Chapter Text
(Pants)- So all I want to say is; remember that weirdo me? Yeah, keep on the lookout for him.
Blue Ears can’t believe that Opiodpants left jail so soon.
(Blue Ears)- How could I forget? He put shame on the name of one of my beloved coworkers!
The Warrior reflects on their supposedly previous failure by letting someone impersonate as Pizzapants under his watch.
(THE WARRIOR)- He tricked me one time. - Makes a serious face. - Never again.
The three pizzaiolos sit at a table talking about what happened to Pizzapants last night. Blue Ears smile seeing them in this situation.
(Blue Ears)- You know Pizzapants? It wasn’t too long ago since you escaped from me and The Warrior Ice-E’s reunion and lied to us the address of your apartment so we go to the dump.
(Pants)- HEY! That was last year buddy. A person can change. - Pizzapants see Blue Ears smiling at what he said. This activates his inner tsundere and tries to dodge the conversation.
(Pants)- Yeah, nowadays I would have given you guys the address to the arctic, since y’all like ice so much. HAHAHAHA-
Blue Ears frowns.
(THE WARRIOR)- My magatama from Walmart reveals to me your psyloches have been removed!
(Blue Ears)- This was what I was saying! He has been much more open and talkative, now even warning us like, as soon as possible, so three days later on monday. The young Dreemur has done something to him.
(THE WARRIOR)- THY WOUNDS WERE HEALED BY YOUR AWESOME PAIR UP!
Pizzapants don't know how to react to them, hiding his small blush.
(Pants)- Ah, yeah! Thanks weirdos, I agree that I have been feeling less aggressive since dating Azzy. Huh, I hope you two date someone that does as much good to you as Azzy did to me.
Blue Ears puts his hands on his nose, covering his eyes. Pizzapants find this strange.
(Pants)- What? I was trying to be nice.
(Blue Ears)- And usually I would ignore you implying that we need to date someone in order to fulfill ourselves in this world, JUST because you were trying to be nice. But what you said confirms once again what I keep saying to The Warrior; you don’t listen to me!
(Pants)- Look buddy, I’m sorry I’m not into all this being a good “worker” ok? So don’t look at me like a left pizza-slice attracting flies we have to clean.
(Blue Ears)- Once again, proving me right!
(Pants)- WHAT? What didn’t I listen?
(Blue Ears)- Me and The Warrior have been dating! I told you when I was gonna ask them, and when they accepted!
(Pants)- What date buddy? If it’s not for a day off I AM off.
Pizzapants still don't understand what Blue Ears said. The Warrior explains:
(THE WARRIOR)- Our relationship rank is at “S”!
(Pants)- YOU TWO ARE DATING?!? SINCE WHEN? - Pizzapants shake his head from right to left.
(Pants)- No, it’s literally impossible! I see you two interacting, even inside my home when I don’t want to, and I have never seen you two kiss. You two were eating potato chips with lights out on my sofa and not even a smooch? Checkmate, weirdos!
(Blue Ears)- We aren’t into kisses and that sort of thing. I would much rather just look and hold hands.
(THE WARRIOR)- Even apart our hearts are connected!
(Blue Ears)- And besides, you and Azzy do more than enough kissing for the whole town!
(Pants)- S-scr-s- UUUURGH!
*Pause to breath*
(Pants)- I hate you two!
The two cold lovers start laughing, not necessarily at Pizzapants, but at the situation he put himself into. Pizzapants looks down, and for a second he considers that maybe he didn’t paid enough attention to them, before thinking more about how they were dating “on his back”.
(Pants)- Stop laughing! Please…
(Pizza dough, pepperoni, cheddar, gelatinous ice that melts and can be chewed on, only found on Ice-E’s since it may or may not be dangerous for your health, also known as ice-e, lots of tomato sauce, olives and… Mushrooms?)
(Pants)- Didn’t even know we had mushrooms.
This type of pizza feels familiar to Pizzapants. Just the tomato sauce that doesn’t fit.
(Pants)- I’m overthinking about it.
Mushrooms were the main thing his brother liked above pizzas that nobody else liked. But he can’t take a tomato, not even ketchup. Not that disliking tomatoes is a bad thing. But Pizzapants hated that Opiodpants hated because that meant they had to share a pizza without any flavorful tomato sauce. Even ketchup was a gamble, as their aunt didn’t like buying something just for him.
RING. The physical timer stops.
The Pizza is done. Just put the ice-e. Aaaand done. Pizzapants leaves the kitchen and finds Blue Ears cleaning the ground to glimmering glim, even shinier than jewels, and ice too, while The Warrior is inside the secret room. Still can’t believe they are dating.
(Pants)- Blue Ears! You go deliver this one. I already did delivery job last week.
(Blue Ears)- You sure? You and The Warrior alone usually make this place dirty.
(Pants)- Don’t worry. I’m in good humor, trying to not stress with this and that.
(Blue Ears)- I can see in your face! Well, I believe you. Just give me and-
∗SLAMS∗
The door opens abruptly. The silhouette looks familiar. Like a double image. Pizzapants' fury reaches a boiling point. It’s him, it’s his brother.
(OPants)- ~Hey everyone, did you miss me?~
Opiodpants is wearing his mask down on his chin, sunglasses and a “cool” leather jacket with a froggit snatched in the back, basically mafia froggit jacket, along some superhero licensed shirt and, out of all the sins to fashion, ripped pants.
(OPants)- ~I heard this place was lacking something strong above your oh so refined “pIzZa”? Well.~ - He moves forward with two spins, but in the third he trips and almost falls. He recovers his balance, looks at his brother and Blue Ears from below, and disguises his mistake with a dab. Then he stands up again. - ~I’m quite strong in ALL regards if I do say so myself.~
(Pants)- You are quite ANNOYING! If anyone says! And they will because anyone can comfortably beat your weakling arms.
Opiodpants bite his lips, overwhelmed. Blue Ears doesn’t want them to start fighting, so he puts his hand on Opiodpants and talks to him:
(Blue Ears)- Huh, eh. - (clears throat) - What’s up, duuude. Are you here to like, grab a grub, duuude?
(OPants)- ~DUUUDE! I’m feasting today! And my copycat here is the main dish!~
Opiodpants clap his hands followed by raising his arms with his indicative finger pointing sideways.
(OPants)- ~Although I’m also feasting on the pizza I ordered. Heck yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah.~
(Pants)- So it was you! You little piece of-
Opiodpants snatches the pizza out of his brother's hands.
(OPants)- ~Woooooohhhh! Extra mushrooms!~
(Pants)- So now you eat tomato sauce?
(OPants)- ~Heh!~ - He spins, throwing two or three mushrooms into the ground. - ~You know, don’t want to brag or anything, but I got a chick, the love of my life, and she is super duper into pizza with tomato sauce. Aaaaah, the things you do for love.~
(So you really never loved me). Pizzapants internalize this.
Opiodpants take a bite, only to spit into the ground. He still didn’t enjoy tomatoes.
(Blue Ears)- Duuude, you messing with the style of this place! Stop trashing around, it’s not cool. Duuude.
Opioidpants get infuriated by what Blue Ears said.
(OPants)- ~Not cool? NOT COOL?!? I’m all cool, and I will do whatever I want!~
He takes a mushroom and gets ready to throw it into the ground, but Pizzapants grabs his arm.
(Pants)- Stop ruining everything!
The two stare at each other. Pizzapants let go of Opiodpants’ arm. The client approaches his face right near his brother face. At this distance the small mustachio Opiodpants was growing became visible to his twin. But Pizzapants knew well they had more beard than mustache.
(OPants)- ~This work life must have pressurized your brain, because you are aware I’m not one to play around. There’s a reason why I’m here; BUD!~
He takes the mushroom in his hand and eats it. Then he gets distant from the two Ice-E’s employees.
(OPants)- ~You know, the time I spent here wasn’t a complete waste just because I got caught. And you know why, Inferiorpants?~
Pizzapants flail his arms up with an anxious face;
(Pants)- You think this is the circus? Look, I’m not paid for hearing ugly people do their little show, and you are not paid at all, so just get it done!
What Pizzapants said made Opiodpants lower his glasses, get a good look at his brother.
(OPants)- ~Man, why do I need to be called Opiodpants? I’m more than opioids you k-
(Pants)- Just shut the hell up!
(OPants)- ~All I’m trying to say is; Coolpants! Imagine that? It represents me way better, and since your name takes the obvious boring part from this place, my handsome face can get the cold, mysterious part. ~
(Pants)- You think I’m working here just to get “cool” names?!? I’M SWEATING AND BLEEDING TO SURVIVE HERE, SO IF YOU WANT A DIFFERENT NAME TRY DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR MISERABLE LIFE!
(OPants)- ~Pffft.~ - Opiodpants lower his arms and shoulders, bite his lip, and keeps his eyes half-closed.
(OPants)- ~You never really understood me, am I right? Huh, I’m just a misunderstood soul in this burning hellish world. Heh, whatever. Listen here, I got the letter, and I don’t know about yours, but mine said you are moving up in life, getting into acting as one, clog of capitalist society, and I need to show our parents know I'm the one doing real improvement, trying to move on from all this opioids fiasco, getting a chick, just getting clean in general. But I know you won't go, so I will dirt my hands one last time. When I took your name, hid myself in here, I found out how your employment letter didn't include our little past, and avoided any involvement we had.~
(Pants)- And? Just cause we are twins doesn't mean we are sharing the same sins!
(OPants)- ~Haha, well, have you ever questioned to yourself why Sans managed to NOT be interrogated?~
(Pants)- Because Sans is incredibly based?
(OPants)- ~No matter your opinions on the guy, the reason he got to do that is because he used your employment letter as evidence you weren't related to me.~
(Pants)- … You are not… - Pizzapants stop for a second. - YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS!
(OPants)- ~I believe you would fall under the false forensic report allegation? Well, I'm sure you don't want to find out. No matter what it is; you will get evicted from your place. Just like they did with me.~
Opioidpants does another dab, but on purpose this time, and says:
(OPants)- ~Checkmate!~
After that he tries doing a backflip, fails completely and just jumps backwards, losing his balance until he hits someone. When he recovers his balance he quickly turns around and raises his fists in a fighting position, only to see someone tower over him, with a wide, menacing smile very close.
(THE WARRIOR)- Pizzapants, want me to send your doppelganger to the shadow realm?
(Pants)- Don't bother The Warrior. I know how to deal with him in situations like these.
The Warriors look at Pizzapants, then at Opioidpants, who's shivering in fear. The Warrior increases their smile, making him run to the door, before turning to give one last warning;
(OPants)- ~You better appear, dearest brother of mine!~
He slams the door. Silence. Blue Ears breaks the silence:
(Blue Ears)- That duuude has no manners.
(Pants)- No. No he doesn't.
(Blue Ears)- He can't be talking seriously! I talked to Sans when he was clearing up your name! We followed the law perfectly! Surely there wouldn't be a way to exploit you like this.
Pizzapants makes a face of pity to Blue Ears, not even because he's angry at the guy, but because he knows Opioidpants don't play by the rules, or rather, he plays by warping the rules.
(Blue Ears)- C'mon man. Give a little more faith to me and The Warrior. Surely there's…
…
Pizzapants’ aunt is bringing him home earlier, holding tight his hand
(Pants)- Aunt? Did I do something wrong?
His aunt looked with an expression deprived of emotion.
(Aunt)- You wanted to protect your brother?
(Pants)- Yeah! I know he didn’t want to hurt anyone. And the others made fun of his dancing, so I wanted to stop it.
(Aunt)- And you tried doing that by telling the teachers?
(Pants)- Isn’t that the right thing?
(Aunt)- And what did that do to you?
(Pants)- I don’t understand why the teachers told me to stay silent about it.
(Aunt)- It was the child of a person who pays big for the school that bullied your brother.
(Pants)- That doesn’t make it right.
(Aunt)- I like you, so I will be honest. In life you don’t do what is right. You do what makes you survive.
His aunt didn’t even look at him saying this, but these words entered deep Pizzapants' soul. Since…
(Blue Ears)- PIZZAPANTS!
… he was a child.
(THE WARRIOR)- WAKE UP! LEAVE YOUR HESITATION!
Pizzapants returns to reality, and notices Blue Ears shaking him while The Warrior tries casting a status removing spell from his Tinkerbell notebook.
(Pants)- I’m fine!
Pizzapants push Blue Ears away.
(Blue Ears)- You had us worried for a second.
(THE WARRIOR)- What witchery got in you?
(Pants)- Don’t worry you two. I have dealt with that guy my entire life. This isn’t anything new.
Pizzapants think about not going to meet his parents and just drop his job. It’s probably still more safe than playing his brother's game. At least in his head. Then he turns his phone on and sees he received a message from Azzy. But before he could see it;
(THE WARRIOR)- Behold! Something that cast a happiness beam!
It was a medium yellow three piece suit, leaning more to an orange or golden color. It was masterfully done, as good as it could be.
(Pants)- You didn’t need to do it…
(Blue Ears)- They needed to do as good as it could be. I sent them a message when your brother appeared but The Warrior was so focused he didn’t pay attention to my calls.
The Warrior raises his arms.
(THE WARRIOR)- That sly shadow must be spying on me, sneaking when my guards are down!
He lowers them and punches his palms, proud with what he has done.
(THE WARRIOR)- I can’t let you keep walking into dungeons and castles with a prince without proper equipment! So I put all my resilience into it!
Pizzapants smiled genuinely.
(Pants)- Thanks guys.
Could he truly just do nothing about it and not go? He sees the unread message from Azzy.
Hiii Pineapple :3
I’m bringing Kris to a shop. I know I know, you want to drive for us but you are working and besides, the bus started working again, so it will be quick
Just telling so in case you return to the apartment and don’t see my lil ol face you don’t cry ;-;
Love you 😚
Now is the time for Pizzapants to make his choice.