nutritious food he learned from online.
The last bite was taken, her utensils scraping against the delicate china. The last gulp, the last swipe of her napkin against the corner of her lips. The first to finish. Matthew and Alfred muttered something to each other, all too low for her to hear. They were typically the last to eat, as they bickered during dinner. It was none of her business.
"This was good, Matthew. Thank you for dinner," she murmured.
Lilac irises looked at her, and a fickle smile appeared on his face. "Don't mention it. I'm glad you liked it."
Plates clanked against each other as the dining table was tidied. Matthew was left to wipe the table, with Kuma eagerly looking for scraps. Despite the Canadian's attempts to relax, settle down on the couch in the living room, (Y/n) was already on her way to the sink with their dishes in her hands. Alfred, not wanting to cause any more trouble to the cousin who accommodated him, stood beside her. It was quiet again, save for the sound of dishes being wiped clean and put away on a nearby dishrack.
Steps wandered away from the kitchen, with claws pattering against the floor. A distant click of the door, likely the garage, was heard echoing throughout the quiet home. Matthew must have gone to grab food for Kuma. (Y/n) kept to herself, but the lingering touches whenever she gave him the clean dishes to be dried kept her on edge. Quiet was their surroundings, but it was a comforting embrace.
A careful breath came from him, his eyes watching. Then-
"So, did you see the text I sent you the other day?"
Small talk for someone hard to approach, a careful prod at the walls she built around herself. Alfred doesn't know much, or at least she trusted Matthew not to tell him much about her situation. Not even Matthew knows that the soldier who haunted her looked eerily similar to Alfred. Small talk for individuals who spent a year talking to each other from a distance, never making efforts to get to know each other. It was difficult when she kept people at a distance, most especially him.
"I figured you might like it! You know how in uhh... On Instagram, they show you which posts your friends liked. I don't mean to be super super weird or anything, but I saw you liked this cat video and thought to send you more!"
The way he talked to her with such joy, such glee. Some part of her wished to be so unbothered and happy as well. With a smile, she looked at him. "Oh, I definitely did. Thank you so much for it, Al," She replied. "I never took you for a cat person."
"Oh, I'm not really. I love all animals alike! I'm more of a dog person, though," Alfred continued, "Except for snakes. I know pythons are cool and all, but those things can grow super long, and I'd hate to have to buy more and more rats to feed them." A nervous laugh leaves him. "I mean, if you like snakes, they're pretty cool too. Just not my thing, you know?"
(Y/n) nodded her head, smiling. "I completely get that." She turned off the sink and wiped her hands to rid herself of water. She noticed Matthew walk back in with a cup full of dog food and a large, hungry dog in tow. Then, she leaned against the counter, watching as her friend fed the dog. Alfred shadowed her movements, his blue eyes watching her instead of his cousin and his mutt.
"You know what'd be cool?" Alfred asked.
"What?"
"If you're free next Saturday."
"What for?"
"Just to hang out and stuff. I need more friends here. I've got plenty online, but I need some here, you know? I can't hang out with Mattie all the time, or else he's going to kill me. He can only tolerate me so much before he stops me from coming over."
(Y/n) connected eyes with him, finally noticing how he had been staring at her this entire time. He sent her a warm smile as he pushed himself off the counter. "We can walk around and stuff. My treat, too, since I'm the one asking to hang out with you. I promise it's gonna be fun too! We can grab some food at a burger shop downtown and maybe just walk around and talk."
Getting to know each other...it terrified her, yet it made her feel giddy. Was he any different? Maybe just the same? The idea tempted her, but could she truly let him in? Being an acquaintance and a somewhat distant friend for an entire year should be rewarded. He didn't let up. Alfred liked her company, and now he's making strides to get to know her. She gripped the edge of the counter, her gaze turned away from him. She watched as Kuma ate his food, and Matthew stood beside him, observing.
Putting more thought into it, she weighed the pros and cons. It could be beneficial for her mental health. It could be a step toward moving on fully and allowing herself to love again. This wasn't going to hurt...she had to convince herself that. A sigh, her shoulders relaxing.
"I'm gonna be free on Saturday. Just let me know when you're gonna call and we can meet up someplace," (Y/n) replied.
"And make you go all the trouble to find parking? No thanks," Alfred grinned. "I can pick you up, I promise. Besides, if Mattie knows, he's gonna kick our ass if he hears we're bringing two cars instead of carpooling."
The woman looked off to the side, watching as Mattie gently petted Kuma on the head. "I guess you're right. He would get upset. His research is, after all, all about atmosphere conservation." She hummed as she eventually pushed herself away from the counter. "Sounds like a plan then."
Alfred's smile grew wider, happy that she was going to hang out with him. "Sweet! Thanks for this," he told her. He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulder, bringing her in for a side hug. (Y/n) could only melt onto him momentarily before laughing. She's comfortable with his side hugs, but not comfortable enough to look at his face again.
"You're welcome, Al."
She'd return to her home after a while, with Alfred in tow. Matthew insisted on it, and it's not like Alfred had a problem with it either. At the entrance of her home, Alfred stared at the door, almost as if he was tempted to come inside the home. The young woman walked inside, lingering at the doorway with a bittersweet smile. "Good night, Alfred."
Her words put him out of his dazed state. His blue eyes looked at her, and then he sent her a sheepish smile. "Good night, (Y/n). I'll see you around." An eager wave, before he dropped it when she watched her enter the home.
The door closed behind her, and she was left by her lonesome again, though that wasn't necessarily bad for her. Not anymore. She walked up to her room and sat at her desk. She pulled out pieces of paper and a pen that her coworker, Gilbert, had gotten her as a gift months ago. An expensive fountain pen. How he managed to get her this was beyond her, but Gilbert had been a close friend of hers for a while now.
Dearest Jones,
I haven't written to you in a week, so I do apologize for this. I've only put writing on hiatus because nothing interesting has happened in my life as of late. Work was work, my parents were still busy with their own separate lives, and my friends were all doing their things. I've just been cooped up in my room, watching short videos online and whatever series and movie that interests me. Nothing too exciting has been happening, and I'd hate to bore you with my mundane life now. Wherever you are, I do hope you forgive me for not writing to you.
I've only just thought about you, my dear. I saw him again, the one who looks like you; the copy of you that lives. I'm not sure if it's you, but every time I look at him, he reminds me so much of you. I only saw him because Matthew invited me to eat, and we shared a meal. There are some things I've learned about him today. He eats things quickly as if he had been starved, but he's got table manners that make him an organized and eager eater. He eats portions one after another, picking foods with flavors that don't clash with each other. I believe he's a foodie...and I was wondering if you were a foodie too.
You never mentioned to me how often you liked to eat. From what I can recall of your letters, you mentioned loving cheeseburgers, but that's about it. I know how scarce food had been in your travels, and I dearly wish that you're eating well, now.
Oh. He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him next Saturday. I figured there was no harm done in hanging out with him. I think it's a good opportunity to get to know him better. Maybe this is going to help me forget about you, don't you think? It hurts to think that you've already gone away, but I'm still here, thinking about you. Maybe there will come a day when I can move on from you, too. I don't think I'll ever forget about you, but I'll have to move on from you at some point.
I dearly wish that you are resting peacefully, with no worries anymore. Anyone who has gone through what you have deserves a peaceful afterlife. I'll write to you when I can, Jones. Maybe this way, I'll remember you without having to hurt myself in the process.
Lovingly, and Forever Yours,
(Y/n)
The woman folded the used pages neatly and tucked them in an envelope. She placed it inside her drawer, the same one Jones' letters used to rest, before closing it. There were a few inside that drawer, but the pile was so small that it wasn't enough to make it a year's worth of reading. She'd do her nightly routine afterwards: showering, facial and dental care, and slip into bed. The lights were off, with only the moon providing a dim light. Sleep would take her, devoid of any dreams of a life she wished she had.
It was quiet once more.