Work Text:
there was no big moment, no grand gesture, a little bell didn’t ring inside her heart, she didn’t know how or when it happened, but angela became her home.
she knew she loved angela, that she was in love with angela, but she didn’t expect to feel so at ease in her arms, under her gaze.. she felt at home just with the thought of her existence.
and the craziest part is that she wasn’t scared of the feeling, she didn’t even had to embrace it, it just felt good, like it was meant to be.
amanda understood that love does take work but never from the heart, never from the soul.
so there wasn’t a big revelation, her heart didn’t press a big red button and suddenly angela was where she belonged, but there was a big moment. there was a huge moment where she became aware of it.
nothing big, nothing fancy, but so huge, so ordinary.
--
amanda just finished bringing the last box from her car, this was it, the beginning of a new chapter, they just moved in into their second lease together, they could’ve bought a place already, they had been saving for a couple of years, but there wasn’t a place that clicked, that screamed home, so when the lease from the old apartment was coming to an end they started looking for rentals and one day shayne sent a link for a place that was available and it also was two streets away from the miller-topps.
it was perfect, and surprisingly affordable.
it was a tuesday afternoon, the smell of fresh paint flooded the entire house, the cardboard boxes filled every space to the brim, there wasn’t an empty inch in this new place other than a room.
a tuesday afternoon in a big white room, a big white empty room, it would’ve been white if the sun that came through the windows didn’t paint the walls orange, it would’ve been empty if angela wasn’t there, in the middle of the room staring at a white wall with her thinking face.
“what’s on your mind?” amanda asked leaning against the door frame.
“oh nothing it’s just that we haven’t decided what we are doing with this room, and i’m just thinking what should we do…” angela answered, turning to amanda.
her sweet, gorgeous angela was looking at her with a glimpse of her thinking face, eyebrows slightly frowning, eyes squinting, sometimes with a scrunchy nose, sometime with a cheek bitten from the inside. angela, ang, her girl and her thinking face, with her crooked glasses and some white paint on her cheek and forehead.
and that was it, a subtle smell of fresh flowers and fresh pancakes filled the room, everything looked brighter and colorful, the taste of angela’s kisses made it’ss way to her lips, suddenly she was home.
it wasn’t the the time amanda realized that angela always made pancakes for dinner on saturdays, it wasn’t the moment she heard angela talking on the phone with her mom just catching up, it wasn’t the week when amanda was so sick she had to miss work and angela postponed her meetings and recordings and rehearsals to stay home and take care of her, it wasn’t the kisses, the i love yous, the hugs, the naps, the walks around the block with spork, it was all of it slowly building up, becoming her life, her home.
and right there in the empty room she became aware of it, this was the moment, but what came next was just the icing on top.
amanda walked towards angela, fixing up her glasses, licking her thumb and cleaning the paint off her face “we’re not turning it into a D&D room, sorry ang but no” she answered jokingly, hugging her waist.
“yeah no i know, that’s what the garage is for”
“exactly”
angela’s eyes drifted to the walls again, this time the one with a big window.
“i wanna paint a mural”
“a mural?”
“yeah, a blue sky with some clouds”
angela faced amanda with those big brown eyes full of excitement, childlike wonder. so big, so shiny, amanda felt like she could see their future in those magic eyes.
“what do you wanna do? a book nook room?”
“yeah it could be good for a library…”
amanda tried to guess what could it be that filled angela with so much hope? not a game room, not a library, not spork’s room, not a meeting room..
“or...? tell me ang, i can see it in your eyes, you have a vision”
“or a nursery”
the smell of paint disappeared, the orange from the sun became more intense, the world became silent and it blurry. amanada’s eyes widened as angela stared at her with a gentle smile.
they’ve already had the important talks, the big talks: where should we grow old? should we have a joint bank account? do we wanna get married? what about babies?
and in the last one amanda was always in, a 100% wanting to expand the family and give spork some humans siblings IF angela wanted to as well, but ang was always unsure, it wasn’t a 100% no but it also wasn’t an enthusiastic yes and instead of driving them apart that conversation brought them closer, because amanda could live without having kids but she couldn’t live without angela so the topic of children went to the back of her mind in a space that she barely thought of.
angela on the other hand couldn’t stop thinking about it, at first she hated the feeling of not giving amanda something she wanted until amanda told her “baby we already have a family, and right now i love you more than a what if, so don’t lose your sleep over this, please”, that eased her anxiety but it still bothered her so she talked about it, with her mom, her therapist, some close friends who are parents… and she figured it out. it wasn’t that she didn’t wanna be a mom, it was more so that she didn’t wanna be a bad mom, that she didn’t see herself being able to be a competent parent and that scared her the most, until again, she talked with her mom, her friends, her therapist, even amanda’s mom and then she knew, she was ready.
“mandy let’s do it”
“you sure?”
“you are going to be an amazing mom”
“you too my girl”