Work Text:
It was three a.m. on a random weekday night, and Raine really should be sleeping.
Instead, they have been kept awake by an incessant, nagging, annoying thought.
Not to mention the uncomfortable feeling that prevented them from finding a comfortable position to drift back to sleep.
Worst of all, Eda was sleeping soundly beside them in their nest, - stuffed full of blankets for Raine’s comfort as well. They thought that her presence would be enough to lull them back to sleep. Unfortunately, it only ended up making them afraid that they would wake her up as well.
Defeated, Raine got out of the nest, clambering over the edge with some grace, careful not to accidentally jostle Eda awake.
Thankfully, they were successful.
Allowing themselves a tiny smile, they glanced at Eda one more time, then headed to the bathroom. Maybe washing their face could help to clear their head, or at the very least stop them from feeling so crummy.
Hopefully.
Raine made their way into the bathroom. They had to close their eyes for a minute, the lights cut harshly after so long in the dark.
They looked into the mirror. Man, they didn't look good. There were dark circles under their eyes; they might have had trouble sleeping here and there. Nothing to be worried about, they were sure, but tonight isn't going to help their case.
But hey, here they were, back together with the love of their life, living in her home. They couldn't have asked for more.
They survived the end of the world, the draining spell, and even being turned into a puppet - and if that wasn't the weirdest thing that ever happened to them, then they didn't know what was. Not to mention being possessed by the former, genocidal Emperor of all people. Somehow, they came out of all that craziness on top. Alive. They all did. And now they can enjoy their long-deserved peace and safety, and the unenviable task of building everything up from the ground.
They could have done without the scars.
Raine touched one of them under the eyes and ran a finger down to their jawline, tracing the now uneven skin.
It wasn’t an ugly scar; it was rather clean-cut, at least they had that. They were still tender to the touch, strange and foreign, but that was only expected.
But the scars' appearance was the last thing they cared about. They hated the fact that they had them at all.
Raine didn’t dare to bring up how they felt about the scars. After all, both Dell and Hunter had to deal with worse than they, and Raine didn’t want to accidentally offend them somehow - or in Hunter’s case, to make him feel bad about himself. And it wasn’t as if they had been judging them for their scars, far from it. Raine had nothing but love and appreciation for both of them.
But that didn’t mean that Raine didn’t have their own feelings about their own scars. But they were keeping those to themselves for the time being.
Why did it have to be on their face? There was no ignoring it; no forgetting about it. Every time they looked in the mirror, they remembered being stuck in the back of their own mind, fighting to get out. Every time they noticed somebody’s glance run down them, they had to turn away and quickly find something to do because the mere idea of being looked at made them want to crawl out of their skin.
It was - they didn't want to think about it.
They already hated being the center of attention. But if they weren't being stared at because they helped to save the Isles, then they were being stared at because they are a former Coven Head. Or because they were now a politician, or whatever they will end up calling it, leading the rebuilding. All of those were equally nerve-wrecking.
Or it was the scars.
How did the others do it? How did Dell or Hunter deal with this?
Even better, how could Raine ask without sounding like a huge jerk? Or work up the nerves to even get there?
They leaned in closer to the mirror to take a better look as if their scars were about to change any minute; they left their glasses by the nest.
“Isn’t it too early to be up?”
“Oh, Eda,” Raine jumped, but quickly turned around, giving her what they hoped was an easy-going smile - they would settle for tired as well, anything but the misery they were feeling. “Did I wake you up?”
“Woke up my own self,” she covered up a huge yawn. “And I found my favorite bard missing.”
Then she gave them a once-over. "Are you alright?"
They shrugged.
"Nightmare?"
"Just couldn't sleep."
Eda gave them a skeptical look. They looked tired. Raine couldn't even hide it if they wanted to. They dreaded that this was going to turn into some sort of concern-driven investigation. Despite not being able to sleep, they weren't awake enough for that.
"Are you coming back to bed?" Thankfully, Eda seemed to drop it - for the time being. Raine was sure that she would ask about it when both of them were more rested.
Raine gave her a soft smile. “Yeah, I was just washing my face.”
“In the middle of the night, you weirdo?” she joked, trying to lighten the mood.
They couldn't help but smile. “Hah, you know it.”
She chuckled. “Don’t I.”
“I won’t be long.”
Eda left, and Raine took one last look at themselves in the mirror. They washed their face, and the water felt so cool and refreshing. They rinsed a couple more times just to feel themselves relax.
Tomorrow, they should look into finding professional help. Titan knows that after the stress of leading a rebellion and the whole end-of-the-world business, they could use it. Everybody did, to be honest.
They were so tired.
They looked forward to not feeling like this ever again.
Then Raine turned off the bathroom light.