Chapter Text
The heat is oppressive during August. It tends to stick around the low 90s, but the humidity makes it feel hotter. The air is thick with moisture, heavy and difficult to breathe. Sweat sticks to your skin; it’s brutal—uncomfortable even just standing still. Not to mention the constant water damage on wooden floors, condensation on the windows, and the ground is always soft. That’s why the graves are built above ground here.
The grass is a bright, lush green color where they parked the car, tires rolling, tossing them side to side as they rolled over lumps of dried mud from the rain last week. Getting out of the car is like stepping out into a sauna, the afternoon sun beating down on them harshly. Jisung immediately thought about getting back in the car and telling Chan to take them home.
Nope, nevermind, it’s way too hot for this.
Lino closed his door on the other side of the car, making Jisung look over at him, huffing a short breath through his nose.
Right, right, I guess I could suck it up for a while.
“Ji—”
It’s been a while since we’ve had some fun. Plus, Lino would take me back home if I pestered him enough, but jeez, whose bright idea was this again?
“Jisung!” Chan yelled out, making the younger look over. He was glaring at him. “I asked if you have your wallet; I’m not coming back to the car just to get it.”
Oh great, he’s already irritated with me.
Jisung frowned. “I have it,” he said, reaching to pat his back pocket, feeling the outline of the square of leather.
Minho snorted as he came to stand next to him. “Like you need it,” he said with a smug smile, “I pay for everything anyway.”
“No, you don’t,” Jisung said, glaring at him. “I paid for coffee just this morning!”
“Mm hmm,” Minho hummed, already walking off after Chan and Lix, heading towards the front gates.
Jisung started after them. “I did!” he defended, falling into step next to Lino.
“Congrats, you paid one time,” Lino said, grinning playfully at the younger.
Jisung just huffed, faking a grumpy pout at him. “You’re such a dick,” he told him, which just made him laugh. The older boy reached over and ruffled his hair, making Jisung slap his hand away. He stuck his tongue out at Minho, which he returned with a grin.
Thankfully, Lix had paid for the tickets in advance, so getting into the fairgrounds was relatively easy. Jisung could smell the popcorn before they even made it through the front gates, making his stomach grumble.
They stood in line for a minute so they could get their tickets scanned. He looked around, watching all the people coming and going. It was Friday, so the crowd was to be expected, but damn, this was a lot. Just a reminder why he didn't like going out to places like this. He felt bad for the workers, working in this heat, with all these people. Sounded like a personal nightmare. Sweat was already seeping through his undershirt, making him curse myself for trying to be fashionable in this heat. Thank the Lord he chose to wear shorts instead of pants.
The crowd was lively with laughter and shouting, kids of all ages running around. It was the usual state fair, with all of the usual rides that can be set up and taken down within a week or two. There was the Ferris wheel near the back, a bumper car track, and several different spinning rides, and, surprisingly, a double-decker carousel. Colorful booths were scattered around the park, full of bustling people, workers, and patrons dealing fried food and sugary sweets.
He and Lino got their bright orange paper wristbands, finally passing under the welcome archway. He looked around for his brother and Lix but didn’t see them. They had already disappeared into the throng of people. He huffed.
So much for sticking together, big bro.
“Oh, but he probably just wants some alone time with his girlfriend—” Yeah, yeah, whatever. At least Lino’s still with me—
At least he thought. He looked around and didn’t see his friend, his heart skipping for a moment.
Where did he go? Oh god, I really don’t wanna be here alone; that’s such a loser thing to do—
A strong, warm hand grabbed his arm. He turned to see Lino grinning at him.
“C’mon,” he said, taking his hand and pulling him through the crowd. Where they were going, he had no clue.
Lino pulled him through the concentration of people near the front gates, making their way further into the fairgrounds. Jisung tripped over a lump in the grass, but Lino’s grip kept him on his feet, pulling him closer. Jisung blinked, his feet starting to move again.
He smells like coffee and vanilla.
They passed by a short music stage with a live band. The area in front of the stage was usually an empty soccer field, but now it was decorated with clusters of collapsible plastic picnic tables, but only a couple had shade umbrellas available. Those without cover were hot to the touch, he knew from experience—one too many burned thighs. Jisung reached up to wipe sweat from his brow to keep it from getting in his eye.
They kept walking; he bumped into Lino’s back as he stopped in his tracks to dodge a little girl carrying a yellow balloon dog.
I want a balloon dog.
Lino pulled him along again, coming to a stop in an empty spot between the picnic tables and the back of a line of food stalls.
“This heat is brutal,” he said, picking up the collar of his overshirt to wipe his forehead.
Maybe I should cut his hair; it’s getting long and I’d probably be cooler with it short—
“God, I know,” Lino groaned.
Jisung squinted at him, giving him a once-over. “Yet, you chose to wear all black,” he pointed out.
Minho looked down at his black jeans and black t-shirt. It was a loose fit, both the pants and the shirt. The black shirt framed his broad shoulders; the sleeves of the shirt were rolledy, and, admittedly, it showed off his biceps well. It was his “ol’ reliable” shirt. He has three of the same one but in different colors.
“Ok, but I’d be hot in any other clothes too,” he said. “At least this outfit is comfortable, and I look hot.”
Jisung rolled his eyes at him, only to be interrupted by his stomach growling.
“Did you pull me over here for any specific reason, or can we get some food?” Jisung asked, raising an eyebrow at the older boy.
“Sure, you brat,” Minho said, reaching up to gently flick his forehead. “Where do you wanna go?”
“Anywhere with air conditioning?”
Lino snorted. “Not many options then,” he said with a look, pulling out his phone to look at the map on the fair’s website.
It took a moment for him to look for it. Jisung did what he normally did when they were in a crowded place: stare at him. He was a familiar face, something stable, a soft reassurance while the chaos around them continued. Jisung never really understood why Lino just being there comforted him, but it did. He was easy to look at and nice to see. Right now, he had a light sheen of sweat covering his skin, a flush high on his cheekbones, probably due to the heat.
Lino looked up at him, their eyes meeting. His lips pulled into a slight smirk. Jisung blinked, and Minho went back to looking at the map. Though for a moment, Jisung's heart hitched, fluttering with something strange. He thought it was anxiety creeping in again.
“God is watching.”
He cleared his throat.
“Anything good?” he asked.
Lino glanced up at him before sighing. “Not really, there’s, like, a 50s-inspired po’boy diner; they have the normal stuff,” he said, thumb scrolling his phone screen.
“I would kill for a burger right now,” he said. “That okay with you?”
“Sure,” he said, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“Where is it—”
Lino started walking before he could finish his question. He seemed to know where he was going, so Jisung scurried after him. It was like dodging traffic trying to get there, so he grabbed the back of Lino’s shirt so they didn’t keep getting separated.
The diner was, indeed, 50s inspired, the front being a shell of one of those old, shiny aluminum caravans. It actually was easy to spot it because the sun glared off of it, nearly blinding him as they walked toward it.
Lino held the door open for him as they walked in. The inside was set up as a normal 50s diner, and thankfully, there was a little air conditioning that blasted them as they walked in. A row of retro red laminate booth seats lining the fake caravan wall, a white bar top with spinning stools, a jukebox in the corner with neon signs, and the black and white checkered floor tiles.
He looked around just in time to see a woman with her little girl cleaning up at a table in the corner.
He grabbed Lino’s arm and leaned in to speak. “I’m gonna grab us a table,”
“Ok, you just want your usual?” he asked. Jisung nodded and turned away.
He went and stood nearby, awkwardly waiting while the girl and her mom grabbed their trash to throw away.
Is this alright? Am I being pushy? Maybe I should’ve waited in line with Lino.
“You’re being annoying.”
His brother’s voice was in his head again, a heavy weight pressing down on his chest. Sometimes he wondered if that voice was God, but he doubted God would have the voice of his asshole brother.
“ You’re okay, Ji; you’re not hurtin’ anybody.”
He heard that in Lino’s voice; and the weight lifted a bit.
The mom glanced at him and gave him a polite smile before turning to her kid. The girl had braided pigtails tied up with bright pink pom-poms.
“I like your hair,” he said as she walked by.
She turned to look at him, taking her mother’s hand. “Thank you,” she said with a smile; she was missing one of her front teeth. He smiled back, giving her a small wave before he sat down.
He glanced at the register to see Lino ordering and grabbed his phone to check it. Chan texted him that they got wristbands for the rides, so they needed to grab them if they wanted to go on any of them. He texted him back saying that they would after they ate.
A minute later, Lino came and sat down across from him with the receipt and two bottles of water, the bottles cold, the outside frosty with condensation. Jisung told him about the plan to get the wristbands, grabbing and opening one of the waters.
“Is there anything you want to go on?” he asked me.
He shrugged. “If the line’s not too long, I don’t wanna stand in line for an hour in this heat to go on a two-minute ride.”
“Isn’t there a water ride somewhere?” Lino asked. Jisung hummed that he didn’t know. “Would be lovely if there was.”
Jisung hummed again with a nod, agreeing before they fell into comfortable silence. Silence was something he usually hated, usually preferring to talk the other person’s ear off, but Lino was different. They had always been comfortable just sitting in silence, even in high school when they were both at the peak of their social awkwardness.
He sat across from him, fingers playing with the receipt, folding it in half before rolling it up and flattening it out again. He had a scratch on the back of his hand from Soonie, his cat. He always seemed to have one, or several, but he said it never bothered him, that they were just playing, that it was a reminder for when the little one passes on.
His skin looked pale in the blue-white light of the “Diner” neon sign that was behind me. He looked down at their hands; his tan made Minho look paler, or maybe he just made Jisung look darker. Minho’s veins were blue on the back of his hands. Would that make him a winter? Jisung doesn't know much about color theory, but he knows Lino looks good in black.
He dyed his hair dark a year ago and has kept it dark since, only changing up the tone once from a warm chocolate to a midnight blue. He said he didn’t notice a difference, but Jisung did. He wonders if Minho knows his favorite color is blue.
Minho’s grown a lot since high school: taller, broader, growing into his looks, and less round in the face. He had always been handsome—
“God is always watching.”
He had caught the interest of pretty girls at school, but he never took any of them out. He told him he just wasn’t interested in dating, more focused on work and school—now just work. He was still an idiot, still a dork, and most definitely still weird—
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t date.
—but he was kind. He has always been kind, even when life was not kind to him. Rough exterior but soft-hearted. Despite his sharp eyes, he looked at the world with grace and gratitude. He was good. Minho was good, and it made Jisung wonder what he was.
“Sinful. Dirty. Unworthy.”
“A loser in a button-up and a storybook can’t send you to hell, Ji.”
Suddenly, he’s sixteen again, and Minho’s asking him what he wants for breakfast, and he’s telling him about how he cried for a week straight when Mom walked out on them. Minho is handing him the milk to put in his coffee, and Jisung hands him his journal filled with letters to God he wrote when he was fourteen and scared. Lino laughs when he complains about his psychiatrist's couch being made out of blue tweed. He’s trying to do the normal things—the mundane things—while Jisung throws up pieces of his past at his feet. “These are the things that I’ve been through, and it’s mostly sad. These are the places I’ve been, and they're mostly awful.” He couldn’t ever be anything but honest with him, and yet, Minho never pulled away from him.
Eventually, their order number was called, and Minho got up to get it, coming back with a tray of food and a large cup with a lid and a straw.
Jisung raised an eyebrow at the cup, asking a silent question.
“Got a milkshake to share,” he said simply, nudging his burger to his side of the tray. Ice cream sounded good in this heat. Jisung grabbed it and took a sip, sighing happily. Mint chocolate, his favorite.
He picked up and unwrapped the burger, pulling the top bun off. Three little, green, sour circles stared at him from the top of the patty, his nose scrunching at the sight. Lino just huffed out a short laugh and reached over, taking the pickles off of Jisung’s burger, putting them on his.
“Weirdo,” Lino mumbled.
Jisung sent a weak glare. “They’re gross,” he said, scrunching his nose at it. Minho just shrugged and popped a fry in his mouth
They ate quickly and quietly, the small, late breakfast they had that morning leaving them running on fumes until now. Minho finished before he did and started stealing Jisung’s fries, which he slapped Lino’s hand for, but he knew Jisung didn’t actually mind; he rarely ever finished them all anyway. Minho kicked him under the table, mumbling something about respecting his elders while he snatched the milkshake right out of Jisung’s hand.
“Hey!” Jisung whined, pouting as he tried to reach for it. He sounded like a petulant child, but it made Lino laugh; Jisung liked hearing him laugh, it made him feel warm, but maybe that was just because of the heat.
They cleaned up soon after that, not wanting to take up a table, even though the air conditioning made them want to. Jisung texted his brother to figure out where he was.
They ended up meeting by the row of carnival game stalls, standing next to a game where you shoot a stream of water at a target to move a plastic horse, and the first one to cross the finish line wins.
“I never understood how that works,” Jisung said, thinking aloud. Lino hummed, looking at the stall.
“They’re all scams anyway,” he said.
“You worked at one of them,” Jisung pointed out.
Back in high school, Minho had once worked a summer job at one of the carnival game stalls at an amusement park. He complained about it the whole time, but Jisung knew he enjoyed working with kids. He was charming like that.
He looked at him pointedly. “I know,” he said. “That’s why I’m telling you, they’re all scams.”
Jisung snorted and looked back at the game, looking up to see the stuffed animal selection they had available for prizes. Jisung’s brows furrowed when he read the sign for what the game was called.
“‘ Little Squirt ?’” he read out loud, making Lino look over at the sign.
“Pfft,” he sputtered. “Nice.”
“That has to be intentional.”
He hummed in agreement. “Probably.”
Jisung blinked.
“You think there’s a ‘big squirt’ running around somewhere?” Minho asked, humor creeping into his voice.
“Oh my god, little ears, No!” he hissed, glancing around for any children that might be lingering around to hear them.
Minho waved a hand dismissively. “They’re too hyped up on sugar to listen to a joke they probably won’t even understand.”
Jisung just huffed at him.
When Chan and Lix finally showed up, she was holding a small stuffed rabbit that Jisung guessed came from Chan’s attempt at winning a game.
“Here,” Chan said, handing Lino two highlighter-green wristbands to put on. “If you wanna play the games, it’s cash, or you can get tickets at the booth up at the front.”
Lino and Jisung helped each other put the wristbands on.
“Have you guys gone on any rides yet?” Jisung asked, noticing their wristbands were already on.
Lix shook her head, clutching the plush bunny in slender fingers. “No, they decided to check out some of the games and got some food.”
“What game did you win?” Jisung asked, nodding to the stuffed rabbit as he fiddled with Lino’s wristband, securing it. She smiled brightly. She was a gorgeous girl and had always been very sweet, but honestly, he had no idea what she saw in his brother, a stupid meathead jock who was occasionally a good cook.
“Chan won this for me at darts!” she said excitedly, cheeks flushed the same shade of pink as his brother’s ears.
“Cliché,” Lino said, covering it with a fake cough.
“Shut up,” Chan mumbled, glaring at the both of them.
“Oh, come on, I think it’s romantic!” Lix said, rolling her eyes. Jisung just giggled and shook his head.
“Anyway, I wanted to check out the Heart-Flipper ride,” Lino said.
Lix lit up. “I wanna go on that too!” she said, turning to Chan, making pleading eyes at him.
“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, wrapping an arm around her waist. His brother may be a dick, but Lix made him happy.
They started making their way towards the more spread-out section of the park, a grid layout for some of the bigger rides they had set up.
“Oh god, that looks intense,” Chan mumbled as they came up to it.
To be fair, the Heart Flipper was intense-looking, with spinning booths attached to arms that were attached to a core that also spun, and not to mention, the booths spun three hundred sixty degrees, meaning they could spin upside down.
“Oh, relax,” Jisung said. “I can’t handle anything that extreme, so I’m not gonna spin it hard.”
“Good, I’m going with you then,” Chan said.
“Boo, you guys are boring,” Lino said flatly, making Lix giggle. “Lix and I will go together, and you guys can go be pussies over there.”
“Sounds good to me,” Jisung shrugged, happy with that plan.
“I’m so gonna pass out on this,” Lix said, watching the current go-around. It hurt Jisung’s brain to watch because of how fast it was going.
“Wait, like, actually?” Lino asked her. She giggled and nodded, her grin wide and excited. Lino looked back at the ride, people screaming as they spun around and around and every which way. “Dope.”
Something in Jisung’s chest hurt a little, watching them interact, but he didn’t think much of it because soon enough, they were moving forward in line.