Work Text:
Lando sat on the couch in his dark hotel room.
Picking on his fingers, he is trying to forget. He tries not to think about it, even though it seems impossible.
Max left him only ten minutes ago for the first time after a week, so he is now alone with his thoughts. He knew exactly why his friend wouldn't leave him, but he knew he had things to do in his own life so he told him it was fine.
It was not, but he couldn't allow him to babysit Lando, just because it was that time of the year. The time of the year where Carlos broke up with him last year. It sounded so dramatic, like someone died. But Lando indeed lost someone that day, maybe even before.
The weeks before Carlos finally called it off, they already were distancing themselves from each other. Carlos started to shut him out and at first Lando tried. He tried to give him more of his love, more attention, more intimacy. Unfortunately it quickly felt like he was suffocating Carlos. It didn't change anything, so he got frustrated. He started fights over nothing, just to see if Carlos cared. Sometimes he did, other times he just rolled his eyes at Lando. It hurt.
It's been almost a year now and Lando wonders if Carlos ever hurt like he does. If his heart stops, when he hears his name at a party. If he ever wants to scream at people, asking why they're not as close as they were before. If he ever sat in the shower, crying like a freak or if he ever sat in his room, wondering where it all went wrong.
It would surprise Lando if he did, considering how Carlos looked at Charles nowadays. He knew the other Ferrari driver was Carlos type. He didn't know if they were fucking, but he didn't want to think about it either. Unfortunately his mind had other plans. No matter how hard he tried, the picture of the two of them together, wouldn't leave his mind.
Maybe he wasn't with him, maybe he was just by himself. Maybe he was as miserable as Lando was, staring at his phone. Maybe his thumb also hovered above Lando's contact, like his did with Carlos.
Hot tears now streamed down on Lando's face. He threw his phone beside him, not brave enough to call just yet. He considered calling one of his friends, he even considered calling one of Carlos friends, but he didn't. Right now he was just hoping, that Carlos was as miserable as he was.
He felt pathetic, but he couldn't help it.
Somehow, now he wanted to know. He also wanted to scream at Carlos, wanted to know why. Maybe he just needed to hear his voice. Maybe, he just needed something.
He picked up his phone and called.
One beep, a second one.
"Landoooo." Charles voiced blared through the phone.
Lando froze.
Then he heard the shower running in the background.
Lando hung up.
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Charles frowned at the phone.
That was weird.
When Carlos came back with a very fresh and clean showered Leo, Charles smiled.
"There you are, all clean and fresh. Thank you Carlos."
Carlos laughs.
"The pleasure was all mine. Is our food here already?"
Charles nods and hands him two chopsticks. Carlos sat down beside him.
"Lando called."
Charles saw his teammate froze.
"What did he want?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"He didn't talk, he hung up after I said hello."
Carlos nods.
"Good." he said, picking his first piece of sushi.
"Carlos."
"Please, I don't want to talk about it. We broke up a year ago."
"A year ago and you're both miserable. I just don't understand why you keep acting like this was the right decision, when it clearly wasn't."
"It was."
"You broke up with him, because you were afraid of hurting him and afraid of not being enough for him. Now you're not his at all and you're hurting him more than you ever did before."
"It wouldn't work, okay? The way it is now, it's the best for him. Just forget about it."
"No it's not, for neither of you and it worked before."
"Yes, because we were in the same team and I was stupid enough to let my heart decide, instead of my head."
"That's what you're supposed to do when you're in love, Carlos. Look I know what you're doing and if you would really get over him I would support you, but you aren't. You're suffering in silence, putting on this facade and trying to show him that this was all worth it. Saying he's the only one missing you, while it's not the case at all. Talk to him, Carlos please. Let yourself be happy again."
For a moment, Carlos said nothing.
Then he stood up.
"I'm taking Leo for a walk."
"But you just bathed him. Carlos-"
Charles had no chance to talk to him any further, because he was already out the door.
He shook his head, Carlos was really too stubborn for his own good and Lando was probably too heartbroken to do anything.
That's why Charles reached for his own phone, typing out a message to Lando and the sends it. Looking at his phone satisfied, he smiled.
Hopefully, these two idiots would figure it out now.
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Lando's phone buzzed and he almost didn't look at it.
He needed no stupid explanation from Carlos why Charles was on his phone, while he was in the fucking shower.
What his eyes saw, when he decided to look though, was nothing he would've ever expected.
Charles Leclerc: He still loves you, you know.
The sentence repeats itself over and over again and suddenly Lando was wide awake.
He quickly grabs a jacket, puts on some shoes and ran outside. Ferrari's hotel was just down the street from his, so it was not a long walk.
Even when it was already dark and quiet outside, the lanterns on the sidewalk where spending him enough light to find the way.
He almost runs down the street, when he suddenly runs into someone.
"Fuck. I'm sorry I-."
When he looks up, Carlos is standing right in front of him.
"Carlos?" he said breathless, while he felt a little something running around his legs.
Turns out, Carlos took Leo for a walk.
Lando swallowed.
"Lando-" Carlos said, his voice not as steady as he expected it.
"What is going on Carlos?" Lando asked, quietly.
"What should be going on? I am taking Leo for a walk. Why are you outside?"
Lando breathes out.
"Is this a cruel joke? Are you-? Did you and Charles plot this? Are you really that cruel?" he asks, his voice breaking.
"What are you talking about?"
"I called you Carlos. I called you, to see if you're just as miserable as I am. Charles picked up your phone and I heard the shower running in the background. I was already wasting my tears and then Charles wrote me. He said that you're still in love with me and I, as the idiot came to see if this is true. But now I catch you here, walking around with Leo, like you both just did this to laugh at me. You know what, I don't even wanna know what this is. You are clearly over us and you're also not regretting your decision so. I will just let you laugh at me and leave you alone."
Lando turned, tears already running down his cheeks, but then he felt a hand on his wrist, Carlos hand.
"Lando." he said and Lando wasn't sure if he just wanted to run away or turn around.
He had no choice when Carlos turned him around. He wrapped an arm around Lando's waist and used the other one to wipe his tears away. Then he looked at him with the loveliest look at his face, Lando could imagine. Immediately Lando leaned into his touch, felt safe. He allowed himself this, even if it would only hurt him more in the end.
"You are an idiot, but for other reasons. I- Charles was right. He always is, he told me to talk to you, because I'm just hurting us both by not doing it. I am still in love with you, but I don't think I a give you what you need."
"All I need is you."
"You think it's easy, but it won't be."
"I don't care if it's not easy, as long as I have you I'm sure we will be fine."
Carlos caresses his cheek.
"I always loved your optimism, your carelessness. But I'm not like you, I can't stop thinking about the risks you would take for me. You're about to win a championship, Lando. You need to concentrate on that everyday and not on how to sneak around with your boyfriend."
"Carlos, do you really think I care about that?"
"No, that's the problem. You should."
"I can do both at the same time, you know."
Carlos is shaking his head.
"No I will just distract you. I won't be the thing you need. You need to focus on that and I won't be good enough for you. I won't be good enough at your side. And what if you will blame me if things go wrong? I would take it, but we would fight again and then I will loose you forever. That I can't take. I can't risk it."
Lando blinks.
What the fuck?
"Carlos, no listen to me."
"I can't. I am not what you need right now, please Lando don't. Don't make it harder for me than it already is." Carlos pleads.
Lando couldn't believe what he was hearing.
His Carlos, the confident one, the one that always has everything under control, the one that protects love, the one that always puts others first, thinks that he's not good enough for Lando?
He couldn't let him get away with that. That's why he grabbed his face next and kissed him.
For a moment, he could feel the shock he set Carlos under, but then he was melting into it. He was pouring every emotion into that kiss, he slowly opened Carlos mouth and let them just explore each other again. He missed it so much, the way his heart was pounding, the way he could feel how everything felt off of Carlos shoulders and how they just felt each other's love.
After a while Carlos removed himself from Lando, but just enough to lean their foreheads together. He saw Carlos closing his eyes and breathing out, shakily.
"I didn't say that I don't love you. I just don't know if I can do it right, the way you deserve it." Carlos whispered into the cold and dark night.
"What if you let me decide if it's right for me instead of just assuming? Because I can assure you, if you let yourself be mine, it's all I need."
Carlos breathed out.
"Okay."
Lando smiled.
"Okay."
"I should take Leo back to Charles. I kind of kidnapped him to flee from Charles advice to talk to you." Carlos blushed.
"If you allow, take me with you so I can thank Charles and then we can go back to your room and I can tell you more about why you're good for me."
Carlos laughs a little but shakes his head.
"You're too good for me."
"No, I am exactly right for you."
With that, Lando stole a last which kiss from Carlos lips and hooks himself on his right arm, while he held Leo on his left hand.
Together they made their way to Carlos hotel. On their way the darkness completely wraps around them, just as the wind whistles quietly around them.
Lando looks at Carlos and smiles, his heart warms and he couldn't have been any happier.