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Namgyu used regression as a way to cope with his childhood trauma. It had been over a year since he had regressed but he could tell it was going to happen soon.
He never told Subong about his regressions but he had vaguely told him that he was molested when he was around 5 years old.
His dad got drunk and invited his friends over and when he was passed out on the couch his best friend touched Namgyu.
When Namgyu started screaming at him to get off his dad saw what was happening and beat that man within an inch of his life.
Namgyu had gotten a Medusa tattoo on his arm 3 years ago when he said he wanted one but was scared people would look at him differently.
Subong encouraged him to get it if it was something he wanted and said he would gladly go with him go get it.
Subong held his hand through the entire process of the tattoo. Explaining what he wanted, the placement, putting the stencil on, and finally the tattooing.
Namgyu cried when they got home. Subong immediately thought that Namgyu didn't like the tattoo and regretted getting it, but that wasn't the case.
He was thankful that Subong stayed with him and made sure he was okay. He never judged Namgyu or looked at him differently after he told him about his trauma. No words could express how thankful he was for that.
Shortly after that they started dating. They were the perfect couple who never had major fights and always made sure the other was okay.
Namgyu started regressing long before he had ever met Subong but he never told him about it. He was scared that it would be the breaking point for Subong and then he would have no one.
So Namgyu regressed when Subong was gone, asleep, or when they were already cuddling and he wouldn't be able to tell Namgyu was acting like a little kid.
He wanted to have stuffies, blankets, other toys, and to play with Subong when he was regressed, but out of fear he decided against it.
[Present day]
Yesterday at the club, it had been hell. The holidays were always the busiest, but it was on a whole other level. Namgyu was stressed out his entire shift and when he got home he collapsed on the bed without dinner.
Subong worked late and didn't bother going to bed which would end up waking Namgyu in the process. He stayed on the couch that night and watched TV until sleep got the better of him.
Namgyu was off work today for the first time in two weeks. Subong had already left for work early that morning, leaving a note on the counter that he was scheduled to work late again because his coworker was sick.
As Namgyu started to tidy up the apartment he felt that fuzzy feeling in his head. "No. No I can't do that. I can't do that shit anymore. I thought I was over that shit already!"
Namgyu started to panic slightly at the thought of regressing again. It was embarrassing to him and he hated that that was how he coped.
Taking deep, calming breaths, he managed to dull the feeling. Still there, but not as noticeable anymore. Once the apartment was clean, he looked at the clock. 1:24pm. Subong got off of work at 9:30pm.
That left Namgyu way too much time on his hands and he knew he wouldn't be able to fight off becoming little for too much longer without someone near him reminding him that he can't.
"Fine. You fucking win. I'll go to the store and get the shit you want and then we're getting rid of it before Subong gets home." Namgyu spoke to his little self with half hatred and half pity.
Once he was at the store he made his way to the baby and little kids section. The fuzzy feeling was coming back full throttle as he saw all the cool stuffed animals and action figures in the isles.
"Not now. Please not now." The lady in the isle with him gave him a funny look but continued on with her shopping. Namgyu was getting a little overwhelmed by all the options and his embarrassment was already through the roof.
He needed help and for once his social anxiety didn't get the better of him. He turned to the lady who gave him the funny look earlier and gently tapped her shoulder to get her attention.
"Excuse me ma'am... I uh- sorry... I was wondering if you could help me with something..." The lady looked a little confused at first but nodded. "What is it I can help you with, dear?"
Namgyu played with his rings out of nervousness and embarrassment. He couldn't look the woman in the eyes and instead looked intently at a small sticker that was stuck to the floor.
"Do you know what kids like? I don't know and I need help... there are too many options and I don't know what I should get..." The woman's eyes softened at the young man's request and she gently grabbed his fidgeting hands.
Namgyu looked at the woman in the eyes now. "Is it a boy or girl? And how old is the little angel you're shopping for?" Namgyu nearly laughed. He wanted to cry. But he knew that wouldn't help anything and only make the lady confused.
"A boy... and a- about five years old." The lady started to walk to the end of the isle with Namgyu’s hand in her's. "Okay, blankets are always a good choice, stuffed animals, toy cars, and coloring books are good too."
She let go of his hand and pointed to a few items. Namgyu nodded in recognition of her words and began looking over the toys and books. "Blankets will be 2 isles over in the baby section, or if you want to get a bigger blanket, they have them in the home decor section."
The lady looked at him fondly as he picked up a green triceratops plush with cute fuzzy little horns. "Thank you. I... I've never been shopping for stuff like this and it was a little overwhelming."
A small smile showed on her face. "What's your name sweetie?" The question caught him off gaurd. "Uh. Namgyu. My names Namgyu." She nodded and placed her hand on his arm.
"I'm Jang Geum-ja. This stuff can be overwhelming for a lot of people, let alone someone shopping for it for the first time. You're doing great. If that's all you needed, I'll be going now."
Namgyu awkwardly thanked her and began looking at the other toys on the shelves. The triceratops was definitely coming home with him though.
He picked up a black cat stuffed animal that had little beads in the paws and stomach to make it heavier, a coloring book with sharks, crayons, and a really cool toy car that had doors that opened and everything.
He made his way over to the baby section where she said the blankets would be. Namgyu couldn't help but stim a little because he was finally letting himself get the stuff he wanted when he was little.
There were several different kinds of blankets but so far nothing was calling to him. The shopping basket had all the stuff he already picked out in it, and it was getting uncomfortable to hold while looking for what else he wanted.
Namgyu set it down by his feet and finally found the one he wanted. It was dark grey, about the size of a throw blanket, soft, and had raised circles in the fabric giving it a nice and comforting texture.
The edges of the blanket were rounded and made Namgyu feel like it would keep him safe. He grabbed it and tossed it in the basket. As he was walking out of the isle he saw the pacifiers.
He'd never regressed younger that about five but he grabbed one just in case he wanted it later. It would be better than sucking on his thumb either way.
He also grabbed a prehistoric shark themed sippy cup too. It would be another comfortable item to have so he didn't have to use the glass cups which would be prone to break with Namgyu being in the headspace of a five year old.
With everything paid for, he got into an Uber and waited patiently as he was driven home. As he unlocked the door, he saw it was 2:55pm. He still had to clean the pacifier, sippy cup, and blanket before he used them.
He also had to get the tags off of his toys and dispose of any evidence that they were purchased. It didn't take long at all for him to get what he needed done. He started by putting the blanket in the washer because that would take the longest. Then quickly got to work getting tags, stickers, and lables off of his toys, pacifier, and sippy cup.
The pacifier was black with blue swirls on the sides of it and a clip to attach to his shirt that was the same blue color. The fuzzy green triceratops was his favorite out of everything he got. The black cat was slightly heavy and would be comfting to have it laying on him.
The car he got was a replica of a black 1967 Chevy impala. The doors, trunk, and hood could open and it had a small button on the bottom of it to turn the headlights and taillights on.
The coloring book had different kinds of sharks inside, Namgyu's personal favorite was the tiger shark because of the cool stripes it had. Though the lemon shark came in at a close second because it was so cute.
The crayons he got were a mix of the regular box colors and the metallic shimmer ones. He always liked the ones with little glittery specs in them and it would go great with the shark pictures.
All together he got eight things. Not too bad. The ding of the washing machine distracted him from his thoughts. He quickly got up from the table to put the blanket in the dryer. Namgyu put in extra dryer sheets to make it smell really nice. As that was drying he picked out a kids show to put on for later. He decided on SpongeBob.
Before he let himself become a little he wanted to make sure everything was ready. An alarm for when Subong would be getting home so he could snap out of it if he hadn't already and get everything put away before he came through the door.
His sippy cup had cranberry juice in it since he didn't like apple juice or orange juice, all his new toys were sitting on the fluffy white carpet infront of the TV in the living room, and he was in comfortable clothes.
He had on fuzzy socks that he and Subong got last Christmas, baggy sweatpants, and a loose fitting t-shirt. The TV was ready to play and now he just needed the blanket to finish drying.
It was now 3:40pm and the dryer showed it had ten minutes left. Namgyu grabbed his phone and scrolled through Instagram for the last few minutes. He liked a few of the pictures Semi posted with her and Minsu at the beach.
Gyeongsu made a post of him and Mina at a Stray Kids concert from a year ago. Subong sent him a reel of a cat wrestling and doing a backflip onto another cat. He giggled when he saw it and realized he was regressing already.
He put his phone down on the endtable and walked to the dryer. Two minutes left, that was good enough for him. The dryer clicked open and the blanket quit tumbling. Dryer sheets fluttered down on the blanket and Namgyu quickly threw them away.
The blanket was so warm. He couldn't suppress the content sigh that left him as the warmth wrapped around him. It was so soft he could hardly feel it and the bumpy texture soothed him even more.
His mind was almost completely fuzzy. Namgyu skipped to the living room with the blanket draped around his shoulders like a cape and pressed play on the show.
The iconic theme song started playing and Namgyu was officially regressed. He bounced around the room half singing, half yelling the theme song as SpongeBob did flips on screen.
Namgyu held his hands up and played the flute noises as it played on screen. As the episode started he sat down in front of his toys. Namgyu picked up the cat and made it run around the triceratops.
With his other hand he picked up the dinosaur and made it chase after the kitty where they both jumped over the toy car and onto the coffee table next to his sippy cup and pacifier. Namgyu giggled and hummed as he continued playing with the stuffies.
For a while they chased eachother, then they were doing backflips onto the floor. They tried to go for a ride in the car but didn't fit very well, or at all really. But what mattered to Namgyu was that he was having fun and didn't need to stress over his adult life.
He set the cat down on the carpet and grabbed his sippy cup. The cranberry juice was a little bitter but Namgyu liked it none the less. He sat watching a few episodes of SpongeBob with his dinosaur and kitty on his lap. Namgyu had his sippy cup in one hand and was gently petting the stuffies with the other.
He looked down at them, back up at the TV, and then back down at the animals. "I'll name you Gary!" He picked up the cat plush and tossed it in the air, catching it again before it hit the ground.
"Hmm... and you... I'll name you... Fuzzypants!" Namgyu giggled and happily kicked his feet at the cute names he came up with. Satisfied with that, he got on his knees and crawl-walked over to the toy car. It wouldn't drive very well on the fluffy carpet so he moved to the hard wood floors.
He sat playing with it for about 20 minutes. Making dramatic noises as the car drifted and crashed into the corners of the coffee table and TV stand. Every now and then he would pause to look at the TV when something interesting was happing, but he mostly just played.
Namgyu set the car next to his sippy cup on the floor, grabbed his stuffies, his blanket, and pacifier and skipped over to the couch.
Namgyu, with his stuffies tucked under his arm, curled up on the couch and snuggled the blanket. His pacifier sat next to his hand but it was there incase he wanted it.
Eventually he grabbed the small soothing toy and popped it in his mouth. Immediately he felt more tired as he suckled on the rubber and cuddled with his blanket, Gary, and Fuzzypants.
Namgyu stayed on the couch for about an hour. Forty minutes of which he was napping. When he woke up to SpongeBob laughing, the clock showed 5:50pm.
He lifted up from the couch and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. His pacifier was on the floor now, and his stuffies were crammed in the seam of the couch.
Namgyu rescued Gary and Fuzzypants from the black hole and leaned down to grab his pacifier. He rubbed it against his sweatpants and stuck it back in his mouth.
Still holding onto his stuffies and blanket, he walked back to where his other toys were and ploped back down. Namgyu reached for the coloring book and crayons, flipped to a page with a tiger shark, and picked out colors with glitter in them. Namgyu quickly got to work filling in the lines to make a one of a kind tiger shark.
Halfway through the coloring page, he turned on his side to watch the TV. It was the episode where all the people thought SpongeBob smelled bad and ran away from him. Namgyu giggled at the silly display, kicked his feet a little, and reached to grab his sippy cup.
It was still a little over half full. He let the pacifier drop onto the carpet beside the car. Namgyu settled down next to his coloring book and blanket while he sipped the juice.
Once he got his fill of that, he continued to color for the next twenty minutes. 6:40pm flashes on the clock as he shuts the coloring book, satisfied with the sharks new paint job.
Namgyu stood up and danced around the living room with Fuzzypants in his arms as the ending music of the episode played. He stopped suddenly and looked at the triceratops with mischief in his eyes. "We should go find hidden treasure!"
Namgyu jumped up and down at the though of finding treasures around the house. He held onto the triceratops front foot and raced to Subong and Namgyu's shared bedroom.
He was giggling like a kid in a candy store, and to be fair, it wasn't too far off from being the case. Namgyu knew Subong kept a stash of sweets somewhere in the house because he would always have one. When Namgyu would ask where he got it he wouldn't tell him.
Namgyu always wanted to find it and move it somewhere else so Subong would have to ask him where he put it. As he pushed open the door he looked around at his options.
The closet was too obvious because they used it every day. Under the bed could work though! Namgyu quickly ran to Subong's side of the bed and kneeled down. It was dark and a little scary so he made Fuzzypants cover most of his face.
"You see anything in there?" A moment of silence. "Ooh! Look at that! What's is it!?" Namgyu moved the toy away for a moment as he looked at the small box in the far corner. He quickly scrambled over the bed, on his side of it now, and crawled into the dark corner.
His finger brushed the corner of the box. Namgyu let out a frustrated grunt as he tried to reach it again. Finally, he could pull it twords him, so he backed out from under the bed.
He grabbed Fuzzypants again and made him open the box because he was scared it would have spiders in it. When the top fell off, he peaked inside only to find old shoes with a receipt stuffed inside.
No treasure. Namgyu crossed his arms and pouted for all of three seconds. Then he remembered there were a bunch of other places he could look.
Namgyu stood up and walked over to Subong's nightstand and opened it up. Nothing much in there, just nicknacks that Subong didn't want to get rid of.
Namgyu whined in disappointment. He shut the drawer and ran over to the closet as a last resort for their room. As expected, the closet didn't have any treasure either.
He walked into the living room with Fuzzypants in his arms. The TV was still playing and he wanted to take a break. He grabbed his sippy cup, blanket, pacifier, and kitten. Namgyu ploped onto the couch and got comfortable.
The break was short because he wanted to keep looking for treasures, he got to get some more juice, so he was ready to explore again. Namgyu skipped into the kitchen humming a random song with his plush at his side.
Namgyu checked in the cabinets and drawers but found nothing interesting there. Just cleaning supplies and tupperware. He was a little disappointed but there was one more place he could think of. In the TV stand where the DVD's were kept.
Before he started looking in it, he grabbed his pacifier. Namgyu opened the magnetic doors that closed off the movies and board games in the TV stand.
He set his triceratops down and patted it on the head. Turning back to the open door, Namgyu heard SpongeBob yelling at Patric about something and it caught his attention for a split second. Looking back into the dark cabinet, he reached in the back of the movies and felt something.
His eyes lit up and a smile crossed his face behind the pacifier. Subong's hidden treasure. Namgyu pulled a small box of candies out from behind the movies that they never really watched. All different kinds filled the little box.
Namgyu squealed in excitement as he rummaged through the sweets. He picked out a KitKat, his favorite candy of all time, and unwrapped it quickly before munching down on it.
Namgyu stood up with the box in his hands and ran to hide it under the bed. He made sure it was safe and sound before skipping and jumping back to the living room.
Namgyu grabbed Gary off the floor and held his front paws as he started spinning around in his fuzzy socks on the wood flooring. He quickly got very dizzy and everything was spinning by the time he stopped. He stumbled over to Fuzzypants and scooped him off the floor.
His blanket was by the coloring book on the floor so he snatched it up and curled up on the carpet infront of the TV. It was now 8:15 and Namgyu was getting sleepy again.
Namgyu started to drift off infront of the TV, but the sound of the door unlocking and swinging open followed by Subong's tired voice jolted him wide awake.
Namgyu was still regressed but he knew Subong wasn't supposed to be here yet. He wasn't supposed to see Namgyu like this. This was bad. Very, very bad.
Namgyu bolted upright and stared at Subong who was taking his shoes off. He hadn't seen Namgyu yet, nor any of the kids stuff scattered around the living room. "Yo! Namsu! Is that SpongeBob I hear?" Subong laughed a little at the thought of Namgyu watching a kids show while he was gone.
Namgyu's heart was racing. He couldn't understand why he was so scared but the part of him that knew Subong finding him like this was bad was telling him to hide.
While Subong had his back turned, Namgyu grabbed the stuffies and blanket and bolted to the bedroom. Subong heard the shuffle and saw a flash of Namgyu as he ran to their room. His brow raised in confusion and he let out a nervous laugh.
"...Namgyu? Everything alri-..." Subong saw a... sippy cup?? There was a kids coloring book on the floor along with crayons scattered close by. A toy car sat by the coffee table, SpongeBob was, in fact, playing, and a pacifier sat close to the TV stand.
Subong was a hell of a lot more than just confused. He wanted to know what was going on and why Namgyu ran for his life like that. With a confused look on his face, he walked through the living room and got a better look at the stuff scattered on the floor.
Subong made his way to their bedroom and gently opened the door. He could hear a startled gasp as he walked in. "Nam-?" Before he could even finish his name, Subong saw Namgyu curled in the corner by their dresser.
Namgyu was clinging to his stuffies like his life depended on it. His blanket half covered him and was half balled up in his hands. He was quietly crying into the stuffies and blanket with his eyes squeezed shut as if willing himself to disappear into thin air.
Namgyu's breathing came in short and quick. He was teetering on the edge of a panic attack and he didn't even know why. He was scared. That was all he knew. And his fear was amplified by him being regressed.
Subong saw Namgyu crying with stuffed animals and a small blanket held tightly against him. He was so fucking confused. Why was Namgyu crying? Why was he so scared? Why was he holding those things?
Where did they come from 'cause they sure as hell weren't there when he left this morning. What's with all the baby stuff in the living room? Why hadn't Namgyu answered any of his texts saying that he was coming home earlier?
So, so many questions were running through his head that it made him dizzy. A pitiful, broken sob of "I'm sorry!" came from Namgyu. "I'm really sorry! I don'- I don' know what I did but I'm s- sorry!"
Subong's heart shattered. It didn't matter anymore why Namgyu had all that stuff out there. All that mattered was that Namgyu stopped crying and stopped being so scared.
Tears welled in Subong's eyes. He'd never seen Namgyu this torn up. Even when Namgyu finally told him that he was assaulted when he was little and that he wanted a Medusa tattoo.
Subong slowly walked twords Namgyu. He didn't want to scare him any more than he already was. "Namgyu? Namgyu it's okay. Shhh... No, it's okay baby. What happened? Are you hurt anywhere?"
Namgyu flinched when he heard Subong speak and he shoved his face deeper into the blanket. Subong kneeled down in front of him but didn't touch him. He didn't want to startle him with the contact.
"Namgyu... it's okay. I'm not mad. It's okay... it's okay, I promise. Namgyu...? Can you look at me for a second?" Subong spoke in a soft and comforting tone to make sure he didn't sound even a little bit upset with him.
Namgyu's breathing slowed down slightly as he heard how Subong was speaking in a soft voice. Slowly he peaked his head up and looked at Subong who had unshed tears in his eyes. "Not mad at me?"
Namgyu sniffled and set his chin on the top of Gary's soft black head. He was still looking at Subong skeptically but at least he was calming down a little.
Subong flooded with relief when Namgyu looked at him. "No baby, I promise I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad? You didn't do anything wrong." Subong reached a hand out but saw Namgyu inch away from him, so he dropped it.
Namgyu whined and pulled his stuffies into a proper hug now. "Want my paci..." Subong blankly stared at him for a second. "Your what?" Subong was having a very hard time understanding why Namgyu was acting like a little kid but didn't want to make him cry any more.
Namgyu teared up again and shoved his face in his blanket. "I want my paciiii!" Subong quickly got up. "Oh- okay I'll go get it. It's okay, I'm getting it for you." Subong ran to the living room where he saw it earlier. He grabed it and cringed at the wetness he felt from it.
Subong quickly rinsed it off in the kitchen sink and made his way back to the room. "Namgyu. Namgyu, I got it. Here you go." He sat down infront of Namgyu and held out his hand for him to take it.
Namgyu lifted his head up and slowly reached for his pacifier. He quickly pulled his hand back and put his pacifier in his mouth. As soon as he started suckling on it his eyes closed slightly.
"Namgyu? What's going on here... I'm not... I'm not judging you. I know you went through some major shit when you were young. I just... I don't really know what to do here."
Subong slowly reached for Namgyu's hands. He watched as Subong got closer but didn't move away this time. "Can I hold your hand? Will that make you feel better?" Namgyu nodded and set the triceratops down beside him so he could hold Subong's hand.
"When did you get all this stuff?" He reached to pick the stuffed animal up, only for Namgyu to quickly let go of his hand and grab it before Subong could. "Okay okay. I'm not gonna take it. It's yours, don't worry."
Namgyu set the toy in his lap and reached for Subong. "Mmm." Subong got the hint and scootched closer, wrapping his arm around Namgyu as best he could. "I wish you would answer me... I could understand all this better that way. But if you don't want to right now, that's okay. I can wait for as long as you need."
Namgyu grabbed the pacifier in his mouth and mumbled something Subong didn't catch. "What was that Namgyu?" Subong felt Namgyu lay his head on his shoulder and wrap his arms around his waist. "Don' know whas happening... j'st wanna be happy."
Subong heard sniffles. He quickly started rubbing Namgyu's back. With his other hand he gently played with his hair in attempt to soothe the crying man.
"Shh... it's okay. I know you're scared. It's okay now baby. I promise you're safe now. No need to be scared of me okay?" Namgyu cuddled into Subong more at the comforting words.
"You wanna get in the bed? It'll be more comfortable and we can cuddle better. We can talk about all this later, yeah? When we wake up. Sound good?" Namgyu nodded at that.
"Can you stand?" Subong stood up. He held Namgyu's hand as he pulled himself up. His stuffies and blanket fell to the floor which caused him to whine again.
"I'll get them. Here, can you walk to the bed from here?" Namgyu nodded and let go of Subong's hand. As Namgyu waddled over to the bed, Subong picked up the tear soaked comfort items.
"You want them with you?" A pitiful "mhm" and nod of his head was Namgyu's response. He set them down next to Namgyu on the bed and turned to change into his pajamas.
As Subong quickly changed, Namgyu cuddled his stuffies and pulled his blanket up to his face. His pacifier was back in his mouth and he suckled on it to sooth his remaining stress.
"I'm going to turn the lights and TV off in the living room. Be back in a second okay?" Namgyu gave no response. Subong made quick work of turning everything off. He would talk to Namgyu about all this in the morning. He would also make sure to clean all this stuff up tomorrow.
Subong turned the lamp on and the big light off. He climbed into bed where Namgyu still cuddled his belongings. "Still want to cuddle?" Subong asked Namgyu who looked up at him. Namgyu lifted his hand and made a small grabbing motion.
"Okay. One second. Let me turn the light off." After he turned the last light off, he turned back to Namgyu. Neither could see very well in the sudden darkness. The only light in the room came from a street light filtering through the windows.
Subong pulled Namgyu into his arms. Namgyu held onto his stuffies and blanket while Subong pulled the actual covers over them. "I love you no matter what. You hear? Don't be afraid to tell me stuff. Even when you think I'll judge you for it. I wont ever judge you Namgyu. I love you too much for that."
Namgyu sniffled at Subong's words. He shoved his face into the soft fabric of Subong's shirt. "M' love you too..." Namgyu mumbled.
Subong was still worried about Namgyu and wondered why he was acting like a little kid. He'd never seen anything like this but only wanted Namgyu to be okay.
Eventually they both drifted off to sleep. In the morning they would talk. Subong would make sure Namgyu was okay. And if he wasn't, he would get him help.
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Namgyu could feel Subong's arms wrapped around him comfortingly. The sun shined through the windows. Namgyu turned his head away from the blinding light. Something was pressed into his chest. Slowly he opened his eyes.
A pacifier was laying on his pillow, a cat plush was crammed in his chest, a blanket rested by his side, and he was holding onto a dinosaur stuffed animal.
Namgyu felt like he was hit by a truck. A sickening feeling quickly spread through his entire body. Bits of last night filled his mind. Pure, unfiltered embarrassment and shame made him want to puke.
Subong knew everything now. He knew the one and only thing Namgyu didn't want him to. His heart raced with the fear of having to explain what the fuck happened last night.
Namgyu wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor, never to be seen again. Subong didn't look at him with disgust or yell at him, but he was still scared to tell him everything.
He cursed himself mentally for that being his way to cope with the shit that happened to him. Subong didn't seem to be awake yet. Today was Saturday. They had the weekend off this week.
Namgyu's hands started shaking. He hadn't realized how quickly he was breathing until he started to feel light headed. Namgyu tried to calm down. Taking deep breaths he managed to calm down a little.
Subong shifted beside him. The arm he had around Namgyu left to rub his face. Groaning at the sun in his eyes and turned slightly. Subong opened his eyes when he felt Namgyu trembling.
"Namsu...?" Subong was still half asleep, so last night's predicament was forgotten for the time being. A few tears fell from Namgyu's closed eyes. They fell onto the pillow, making a dark circle where they landed.
"Namgyu? Hey, hey! What's wrong!?" Subong now saw the pacifier laying beside him, the stuffed animals, and the soft gray blanket laying in between them.
Subong's heart broke again at seeing Namgyu upset and scared. He hated seeing Namgyu cry. He didn't deserve to go through any more hell than he already had.
Subong sat up in the bed and wrapped his arms around Namgyu. He pulled him into a hug where Namgyu grabbed Subong's shirt tightly in his hands.
Subong didn't want to let go of him. He needed Namgyu to understand that he was there for him no matter what. That he wasn't going to walk out on him after everything just because Namgyu had acted like a little kid.
"Namgyu." Subong spoke in a soft tone. Namgyu kept his eyes closed, silently crying in Subongs arms. "Oh- are you still-? Can you talk now? Or...?"
Namgyu sniffled and pressed himself further into Subong's hold. He swallowed hard, preparing himself to talk. "Yeah... I can... I can talk now." The words were a little muffled by Subong's shirt but it was clear enough for him to understand.
Subong sighed with relief at hearing Namgyu talk to him. "Hey, listen, I don't really understand what all this is, but I swear on the friendgroups lives that I'm not judging you for it. You didn't really seem... like you understood why you were scared last night."
Subong rubbed circles on Namgyu's back in attempt to comfort him. "Were you scared of me...? Or of me finding out...?" A tear fell from Subong's eye at the thought of Namgyu being so genuinely terrified of him.
Namgyu sniffled, his breath was shaky, but he managed to pull away from Subong so he could look at him. When he saw Subong was crying, more tears fell from Namgyu's eyes.
"I'm sorry I'm so fucked up." Namgyu choked out the words in a sob. Subong immediately pulled him into another hug, making soft shushing sounds and cradling Namgyu in his arms.
"Namgyu. Look at me." Subong spoke in a serious tone and pulled Namgyu back just a little so they could look at eachother properly.
"Namgyu, you are the strongest person I know. You've been through hell and back multiple times. I don't even know the full extent, but I know enough to know that you are not fucked up."
Subong held Namgyu's face in his hands and wiped some of his tears away. "Baby, don't ever think that I'm going to look at you differently because of something that helps you. I love you so fucking much man."
Namgyu finally stopped crying as he heard those words. "You- you don't think I'm a freak-?" Subong looked at him for a second, placed a kiss on his forehead, and looked back down at him. "No. I don't think that at all."
For a while they held eachother in silence. Subong gently rocked them on the bed and ran his fingers through Namgyu's hair. Neither of them knew how much time had passed but it didn't matter. They were there together.
"Are you hungry? I can make us a good breakfast if you'd like." Subong asked Namgyu as he continued to play with his hair.
"Yeah... I'm really hungry. I didn't eat very much yesterday." Namgyu was calm now, just relaxing in Subong's comfort as he spoke. "I need to piss really bad too."
Subong laughed a little at the statement. "Okay, well you do that and I'll start breakfast." As they got out of bed one of the stuffed animals fell off on Subong's side.
"Who's this?" Subong picked up the dinosaur and looked over at Namgyu. A fond smile spread on both of their faces at the cute little toy. "Fuzzypants."
Subong laughed at the name and the seriousness in Namgyu's voice as he said it. "Really? His name is Fuzzypants?" Laughter continued to roll out of Subong at the silly name.
Namgyu started to laugh at Subong's reaction. "That's the greatest name in the history of names!" Tears of laughter fell from Subong's eyes as he and Namgyu giggled.
"That one's Gary." Namgyu said as he pointed to the cat stuffie sitting next to their pillows. "Gary and Fuzzypants? That's great!" Subong wiped his face and placed the triceratops back on the bed.
"That's so cute, oh my god I'm never getting over 'Fuzzypants.'" They continued to giggle as they left the room. Namgyu flipped the lights on and they both saw the mess in the living room.
"I swear I cleaned yesterday." Subong looked over at Namgyu, who had a somber expression on his face. "Hey its alright. Looks like you had fun. It shouldn't take long to clean up anyways. Don't worry about it." Namgyu nodded and turned to go to the bathroom.
As they finished up breakfast, which was muffins and oatmeal, Subong turned to look at Namgyu from his place at the table. "I love you Namsu."
Namgyu looked up from his plate and smiled. "I love you too Thanos." They both laughed at the nicknames but knew the words were genuine none the less.
Once they finished eating and washing their plates, they made their way in the living room. "So... can I ask why you got all this stuff? And when? I know I'm not very observant but I've never seen any of this stuff before."
"I... I got it all yesterday. I was supposed to have it gone before you got home but... well, that didn't happen." Namgyu looked down at the scattered crayons as he spoke.
"Have you heard of age regression...? It's... it's a coping mechanism." Subong listened quietly as Namgyu explained. "Uh, no I don't think so. Is that what you were doing last night?"
Namgyu nodded, turning his head away. "I haven't- I haven't regressed in over a year. I thought I was over doing all that. But this week at work was so stressful and I- I didn't want to but I can't stop it." Tears rolled down his face again. He hated feeling powerless in his own mind.
Subong reached for Namgyu's hand and pulled his head onto his shoulder. "Shhhh, it's okay. It helps you right? If it helps you, that's all that matters. M'kay?"
Namgyu stayed where he was. He took a few deep breaths and started explaining again. "My head goes all fuzzy and it's like I'm a little kid again. It helps when I have someone to cuddle with."
Subong was listening patiently to Namgyu explain what age regression was. "So, the toys and stuff help too? It gives you the version of your childhood that you should have had right?" Subong could feel Namgyu nod again his shoulder.
The question was nagging at Subong but he didn’t really know how to ask. "You said it's been over a year since you last did it... we've been together for three years now... so...?"
Subong waited for either a question to explain what he meant or a response. "When we would cuddle before bed sometimes. That's when I'd regress back then. Or when you were at work. But I didn't let myself get anything to help with it until yesterday."
A few sniffles came from Namgyu. Subong thought for a second. "That... that actually makes a lot of sense now. I never told you this because I didn't think anything of it really, but one night when you were falling asleep you said something along the lines of 'thank you daddy.'"
Namgyu lifted his head. "I did?" Subong nodded. "I never thought much about it. Just thought you were asleep and dreaming about something. But that was you regressing wasn't it?"
A small "mhm" was Namgyu's response. "The next time you regress, do you want me to... take care of you? Is that what it would be considered as?" Subong didn't want to push too hard. He knew Namgyu was already stressed out enough from this whole thing.
"I would... I would really love that but you don't have to." Namgyu looked away from him now. "Namgyu, if I can help you feel safe and comfortable while healing a part of you, I want to do it."
Namgyu threw himself back into Subong's arms and hugged his waist. "Thank you. Thank you for everything." Subong was slightly taken aback by the sudden hug attack.
"Yeah, no problem Namsu. Anything for you." Subong wrapped his arms around Namgyu. They stayed like that for a moment. "Subong?" Subong hummed in response.
"My head is starting to feel a little fuzzy..." Namgyu nuzzled into Subong's shirt as he felt his mind slipping into little space. "Oh! Uh- shit. Do you need anything? If you need something we can go to the store and get it! Or- or if you want me to leave you alone I can!"
Subong panicked, he didn't know what Namgyu would want him to do and he wanted to get it right this time. "Jst wan my stuff." Namgyu was now little again.
"Your stuff? From the bedroom? From in here? Or both?" Namgyu raised up from Subong. "All of dem." Subong saw how Namgyu's eyes had gotten brighter, more filled with curiosity and wonder.
"Okay Namsu, I'm gonna go get it. It might take a minute, but I'll be right back." Namgyu nodded and watched as Subong got up and walked to their room.
As Subong grabbed the stuffies, blanket, and pacifier from the room, Namgyu jumped off the couch and skipped over to his coloring book. He flipped to a page, picked up a few crayons that were still laying on the carpet, and got to work coloring.
Subong walked back into the living room with the stuff. He saw Namgyu coloring so he set everything but the pacifier down on the coffee table. Subong grabbed the sippy cup from the floor.
It still had a little bit of juice in it so he took it and the pacifier to the kitchen to wash them. Once they were clean, he filled the sippy cup about half way with cranberry juice.
As he was making his way back to the living room be saw the pacifier clip laying on the kitchen counter. Subong picked it up and attached it to the pacifier.
Namgyu was laying on his stomach while kicking his feet happily as he worked on the shark picture. "Can I see what you've colored?" Subong set the sippy cup down on the coffee table and kneeled down next to Namgyu.
"Ya! Did dis one yesterday, and dis one righ now." Namgyu flipped back to the tiger shark picture he colored yesterday and held it up for Subong to see. Then he did the same with the new picture.
"Woah! Those are awesome! The sparkles in it make it extra special! Great job Namsu!" Namgyu beamed at the praise. His eyes lit up even more and his smile was genuine.
"Tank you!" Namgyu turned back to the picture and started at it again. "Oh, do you want this?" Subong held up the pacifier with the clip dangling from it.
Namgyu looked at it but didn't respond. "I can clip it to your shirt incase you want it later then okay?" Namgyu nodded and sat up on his knees so Subong could get to the front of his shirt easier.
Subong clipped it onto the t-shirt and went to grab the remote. "You want to watch anything on TV?" Namgyu shut the coloring book at that and bounced over to where Subong was standing.
"Yeah! Wanna watch SpongeBob!" Subong smiled at how excited Namgyu was. "Okay then. Oh, I made you some more juice too. Here you go." Subong reached over and grabbed the sippy cup and handed it to Namgyu.
They both settled onto the couch and watched the silly display on TV. "Subong... I wanna cuddle. M sleepy now." Namgyu's eyes were fighting to stay open as he spoke.
"Want my stuffies too..." Subong grabbed the cat, triceratops, and blanket off the table and pulled Namgyu into a comfortable cuddling position.
Namgyu grabbed the pacifier from his shirt and stuck it in his mouth as he nuzzled into his comfort items. Subong hummed quietly as he rubbed Namgyu's back. Soon he was napping on top of Subong.
"I love you Namgyu. I always want you to feel safe. Good night my sweet boy." With that, Subong kissed Namgyu on the top of his head and shut his eyes for the night.