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Eddie settled into the swinging seat on his back porch, enjoying how comfortable it was as he took in the yard. Buck had planted a lot of flowers while he and Chris had been gone, the yard now lively with all these vibrant colours. Buck had also acquired the swinging chair and Eddie was not going to complain.
It was golden hour; the sun starting to set, casting a beautiful orange glow over the world. Eddie currently had the house to himself while his son and best friend were out for the day at the Zoo, finally getting to see the tiger cubs that had been born a month or so ago. The peace and quiet was lovely but Eddie couldn't help but miss the sounds of the games console from his sons room or the chattering of his best friend beside him. Although, he was getting tired of the term 'best friend'.
While in El Paso, Eddie had realised something about himself, or rather he had finally accepted a part of himself he had kept hidden for years; hidden deep within. He had bumped into one of Shannon's old friends from high school and they had grabbed a coffee, catching up for what felt like hours. Autumn had told him all about her wife and their kids and he told her about Chris and his best friend back home which earnt him an amused look.
"Eddie, when are you doing to choose happiness for yourself?"
He had just stared at her, his brows scrunching in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You don't need to hide anymore. I know you loved Shannon but we all know you weren't in love with her. Even she knew that."
Eddie chose not to reply, suddenly finding the menu very interesting. The ball of guilt he had always carried with him since Shannon died felt like it was expanding.
"Edmundo Diaz, you look at me right now." Her voice was firm, commanding and he couldn't help but obey. Autumn had always been like this, born to be a leader and guide others. "This best friend of yours? It sounds like he is more to you than just that. You always did what was right for everyone else and I'm guessing that's never changed."
He paused for a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he thought about what she was saying. "I... you're right. It hasn't changed."
"I'm going to tell you what I know Shannon would want you to know and you better listen carefully to every single word I say."
Eddie had nodded, leaning in closer.
"You, Edmundo Diaz, deserve to be happy. You're a good father, a good son and a good friend. You may not have been the best husband but Shannon never blamed you. She would want you to be happy the way you were always meant to be. Forget about what your parents would think. Hell, forget about what anyone else but yourself thinks. It sounds to me like you love this man, Buck, and if you do then you should go for it. Let him know you're an option before you lose him because, from the sounds of it, he feels the same but I doubt he will wait around forever. Choose yourself, Eddie. Choose happiness for once." And with that, Autumn stood up and grabbed her purse, leaning down to give him a kiss on the cheek before abruptly leaving the cafe.
"Happiness.... I should choose happiness." Eddie whispered to himself as he watched her leave.
That conversation had lingered with him for months; still lingered in his mind. A few weeks after he had moved back to LA he had shown up on Hen and Karens doorstep, wine bottle in hand. They were the first people he had come out to, said the words out loud to and a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. That was a couple of weeks ago now and he hadn't come out to anyone else except for Chris who has pulled him into a hug, letting Eddie cry tears of relief into his shoulder.
As Eddie leaned further back and took a swig of beer, a sudden movement to his left caught his attention and he turned his head. He watched in awe as two butterflies launched themselves from a nearby plant and into the air, dancing around each other.
They were beautiful, one a bright blue with black outlining and the other a lovely hazel colour although the sun made it seem more orange. The butterflies stopped dancing around each other and he watched as one flew off, the other chasing.
Eddie wished he could be as free as the butterflies. He wished he and Buck could be like that, dancing around each other; flying free without a care in the world. Of course, immediately after that thought he realised something.
"I can have that." He whispered, smiling to himself as he continued to watch the butterflies. "I can have joy. I deserve joy!"
The last part he declared loudly, digging into his pocket for his phone. He unlocked it and clicked on the phone icon, his gaze quickly finding the name he wanted. He hit the call button and lifted the phone to his ear, a little bit of anxiety coursing through him.
"Eddie! We just saw the cubs! Oh my god, they're so cute. I am so tempted to take one!"
Eddie chuckled, grinning to himself as he listened to the love of his life. "You do remember that one time we had to rescue a woman from a tiger kept in her apartment, right?"
"Dammit Eds, why do you have to kill my dreams?" He could tell Buck was playfully pouting.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked.
"Well, Chris has that sleepover so I was just going to go to the bar, maybe. Ravi has been asking to hang out."
Eddie took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did. "How... how would you feel about going on a date?"
He was met with silence for a few moments before the other man replied. "You mean, with you?"
"Yes, with me. Would that be okay?"
"Eds, it would be more than okay. We can talk more about it later?"
"Yes, Buck. We can talk later. I'll see you soon?"
"Yeah, soon! We're going to go to the giftshop and then be on our way home! See you soon, Eds!"
"See you soon, cariño." He replied before hanging up, feeling extremely giddy. It was his time to be happy and he was done holding back.