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The ride back to Dragon’s Edge was eerily silent. Even their dragons seemed to sense the tension in the air, skipping the usual playful tricks and happy grumbles that they usually gave. Snotlout badly wished they wouldn’t. It made the twisting knot of dread in his stomach so much worse.
He’d really blown it this time. It wasn’t the first screw up he’d ever had, not by a long shot. Hel, it was far from the most impactful either. At least this time it was only a practice run he’d ruined, not a real battle. So realistically, it shouldn’t have mattered much. But it did, and he was humiliated.
His friends were pissed. That much was obvious. Heather and Astrid kept shooting him dirty looks, while Fishlegs wouldn’t even meet his eyes. Hiccup seemed lost in his own head. It made Snotlout nervous. He was probably thinking up a whole list of places he’d like to banish him to, and after this whole ordeal, Snotlout wasn’t sure he could blame him.
Gods, could he even call himself a dragon rider after that? No one else seemed to mess up as often as he did.
Maybe that nagging voice in his head hadn’t just been a fear, but a warning. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for this.
Maybe he wasn’t as capable as he thought he was.
Maybe he just wasn’t good enough.
The wind blew fiercely, drying tears before they could fall. He didn’t bother asking for comfort. He’d embarrassed himself enough as is, and besides, he had a feeling that his fellow teammates thought as lowly of him as he did of himself right now.
Perhaps that was for the best. It would make the grieving process a little bit easier when he went back to Berk. Or wherever in the streets he ended up. It certainly wasn’t going to be anywhere on Dragon’s Edge. Even if he’d had the motivation to stay, he doubted they would ever allow it. Astrid would veto him off for sure. And what Astrid did, Hiccup did. Heather would be glad to see him go. The twins would vote to boot him out for shits and giggles. Fishface…
Snotlout glanced at him hopefully. He grunted, turning to avoid his gaze as he clenched Meatlug’s saddle tighter. Sigh. Never mind.
Their home base grew bigger in their line of sight. Snotlout cringed. He knew what would happen the second he set foot on the landing dock. The silence would break in the worst way possible. They’d throw him away like a piece of garbage. He’d be cast aside, left alone to watch his friends (Ex-friends?) live the life that he should have been worthy of. Even worse, he’d have to tell his dad.
And that scared him more than anything.
He yanked back on Hookfang, stopping him suddenly. The rest of the group turned to look at him, all with varying degrees of confusion written across their faces. His chest beat wildly at the sight. No. He’d already had everything else stripped away from him. He wasn’t going to stick around and let them deliver the final blow. Turning Hookfang away from them, he took off. Flying away from the mess that he’d created.
“Where are you going?!”
“Snotlout, get back here!”
“Snotlout!”
Their protests went unheard. With one final glance back, he took off. They weren’t going to get the satisfaction of kicking him out. He’d leave on his own terms. Preserving what little shred of dignity he had left.
Snotlout was Outlout.
It didn’t take long for Hiccup to track him down.
He barely looked up as Toothless landed next to him, hugging his knees to his chest. He hoped to Thor that it didn’t look as pathetic as it felt. If it did, well…at least Hiccup was nice enough not to say anything. He slid off the saddle, kneeling down on the ground next to him. Snotlout turned away.
“Snotlout–”
Snotlout held his hand up. “Don’t. I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want to hear it. Look, you’ve proven your point putting me in charge of this stupid practice run. I admit it: I’m not the great dragon rider I thought I was. I’ll be back on Berk by tomorrow, and you can have your perfect team that doesn’t involve me in it. Happy?”
Hiccup frowned, tilting his head slightly. “What are you talking about? Snotlout, you don’t really think I set you up to fail out there, do you?”
“I don’t know! Maybe!” He threw his hands up in the air. “I wouldn’t put it past you. I’m nothing but a laughing stock on this team. You tell me that everyday.”
“Do… Do I?”
“Yes!” It came out far more tightly than he meant it to. He hurriedly put his head down. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I’m done being a dragon rider. Clearly I’m not cut out for it anymore, so I’ll do you all a favor and leave.”
“Don’t say that.” Hiccup placed a hand on his back, patting gently. “Look, you had a rough day. It happens to everyone sometimes, me included. It doesn’t make us any less fit to be part of the team. You didn’t see me kick the twins out for all that stuff with Gruffnut, did you?”
Snotlout stayed unconvinced. “Hmph.”
“Or what about the time I left Fishlegs in charge and it ended with him trapped in a cave? He didn’t move back to Berk after that.”
“Maybe he should’ve,” Snotlout replied moodily.
“Snotlout…” Hiccup angled himself so that he could look him in the eyes. “I get why you’re upset, I really do. And if you feel like I’ve been too harsh on you lately, I’m sorry. But you can’t let this get to your head. Take a moment, learn from it, and move on. Don’t make any drastic decisions just yet.”
“Whatever,” he huffed.
They were both quiet for a moment, neither entirely sure where to go from there. Finally, Hiccup spoke again. “Are you coming on the mission with us?”
“No. I told you, I quit.”
“But you don’t really mean that, right? You’re just a little down right now.”
Snotlout crossed his arms. “I do, actually.”
“You might feel differently if you just–”
“I won’t.”
They looked at each other, both equally set in their own ideas. But the morning was passing by quickly, which meant there was only so much time for the team to head back out. So it was no surprise that Hiccup gave in first. Sighing loudly, he grabbed Snotlout’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze.
“Alright. Stay here if that’s what you need. Just don’t leave the Edge, okay? We’re not done talking about this.”
“Fine,” he answered.
“Will you be okay by yourself?”
“Yep.”
Hiccup nodded. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Be safe, alright?”
“I’m not going to freak out again if that’s what you’re worried about.” He rolled his eyes, mortified that he’d reduced himself to something so pitiful. “I’ll be fine.”
“Good.”
With that, he took off. Leaving Snotlout alone with his thoughts once more.