Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It happens barely weeks into their debut. The birth of the RuJinu Nation. It is not unexpected—Rumi and Jinu are both attractive, confident, and, being the leaders of their respective groups, have the most interactions together out of all the pairings that can arise from Huntrix and the Saja Boys, since they’re usually the ones speaking for their groups. So really, Abby should’ve expected it. Should’ve not appeared quite so shocked on live television when an interviewer brazenly asks Jinu about it for the first time.

What are your thoughts on the RuJinu Nation?

Before Jinu can reply, probably recite some prepared PR statement, the interviewer catches the shock on Abby’s face and directs the question to him. And, well. Abby doesn’t have a prepared PR statement. He stumbles through a half-assed response about how great it is, blah blah blah, and doesn’t really know what he’s saying, until the interview is over, and they’re backstage, and Jinu pulls him aside to demand, “What the hell was that?”

“What was what?” Abby asks innocently, even though he knows exactly what Jinu is referring to.

“The comments you gave.”

“About RuJinu?”

Jinu winces at the name, for some reason. “Yes. That.”

“I…sorry. I was caught off guard.”

“You were basically confirming it for all the fans!”

Is that what he did? Oh, god. Really? Is that really what he did?

“I didn’t…I…” Abby shrinks beneath Jinu’s glare. “I’m sorry…”

“Hey,” a voice cuts in. Romance, already carrying his bag and ready to go. “Lay off him a little. It was a mistake. And who knows? If the fans think it’s real, it might boost our popularity.”

Jinu sighs, but backs off, probably seeing reason in what Romance has said. “Just…have a meeting with the PR team, okay? So, you know what to say next time.”

Is there going to be a next time? Something about that doesn’t quite sit right with Abby. But, he’s the one who fumbled the interview question today and basically confirmed RuJinu for all the fans, according to Jinu.

“Okay,” Abby mumbles. “Sorry.”

Jinu waves him off, already walking away to get his own things. “It’s okay.”

Romance gives Abby a sympathetic glance. “You okay?”

Abby busies himself with packing up his bag, not meeting Romance’s gaze. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He means it as a rhetorical question. A sign for Romance to leave him alone. Except, Romance lowers his voice and says, “I mean, can’t be easy hearing your crush get shipped with someone else.”

Abby whips around and hisses, “Shut up!”

Romance raises his hands in surrender. “Abby—”

“Just shut up.” Abby shoulders his bag, then pushes past Romance.

It’s rude, seeing that Romance just wanted to make him feel better, but Abby does not have a crush on Jinu. Okay, he does, and Romance knows because Abby confessed it to him one night while stuck in a drunken, lovesick stupor, but Romance does not have to bring it up in the middle of a crowded dressing room, where anyone can overhear.

Thankfully, Abby makes it to the group’s van without anyone else pestering him about what happened during the interview. He’s arrived first, so he takes the back seat, puts his earpods in and leans his head against the window, ready to ignore everyone and everything for the whole ride back to the dorm. A short while later, the rest of the group piles in. Mystery and Baby sit in front, as they usually do. Romance sits with them. Jinu settles into the seat beside Abby’s.

It's a small van. Their knees touch. Abby not so subtly shifts such that they’re no longer touching. He feels Jinu’s gaze on him. He refuses to acknowledge it.

Back in their dorm, they order takeout for dinner, eat as a group, then retire to their respective rooms for the night. Abby lies on his bed after showering. He opens Twitter and sees the #1 trending hashtag. #RuJinuNation. And maybe he’s a masochist, because he clicks on it.

The latest posts are clips from the interview they just did today. Already, there are clips circling of him answering the interviewer’s question. About him stumbling through it. And oh god, he really did make it seem like RuJinu was real. He keeps scrolling. Digging himself deeper and deeper into the spiral of tweets, finding little pieces of evidence posted by fans that show why RuJinu is real.

Being two idol groups from the same company, they’ve already attended a variety show together. A lot of the ‘RuJinu evidence’ posted by the fans comes from this variety show. Abby remembers—Rumi and Jinu were made to play a game together. Just a silly game of Cham Cham Cham. But it was that simple game that ignited the RuJinu Nation.

He sighs deeply.

And it is at that moment, he hears, “Abby?” He tears his gaze from the phone screen. Jinu stands at the door, leaning against the doorframe. “Can I come in?”

Quickly, Abby gets up and makes space for Jinu on his bed. Jinu sits. “About the interview…I’m sorry I was so hard on you. I was just…stressed.”

“About the fans thinking RuJinu is real?”

A pause. Then, Jinu says, “Yes. I guess so.”

“But Romance said it might boost our popularity.”

“But it isn’t real,” Jinu objects.

And Jinu doesn’t know it—will never know it—but those four simple words from him lift Abby’s dark mood as quickly as a ray of sun cutting through a dark patch of thunderclouds.

Still, he says, “Does it matter? We’re idols, after all. Whatever we show the fans is a front.”

Jinu is quiet for a moment. Considering. “It does matter,” he says eventually. “It just…it just does. To me.”

“Okay. I’m sorry I said all that. I really messed up there.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Jinu offers him a smile. It feels like forgiveness. “I’m sure this new…ship won’t last that long anyways.”

“Yeah,” Abby agrees, although his brief scroll through RuJinu Twitter begs to differ. “It won’t.”

===

Jinu is wrong. RuJinu Nation stands strong, gaining more and more supporters by the day. Fans love a good ship, and Jinu and Rumi aren’t exactly helping themselves. Maybe it’s just their nature—always helpful, always considerate. A clip goes viral online, from yet another variety show that Huntrix and the Saja Boys attended together, and it showcases Jinu passing Rumi a blanket so that she could cover her legs with it while sitting down. Then, another clip of Rumi leaning over to Jinu to whisper something.

Abby keeps track of all these clips, as if he were a RuJinu stan too, constantly checking the hashtag until it becomes almost obsessive. Romance notices him scrolling one day, while they’re on break from recording, and shoots him that sympathetic look again. It makes Abby want to throttle him.

But he might’ve been getting a bit too obsessive, because one day, Romance decides to stage an intervention and drags Abby to a bar, purposefully taking his phone away from him. Abby complains all the way to the bar, until they enter it and see Baby and Mystery already sitting there, waiting for them.

He’s barely sat down, eyeing them both suspiciously, when Baby bursts out, “Abby! This isn’t healthy!”

Abby turns on Romance in an instant. “You told them!?”

Romance flings both hands in alarm. “Woah, woah! I didn’t tell them! Hold your horses, Abby.”

“He didn’t need to tell us,” Mystery cuts in quietly. “It’s painfully obvious.”

“Wait, just to be clear,” Baby says. “We’re talking about Abby having an addiction to his phone, right?”

Everyone stares at him.

Mystery not so subtly mouths, “Jinu.”

Baby gasps. “Oh, right! The Jinu crush. Yes, I remember now.”

“Ssh!” Abby casts a quick glance around the bar, making sure no one was listening in. “Stop bringing that up so easily! Someone could be listening to us.”

“Oh, Abby,” Baby says. “Oh, poor, innocent Abby. It’s cute that you think people don’t already know that you have a crush on—”

“Shut up!” Abby roars.

That certainly has everyone in the bar looking at them.

And Abby has had enough. “What’s everyone looking at?” He yells at the crowd of busybodies. “Mind your own business!”

Mystery facepalms. Baby shake his head in disapproval. Romance hastily tugs him back. “Abby. That’s enough.”

“Are you okay, Abby?” Baby asks, and Abby really, really wants to strangle someone right now. Baby, preferably. “You seem really tensed tonight.”

“Yeah,” Abby snaps. “Because you guys literally just ambushed me and started revealing to the whole world that I like—” He cuts himself off.

“It’s okay,” Romance says softly. “You can say it with us.”

No. Abby won’t. He stubbornly turns his head away; arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“Anyway,” Mystery says. “We’ve brought you here for an intervention.”

Abby rolls his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes!” Baby snaps. “This is important. This determines the fate of the entire band!”

“The hell do you mean ‘the fate of the entire band’!?” Abby demands, fury re-ignited.

Baby shrinks with a yelp, hiding himself behind Mystery.

Romance places a placating hand on Abby’s shoulder, which he shrugs off. “What Baby means is that…this crush you have on Jinu. We want to know how deep you’re in. If this is something you can nip in the bud, while it’s still fresh, or if this is something you just…can’t get out of anymore.”

For a long moment, Abby can only stare at the table in front of him and let Romance’s words circle in his mind over and over again. Nip in the bud, while it’s still fresh. Something you just can’t get out of anymore. He knows why they’re asking this. Relationships don’t work in a band, do they? It…messes up the dynamic. It might lose them fans. It’s…unnecessary. Messy. A pain in the ass. God…

“Abby?” Romance asks uncertainly.

“I don’t need your intervention,” he mutters. “I can handle this on my own.”

“Clearly, you can’t, seeing as we’ve all been able to pick up on your feelings,” Mystery points out. “It’s a wonder that Jinu’s dense enough not to have picked up on it yet.”

“Wait. You guys don’t think he already knows, right?” Abby asks, suddenly panicked. If Romance, Mystery and Baby all figured it out, surely Jinu would’ve caught on by now?

“Hmm…no,” Romance says decisively. “Jinu’s surprisingly dense in this aspect. He usually doesn’t know when people like him.”

“Thank god…”

“So…you don’t want him to know?” Romance ventures. “You’re gonna get over him?”

And just the thought of getting over Jinu…he stands abruptly from the table. “Sorry. I…gotta go. See you guys at practice tomorrow.”

He flees before they can stop him, pushing out into the cold winter night. After a while of aimless walking, letting the coldness cool him down, he heads back to the dorm. Only when he’s in it does he realise Romance still has his phone.

“God damn you, Romance,” he mutters under his breath, wondering if Jinu is in, wondering if he can borrow Jinu’s phone to scream at Romance until he runs his ass back here and returns Abby’s phone.

Except, he hears keys in the lock and, fully expecting that it’s Romance, Mystery and Baby, quickly charges out from his room, demanding, “You guys better give me back my…”

He stops short. Jinu stands there, staring back at him, hair dishevelled from the wind, cheeks flushed from the cold. He’s dressed in a long-sleeved turtleneck and tight dark jeans that hug his body in all the right places, and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he gets to look this good and Abby can’t even—he can’t even—

“Abby?” Jinu asks. “Are you okay?”

He mumbles an excuse and vanishes back into his room. A while later, the other three return. Romance kicks open Abby’s door and throws his phone at him with a, “Here you go, loser.”

And, of course, it’s back to the doomscrolling.

===

The next morning, the headlines show that the Saja Boys is disbanding.

“What?” Baby exclaims, having been dragged out of bed for the emergency meeting at their dining room table. “We’re disbanding? Why? What did I do? What happened? Why!?”

Jinu throws an iPad onto the table, the screen showing a news article with the headlines in bold: ARE THE SAJA BOYS DISBANDING? And beneath it, an image of the four of them at the bar last night, Abby on the edge of his seat screaming at them, Baby hiding behind Mystery, Romance trying to calm Abby down.

Once again, Mystery facepalms.

“Would the four of you like to explain to me just what happened last night?” Jinu asks, and though he sounds calm as ever, they can all hear the fierce undercurrent of anger and disapproval that runs right beneath.

For some reason, they all look at Abby. Including Jinu. Okay, he’s the one photographed to be screaming at everyone else, so…it’s true that Jinu would expect an answer from him. But the other three? They’re just throwing him under the bus like that?

“Ask Romance,” Abby says. “He’s the one who dragged me out last night and…”

Romance stares back at him, widened eyes saying, are you sure you want to go down that path?

“And challenged Abby to scream as loud as he can!” Baby cuts in. He shrinks when Jinu turns his disapproving glare on him. “It—it’s true! Guys tell him.”

With a sigh, Romance says, “Yeah. It’s true.”

Jinu’s gaze cuts to Mystery. Mystery just shrugs and says, “Yeah.”

Then, lastly, to Abby.

“Um…yes…it’s true.”

Clearly, they’re all amazing liars, because Jinu takes their word for it and demands, “Why the hell would you do something like this in public?”

They all glance at each other, wordlessly urging someone to speak first.

“Abby,” Jinu says, singling him out. “Why?”

Of course, it has to be him who answers. Jinu probably thinks it’s his idea to begin with. “We were…just bored. We just wanted to have some fun.”

Jinu sighs deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose, a perfect picture of disappointment. “I’m sure by now you should all know why it isn’t appropriate to behave like that in public. We’re idols. Anything we say or do in the eye of the public can be used against us.” He levels each of them with the classic Jinu Disappointment stare. “I expected better of you.” His gaze lingers on Abby.

And it stings, the disappointment. Especially because the whole reason Abby had an outburst like that was because of Jinu himself.

“Okay, Jinu,” Baby is the first to answer, meek as always. “We’ll do better.”

“We’ll do better,” Mystery and Romance echo.

A short silence, where Jinu’s gaze remains heavy on Abby.

“Yeah,” Abby agrees gruffly. “I’ll do better.”

He pushes away from the table before Jinu properly dismisses them and barely resists slamming his room door. He’s not having a tantrum. He’s just…frustrated. Wronged. Stupid Romance and his stupid idea of an intervention.

He flops onto bed. Thinks about doomscrolling. Doesn’t. As much as he would like to rot in bed for the rest of the day and avoid the hell out of Jinu and the rest, they, unfortunately, have practice. He can already hear Jinu calling for them to get ready. He sighs heavily. And heaves himself out of bed.

===

Practice goes smoothly. Everyone works extra hard, not wanting to risk anymore of Jinu’s ire. At the end of it, their manager gathers them in a circle for some announcements. He tells them about some upcoming performances and variety show appearances. A joint fansign event with Huntrix. And a potential role in a web drama that the company wants to use to promote both Huntrix and the Saja Boys.

“So, one of you will be chosen to act in it,” the manager says. “Alongside one of the Huntrix girls. How’s that sound?”

“Oh, oh, I want to do it!” Baby exclaims, raising his hand high.

The manager smiles apologetically. “Sorry, Baby. Actually, we were thinking of casting either Abby or Jinu.”

Abby blinks, surprised. He’s being considered for a role in a web drama?

“It would be an honour,” Jinu says with a smile, then turns to look at Abby like Abby’s supposed to say something too.

Abby coughs. “Um, yes. That sounds fun.”

“Good that you’re both on board with this idea,” the manager says. “We’ll have you both come down, say…Thursday? Run some lines, see which of you is the better fit. Okay?”

They nod. The manager dismisses them. As they’re heading out of the practice building to the van, Jinu bumps his shoulder against Abby’s. “Excited to be in a web drama?”

“It’ll probably be you anyways,” Abby says. But even as he says it, he realises that he is excited. He’s always been someone who’s eager to try anything and everything, and filming a web drama is definitely something he’s never done before.

“Don’t say that. I can see you as an actor.”

Abby laughs, secretly pleased. “Really?”

“Of course.” Jinu shoots him a smile, as they’re lining up to go into the van. “You’re good at everything you do.” Then, he turns without much fanfare and gets into the van.

Abby stands on the sidewalk a moment longer, replaying Jinu’s smile in his head, over and over again, until—

“Get in the van!” Romance yells at him from inside the van. “Some of us have places to be.”

Abby glares at him. He gets in the van.

===

Thursday rolls around. He and Jinu arrive at a practice studio that’s been set up to look like an audition room, with a long table situated at one end of the room and a single chair in the middle of the room, facing the table. The casting director of the web drama sits at the table, along with the Saja Boys’ manager and a few other staffs.

Jinu goes in first. Abby waits in another practice studio. While he’s waiting, he’s surprised by Zoey and Mira from Huntrix, who tell him that they’re here because Huntrix has practice today, but they’re waiting for Rumi, who’s been dragged to the audition room to read lines with Jinu. They ask him why he’s here. He tells them that he, too, has been asked to try out for the web drama.

At this, Zoey and Mira exchange an uncertain glance.

Then, Zoey says, “I think they’ve already settled on Jinu, actually. Not that you’re not good enough! I’m sure you’re a great actor too, Abby. It’s just because of the whole RuJinu thing.”

Mira nods. “Now it’s like the whole company’s just…riding on the RuJinu train.”

A twist in Abby’s stomach. One that he should be used to by now. Huntrix’s manager pokes his head into the studio room, calling for Zoey and Mira. They leave in a flurry of goodbyes. Abby is left alone, to quietly ponder what he’s been told.

A while later, his manager comes to find him. Tells him that he’s sorry, but the casting director is really set on Jinu. Jinu and Rumi read lines together, and they just…fit, in a way that the casting director really, really likes.

“It’s because of RuJinu, isn’t it?” Abby asks bluntly.

“Well.” The manager clears his throat. “It’s okay to give the fans what they want, right?”

Abby just nods, though internally, he feels like screaming. The manager pats his shoulder. “Maybe another opportunity will come up for you.”

Just like that, he’s dismissed. He manager goes back into the audition room and as the door closes behind him, Abby hears spills of laughter. Rumi’s laughter. Jinu’s.

He goes back to the dorm alone.

===

After hearing what happened, the other three Saja Boys know to leave him alone for the rest of the day. He stews in his room. Doomscrolls. Jinu doesn’t return for the whole day, probably too wrapped up in his new web drama role, in Rumi, and—Abby swears. Throws down his phone. Throws on a simple outfit. Tries to leave the dorm.

“I don’t think you should be going out in this state,” Romance says, catching him before he can.

Baby hovers nearby, worried. “Yeah. Remember what happened the last time?”

“That was because of you guys,” Abby growls. “Get out of my way.”

Romance lifts his hands in surrender and steps out of the way.

Outside, the cool night air calms his jangled nerves, soothes the mess of his head. He walks without aim, deciding that it’s best if he doesn’t enter any bars tonight. He keeps walking, until he reaches a small bridge overlooking a river. He stands in the middle of it, looking down at the dark water. He sucks in a deep breath. Two girls walk past him, giggling about something on their phones.

“Hey,” one of them says excitedly. “Did you see that clip of Rumi and Jinu?”

“Yes!” The other exclaims. “They’re so cute together!”

Goddamn it. Even out here, he can’t escape the RuJinu Nation.

When he’s wandered around aimlessly for long enough, he returns to the dorm. Before he goes inside, he spots Jinu’s shoes by the door. Look who finally decided to come back. He steels himself. And heads in.

The living room is dark, the boys having all gone to their rooms. It’s past midnight, and if Jinu were still up, he would be nagging at Abby for staying out so late.

And then Jinu really is here, as if thinking of him has summoned him. “Where’ve you been?”

“Out,” Abby says shortly, avoiding Jinu’s gaze.

Abby heads to his room, determined to ignore Jinu. Except, Jinu stops him with a hand on his arm.

“Abby, I’m sorry.” Jinu’s grip is tight, his voice low.

“Sorry?” Abby repeats, bitter, upset, and unable to hold any of it back. “About what?”

“The web drama role. I didn’t know they were just going to give it to me. Truly. I—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Abby cuts him off, still not looking at him. “It’s just a stupid role.”

Because it really is just a stupid role.

A moment passes where neither of them say anything. They simply stand there, locked in a stalemate, Jinu’s hand on his arm, Abby’s body turned away.

“Let go,” Abby says.

“Abby—”

“Let go.” He wrenches his arm from Jinu’s grip.

Jinu doesn’t stop him as he goes to his room. As he closes the door with a little too much force. Alone in his room, he sits on the bed for a while with his head in his hands. So now, he gets to watch a web drama starring Jinu and Rumi as the main leads. The fans will surely eat that up. RuJinu Nation will grow strong and powerful. Great. His life is just great.

===

It comes out on the news the next day. Rumi and Jinu cast as the lead roles of an upcoming web drama. Twitter explodes with it. Abby tries his hardest not to, but ends up scrolling anyways. It puts him in a horrible mood for the rest of the day, which bleeds out to the rest of the members.

Before they even leave the dorm, he gets in a fight with Baby about something stupid. Dishes in the sink or something. On the way to the practice studio, he ignores everyone in the van, even when they call his name. During practice, he misses a beat in the choreo, misses a line in his rap. All little things, all piling up. At the end of the day, the manager asks him if he’s alright. If he’s not feeling well. Kind of him, to assume Abby isn’t just messing up because he’s in a bad mood.

The atmosphere in the van on the way back to the dorm is dark. Silent.

This carries on for a few more days, Abby growling at everyone else if they so much as looked at him wrong and completely avoiding Jinu. Until Jinu takes it upon himself to get Abby to snap out of it.

“C’mon,” Jinu says to him one night after they’re done with practice for the day. “We’re going out.”

He doesn’t give Abby time to react, to object, just grabs him by the hood of his jacket and drags him out the door. Jinu brings him to a restaurant near their dorm. A late-night supper place, where they eat warm bowls of ramyun and spicy tteokbokki.

Abby chooses to hold a silent protest about being dragged here, eating without looking at Jinu at all. The food is good, though. Damn Jinu. He knows this is one of Abby’s favourite supper spots.

“Food is good?” Jinu asks, amusement in his voice.

“What’s so funny?” Abby demands, breaking his vow of silence.

“You just…can’t ever hide how much you love good food,” Jinu says, smile softening. Abby looks away. “And it’s nice, watching you eat well.”

“So, I’m a pig, is what you’re saying.”

“Well…as long as you’re a happy pig, what’s wrong with that?”

Abby growls, but it’s half-hearted, and soon enough, he finds himself saying, “I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting the past few days. It’s just…”

Just what? Just hard, knowing that Jinu and Rumi are, perhaps, destined to be together? Shipped by the fans, favoured by the universe?

“I really am sorry, Abby,” Jinu says, and he’s so earnest, so sincere, it makes Abby want to scream. It’s not about the fucking web drama, for god’s sake. “I don’t know why they were so intent on me. I know you’d be great in that role too.”

“It’s okay,” Abby says. “It’s not your fault.”

In all honesty, it might be Abby’s fault, after all. Since he was the one who unintentionally confirmed RuJinu for all the fans.

And because he’s finding it hard to continue looking at Jinu’s apologetic, sincere face, he tries to lighten the mood by saying, “And as long as you buy me food like this every day for the next three weeks, I’ll let it slide.”

That brings a grin to Jinu’s face. “See? You are a pig.”

“Yeah, yeah. So? Food or no food?”

Jinu laughs. The sound both warms and pierces Abby to his core. “Food, of course. Anything to make you happy.”

===

It’s late when Jinu and Abby get back to the dorm. Abby goes straight to his room, yawning, ready to go to bed. Jinu lingers in the living room for a moment, watching Abby go, until the door clicks shut behind him.

“So?” Romance calls over his shoulder, from where he’s seated on the sofa watching TV. “Managed to fix his temper tantrum?”

Jinu, feeling oddly defensive about Abby, says, “It wasn’t a temper tantrum.”

He doesn’t have to see Romance’s face to know he’s rolling his eyes. “Yeah, whatever it is, I hope you managed to snap him out of it.”

Jinu joins Romance on the sofa. The TV is on some drama that was released a while back. Something about tangerines? “I didn’t know he would be so upset about not getting the role,” Jinu confesses.

Romance’s gaze flicks to him. Holds for a beat too long. Jinu gets a sudden distinct feeling that he’s said something wrong. “What?”

“Well,” Romance says, gaze flicking back to the TV. “Do you remember how he got rejected from it? Because of a shipping fandom? I think I’d be pretty upset if I were him.”

“Hm,” Jinu says. “Was he not just upset about not getting the role?”

It’s subtle, but Jinu notices the way Romance stiffens. He’s known Romance long enough to catch him in a lie. To discern when he’s hiding something.

“How would I know?” Romance says in the end, keeping his gaze on the TV. “Who knows what’s going on through that man’s head? And stop interrupting my drama, please.”

Jinu doesn’t continue pressing. But he files away the conversation for later reviewing. As he heads to his room, he pauses at Abby’s door for a moment. Wonders if it’s Abby he should be pressing, not Romance. But they’ve just made up, and he doesn’t want to invoke another Abby wrath so soon. So, he simply continues on to his room, deciding to just observe how Abby is over the next few days.

Unbeknownst to Jinu, Abby was still awake, lying in bed, listening to the muffled murmurs of Jinu and Romance’s voices. He hears when Jinu gets up. When he pauses at Abby’s door. He holds his breath, half of him wanting Jinu to come in, the other half praying he doesn’t. Jinu moves on, back to his room. Abby releases the breath he was holding. Slumps back in bed and wonders how the hell he’s going to dig himself out of this.

Chapter Text

The filming for the web drama begins. They still see Jinu in practice, but they see him less and less outside of it, the filming taking up most of his free time. Abby can’t help it—he sulks. Whenever Jinu’s away for filming, he hogs up the living room couch and just…sulks. Baby teases him for it. Romance nags at him. Mystery just shakes his head in disapproval.

Whenever Jinu gets back, he’s tired, but smiling, as if he had fun. As if he’s enjoying acting with Rumi. He probably is, Abby can’t blame him, but still. He doesn’t like it. At all.

One day, when Jinu has to stay particularly late for filming, Abby sits in the living room and glares at the clock.

“Oh, stop it already,” Romance says, flopping down on the couch beside Abby and turning on the TV. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you.”

“Anything looks good on me,” Abby mutters.

Romance rolls his eyes. “Cocky much? If you don’t stop sulking, I’m going to tell Jinu.”

Abby turns on him with a glare so vicious that Romance jumps off the sofa, terrified for his life. “Chill! Relax! I meant I’ll tell him that you’re sulking too much, not that you like him. For god’s sake. Do you think I’m that stupid?”

Abby growls at him. But decides to leave him alone and return to his room. He hears Romance’s exaggerated sigh of relief from behind.

Somewhere past 1 am, after the TV has been turned off and the dorm is once again quiet with slumber, Jinu finally comes home. Abby lies awake in bed, listening to the sounds of Jinu in the kitchen. A cup set onto the table. Water being poured.

He listens until he can’t take it anymore. He hasn’t properly seen Jinu in the past few days. Hasn’t spoken to him at all. He—he misses Jinu. His face. His voice. So, he gets out of bed and slips out of his room.

He finds Jinu at the dining table, head in his hands. The cup of water sits before him untouched.

“Jinu?” Abby asks, worried. “Are you okay?”

Jinu raises his head. He looks…he looks exhausted. Smudges of shadows beneath his eyes, hair rumpled, skin pale. And still, he smiles when he sees Abby. “You’re awake.”

“What’s wrong?” Abby hovers on the other side of the table, unsure what he should do, only knowing he doesn’t quite want to leave Jinu alone. Not in this state. “You look like shit.”

Jinu laughs a little. It does nothing to erase the exhaustion from his face. “Thanks. It’s just been a tiring few days. I’m fine.”

“So, go shower then. Sleep.”

“I will.” Jinu covers his mouth as he yawns. “I just…just wanted to sit here for a while. Rest my bones.”

Slowly, Abby circles over to Jinu’s side. Settles his hands on Jinu’s shoulders. Begins to knead the tensed flesh there. Jinu’s head tips back, muscles loosening beneath Abby’s hands. “Oh,” Jinu sighs. “You’re good at this.”

He keeps at it, until Jinu’s head begins to droop forward, like he’s dozing off, right here in this chair. Regretfully, Abby pauses and gently shakes Jinu awake.

“Sorry.” Jinu gets up. “I’ll go take a shower.” He pauses right before he leaves. Turns back to Abby with a soft smile. “Thanks, Abby.”

Abby stays there long after Jinu has disappeared into the shower. His gaze is on Jinu’s cup, still sitting on the table. Still half full. He pours the rest of it down the sink and washes Jinu’s cup for him.

===

It doesn’t get easier. Despite Romance’s assurances that it will, despite Baby’s attempts to distract him, it doesn’t. Abby has fallen too far, he’s in too deep, and he fears that even if Jinu straight up rejects him, he’ll continue to sink, spiralling deeper and deeper into his feelings.

Somewhere in the middle of all the filming, they have a joint fansign event with Huntrix. The seats are arranged beforehand, and Abby gets placed between Mira and Mystery. Jinu, of course, is sat at one end of the table with Rumi.

They’ve all been sitting here for the past hour, listening to fans giggle whenever they reach Jinu and Rumi. Abby plasters a smile onto his face and keeps signing merchandise.

During a short break, Mystery nudges him and whispers, “You gotta act a little better. The fans are gonna think something’s wrong.”

So, when the next wave of fans come, Abby ups the ante and behaves like the enthusiastic, sexy flirt that all the fans think he is. He makes girls swoon. Flexes for them. Smirks. Tells them silly pick-up lines. Some of them get touchy—real touchy—and usually Jinu notices this and steps in, finds some way to bring the fans’ attention elsewhere. But Jinu isn’t sitting beside Abby today, as he usually is during fansign events, he’s all the way at the other end, wrapped up in Rumi and RuJinu and whatever the hell he cares about, so Abby plays along with it.

At the end of the fansign event, as they’re walking back to the dressing rooms, Mira comments, “Dude, you okay? The fans were so touchy with you today. Are they usually like that?”

Abby just flexes again, playing it off. “Of course. Who doesn’t want to cop a feel of these muscles?”

“Ugh,” Mira gags and speeds up her pace, so that they aren’t walking side by side anymore. “You’re disgusting.”

Back in the Saja Boys’ dressing room, Abby shrugs on a thick jacket that covers himself more fully. He feels…a little icky. He didn’t like the fans touching him. He really didn’t.

“Hey,” comes a voice. Jinu. Abby turns to face him. And there’s something…off about how he’s looking back at Abby. Something…unhappy. “The fans were touchy with you? And you let them?”

Abby shrugs. “It was fine. It made them happy.”

“You can’t just let them touch you because it makes them happy,” Jinu argues, and he’s keeping his voice low, quiet, but Abby can still clearly hear the anger threaded in his words.

Perhaps, this is where Abby should back off. There’s no point stoking Jinu’s flames. Jinu rarely gets angry, but once he does get started, the fire burns. But Abby is tired, worn down, sick of his own battered heart, and some part of him just wants, almost desperately, to burn.

“Why not? Isn’t everything we do to make the fans happy?” He asks pointedly, voice raised. Heads turn in their direction.

Jinu sucks in a breath, looking moments away from shouting at Abby in return. Instead, he grabs Abby’s arm and hauls him outside the dressing room. Down the corridor, to a secluded corner.

“What’s gotten into you?” Jinu demands, disappointed as usual, in Abby. “The past few weeks, you’ve been angry, unco-operative, walking around as if you hate everyone and everything. What’s going on? Is it because of the web drama role? Because I thought we’ve already settled that.”

“It’s not about the stupid web drama.”

“It’s not about the web drama,” Jinu repeats. “But there is something else bothering you. What is it? Just tell me!”

For a brief moment, Abby entertains the notion of actually telling Jinu what’s up. Of confessing to him. Laying his heart bare.

But the risks are too high—as much as he’s tired of hanging on the sidelines, loving Jinu from afar, he’s also terrified of rejection. Terrified of the look on Jinu’s face if—no, when—he says, “I’m sorry, Abby. I just don’t feel the same.”

Because there’s no way someone as kind, considerate and capable as Jinu falls for someone like Abby. Stupid Abby, troublemaker Abby, musclehead Abby. There’s just no way they fit. The fans are right—Jinu belongs with someone like Rumi, who’s equally smart, pretty and compassionate as him.

“It’s nothing,” Abby eventually grits out, though internally, his heart cracks something fierce. “It’s a small issue. I’ll deal with it.”

Jinu holds his gaze for a long moment. But he doesn’t push. He never pushes. Instead, he only says, “Make sure you deal with it quickly. And properly. This can’t go on any longer, Abby.”

If only Jinu knew. If only he knew it was Abby’s heart he was speaking too, that stupid, foolish thing tremoring in his chest.

“Okay,” Abby mutters, already turning away, wanting to run far, far away from the heaviness of Jinu’s gaze on him, from the stuttering of his heart.

“And…” Jinu stops him in his tracks. His voice is considerably softer as he says, “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”

Abby swallows down the ache. “Yeah, sure, Jinu.”

He heads back to the dressing room. He doesn’t look back.

===

Things get better for a breath. A singular span of three days, right after the joint fansign event, where Jinu’s schedule suddenly isn’t packed to the brim with filming. Honestly, it feels almost like he’s purposefully kept his schedule free so that he can keep an eye on Abby, though he knows this isn’t the case. Either way, he certainly isn’t complaining.

They have their usual practices. But after, Jinu returns to the dorms with them rather than staying on for filming.

The first day, Romance asks, “What, no filming today?”

Jinu slides into the backseat of the van beside Abby. “The directors are working something out with one of the film sets. Filming resumes next week. I’ll have the next three days off.”

He looks to Abby as he says this, as if he wants Abby, specifically, to know that he’s got time off. Abby turns away to face the window. Pleased as he is that he gets to spend the next three days with Jinu, things are still…tensed between them.

Except, as the van moves off, Jinu presses his knee against Abby’s and leaves it there. Abby’s heart stutters. But as the van takes a sharp right, he lets his body shift with the van, such that his leg falls away from Jinu’s. For the rest of their ride, their knees do not touch.

That night, the five of them gather in the living room to play Switch games. There’s laughter. Trash-talk. The dorm hasn’t been this lively in a while. Abby’s sat beside Jinu, and for the whole night, there always seems to be some part of Jinu touching him. A hand on his thigh. Legs nonchalantly balanced on his own. An arm on the back of the sofa, brushing against the back of his head. Somehow, Abby manages to sit there for the whole night, concealing the riot of his heart with easy smiles and quick laughter.

The next day, they go out for dinner, just Abby and Jinu. They used to do this regularly, just two of them going out for meals every two to three days, especially during their trainee days. But since their debut, with their schedules jampacked with activities, and especially since Jinu’s recent filming, they’ve eaten together less and less, until Abby stopped expecting it anymore.

As they eat, chatting about everything and nothing, Jinu’s phone suddenly buzzes a few times, the screen lighting up with messages. He checks it.

“Who is it?” Abby asks.

“Just Rumi.” Jinu puts his phone away.

“Aren’t you going to reply her?”

“Later.” Jinu turns his attention back to Abby. “You haven’t finished telling your story.”

It shouldn’t mean that much to him, that Jinu chooses to give his attention to Abby over Rumi. It really shouldn’t. But it does, and Abby has to ignore the quickening of his heart as he continues with his story, as Jinu sits there listening to him with that stupid perfect smile on his stupid handsome face.

As they walk back to the dorm after dinner, they’re still talking. Laughing. Jinu knocks his shoulder against Abby’s at one point. Abby knocks him back. And it feels, almost, like before. Before the rise of the RuJinu Nation started messing with every brain cell Abby had. Before Jinu’s near constant disappointment in him.

He can’t help but stare as Jinu laughs. As he turns to Abby, eyes twinkling in the darkness of night, cheeks flushed from the cold. And he almost says it. It’s right there, on the tip of his tongue. The night is crisp and cold and perfect, and Jinu is laughing, and it’s right there. His heart begs for the relief of confession, the ache between his ribs almost too much to bear. But his mind wraps desperate hands around his throat, choking him, and the words do not—cannot—come out.

He can’t do it.

He can’t lose Jinu.

This burning in his ribcage, this ache, he can take it. He can bear it, if it means he will never have to witness the sympathy of Jinu’s rejection.

“Abby?” Jinu asks, pulling him from his thoughts.

Abby smiles. Hopes that is enough to cover the turmoil in his mind, the aching in his heart. “Last one back to the dorm is a rotten egg.”

Without another word, he runs. He hears Jinu start running as well, seconds too late, already behind.

“Cheater!” Jinu accuses, though it sounds like he’s laughing, and Abby pushes himself to go faster, to leave it all behind—the ache, the burning, the lightness of Jinu’s laugh.

It doesn’t work. Jinu catches up with him at the entrance to the dorm building. And even panting, he’s a sight to behold. Flushed skin and ruffled hair, hands braced on his hips, chest heaving. And that smile of his. That stupid smile.

“I won,” Abby says smugly.

“You’re an idiot,” Jinu says, cuffing him lightly over the head.

And Abby has no idea what compels him to say, “Your idiot.”

Jinu rolls his eyes. But his smile is fond as he says, “Of course. All mine.”

He turns to head into the building before he can see Abby choking from heartburn. The hell does he mean, all mine. Who says that? To a friend?

“I’m not gonna hold this door open forever,” Jinu calls.

Abby walks into the door anyway, because Jinu closes it in his face.

“You’re so stupid,” Abby mutters, rubbing his forehead while they wait for the elevator.

Jinu just grins, attempting to coo and fawn over Abby with things like, oh, did poor Abby get hurt? You poor thing. You poor, innocent little thing. Abby shoves him off, growling, and Jinu just laughs.

He’s been laughing a lot tonight.

It’s…gratifying, being the reason behind Jinu’s laughter. Abby tells himself not to hold onto it. Not to assign meaning where his heart can break further. And yet, as he lies in bed, recounting the events of the night, he holds on to each laugh, each smile. And for tonight, just this one night, the flames are warm.

===

Of course, this happy spell doesn’t last forever. Jinu returns to filming. Abby tries to keep a cool head, to act normal, and it works, for the most part. Mystery, Baby and Romance stop side-eyeing him so much. He doesn’t doomscroll as much anymore, choosing, instead, to delete Twitter entirely for the time being.

It becomes routine, for the next two weeks. He practices hard, smiles for cameras, has fun with the other three Saja Boys and greets Jinu whenever he comes back. Always late. Always tired. But smiling the moment he sees Abby. Abby stores each of these smiles like little gemstones in his heart, taking them out time and time again to revel in their dazzle.

And then, the bomb drops.

It should’ve been just another Saturday morning. A break from the full week of practices and schedules. Even Jinu has an off-day, which he has somehow decided to spend outside, rather than lazing in the dorm with everyone else. Abby’s miffed about that, but whatever. He can just nab Jinu tomorrow.

Except, Baby suddenly rushes into his room while he’s still lounging in bed. “Abby, have you seen it already?”

Romance rushes in right after. “I told you not to tell him!”

“He’s gonna see it sooner or later!”

“See what?” Abby asks, sitting up in bed, not grasping their urgency.

Baby thrusts the iPad in his face before Romance can steal it from him. The headlines scream at him. HUNTRIX’S RUMI AND THE SAJA BOYS’ JINU CAUGHT DATING.

In his chest, his heart drops like a stone. Still, he tries to laugh it off. He takes the iPad from Baby, scanning through the article. “You know, articles like that come out all the time. It’s not like they have any definite proof…”

In the middle of the article, there is a picture. The back view of two people. You can only see the darkness of the guy’s hair, the tip of his nose, but Abby has spent so many years memorising the way Jinu looks that he can easily recognise the broad slope of his shoulders, the way he sits in that chair, head slightly turned towards the girl beside him. Rumi. She’s much more recognisable, her purple hair in that signature braid, her side profile completely visible. She’s been photographed in a smile, eyes crinkled, expression relaxed. And really, if this was all, people were reading too much into a photograph.

But at the centre of the picture lies the most damning evidence—Jinu and Rumi are holding hands. She’s smiling at him, he’s looking back at her, and they’re holding hands.

Abby stares at their joined hands until the image feels seared into his memory. It might mean nothing. Just two friends, holding hands. But the industry is strict. Idols don’t hold hands with idols of the opposite gender in public. Companies don’t want to deal with dating scandals. And no one is stricter on public image than Jinu himself. He won’t hold Rumi’s hand in public on a whim. Not even if she asks him to. Not unless he also wanted to hold her hand.

But it isn’t real, is what Jinu said, all those weeks ago.

Liar, Abby’s mind accuses. Liar, comes the screeching of his heart as it cracks and burns. Liar. Liar. Liar.

“Abby?” Romance wrests the iPad from him. “Look, Baby, you broke him.”

At this point, Mystery comes into the room, still yawning. “What’s going on? Why’s everyone in Abby’s room?”

Abby’s hands curl into fists. He clenches them tight, thinking maybe, just maybe, if he squeezed hard enough, he can get rid of this ache between his ribs, this tearing in his heart.

“Oh, shit,” Mystery says, probably because Baby has showed him the article.

“Get out of my room,” Abby says.

“Abby—”

“Get out!”

They leave him alone. A while later, he heads to the gym by himself. He stays there for hours, pushing himself beyond his limits, reaching for that space between rhythm and suffering, where he can just repeat the same motions over and over, not a thought in his head, not a feeling in his chest. He finally leaves when every muscle in his body feels weak, like jelly.

As he stumbles back to the dorm, night is already falling. The other three have already eaten, saying they didn’t know when Abby would be back and he wasn’t answering his phone, so they didn’t get him dinner. Jinu is back. He’s sitting at the dining table, eating his dinner, eyes on Abby.

“You can have some of mine,” he says.

Abby ignores him. Roots through the cupboards for a box of stale cereal. Eats his cereal leaning against the counter.

The other three have retired to their rooms. It’s just Jinu, Abby, and the silent living room.

“The other three said…you’ve all seen the article.”

Abby throws his bowl into the sink a little too harshly. Liar, comes the cacophony in his head. Liar, liar, liar—

“I thought you said it wasn’t real,” he grits out.

Jinu has come to the sink as well. He’s out of his mind, wanting to be near while Abby’s in this state.

“It isn’t,” Jinu insists. “But Rumi is…she’s trying to…” He trails off. Then, tries again with, “You said everything we show the fans is a front.”

“What, so you’re pretend dating? Is that what this is?”

“No! It’s not like we’re actively pretending. But today while we were out, and the article got released, PR called us in. They discussed it with us and…they said the company isn’t going to release any statements to deny the rumours.” In a softer voice, Jinu adds, “They said that maybe it’s not so bad if the fans think we’re actually dating.”

“You were out,” Abby says, because the moment he heard those words, he latched onto them and didn’t quite hear everything else. “With her.”

“…Yes.” Jinu shifts uncomfortably, suddenly not meeting Abby’s gaze. “She wanted to hang out.”

“What, as part of your dating scheme?”

“Abby…it’s not…we’re not dating. Pretend or not.”

“Then why were you holding her hand?”

“It was—it was a spur of the moment thing! We were just talking about—about stuff and she just held my hand for, like, a second. It was nothing. It meant nothing, okay? Abby, please—”

And Abby doesn’t want to hear anymore, because Jinu looks…embarrassed. He’s embarrassed about holding her hand. If they were just friends, it wouldn’t matter. If there was nothing at all, Jinu wouldn’t care.

He pushes away from the sink, even as Jinu’s still talking. For some reason, Jinu’s fingers snag onto his shirt. His arm. “Abby, wait. Listen to me. There’s really nothing. Nothing.”

Why is he trying so hard to make Abby believe him? Is he so uptight about upholding his public image that he doesn’t want Abby to think he’s a hypocrite? Because he scolded Abby for that headline about the Saja Boys’ disbandment, about unintentionally confirming RuJinu, whereas he allows himself to be photographed in public, holding Rumi’s hand?

“It’s okay, Jinu,” Abby says, roughly dislodging Jinu’s grip. He turns to face Jinu and the smile that stretches across his face feels thin. On the verge of collapse. But he holds it. “Deny it all you want. I’ll support you anyways. I basically created the RuJinu Nation, didn’t I?”

He leaves Jinu standing alone in the kitchen. He slams his door shut. Then, he curls up in bed and feels the cracks in his heart. Wide. Gaping. In the shape of Jinu’s smile. Oh, what a fool he’s been. Hanging on to those smiles, as if they weren’t freely given to everyone else. Hiding his heart behind his ribs, as if love didn’t have a way of bleeding through the cracks, engulfing everything. He really is an idiot.

And if he goes to sleep with tears on his face, no one but him ever has to know.

===

Jinu lies in bed that night, constantly replaying the disaster of a conversation he had with Abby in the kitchen. He doesn’t know what made him try to explain everything, what made him so desperate for Abby to just listen. To understand.

And the way Abby looked, standing there in the gloom, so still, so fragile. Jinu rubs at his chest. At the ache that has nestled inside his bones. Inside that tender spot between his ribs.

His phone lights up with a message.

[Rumi]

hey

can we meet again tomorrow?

i’m sorry, i know it’s not the best timing, but…

i really need to talk to someone about it

Once again, Abby’s face in Jinu’s mind. You were out. With her. The barely concealed hurt in his voice. Like Jinu betrayed him. Why does Abby care so much, who Jinu hangs out with? And why does Jinu care, how Abby feels?

Still, he has a feeling that Abby won’t want to see him tomorrow. Maybe even for the next few days.

[Jinu]

it’s okay

where should we meet?

Chapter Text

The news article breaks the internet. #RuJinuNation explodes overnight. True to what Romance said, more people also seem to be streaming their music, watching their variety show appearances. The bosses up in the company are happy. The manager is happy. Romance, Mystery and Baby are happy too, though they always give Abby these worried side glances every time he’s in the same room as them. Jinu is…whatever. Probably happy too. And Abby is…not.

But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter.

This is the mantra he recites every time he leaves his room. Every time they have practice. Every time he sees Jinu. Which isn’t often, with how little time he spends in the dorm these days.

It gives Abby a slight reprieve from the aching in his chest. But even then, Jinu’s absence is sharp, like a knife sawing through the thinning threads of Abby’s heart. How? How does he deal with this?

The answer is no, he does not deal with this. He just leaves it be. Lets it simmer. Fester. Eat him alive, if that’s what it wants.

Romance asks him one day, gently, “Abby, are you sure you don’t want to just…try moving on?”

The question sits with him wrong, settles like a barb in the pit of his stomach. And he doesn’t quite know what hurts more—loving Jinu even as he is so obviously falling for someone else or the idea of moving on from him. From sweet, perfect Jinu, with the smiles that can brighten Abby’s darkest days. Even now, in the depths of his heartbreak, Jinu could turn a smile on him, and for that single breath of time, captured in Jinu’s glow, Abby would feel okay.

He never answers Romance.

He thinks that is answer enough.

Late one night, as Abby is lying in bed doomscrolling yet again after re-downloading Twitter, he hears Jinu come home. He thinks about going out to confront Jinu on where he’s been. About asking him if it’s Rumi he’s been going out with. Asking him if he thinks it’s wise to be spending so much time with the girl he’s been roped into a dating scandal with.

What’s wrong? Jinu would say. What’s wrong with giving the fans what they want?

Or even worse, what’s wrong with giving myself what I want?

And inside, he aches. He doesn’t go out.

===

In the midst of all the RuJinu hype, the Saja Boys and Huntrix have a joint appearance on the gameshow Play Games With Us! Usually, Abby enjoys such programmes. But this time, he spends the week leading up to the gameshow dreading it. The gameshow hosts will likely also have heard of #RuJinuNation, and plan games that appeal to that fanbase. Abby really doesn’t want to spend the whole programme watching Jinu and Rumi flirt with each other. He almost considers feigning sickness and sitting this one out, but eventually decides to just suck it up and go. Even if he doesn’t witness it firsthand, he’ll see all the clips on his doomscrolling adventures anyways.

On the way there, Romance, Mystery and Baby chatter about this and that, about the hosts of the show, about the games they’ll beat Huntrix in. Abby sits at the back, beside Jinu once again, the small distance between them feeling as wide and uncrossable as a chasm. Jinu doesn’t try to talk, so Abby doesn’t either, and they both keep their gazes turned away.

In the dressing room, Romance says, “Just try to keep your cool, okay?”

Abby resists rolling his eyes. He’s an idol, for god’s sake. He knows how to act in front of a camera.

“Don’t worry,” Abby says, putting on a smile. The kind of wide, brilliant ones he knows the fans love. “I’ll be the biggest RuJinu supporter the world has ever seen.”

The actual gameshow goes relatively smoothly. The first half of the programme is mainly the Saja Boys vs Huntrix. They play games like Cham Cham Cham, Ddakji and Jegichagi. And, despite Abby’s foul mood and aching heart, he actually manages to enjoy himself. Trashing Rumi in Jegichagi probably helped, but no one has to know that.

Then, they move on to the second half, where the hosts announce that they will be randomised into pairs by drawing lots. The Huntrix girls will each take turns drawing the names of the Saja Boys. The remaining two Saja Boys that were not picked will then form the last pair.

So, this is where RuJinu will appear, Abby thinks, watching Zoey step up to the host and choose one of the folded papers offered to her. She unfolds it for the camera to see. Mystery. Squealing in delight, Zoey bounces over to where Mystery is. Mira goes next, drawing Romance’s name.

Abby wonders how the hosts will get RuJinu to be partners. Maybe they’ll choose the paper for Rumi. Or maybe they’ll just cut out the name drawing completely and jump to the part where they’re all in their pairs already. Except, Rumi draws a name, and the paper reads Baby. She simply heads over to where Baby stands, and no one says a thing.

Until the hosts say, “That means Abby and Jinu form the last pair!”

Wait. What?

Jinu comes to stand beside Abby, looking amused. “Why do you look so shocked?”

It’s the first proper words he’s said to Abby since their argument in the kitchen all those days ago. Abby can’t find the words to reply before the hosts launch into an explanation of the game they’re playing. A three-legged race, where one of the pair will be blindfolded. They will race from one end of the studio to the other, then back again. At the halfway point, the blindfolded person will have to fold a piece of origami paper into a crane, and the non-blindfolded person will have to give verbal instructions. It sounds…tough. And exciting.

But Abby’s excitement is dulled by the fact that he still can’t believe he gets to be partnered with Jinu. Even as they line up on one side of the studio, each pair tying their legs together, Abby’s still waiting for the hosts to announce a cut in the recording for them to shuffle the pairs around.

“Abby.”

Abby snaps out of his thoughts, finding Jinu crouched on the ground beside him, looking back up at him. “I asked if this is too tight.” He tugs on the ends of the rope tying his left leg to Abby’s right.

“No, it’s fine.”

Jinu secures the knot, then stands. “Better get your head in the game. We’re in this to win.” He holds up the blindfold. “Do you want to be blindfolded or should I?”

Abby takes the blindfold. Jinu’s better at directing people.

“Everyone ready?” The hosts call.

“Yes!” Zoey cheers excitedly. To Mystery, who’s blindfolded, she says, “Let’s do this!”

Romance and Mira fist-bump, with Mira being the blindfolded one. For Baby and Rumi, Rumi has been blind-folded.

The game starts.

Instantly, shouting erupts as Zoey and Mystery mess up their rhythm and tumble to the ground. Mira and Romance yell at each other. Baby and Rumi stumble a little at the start. Abby and Jinu take an early lead, forging ahead steadily as the other teams crumble. They reach the halfway point first. Jinu presses a piece of origami paper into Abby’s hands.

“Okay, first, fold it diagonally into half,” Jinu instructs.

Abby makes the first fold, then the next, and the next, trying his best to keep up with Jinu’s rapid-fire instructions. He hears the other pairs start the crane-folding as well and tries his best to tune them out.

He fumbles a step, and Jinu says, “Just listen to my voice.” His hand lands on Abby’s shoulder, squeezing tight. “You can do it. Just listen to me.”

And, well. Abby will be lying if he says those words don’t do something to him.

You can do it, Jinu said, and though it’s just a game in a gameshow, the words warm Abby’s heart, dulling the ever-present ache. He flies through the rest of the steps. They’re the first pair to finish the crane and begin the walk back to the starting point. They finish first. The other teams don’t even come close. Baby and Rumi finish second, followed by Mira and Romance, and lastly Zoey and Mystery.

“Congratulations to our winners!” The host exclaims, presenting Jinu and Abby with the prize—a platter of A-grade hanwoo beef. “Guess you two will be eating good tonight!”

They take a picture with their prize. Shortly after, the recording for the gameshow is finished. As the rest head off to the dressing rooms, Jinu stops Abby with a hand on his arm. Abby curses his foolish little heart for leaping in joy at the touch.

“We make a great team, don’t we?” Jinu says with a smile. That damned smile.

Abby has been doing a really, really good job of avoiding that smile. But now, looking at it, he realises how much he’s missed it. Missed Jinu. The ache returns. And it’s sharp.

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly.

He must’ve been too quiet, too subdued, and honestly it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that something’s wrong. Jinu isn’t an idiot. He knows Abby’s been avoiding him. He sees the concern on Jinu’s face, the intent, and the moment he opens his mouth, Abby turns his back on him and walks away.

The ache, no matter how sharp, how vicious, he can take. But the pity? The unwarranted concern? No. He has to draw the line somewhere. Jinu can have his heart, battered, bruised little thing that it is. But Jinu can’t have his dignity. Or whatever’s left of it. He’ll hold on to that much.

===

The next day, Abby wakes up somewhere in hell.

After the gameshow recording, on the way back to the vans, he’d caught Rumi pulling Jinu aside for a short moment. Watched Jinu bend close. Watched Rumi whisper into his ear. She looked upset. Because she wasn’t partnered with Jinu on the gameshow? Because of Abby? Whatever it was, they parted quickly, heading to their own vans. But the sight of them together like that, gravitating towards each other so naturally, soured Abby’s mood so quickly that he suggested to Romance to go drinking with him and they did.

They drank. A lot. Abby can’t quite remember what he talked about or whether he even talked at all. He can barely even remember how he got back to the dorm. But when he wakes up, his head pounds and the sunlight filtering in through the blinds feels like knives against his eyes. Someone has left a glass of water on his bedside table. Romance? But Romance was as drunk as him. There’s no way either of them could’ve ferried this glass of water in here without making a huge mess.

Whatever. He guzzles down the water. Thinks about going back to sleep. Picks up his phone instead. Opens Twitter on instinct. Braces to read every #RuJinuNation tweet.

Instead, the first tweet he sees is:

@rujinuforever91

can’t abby just get out of the way??

Despite a sudden surge of self-preservation instincts warning him against scrolling further, he scrolls.

@onlyrujinu

he’s such a cockblocker. so extra. why does anyone even like him lol

@jinumybeloved

didn’t you guys notice he’s always hanging around jinu like he doesn’t want jinu to be with anyone else. is that weird or…??

@sajaboysultimate

GET THE FUCK OUT, ABBY #GTFOABBY

Turns out, just like the RuJinu Nation, Abby has become an internet sensation overnight. #GTFOAbby is already the second highest trending hashtag, right after #RuJinuNation. As he scrolls, he sees clips from the gameshow they recorded just yesterday. How are these clips already circulating the internet? Recorded content doesn’t get aired so fast.

He digs himself deeper and deeper into the spiral of #GTFOAbby, trying to trace its origins. Somehow, he manages to piece together some semblance of truth. The clips were leaked by a production crew member who was apparently an avid RuJinu stan. They posted about their dissatisfaction with the gameshow recording, because of Abby being in the way, and the rest of Twitter took the crew member’s post and blew it up.

Someone has screenshotted a moment in one of the clips, just before Abby and Jinu posed for the winner’s photo with their hanwoo beef. The image shows Abby looking straight at Jinu, a stupid smile on his face, and the caption reads, wipe that smile off your face lol you look so stupid, just get out of the way of rujinu please??

Abby can’t help it—masochist that he is, he scrolls far, far into the depths of #GTFOAbby.

It’s as he’s buried somewhere in the trenches of Abby hate that someone barges into his room without knocking.

“What the hell?” Abby snaps, quickly turning off his phone. “Why didn’t you knock?”

“I’ve knocked, like, five times,” Romance shoots back. Then, his voice loses some of its sharpness as he notices Abby’s phone in hand. “Have you…have you seen it?”

“What, the ten million posts about how I’m the biggest cockblocker on earth? The hashtag? Get the fuck out, Abby? The death threats? I’ve seen it all.” Try as he might, Abby can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Wait, death threats?” Romance repeats incredulously. “Over what happened in the gameshow? That’s ridiculous!”

Abby stares at the darkened screen of his phone. He doesn’t need to open Twitter to remember every word that was said against him, to imagine what more is being said. He throws his phone onto the bed and buries his head in his hands. God, his head hurts.

The bed dips as Romance comes to sit beside him. “Abby…” A tentative hand on his knee. “Don’t listen to them.”

“It’s only going to get worse, isn’t it,” Abby says, already imagining what the next few days, or even weeks, are going to be like for #GTFOAbbby.

“It’ll blow over,” Romance says firmly. “People will move on, as they always do. The fans won’t talk about this forever.”

“It wasn’t even my fucking fault that Rumi chose Baby and I got paired with Jinu,” Abby mutters.

“I know, Abby,” Romance says, sympathetic. “I know.”

“This sucks.”

“Yes. It does.”

Abby closes his eyes, massaging his temples. He has two choices. Stay in his room and stew in all the hate, let himself rot like all the fans want him to. Or get out of here, clear his head, maybe vent all his frustrations in the gym. The choice is obvious.

He pushes up from the bed abruptly, gets changed and ignores Romance as he asks where he’s going. When he leaves his room, with Romance hot on his heels, he bumps into none other than Jinu.

“Abby,” Jinu says, concern that sounds like sympathy that sounds like pity, and Abby hates it, he hates it. He shoulders roughly past Jinu. “Abby, wait—”

Abby doesn’t want to wait, but Jinu gets in his way, holding him back. “Maybe you shouldn’t go out like this.”

A prick in his heart, at Jinu’s words. Abby’s currently the centre of a massive internet hate storm and he’s worried that Abby’s gonna go out there and, what, cause more trouble?

“Why the hell not?” Abby demands. “Scared I’ll cause another scandal?”

“No, Abby—”

“Where’re you going, then?” Abby looks at Jinu’s clothes, a black button down and khaki slacks, clearly not clothes you wear while lazing in the dorm. “Going to talk to the PR team to handle yet another Troublemaker Abby situation?”

“This isn’t—it’s not—it’s not your fault, Abby, that’s not what I’m saying!” Jinu throws up his hands in frustration. “I’m not going to talk to the PR team about anything. I’m just going to meet—” Jinu cuts himself off abruptly, looking at something behind Abby.

Abby turns sharply to find Romance flinging up his arms in surrender. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything.”

And all at once, Abby knows where Jinu is going. “You’re going to meet Rumi,” he realises. “Of fucking course.”

Another prick in his heart. This one much, much deeper.

“Abby—”

“Stop. Just stop, okay? I’m literally getting shit on by our entire fanbase and you’re going on another one of your pretend dates or whatever. Fuel the flames and all that, right? Boost the Saja Boys’ popularity? Appeal to the fans?”

“Abby, this really isn’t—”

“Just shut up, Jinu,” Abby snaps, once again roughly pushing past Jinu. “I’m going out and you can’t stop me.”

Jinu follows as he heads to the door, blabbering about Rumi going through something too, about her being in a bad situation, something that she can only talk to Jinu about, blah blah blah. Abby lets the words whistle uselessly past his ears, all the way until he’s opening the door, when Jinu suddenly grabs his arm again, saying, “Abby, wait—”

“Leave me alone!” Abby snarls, turning on Jinu, who stumbles back a step, eyes wide, hand caught mid-air. Romance, who’s behind Jinu, looks equally shocked. “Just leave me alone, okay? Just go find Rumi and leave me the fuck alone.”

He leaves without another word. Neither Jinu nor Romance try to stop him.

===

Abby spends a dismal day outside. A few hours in the gym. Endless strolls to clear his head. Skipped meals. He doesn’t hear any fans complaining about him, but he sees groups of girls standing together, whispering, laughing, and thinks they’re talking about him. At the end of the day, he hides in a convenience store and eats cup ramyun, trying to find some small comfort in one of his favourite foods. It works for about the first five bites.

Then, the convenience store door bell jingles as someone else enters, and suddenly, there is Romance’s voice from behind him saying, “Hey.”

Abby thinks about just finishing the rest of his ramyun up and ignoring Romance. Walking out with his half-eaten noodles. Giving Romance the finger. Anything, to just make him go away.

But it has also been a lonely day, and perhaps he’s had enough of stewing silently in his own thoughts. “Hey.”

Romance takes the seat beside his, leaning back with one elbow propped on the table. “Where’ve you been all day?”

Abby lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “Around.” And because he is indeed the biggest masochist alive, he asks, “Jinu back yet?”

Romance shakes his head, looking almost regretful. So, Jinu has been with Rumi the whole day. While Abby has been roaming the streets, gymming, eating alone in a convenience store, all to deal with suddenly becoming the centre of a massive internet hate storm. Really. Abby thought that perhaps he meant a little more to Jinu than that.

“How are you feeling?” Romance asks quietly.

“Honestly, not great.”

“Yeah…it sucks, what they’re doing to you.”

It’s not so much about the fan hate anymore. After spending a whole day stuck in his own brain, Abby has, for the most part, accepted that he is now famous for #GTFOAbby. Like Romance said, it’ll pass. The fans will find something else to cling on to, for instance the next RuJinu clip. Or maybe they’ll move on from it when he flashes his abs again at their upcoming performance. All the hate now is just words on a screen. Insignificant. Inconsequential.

What really hurts, though…he’s pretty sure Romance already knows.

“Don’t you think,” Romance says softly. “It’s really time to move on?”

But how can he ever move on from Jinu? Sweet, perfect Jinu with his kind smiles and gentle hands, the first trainee he befriended way back when they were just kids dreaming of being idols. It’s been ten years since then. Ten long gruelling years that they spent side by side, cheering each other on, holding each other up. Ten agonising years of Abby falling deeper and deeper for Jinu, sharpening his heartache against the curve of every smile Jinu sent his way, carving the hurt deep inside his bones. How does one move on from a love like that?

So, Abby only asks, “How?”

His voice breaks on the word. Romance doesn’t have an answer for him.

“Tell me how,” Abby continues, closing his eyes against the riot of his heart, against the feel of it bleeding through his ribs. “Tell me how and I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll—”

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Romance’s arms come around him. Until Romance’s voice is in his ear, whispering, “It’s okay. It’s okay, Abby.”

But it isn’t. It isn’t okay. It’s really not.

===

When Jinu comes back to the dorm that night, feeling drained and out of sorts, he doesn’t expect to find Romance, of all people, waiting up for him in the living room.

“Look who decided to finally come back,” Romance says.

“Don’t tell me you’re angry with me too,” Jinu mutters, going to the kitchen to get a cup of water.

Romance follows him in. “You were with Rumi all day. You couldn’t even spare one hour of your precious RuJinu time to at least talk to Abby?”

“What is with all of you and this ‘RuJinu’ thing? Rumi and I aren’t even taking it seriously.” Jinu downs the cup of water. Pours another. Rumi was distraught. She was hiding it well the whole day, with them being in public and all, but he could tell. She was unravelling at the seams. She was Not Okay. That’s why Jinu needed to be with her today. To talk to her. Reason with her.

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with her,” Romance says. It sounds like an accusation.

“She needed to talk to me about something, so I went to meet her. That’s all there was.”

He can tell that Romance doesn’t believe him. That, like Abby, Romance thinks that RuJinu might be real. Jinu has no idea how to prove to both of them that it isn’t, except by just saying it isn’t. What else can he say?

There is silence while Jinu washes his cup and sets it on the drying rack.

Then, Romance says quietly, “I’m sure Abby would’ve liked to talk to you today too.”

Jinu leans against the sink and feels, for a moment, like the weight of the entire world is resting solely on his shoulders. “It didn’t seem that way this morning. It doesn’t seem like he ever wants to talk to me anymore.”

“Why do you think so?”

“I don’t know,” Jinu says, frustrated. “Whenever I talk to him, he finds some way to leave. He seems so hung up on this whole RuJinu thing and I have no idea why.”

A pause. Romance is watching him carefully, as if he knows something Jinu doesn’t. “Why do you think Abby cares so much about RuJinu?”

Jinu stares back at him for a long moment. Why does Abby care so much about RuJinu? You were out. With her, Abby said, betrayal in his voice, in the tensed lines of his face. I thought you said it wasn’t real. You’re going to meet Rumi. Of fucking course.

Abby doesn’t like Jinu spending so much time with Rumi. He doesn’t like RuJinu being real. He…could he be…jealous? Does Abby like…Rumi? Is he jealous that Jinu gets to spend so much time with her? Or…or could Abby be jealous of Rumi?

“Did Abby tell you something?” Jinu asks, the words barely a whisper. “About me?”

Romance regards him for a moment longer. Then, with a pat on Jinu’s shoulder, says, “Goodnight, Jinu.”

Romance leaves him standing there in the kitchen. Why do you think Abby cares so much about RuJinu? Why, Jinu? Why?

The question makes him think of Rumi. About the heartbreak in her voice as she whispered, she keeps talking about him and it takes everything in me not to just break down and cry, right there in front of her, and ask her why? Why can’t it be me?

It’s how he’s felt about Abby, ever since he’s known him. One of his deepest, dearest secrets, kept close to his heart for fear of letting it slip loose. He’s always admired Abby, from the day they first met. His confidence. His charm. That handsome, devilish smirk. Some would call it love. Jinu would too, in his quietest, hardest moments.

But Abby is perfect—charming, sexy, confident, the whole package deal, and there is no universe in which a guy like Abby falls for a guy like Jinu. And there was also the matter that they were debuting in the same band, and Jinu just couldn’t risk it.

And now here Romance is, suggesting that this whole time, Jinu might’ve been wrong. Abby might’ve—he might actually like Jinu back? Could it be? Could it really be? There’s really only one way to find out, isn’t there?

He leaves the kitchen, going down the corridor and stopping before Abby’s door. He stands outside for what feels like an age, battling with himself, bracing himself. Why do you think Abby cares so much about RuJinu? Romance asked. And Jinu can’t wait anymore. He raises a hand. He knocks.

Chapter Text

Abby leans his head on the countertop of the bar, drunk out of his mind. He can’t believe—he can’t believe Jinu and Rumi actually—they actually—

Jinu told him it wasn’t real. Jinu told him it wasn’t—

“Hey kid.” The bartender is talking to him. “You need me to call anyone for you?”

“Why did he lie to me?” Abby demands, words slurring together. He tries to stand, but the ground seems to wobble beneath his feet. “He said—he said it wasn’t real. Why did he lie? Why?”

“Um…kid—”

“Was he just playing with me? Playing with my feelings? He knows I like him, right? That must be it! He knew and he just—lied to me, strung me along like I’m some kind of idiot and now—”

Another glass lands in front of him. More alcohol. He grabs it and chugs it down.

“That wasn’t—”

There’s someone else sitting at the bar, he realises. Dark hair. Golden eyes…Jinu? Jinu! “You!” Abby grabs his shoulder. “You liar. You absolute piece of—”

“Abby.” Someone else grabs Abby’s shoulder. He tries to shrug them off, but the grip holds, firm, unyielding. He’s swung around, coming face to face with…

“Jinu?” He looks back at the man he grabbed. At the one standing before him. There are two Jinus. Is it Abby’s birthday or something? “Jinu? You—”

Without giving him a chance to finish his sentence, the new Jinu bundles him out of the bar, into the cold night air.

“Wait—”

This Jinu grabs him by the shoulders. “God, Abby, how much did you drink? You’re gonna appear on the news again if you keep this up, you know that?”

Unfortunately, Abby is at the point in his drunkenness when everything around him is just fucking hilarious. “Of course,” he cackles. “Of course, it’s stupid Abby again! Stupid Abby who can’t do anything right. Of course, the news loves that!”

He can’t quite make out Jinu’s expression in all his drunken haze, but a minute later, he’s being heaved onto Jinu’s back, as if he weighs nothing. “Hey! Put me down!”

Jinu holds fast; arms locked beneath Abby’s thighs. “Stop struggling or I’ll drop you.”

“Drop me then.”

A pause. A sigh. “No. I’m bringing you home.”

Jinu begins to walk. Abby gives in, because even his drunken mind registers that he’s already messed up, and he doesn’t want to make Jinu too angry. So, instead of struggling, he holds on to Jinu, burying his face against Jinu’s neck. Maybe he should get drunk more often, if it allows him to be this close to Jinu.

“Hey…” Abby murmurs, after Jinu has been walking for some time. “Am I really just stupid Abby to you?”

“Of course not,” Jinu answers.

“Then what am I?”

“What?”

“What am I to you?”

They’re nearing the dorm. Jinu doesn’t reply for the longest time, and Abby begins to drift, question forgotten, mind going blurry with tiredness and alcohol. Jinu carries him all the way into the dorm, into his room, where he proceeds to lay Abby out onto his bed. Carefully, like he wants to make sure Abby is comfortable.

“Wait,” Abby says, suddenly gaining a moment of clarity as Jinu makes to leave. “My question…you didn’t answer it.”

He still can’t quite make out Jinu’s expression, mind too foggy, vision blurry, but he hears it when Jinu says, “You’re nice Abby. Fun Abby. Sexy Abby.” A pause. “My Abby.”

The words make Abby feel all warm and tingly inside. He isn’t sure if it’s the alcohol doing things to him, though. Making him feel things he shouldn’t.

“Then…then why…” He struggles to get the words out, battling hard with sleep. “Why’d you…why’d you lie to me?”

Jinu says something. Abby can see his mouth moving. But his eyes are closing, the darkness encroaching, and he doesn’t hear it. He doesn’t hear a thing.

===

Abby wakes up the second time in a row with a pounding headache. God. What happened again last night? He remembers being in the convenience store with Romance. Going back to the dorm together. Lying in bed and scrolling through Twitter. Seeing the notification for a news article titled ‘BREAKING NEWS: HUNTRIX’S RUMI AND THE SAJA BOYS’ JINU CAUGHT KISSING’. He tapped into it, telling himself it must be some AI-generated photo, those were pretty popular these days, knowing that Rumi and Jinu wouldn’t even think of doing something like kissing in public, and seeing the image that was published in the news article.

In the photo, Jinu was wearing the exact same outfit that Abby saw in the morning. His face was blocked by Rumi, who was leaning so close to him that she looked like she was kissing his cheek. She could just be whispering in his ear, but the photo made it all look very scandalous and the article was no better.

And because Abby just spent close to an hour sobbing in Romance’s arms, and his battered heart couldn’t quite take anymore pain, he decided to just slip out of the dorm and go get himself drunk. Again. So, that’s exactly what he did. Romance was in the shower, Baby and Mystery were in their rooms, and Abby left the dorm as quietly as he could. Went to the nearest bar. Drank himself stupid.

And then…and then what? He thinks hard, pushing through the pounding in his head. He gets a flash of Jinu in his mind. Dark hair and golden eyes. That perfect smile, downturned. Oh, god. He remembers now. Jinu found him at that bar, drunk out of his mind. Then, he carried Abby back. He carried Abby back.

The pounding headache clears, momentarily overwhelmed by embarrassment. Jinu had to go pick him up from the bar and carry him back, as if he were some disobedient child having a tantrum. And they spoke. Abby remembers talking to Jinu. But he can’t quite remember what they talked about and oh god, oh god, he can’t have—he can’t possibly have confessed right? He wouldn’t do that, even if he were drunk out of his mind. Right? Right?

A knock on his door startles him out of his thoughts. Hastily, he calls, “Come in.”

The door opens, revealing none other than Jinu. The source of Abby’s heartbreak. The reason behind his tears. “Hey…I brought you some water.”

Said glass of water is pressed into Abby’s hands without another word. Abby drinks as Jinu sits on the bed beside him. Once the cup is drained, Abby sets it on the bedside table. There is silence for a good, long minute. Abby stares at his hands, loosely tangled together in his lap. Jinu stares at the wall, looking deep in thought, hands wringing together.

Then, Abby says, “I’m sorry—” and Jinu says, “Why did—”

They both stop short, awkward. And it hurts, in a way Abby doesn’t expect it to. For the past ten years, he and Jinu have been tight, close as two peas in a pod. There was no such thing as awkwardness or discomfort between them, even if they were just being silent, existing in the same space as each other.

“You go first,” Jinu says.

Abby really doesn’t want to go first, but he says, “I’m sorry about last night. At the bar. I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have drank so much.”

He can tell that Jinu wants to say more. As the leader of the Saja Boys, Jinu has always seen it as his duty to correct them whenever they’ve done something wrong, lecture them on the right way to do things. But now, he only nods and asks, “Why did you drink so much?”

Now there’s a question Abby definitely does not want to unpack, especially with Jinu as his audience. He wonders if Jinu has even the slightest inkling of what Abby’s going through. Whether he knows what Abby thinks of him.

Abby shrugs. “I don’t know. Was just in the mood to get drunk.”

But Jinu’s looking at him like he’s waiting for more, like he knows Abby’s hiding something. He asks, “Was it because of the article that came out last night? About me and Rumi?”

God, Abby’s head still hurts. He doesn’t have the capacity for this conversation, not when he’s just woken up, still hungover, still aching. “What article?”

“The one about me and Rumi being caught…kissing.”

“Okay,” Abby says, dragging out the word, trying to appear indifferent, nonchalant. “You two kissed in public? Wow. That’s taking the pretend dating a little too far, right? Or…” The words get stuck in his throat. He forces them out, ignoring the scrape and sting of every jagged edge. He has to know. He just…he has to. “Or is it real dating now?”

Jinu continues staring at him, studying him so closely, like he’s trying to uncover all of Abby’s layers, dig straight to Abby’s truth. What exactly did Abby say to him last night while he was drunk?

“We’re not dating, pretend or real,” Jinu says.

And it’s just words, nothing concrete, but still. Those words lift boulders off Abby’s shoulders, ease the sharp aching of his heart.

“Abby, I owe you an apology.”

Abby looks to him, surprised. Jinu meets his gaze, holds it, and there’s something so…soft, so raw, about the way Jinu is looking at him, echoed so clearly in every cavern and crack of Abby’s heart. This is it, then. This is the moment Jinu will reject him. He’ll say, actually, I know you like me, and I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way. He’ll say, I hope we can still be best friends though. He’ll say, I don’t want to lose you, Abby, but not in the way Abby wants it to mean.

“I didn’t know why you got so worked up about this RuJinu thing all the time,” Jinu says. “At first, I thought maybe you were just upset that I was causing a scandal when I tell you off all the time for appearing badly in the news. Then, I was just so busy all the time and didn’t really have the energy to think about it anymore. But I should have. Been thinking about you, that is.” Jinu pauses at this point, hesitation in his face.

Abby waits, bated breath and trembling heart, hands wrung tight together.

And Jinu says, “I should’ve made it clear to you from the start. I don’t want to date Rumi. Pretend or not. I don’t want to promote the RuJinu Nation. And I hate what the fans are doing to you now, saying you’re in the way of RuJinu, giving you so much hate.”

Abby stares at him, something like understanding blooming in the depths of his mind. He thinks he knows where Jinu is headed with this. He thinks he knows, but he doesn’t dare to believe. Because could it really be? Could Jinu really…feel the same way as Abby?

“It isn’t Rumi,” Jinu says softly, firmly, his eyes never once leaving Abby’s. “It’s you, Abby. It’s always been you.”

It’s…it’s him.

For a moment, he can’t think. Can’t breathe. Can’t comprehend anything except for the words Jinu said, repeated over and over in his mind. It’s you, Abby. It’s always been you. He can still feel the ache in his chest. That deep, vicious pull. It’s you, Abby. It’s you. It’s you.

“What…” Abby has to wet suddenly dry lips. “What do you mean?”

Slowly, Jinu reaches across the distance between them, across the miles of arguments and avoidance, through the depths of every heartbreak, every piercing ache, and takes Abby’s hand in his. “I mean that I love you, Abby. I always have. I’m in love with you. Not Rumi. You.”

Jinu loves him? Like…loves him? Like how Abby loves Jinu? Is Abby dreaming?

“Are you just going to keep staring at me?” Jinu asks, sounding embarrassed. He rubs the back of his neck with a hand, averting his gaze. “Have I gotten it all wrong?”

“No!” Abby says, so loudly that it startles Jinu. “Sorry! Sorry, I meant, no, you haven’t gotten it wrong. I also—” He swallows hard. Feels the ache in his heart give one last, tremulous thump. And whispers, “I also love you. I have for a long time. And ever since this RuJinu Nation went viral, it feels like I’ve been going mad. I…I didn’t like that the fans were shipping you with someone else. I didn’t like that you didn’t seem to mind either. I was angry. I was hurt. I—I—I…”

“Hey. Hey, ssh, it’s okay.” Jinu squeezes his hand, shifting closer. So close that their knees touch. That their heads are inches apart. “I’m sorry, Abby. I’m sorry it took me so long to notice. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry the fans hurt you.”

“Stop apologising,” Abby mutters. Typical Jinu, trying to take the blame for everything.

“I really am sorry, though,” Jinu murmurs. “I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like, watching me get roped into a dating scandal with someone else. Watching everyone around us support it too.”

Abby can’t say anything to that, because yeah, that was really painful. But quietly, he says, “It’s okay, Jinu.”

“Let me make it up to you,” Jinu insists. “I’ll take you out to dinner tonight. We can go somewhere fancy. Somewhere you like. I’ll take you to dinner every night from now on. Okay? You can have all the good food you want.”

Abby can’t help it, he laughs. This makes Jinu laugh too, though he asks, “What? What’s so funny?”

“You really think food is the sole purpose of my life, huh,” Abby says.

“Well, you are a pig.”

Abby shoves him. “Is that what you say to a guy you love?”

Jinu laughs again, catching Abby’s arms. “Yes, my little pig. My little Abby pig.”

Abby’s still laughing as Jinu pulls him close. As he leans their foreheads together. They’re so close they’re breathing in the same breath. So close that Abby can see every fleck of gold spinning in Jinu’s irises.

“Do you really mean it?” Abby whispers. “That you love me?”

Jinu squeezes his hand. “Yes, Abby. I love you.”

And oh, his heart. His foolish, battered heart. Skipping a beat at Jinu’s voice. At Jinu’s warmth. Struggling to repair itself, to heal.

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Abby,” Jinu murmurs.

A balm against his wounds. Stitches in his heart.

“I love you,” Jinu repeats. “I love you.”

Abby thinks of all the weeks before this moment. Watching Jinu and Rumi from afar. Avoiding Jinu. Missing him. Crying himself to sleep. Bearing with the sharp aching in his chest, so much so that it became the rhythm of his heartbeat, the norm of his everyday life.

And now here he is, in Jinu’s arms.

“Say it back,” Jinu whispers.

“I love you too,” Abby says. And kisses him.

Their noses bump. Jinu laughs. Abby pulls away, embarrassed, but Jinu’s hand slides to the back of his neck, holding him firm, tilting his head just so and—oh. Bliss. Perfection. The curve of Jinu’s smile against his. The warmth of Jinu’s lips, Jinu’s hands, cradling the most tender parts of Abby’s heart. Abby presses close. So close. And Jinu holds him. Pulls him in. Doesn’t let him go. And though Abby still feels the ache, it’s different—tender and sweet, precious and raw, everything that Abby has ever wanted, right here in this man in his arms. Jinu. His Jinu.

When they break apart for air, Jinu’s hand comes up to his cheek, thumb stroking gentle beneath his eye. “You’re crying,” Jinu whispers.

“Happy,” Abby whispers back. “I’m happy. I’ve loved you for so long and I—I…”

“I know.” Jinu presses a soft kiss to Abby’s nose. “I know.”

They lapse into silence, still leaning close, still smiling at each other stupidly.

Then, Abby says, “We are so stupid. You know?”

Jinu laughs. The sound fills Abby with warmth. “We are.”

“I can’t believe you made me think you were dating Rumi.”

“I can’t believe you thought I was dating her.”

“Why the hell not? You were always with her! Speaking of…why were you always with her?”

Jinu suddenly gets this shifty look on his face. Abby vaguely remembers him saying that Rumi was going through something. “Can I…can I know? I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“Well…I guess you could say she’s kind of in the same position as you were…just moments earlier.”

It doesn’t take long to get what Jinu’s hinting at. “Oh no,” Abby says. “Who is it?”

Jinu hesitates. “Rumi’s gonna kill me if she finds out I told you.”

“But we’re dating now. Right? Since we love each other?”

Jinu eyes him suspiciously. “…Yes?”

“And the first rule of dating is: no secrets. Someone tells you their secret? They’re telling both of us their secret.”

“But…she told me this secret before we started dating.”

“That doesn’t matter! Just tell me!” Abby demands, exasperated.

“It’s Zoey!” Jinu exclaims, giving up. “Rumi likes Zoey. But Zoey likes Mystery. It’s a mess. Rumi’s a mess. That’s why I’ve been meeting her so often. She can’t talk to anyone else about it.”

“Oh…” The news is like an instant downer that swamps over them. Abby can’t imagine how Rumi must be feeling. Even though Jinu was involved in the RuJinu Nation, he always tried to tell Abby that there wasn’t anything between him and Rumi. But Zoey? She actively seeks Mystery out and makes it quite obvious that she’s interested in him. Rumi must be…devastated, to say the least.

“It’s okay,” Jinu says. “Rumi is handling it. There’s nothing we can do for her right now, anyways.”

“Could I come too?” Abby asks. “The next time you meet her?”

Jinu looks surprised by Abby’s question, but it smoothens over quickly into a smile. “Sure. I’ll ask her. For now, let’s just…not think about anyone else, okay?”

“Oh?” Abby meets Jinu’s smile with one of his own. He already aches to feel that perfect smile against his lips again. “What’re you thinking of doing now?”

Jinu leans close, grasping Abby’s chin. “You’ll see.”

===

The next few days are some of the best days of Abby’s life. They have practices, as usual, in preparation for an upcoming performance. But before and after those practices, Jinu spends time with him. Usually cuddled up in bed with each other, making out, talking about everything and nothing. Going out for dinner at a fancy restaurant, as promised. Somehow, they manage to keep their new dating arrangement a secret from the other three Saja Boys for three whole days, until Romance walks in on them in Abby’s room and quickly exits the room with a hurried, “Oh my god, my eyes!”

They tell the other two Saja Boys then.

“Finally,” Baby says. “Jinu, you will not believe the pining we had to endure for—ow!” Baby rubs his smacked arm, glaring at Abby, who glares back.

“Congratulations,” Mystery says with a quiet smile.

“Yeah, congratulations,” Romance echoes. “This band better not disband if you two ever break up.” There is silence for a short few moments, before Romance quickly says, “I’m kidding! God. I wish you two a long and prosperous relationship, blah blah blah. Just try not to be too lovey dovey in front of us, okay?”

“Don’t worry, Romance,” Abby assures. “We won’t break up. And we’ll make sure to keep our PDA on full display in the dorm from now on.” With that, he proceeds to plant a full kiss right on Jinu’s lips.

“Ugh,” Baby and Romance gag. “Stop! You’re disgusting!”

Jinu’s cheeks are red. It’s adorable. “Okay,” he says, clearing his throat. “Abby and I are actually heading out now. See you guys later.”

Jinu all but tugs Abby from the dorm. Minutes later, in the elevator down, his cheeks are still red. On a whim, Abby leans over and presses a kiss to Jinu’s cheek, just before the elevator doors open.

“Someone could’ve seen us!” Jinu says as they leave the elevator. But he’s smiling. Abby is too.

They head to the café they’ve planned to meet Rumi at, chatting along the way. A fan notices them. Takes photos of them. Jinu waves hi and they scream in delight. After a beat, so does Abby. The fans also cheer and wave back. Hm. Seems like not everyone is in on #GTFOAbby.

Rumi is already seated at a table when they arrive, a cup of iced mocha sitting on the table before her. She greets them both warmly.

“Soo,” she says, once they’ve ordered their drinks and settled down. “How’s the newlywed life coming along?”

Jinu splutters mid-sip. Abby just laughs. “It’s grand.”

“We should try and get #JinuAbbyNation trending instead of #RuJinu, right? I think that has a much better ring to it.”

“Indeed.”

They talk a little bit more about other things. How the groups are doing. How busy their schedules are. Until Abby accidentally mentions Mystery, and Rumi’s face twitches a little, like she doesn’t want to hear about it.

“How are things?” Jinu ventures carefully. “With Zoey?”

Rumi just shrugs. “The usual. She yaps about hanging out with Mystery. I bear with it.”

Abby exchanges a glance with Jinu. Jinu nods. Abby turns back to Rumi, “Actually, Rumi, you might want to know that I kinda talked to Mystery about him and Zoey, and he says they’re just really good friends.”

Rumi looks surprised for a moment, then her expression sharpens into a fierce glare. “You told him about me liking Zoey?”

“No!” Abby flings his hands up in surrender. Rumi is scary when she’s angry. “No, I didn’t, I swear! I only asked about him and Zoey. Because they’re so close, you know. But he laughed at me. Actually laughed. Can you imagine Mystery laughing? He said they’re just friends. I think he’s serious.”

“But…she seems to like him so much,” Rumi says, the anger on her face being replaced steadily by uncertainty. “She’s always so excited to hang out with him.”

“Maybe,” Jinu suggests gently. “You should just talk to her. Be brave, Rumi.”

Rumi looks from Jinu to Abby and back again, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. She looks so different from how she portrays herself to the fans—the confident, charismatic leader of Huntrix. And it strikes something deep within Abby, seeing this vulnerable side of Rumi, drawing parallels to his own arduous journey towards happiness.

Without thinking too much about it, he reaches over the table and rests a hand on top of hers. She looks to him in surprise.

Softly, he says, “It’s going to be okay, Rumi.”

She holds his gaze, fear and hope battling for dominance on her face. Then, she seems to come to some internal decision, for resolve hardens her expression, and she says, “Yes. It is.”

Over their joined hands, they share a single, tentative smile.

===

Later that night, lying snug in Jinu’s arms, Abby wonders out loud, “How do you think it went?”

Jinu, who’s been busy rubbing circles into Abby’s hip with a thumb, murmurs, “Hm. Seeing as she hasn’t already texted me an SOS, I’m hoping it went well.” Then, he squeezes Abby’s hip. “You gave her the courage to talk to Zoey. It was very kind of you to want to help her.”

Abby waves him off. “It was nothing. It’s what friends do for each other, isn’t it? Besides, I’ve been in her position. I know how much it hurts.”

At this, a crease forms between Jinu’s brows. He opens his mouth, and Abby quickly covers it with a hand. “I know what you’re gonna say. Don’t say it.”

Still, after Abby removes his hand, Jinu says, “I really am sorry, though.”

Abby rolls his eyes. “We’ve been over this, like, a million times.”

“But to think you were so close to moving on…I’ll make it up to you forever. I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah. You already owe me a lifetime of good food.”

“Yes. Only the best for my little pig.”

“Hey!”

Jinu laughs, catching Abby’s hand as he tries to smack him and using it to tug him impossibly close. Their lips meet, soft, chaste, and Abby all but melts. He still can’t quite believe this is his life from now on. The fans can never know, of course. #RuJinuNation will continue to trend, as per the fans’ wishes, the company’s wishes. #GTFOAbby will probably still remain trendy too, because Abby now has every intention to get between Rumi and Jinu, just to mess with those crazy fans.

But here, in the safety of their dorm, he can just…exist. With the love of his life. No prying eyes. No expectations. Just two hearts beating in tandem, warmth like a blossom blooming between their entwined hands.

“Hey,” Abby says. “I really love you. You know that?”

Jinu smiles. That perfect, perfect smile. “I do. I really love you too. Do you know that?”

Abby smiles back. And it is love and bliss and the softest, most tender ache, nestled in that little heart between his ribs—still foolish, still trembling, but healing. Slowly, but steadily. “Yeah,” he whispers back. “I do.”