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1. Love doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints
Seo Juntae knew he wasn’t a runner.
In fact he might go far enough to say that he was the least athletic of them all.
While Baku fought with his fists, Hyuntak fought with his legs and Sieun fought with his brain, he didn’t fight at all and it was okay he was beginning to accept that some people are just dependent on others and useless like that but the point is Juntae didn’t run. Yet he ran that day.
His breath fogging up in front of him, his lungs shrieking and begging for air but he still kept running. Beside him Baku and Hyuntake didn’t stop too, his eyes darted to Hyuntak’s knee for a while but no sign of pain flashed through the other’s face so he just kept running. In front of them all was Sieun.
The only person who was worse than Juntae at running yet he still managed to outran Baku.
Juntae believes that it’s because for the first time Sieun has something worth running for.
His mind plays the rooftop fight with Seongje on repeat, like a broken record. He ran for them too so now all of them owes it to Sieun to run for his lifeline.
They don’t know him, of course they don’t, but sometimes he catches Sieun looking at Hyuntak with a faraway look in his eyes and he just knows he’s thinking about him.
Juntae has a lot of feelings for Ahn Suho.
Curiosity.
Familiarity.
Sadness.
But he doesn’t know the guy yet he doesn’t slow down. Not when Sieun turns sharply from the hospital gates, not when nurses yell at them to not run. They don’t stop until Sieun does. In Front of a wheelchair.
Seeing Ahn Suho in the flesh is like when kids get to see their disney princesses for the first time in the park and get met with the excitement that a world of magic exists.
That’s how he feels.
Like his wish got granted and he can live with the fairies now.
And even though he doesn’t know Ahn Suho, he can read his face and see the love and vulnerability carved on it.
Sieun doesn’t speak first, he never does really.
Suho’s voice is barely audible over the wind but Juntae still catches the fleeting word. Then he asks about them and Juntae gives his brightest smile possible to Suho while inwardly he wonders how they might look to him.
Three unknown boys panting and barely able to contain their excitement because he woke up even though none of them really know each other with only one thing in common: Sieun.
Sieun, who was Juntae’s knight in shining armor.
Juntae thinks of the world before Sieun as something dark, where he floated through the days and clenched life a little too desperately as if asking it to give him a reason.
Then Sieun came, quiet but shining. Juntae’s days became clearer and for the first time he felt like he was alive, alive and breathing and living.
If you ask Juntae then he’d tell you that Sieun was the unbendable force of nature that kept pulling him in and even though it was dangerous he hadn’t felt alive before him anyway.
So when he saw Sieun moving towards Suho with his shoulders slugged, Juntae’s body still twitched to follow. Not by duty but by love.
He fought the urge and kept rooted in his spot after all it wasn’t his moment to interrupt.
But then Sieun, the strongest person Juntae had ever met, fell to his knees in front of Suho; he couldn't stop the gasp from freeing itself from his mouth.
Sieun let his head fall into Suho’s lap as Suho’s hand shot to tangle itself in Sieun’s hair - Baku’s breath hitched - and let out a wail.
A sob was something too insignificant for the cry Sieun let out and Hyuntak gripped his forearm as an attempt to keep himself from falling. Juntae knew one thing at that moment with a weird sort of certainty that he didn't want to hear Sieun make that sound again ever.
To his horror Sieun didn’t stop, his breath hitching and shoulders jerking because of the sheer force of his cries. A few nurses cast them a look but Sieun doesn’t look up until eventually Suho bends, curling his body over Sieun’s head, his movements so slow that Juntae wouldn’t have guessed that he could ever fight.
He watches Suho’s lips moving, murmuring something to Sieun and slowly his hiccups dissolves into sharp breaths but he still doesn’t lift up his face instead buries it deeper.
All of a sudden Juntae gets the overwhelming sense that they shouldn’t be here, this moment was sacred and he didn’t know if his memory might ever bring it justice.
Even the sun didn’t dare shine harshly on Sieun and Suho like it knew as well that they had suffered enough.
Suho’s voice cut through the air, “Sieun-ah it’s been so long already so don’t hide your face anymore. Let me look at you huh?” and like a moth to a flame Sieun lifted his head.
Sieun, who Juntae never admired less than a God, looked at Suho with the gaze of a desperate believer who finally had his God’s approval.
Juntae’s heartbeat picked up speed. Even with his same unsmiling face Sieun managed to look at Suho with so much love that Juntae didn’t know it was possible to give.
“ It wasn’t your fault ,” he had said a lifetime ago to Sieun and if he had any doubts about it the doubts would vanish from existence after seeing Sieun’s face in this moment.
“You’re so warm hearted Sieun-ah,” Suho remarked with a smile even though his eyes shone in the sun partly with mischief and partly with tears but unlike Sieun he didn’t let them fall.
Sieun shook his head with fondness, the way he does whenever Baku says something idiotically unbelievable. And then his eyes catches them and Juntae knows that the feeling of intruding was worth it because of the loud gratitude in Sieun’s eyes.
“Yah are you going to introduce me to them or let them stand like that? So ill mannered, Sieun.” Suho tsked and eventually waved them all to come near.
They moved with synchronised steps and looked at Sieun as a silent way to ask permission but Sieun had already turned away, already back to looking at the alive Suho like he couldn’t get enough and Juntae swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled.
For the first time, Sieun wasn’t his sun but a cold man finally seeking the much needed warmth.
2. Boys only want love if it's torture
Park Humin or Baku knew he wasn’t the smartest but he liked to believe that he saw through his friends the best.
He knew the anger Hyuntak carried, knew the insecurity that never left Juntae, and he knew the sadness that always revolved around Sieun. The yearning that was carved into his bones with the name Suho all over.
However Ahn Suho wasn’t someone that Baku really liked. A boy who managed to put through Sieun so much didn’t really deserve his approval.
Suho’s stupidity managed to land him and Sieun into a coma.
Most days when he lays at night in his bed and closes his eyes all he can really think of is Sieun, laying still on that wretched hospital bed with tubes all over him.
Exactly how he can see Hyuntak, bleeding and sobbing on another hospital bed when his life got fucked up because Baku wasn’t quick enough to save him.
Exactly like he sees Juntae, his eyes filled with tears and blame that Baku wasn’t quick enough to save him from wandering hands.
Well Baku also doesn’t like hospitals for obvious reasons. But right now he is in one because of Suho - he swears he has heard Suho’s name more than his own.
His fingers are quick in updating everyone on the group chat that today’s lunch plans are cancelled. Again because of Suho.
Baku can bet that most of the things in his life can either be tracked back to Suho or to Baekjin.
Baekjin is something he’s responsible for but Suho, he scoffs and a nurse side eyes him.
Suho isn’t having a good day today, Baku knows because Sieun was supposed to meet him at his place for lunch after visiting Suho but instead ended up asking Baku to bring them both 3 bowls of beef bone soups.
So now Baku walks the halls of a place that haunts his nightmare because Suho needs emotional regulation in the form of his friend.
When he reached the room, he schooled his expression into a mask of happiness, he didn’t like Suho but that was his problem not Sieun’s.
He didn’t bother knocking because one can hardly imagine a just-woke-up-from-coma patient to jump their best friend’s bones. And fair enough there was no jumping.
Suho laid with his back towards Sieun, who was reading a book.
“Come in Baku,” Sieun said without looking up from his book and Baku shivered.
“It’s really creepy when you do that,” but he stepped in nonetheless and placed the parcel on the table beside Sieun but Suho still didn't turn.
“Is Suho asleep?” Baku asks as Sieun moves to pull out the containers.
“No,” Sieun says before opening a container and continuing, “Get up and eat.”
For a while Baku thinks that Suho isn’t going to get up but then he moves, almost sluggishly like he isn’t sure he exists and Baku feels a pang of guilt run through his chest. As a compromise he pulls up a chair and sits beside them.
“You too,” Sieun gestures to Baku as places three bowls in front of each of them at the small table with Suho’s bed.
Suho is so silent that Baku feels the awkwardness thick in the air, suffocating him so he just eats.
He barely gets two spoonfuls in when Sieun says, “Baku has an IQ of 99.” He chokes and falls into a coughing fit.
With tears springing in his eyes Baku watches as Sieun nonchalantly keeps on eating without even sparing him a glance as he dies.
“Hyuntak lied!” he croaks out between coughs. And it was true! Hyuntak seriously lied because it wasn’t that Baku was an idiot, he just didn’t have enough time to complete the quiz.
“And one time he replaced ‘accusation’ with ‘acquisition’ in front of our teacher.” Heat crawls up his neck.
“Yah Yeon Sieun!” but that’s not enough to stop him because he keeps going on.
“Some girls gave him fake phone number with extra digits and he didn’t even noticed,” He continues.
“I did notice, I was just kidding!” he throws up his hands. But Sieun still hadn’t enough.
“And one time he dyed his hair bright red and used basketball as a prop-”
“That was an anime reference and it looked cool!” He defended himself because he refused to get mortified in front of Suho of all people.
“Like slam dunk?” Suho speaks for the first time and Baku is stunned into silence until his words finally registers in his brain and he gets up from his chair in excitement
“Yes! Finally someone gets it!” he points at Suho who's looking at him with amusement.
“Do you know what Gotak said after seeing him?” Sieun places his bowl down.
“What?” Suho is properly grinning now.
“Sieun don-”
“that it looks like he dumped hot sauce on his head” Sieun completes nonetheless like Baku knew he would but he still surges forward and grabs him in a headlock.
He makes no move to throw him off but instead he’s looking at the front with - is Baku dreaming? - a smile.
Not a twitch of lips but a proper smile with teeth showing. Baku freezes and follows his line of sight and there it is.
Suho, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter and he’s looking at them like if he focuses hard enough he can see the red hair.
All of a sudden he’s hit by the crushing weight of the fact that Sieun was trying to make Suho laugh, that Sieun was joking , in the one way that he knew would distract Suho.
Managing to snap out of it, he releases Sieun’s head and sits back down on his seat with a grumble.
Suho’s eyes are no longer looking at him but at Sieun. The same Sieun who’s still smiling.
Baku doesn’t believe that there are enough numbers in the world to count the attempts he has made to make Sieun smile because that’s just what he does.
When he fails with his fists, he has to make up for it with his humor. And it’s fine, Baku likes doing that but Sieun has never once caved in. Amusement and fondness and gratitude? Yeah sure. But never happiness once.
Somehow here in the gloomy hospital room, eating cold takeout is more happiness inducing for Sieun than anywhere out in the world with anyone.
Suho, everything tracks back to Suho. The same Suho he dislikes.
The same Suho that makes Sieun sad but also the same Suho who’s the only person that can make Sieun alive enough to joke and to laugh at jokes. And if Baku has to be that joke then okay he guesses.
“I’m never forgiving you for this, Yeon Sieun” Baku declares and they both rips their eyes off of each other. He says rips because that’s the only way to describe their gazes.
“Now, what other anime do you like?” He asks Suho in his bright eyed way and Suho replies with such enthusiasm that he couldn’t even guess he was having a bad day at all.
Out of the corner of his eye he watches Sieun seeking Suho’s hand and intertwining their fingers. The same Sieun that still doesn’t let Baku touch him often, initiates touch with Suho. His sad Sieun, who cracks jokes for Suho.
They eat like that, Sieun recounting every single mortifying thing that has ever occurred with Baku and Hyuntak to make Suho laugh and Baku quips in his half hearted protests but finds himself laughing along as well.
Sieun’s emotions are contagious, Baku’s heart had cried with Sieun and for the first time he’s also laughing with Sieun.
By the end of the meal Suho is groggy, Baku remembers that his medicines make him more sleepy, so Baku offers to clean up.
Sieun’s hand is still in Suho’s as he sleeps and Sieun discards his books to look at Suho instead.
Just before Baku exits the room to take out the trash, he looks back and notices that Sieun’s smile hasn’t gone away, just softened.
His heart clenches and he blinks rapidly to stop himself from crying. Maybe Suho really isn’t that bad. He makes Sieun happy and also has amazing taste in anime.
Yeah, Baku will make himself work with that.
3. I'll follow you until you love me
Geum Seongje knows he isn’t welcome here at the table of a restaurant with the Eunjang idiots, but that only increases the fun.
If he hadn’t known already he would’ve guessed from the way they all are staring at him, all but newbie, and the reason why he’s here.
Just a few months late but come on they can hardly expect him to not get curious about the guy his newbie fought tooth and nail for.
He leans back and out of the corner Hyuntak’s body twitches and he has to turn to him and laugh. He’s not here to fight and even if he was, he doesn't fight in restaurants. He’s not a savage, come on .
The bell jingles and they all turned towards the door.
He knows he’s here before he sees him and sure enough he was. His newbie.
He doesn’t look at him, not really because he’s busy supporting this other guy with a cane. Even though the guy beside him doesn’t take his hand, newbie is tense in a way that seongje hasn’t seen since the hospital.
The guy on his own however is pathetic. Long hair, pale skin, a visible limp. He would’ve reminded him of Hyuntak but this guy was smiling idiotically, like he was happy to just be here.
Seongje hates guys like him. Weirdly optimistic and smiling like life is a good old comedy. His newbie had terrible taste but it’s okay he can help.
“Hello newbie!” His loud voice manages to attract both of their attention.
The other guy regarded him with confusion while his newbie tries to subtly access the situation around him like he always does. His lips curl up.
His newbie’s plaything moves first and Sieun abandons all thoughts of defense to return to his position of guard dog for this guy. Mr cane doesn’t let him help though.
Too prideful? Too embarrassed?
As soon as they sit down right in front of him, the cane guy is asking for the menu, completely ignoring Seongje’s presence. He lets out a scoff and the cane guy looks at him with raised eyebrows.
“We finally meet, I’m Seongje,” but the guy just holds up a finger in front of him and turns to the waiter to order.
Oh? Seems like he underestimated him, a common mistake.
He throws his head back, laughing softly. Where were these jerks when he was bored out of his mind before the union.
The cane guy orders for everyone with only Juntae speaking in between, the rest stays silent either content or too bussy to argue.
When the waiter finally leaves he turns to Seongje.
“So Seongje,” he repeats like he’s tasting the way his name feels before continuing, “the same guy who was left behind by the union and as petty revenge you helped throw them off only to chicken out the day of the fight, right? I’m Suho.”
He laughs again then, not softly but loudly, he couldn’t help it even if he wanted to. These fuckers are just so interesting.
Beside him he hears Juntae let out a laugh that he tries to smother with a cough while Baku is grinning like he cannot believe it and Hyuntak’s body released some of its tension but Seongje pays them no mind.
“I like you,” he says to the cane guy - to Suho and the bastard just smiles like Seongje is amusing in a way new toys are like he cannot wait to disassemble him.
“Why are you here?” Sieun, ever the protector, speaks finally and he tilts his head, a smile still dancing on his lips.
“Can’t I join my friends for a meal?”
“No,” Sieun replies. If Sieun was a dog, he’d be baring his teeth with growls vibrating through his chest. Annoying guard dogs.
“Too bad I’m staying,” he leans in and whispers.
The waiter arrives them, monotone and bored, setting up their dishes and before he can blink Baku and Suho has the meat on the grill and Hyuntak is talking about this thing he and Juntae did but Sieun keeps on looking at him, long and unblinking and he stares right back.
If Sieun was a dog, he would’ve bitten him. The thought sends a lick of excitement through him.
Baku and Suho strike up a conversation as well and they make sure to include Sieun occasionally. Seongje realises that he wants in. In whatever they all do, the way they talk, he wants it too.
He thinks of Baekjin, of whatever resemblance of friends he had in his life but nothing was like this. He knows worship but he doesn’t know equality.
Baku laughs loudly at something Hyuntak says as Juntae and Suho remove the cooked meat from the grill. Juntae distributes it among them but hesitates in front of Seongje so he picks up his own chopsticks and accepts the meat.
In front of him, Sieun is still regarding him with suspicion but his gaze is somehow less alert. Like with the acceptance of the meat he has somehow accepted Juntae’s kidness.
Shit, that makes him feel pathetic but the meat is too good to pass. Perfectly cooked, everyone remarks as they eat, yes even him. Tongues scorching yet they don’t pause eating, everyone but Suho and Sieun.
Seongje watches with furrowed eyebrows as Suho places down a lettuce and wraps everything with the sauce in. He rolls it in a ball and holds it in front of Sieun.
Newbie looks at Suho, the lettuce wrap and then the others.
All the conversation halts because everyone is anticipating Sieun’s move.
Seongje watches in surprise as redness crawls up Sieun’s neck, Juntae beside him makes a noise of surprise but Seongje doesn’t remove his eyes at all.
Not paying anyone any attention, Suho just looks at Sieun with raised eyebrows. Sieun stares at him with his same violent eyes but Suho doesn’t back down until they all watch in horror as Sieun opens his mouth and takes the entire wrap in his mouth all while not breaking eye contact with Suho.
Smiling and satisfied, Suho proceeds to make another one for himself and eats with a grin.
“Did Suho just hand fed Sieun?” Hyuntak speaks and for the first time Seongje agrees.
He cannot help the bark of the laughter. Sieun, the crazy fucker who stabs people with everything and anything lets himself be handfed . Oh he’s so glad he came here today. “Look what you guys did to poor Seongje,” Baku tsks and he snaps his neck towards him.
“Who are you calling ‘poor’.” But Baku then does the most unexpected thing and brings up a lettuce wrap in front of his lips, raising eyebrows like Suho did.
“Do you want to die , motherfucker?” he opens his mouth to laugh but then Baku grips his neck and all but shoves in the wrap in his mouth.
“Yah!” he yells but his words are muffled by the food that he hurries to chew but then they all laugh. Not at him, he realises,not cruelly atleast.
He blinks and chews, the ground tilts beneath his feet and all he can feel is want . Warm laughter and filled bellies. Yes, yes, he wants this.
Infront of him, Sieun’s lips are curled up and he’s still chewing but Seongje sees the understanding in his gaze. He doesn’t want Sieun only, now he wants them all.
Later when they all exited the restaurant, he walks along them. Grinning. Until Suho pauses and turns to him.
“I heard you believe is keeping it even,” everyone around them shuffles uncomfortably with the change in atmosphere but not Seongje.
“Yes,” as soon as the word left his mouth all signs of amusement vanished from Suho’s face and with the reflexes of an ex MMA fighter, he brought up his cane and slammed it into Seongje’s knee. He fell to the ground with a laugh and a groan.
Gasps and protest rings through the others, not Sieun though and he doesn’t have to look up to know that.
He still laughing when the cane slams down on him again but this time on his abdomen, knocking air out of him.
“I really do like you,” Seongje looks up at him.
The cane slams into his hips next and fuck that hurt like a bitch. He would’ve said so but he thinks Suho knows.
“That’s for hitting Sieun on the day of the fight,” Suho says and Seongje laughs.
He’s a lunatic bastard too. Juntae offers him a hand and he takes it. Suho walks in front and Sieun’s eyes don’t leave him for even a second.
Seongje knew one thing then, Sieun wasn’t the guard dog, Suho was. So when Baku asks him if he’s okay all he can think about is that he wants them all.
4. Maybe I tried other things but nothing can capture the sting
Yeon Sieun knows he’s good at math.
Good is an understatement, he’s the best at math and he doesn't like to waste his time on things like being humble.
The only thing he’s better at than math is self control. He can want something with every fibre of his being yet not even glance at it twice.
But something about Ahn Suho’s existence made him physically incapable to do any of those right now.
He stared at the equations like they were something foreign. Pen tapping and eyes jumping on the clock. 15 more minutes.
From his bed Suho whined his name once again and Sieun’s grip on his pen tightened. No, 15 more minutes.
With a deep breath he forced himself to calm down and process the equations. It was differentiation, basic ones even. With his head down, he started working.
He was barely two steps in when he felt footsteps behind him and then Suho’s face on his shoulder. Sieun’s breath hitched, heartbeat speeding up like it does whenever Suho is around.
His hungry eyes traces the soft skin from the jawline to his neck to his adam’s apple and then the shirt where his skin disappeared, he gulps but Suho hasn’t noticed him yet so he gives himself a few more moments of eyeing that nerve where he knows is Suho’s heartbeat, the proof of him being alive. And he knows that if he let his hand wander a little lower, he’ll find the proof of Suho being able to breathe with no external force attached.
“It’s wrong. The answer will be 12.25, you wrote 0.55,” Suho’s chest vibrates and Sieun’s grip on the pen tightened.
“I didn’t notice,” he mumbles and he instantly knew that was the wrong thing to say because with his eyes filled with mischief, Suho turned to him all while keeping his chin on Sieun’s shoulder, making them too close for Sieun’s brain to properly function.
“Am I distracting you?” Suho whispers, his breath fanning Sieun’s face and for a while, he feels faint.
“No,” he barely makes out and he thinks Suho’s eyes glance downwards but before he could overthink it, he averts his gaze and pretends to go back to his equations.
He wasn’t going to get any work done, not when Suho is so warm and so close and so alive. Not when Sieun’s heart was throbbing in his chest to get to Suho.
Taking his attempt of distracting himself as dismissal, Suho removed his face and flopped down on the bed with a sigh.
If Sieun was a braver man, he would’ve gripped Suho’s wrist and leaned in. If he didn’t love Suho as much as he did now, he would’ve asked him out. He knows Suho wouldn’t have made fun of him, his Suho isn’t cruel like that.
The lead of the mechanical pencil broke and Sieun blinked before shuffling forward to replace it when Suho spoke, “I’m joining the restaurant again.”
Sieun feels his stomach twist as he looks at Suho who’s eyes are fixed on the ceiling.
“Why,” he asks and clenches his fist in his lap because he thinks that if he didn't he would’ve begged Suho.
“I need to do something, I can’t keep floating here and there around you. You have a life apart from me, Sieun-ah,” Suho still doesn’t look at him.
“Don’t be an idiot,” he snaps at Suho.
‘ I only started living after you, ’ is what he doesn’t say.
“I am an idiot anyway,” Suho replies and Sieun cannot take it, his bittersweet smile like he’s in a tragedy. Doesn’t he get it that Sieun would fight fate itself for Suho?
“I am serious, don’t do it because of that stupid reason. You haven’t even recovered all your movement, how do you expect to drive a motorcycle?” Suho flinches and Sieun wants to apologize, wants to kiss Suho’s feet and beg him to stay with him.
“You don’t have to remind me that I’m useless now. Anyway they offered me the cashier’s position,” Suho’s speak and his voice uncharacteristically sharp.
“That’s not what I’m doing,” his voice heavy with the weight of the tears that he can shed and finally Suho looks at him.
“Then what are you doing?” and Sieun has an idea that Suho isn’t talking about this conversation but he still replies, “looking after you.”
“Well then don’t,” Suho all but snaps and gets up and Sieun flinches.
Suho sits on the corner of the bed for an eternity until eventually he speaks, “I’m sorry, I’m leaving. See you tomorrow.”
And then he moves to pick up his discarded cane and Sieun’s body moves without thinking. Well no he does think, he thinks of that moment lifetimes ago on his door where Suho was right there and Sieun still let him go. When Sieun’s arms ached for Suho’s embrace, yet he still let him go.
No, he isn’t letting him go again. He grips his wrists and tugs at it gently. “What is it, Suho-yah. Talk to me,” his voice somewhere between the pathetic path of desperation and devotion.
He doesn’t care, not really. He would do anything for Suho, no questions asked. But when Suho looks at him, Sieun watches him fighting tears.
“Let me hug you,” and oh in that moment he would’ve even killed for Suho. So he stays very still until Suho’s arms barricade around him, Sieun’s hand gripping the back of Suho’s shirt a little more aggressively than needed.
Sieun could’ve stayed like this for his entire life and die a happy man but then Suho spoke, “I lied. It isn’t really about you. I just- I have to do something with myself,” he sniffs and Sieun had to clear his own throat before speaking.
“Do it then. Get the job,” the words kill him but if Suho needs this then okay Sieun doesn’t mind killing himself.
Suho pulls back, his eyes wide with surprise. “Take the job but I’m picking and dropping you,” Sieun continues further and Suho’s eyebrow furrows.
“What about cram school,” he inquires but Sieun shrugs.
“I’ll manage.”
“Don’t sacrifice your studies, you love studying.” but Sieun only shrugs again.
I love you more, is what he doesn’t say.
“Why,” Suho asks, his voice shaky from something that Sieun recognizes in himself and his eyes tracing over his face like searching for a sign.
Sieun doesn’t know how to answer that so he just stays like that, hand on Suho’s back still clutching his shirt and eyes too filled with unshed tears and determination ringing loud.
“I- I can’t do this. You cannot do this to me,” Suho closes his eyes and leans on his forehead.
Sieun keeps his eyes open, he cannot bear to miss Suho’s face, not even for a moment. He hums, encouraging Suho to speak.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” Suho sighs but Sieun is too panicked to dissect it.
His heart crawling up in his throat in panic. Sieun is good at self control but not like this, not when Suho is so near and so in pain.
“I think I do,” and that’s the most Sieun finds himself capable of saying. If he continues, he’ll cry and tell Suho how bleak his life was without him.
“Then tell me,” Suho is begging him now and one can hardly blame Sieun for obeying.
His hand leaves Suho’s jacket but not his skin, he doesn’t think he can take that and brings up his palm on Suho’s nape and weaves it in between hair. Suho shivers as he tugs, as gently as he can, to get Suho to face him. Eyes half opened and their noses touching.
Sieun knows that he can move his neck backwards, can tug Suho’s hair further so create some distance but he knows that even if he tries to do so his body won’t comply.
His need for Suho extends beyond the mental barrier of words like self control, his need for Suo is an alive and breathing thing that’s pulsing in him with an ache.
“What do you want to know,” he speaks and their lips brush.
“This isn’t what friends do.” Suho says plainly and it’s a punch to Sieun’s gut. He knows that, doesn’t he.
None of this is what friends do, friends don’t go on a homicidal spree because someone put their friend in a coma, friends don’t spend every waking hour fantasizing kissing their bestfriend. But it’s not a question so Sieun just hums in acknowledgement.
“Am I just a friend?” Suho then asks, his voice thick with doubt that is almost incomprehensible to Sieun. Isn’t it obvious ?
“You’re my bestfriend,” their lips brush again and Sieun had to tighten his grip on Suho’s hair as an attempt to stop himself from surging forward and Suho makes a noise that Sieun desperately attempts to ignore because they need to have this conversation right now so he continues, “You’re the reason I like getting up in the morning. How could you not know?”
Suho’s eyes are wide like he cannot believe the words coming out of Sieun’s mouth.
“Once you were in a critical condition while in the coma. I remember getting the call and running and then all of a sudden there was this truck in front of me, coming straight at me but I couldn’t move. I was in a coma for days.” he discloses like a shameful man because he cannot comprehend that Suho doesn’t know .
Suho makes a move to get away and speak but Sieun merely tugs at his hair again. If he stops right now, he will never be able to finish.
“The truck didn’t even touch me, my body shut down. This is what you are, Suho. You’re the reason I live,” the words at the end crack like they cannot bear the weight they carry.
“I didn’t want to wake up, not if there was a chance you wouldn’t be there but I had to see you.” He finishes and a single tear finally escapes his eye.
Suho swallows, once and then twice but Sieun just waits patiently for him to speak, he waited years before so he can wait again.
“I am going to kiss you right now and if you don’t feel the same way don’t hesitate to stop me,” Sieun feels lightheaded but doesn’t move.
There’s no universe where Sieun is not in love with Suho. Suho moves so slowly that for the first time in what he can remember, Sieun’s patience runs out and he moves first.
Hand flattened on the nape of Suho’s neck as he catches his lips with his own.
For the first time Sieun believes in heaven because there’s no other scenario where it’s possible for something to feel so good.
His lungs expand and his heart shrieks as Suho kisses him back.
Yes, this is heaven, it has to be heaven.
It starts slow, they both testing the way they taste, mouths exploring, hearts bursting until Sieun has enough and he licks his way into Suho’s mouth.
It’s a carnage then, they’re both hungry and famished for each other and they bite and suck and clash but they don’t break apart. Not when Sieun tugs at Suho’s hair and he moans loudly. Not when Suho starts backing them both towards somewhere Sieun doesn’t care to know.
He’s so lost in the way Suho’s mouth aligns into his that he’s not aware of the mattress beneath him until Suho pulls away.
Sieun makes a noise of protest and goes back to chasing his mouth but Suho holds him away with a hand on his shoulder.
“What’s the quadratic formula,” Suho asks and Sieun blinks.
“What,” he croaks out.
“Tell me the quadratic formula,” Suho is grinning and the thing is Sieun tries to focus but his brain at that moment cannot make sense of anything apart from Suho and his lips. But he tries to think nonetheless because Suho was asking him something yet fails.
“uh negative c, plus minus by the root of b square minus 4ac divided by ugh-,” he whispers and Suho laughs in his own warm way and Sieun’s heart feels right at home.
But then Suho kept on laughing and even though he loves the sound he wants his lips back so he arches his back and brings up a hand to tug Suho forward.
“That’s wrong. So I am distracting,” Suho breathes out on his lips.
“Very ,” he admits and kisses Suho’s smile away.
5. And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars
Go Hyuntak knew he was rash, too quick to make up his opinions about people so more than often he ends up being wrong.
He thought Na Baekjin was a nice and sensible guy, but he ended up ruining Hyuntak’s knee and his career. He thought Park Humin was an arrogant bastard, but he became one of the only good parts of Hyuntak’s life. He thought Juntae was just a random scared kid, but Juntae has saved his life so many times that he has lost count.
But one thing Hyuntak is willing to admit that he was not wrong on was his judgement of Sieun as someone incapable of being jealous.
Apparently his best friend disagrees because he has done a degree on Sieun’s psychological state with his 99 IQ. They both have a bet going on about it and today is the day Humin has decided that he wants to win.
The plan was set in motion when they first arrived at the park, near Suho’s workplace as they wait for him to finish. Unlike everyday, Humin held Sieun back from going to pick Suho up and let Juntae go instead.
Hyuntak barely held his scoff when Sieun just nodded.
Sometimes Hyuntak wondered if Sieun was capable of loving like that. Asexual people exist and if he had to guess then Sieun does fit the description. He can count on his fingers the amount of people Sieun has shown interest in and still have ten fingers left.
Humin believes that it’s because of Suho but Hyuntak refuses to agree. Since when is Baku a good judge of emotions? It’s okay though because today he’s gonna eat tteokbokki with Baku's money when he wins, but for now he passes the basketball to Sieun and watches him fail horribly.
The throw is actually so bad that he has to hold tight onto Baku to stop himself from falling when laughing. “I seriously think that he’s getting worse,” he wheezes out when he partly recovers and Sieun just stands there and looks at both of them in his amused but not smiling way.
The thought of an unsmiling bastard like Sieun being in love just makes him laugh harder, oh that tteokbokki is going to taste so good.
“Oh they’re here,” he looks back to see where Baku is pointing and sure enough there they are. His eyes widened when he took in their appearances. Matching hoodies and Juntae brushing his hand through Suho’s hair and Suho smiling down at him.
He looks back at Baku who winks at him.
Sieun stood beside them both, silent and observing with the same blank expression and he turned to Baku enough to flash him his smug ‘I told you so’ expression.
“Yah come on, hurry lovebirds,” Hyuntak yells from where he’s standing.
“Yes, stop being so lovey dovey.” Baku joins in. He loves this dramatic jerk so much. “What are you both talking about,” Suho yells back as he walks towards him. With his cane.
Hyuntak cannot bear to look at Suho’s cane, his stomach recoils and it makes him think that it could’ve been his fate. How near he was to losing his foot’s movement.
He doesn’t know why the cane makes him so uncomfortable, it isn’t like their injuries were any similar. Ahn Suho lost movement in his leg because of the hits he took to his brain which was worsened by the long duration of his coma, nothing like Hyuntak’s knee but it still scares him.
Sometimes when he looks at Suho all he can think of is that it could’ve been him. He knows that Sieun does that too. Even before Suho woke up, he had watched Sieun look at him and not see him. It’s okay, Baku did that too at first.
Hyuntak, for as long as he can remember, has always been an extension of the people others around him have lost.
It’s almost routine to him, first his older brother’s because his parents never knew that the cure to autism isn’t having another child. Then his teacher of first grade because he looked exactly like her dead son. Then Park Humin because he had to save someone as a way to make up for what Na Baekjin became. Then Yeon Sieun because Suho didn’t have his both legs like he did.
And it’s okay. He loves them and he knows they were all hurting. Hyuntak, for what it’s worth, doesn't really believe in holding grudges.
“What do you think, Hyuntak?” Humin’s voice anchors him back.
“What,” he says dumbfoundedly. Suho and Juntae have joined them now and Baku has an arm around Suho’s shoulder.
“Do you think Juntae can score more baskets than Sieun?”
Maybe Hyuntak is biased but he actually does believe Juntae can do that. Sieun is horrible .
“Oh absolutely,” he makes a show to exaggerate every syllable. Red crawls up Juntae’s neck.
“I bet on Sieun,” Suho says, his eyes smiling and only directed at Sieun.
“Then okay let’s test it out. At positions!” Humin ruffles Sieun and Juntae hair in his hyperactive way.
“This is stupid,” Sieun finally says and he anticipated that.
“See? He admits it himself that betting on him is stupid,” and the look Sieun gives him would’ve made Hyuntak think he wants to pick a fight with him during the early stages of their friendship but not anymore so he just grins at Sieun.
“I thought it was well known that I was stupid,” Suho shamefully admits and here’s the thing, Suho is so obvious that it hurts Hyuntak to know that he ended up falling for Sieun.
Hyuntak loves Sieun but unrequited love with him is the perfect recipe for a nightmare.
“We should decide on a prize for the winner,” Juntae suggests.
Hyuntak turns to look at him, is he in on this?
“Easy, the prize is Suho.” All of their necks snap at Park Humin who just nods his head.
“Suho?” Sieun asks, his voice thoroughly done with all of them.
“Score the most baskets to win a date with Suho!” Humin holds his imaginary microphone and Suho just laughs.
“Did he hit his head today?” Sieun asks him but he just shrugs.
“It’ll be fun,” and if it was possible Sieun’s eyes further narrowed.
“Then you better do well, Sieun-ah.” and with that Suho turns away, heading for the nearest bench.
“Meanwhile, prepare yourself to go on a romantic date with Juntae!” Baku yells and Suho throws him a thumbs up.
“Do you even know how meanwhile is spelled,” Sieun scoffs and moves past them all to the court, Juntae following closely behind.
“I’m telling you, he’s jealous and in love with Suho!” Humin whispers and now it’s Hyuntak’s turn to scoff.
“I’m not falling for your propaganda until I see Sieun doing everything to get that basket.”
“Patience, my man Gotak,” Baku threw his hand on Hyuntak’s shoulder and he scoffed again.
“Argh,” a noise of struggle makes him look past Humin at Juntae, who missed his basket.
“You’re doing amazing Juntae!” He cheers and Juntae gives him a shy smile.
“How many shots do we both get in total?” Sieun asks but his eyes are on the basket, like he’s calculating something.
Hyuntak shivers, it’s so weirdly hot and creepy at the same time when he does that.
“Ten each because you both suck,” Baku yells, making sure Suho is included and Hyuntak’s heart does a weird flip.
Sometimes he looks at Humin and cannot imagine how someone so full of love and life and kindness can exist.
Before he starts quoting poems about Humin’s features, and he has done that before , he turns to watch Sieun take his place, shuffle and part his feet, adjusts the angle of his hands and shoot. And eventually miss.
Hyuntak laughs at both the shot and Baku.
In love, yeah right.
Juntae takes the ball then and shoots, he scores and Sieun just furrows his eyebrows further.
“Juntae’s lucky day. Suho is so hot, man.” Baku sighs loudly and Sieun’s body twitches towards them.
“Those abs with that smile? Yeah I know,” Hyuntak lets himself play the devil’s advocate anyway.
Sieun all but snatches the ball out of Juntae’s hands and Hyuntak blinks. They’re not harsh with Juntae, that’s their basic rule.
He watches as Sieun settles again. The same position as before but this time he tilts his hands and scores. Hyuntak’s jaw drops as the ball goes through the basket and Suho cheers.
Wordlessly, Sieun passes the ball back to Juntae, who misses this time.
With an undeniable feeling of horror, Hyuntak watches as Sieun scores with the same precision. Again and again and again.
He stops leaning on Baku somewhere down with the 8th shot. On their 8th shot when the score is 3-Juntae and 6-Sieun.
Hyuntak can count on his fingers the amount of times Sieun has managed to shoot that good and still have 10 fingers left.
“What the fuck,” Hyuntak whispers.
“Told you,” Baku says, his breath brushing Hyuntak’s ear.
Sieun makes the 8th shot and just walks past them all, towards Suho’s bench and Hyuntak’s eyes follow him all the way through.
Is it possible for his friend to get possessed? That has to be the only explanation.
Sieun pauses in front of Suho, and seriously Suho needs to stop looking at Sieun like he hung up the stars in the sky.
He watches as Sieun looks around them in the empty park and then he loses all his sanity because for some reason Sieun bends down and presses his lips on Suho’s.
It’s over in the blink of an eye and Sieun curls around Suho on the bench.
Suho, the bastard, just looks smug.
“What the fuck,” he and Baku yells simultaneously and moves towards them.
“Did that really just happen or I hallucinated them kissing. Are my BL mangas causing me to have hallucinations?” Juntae, now walking beside them to the culprits, said.
“Then we’re all having the same hallucinations together at the same time,” he mumbles in a daze like state as they reaches the goddamn bench.
“We’re dating,” Sieun gives them all a bored look.
“What the fuck,” Hyuntak only says.
“See? You broke Gotak,” Suho leans back but he’s grinning and intertwining hands with Sieun anyway. To his utmost surprise, he watches Sieun let him.
“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Baku exclaims and then proceeds to hug each and every one of them in excitement.
“They’re not pregnant, calm down!” he throws up his hands.
“I knew it too but still congratulations guys,” Juntae claps his hands with a grin but Sieun only narrows his eyes.
“Baku asked me to do that, I swear on Hyuntak’s life, Sieun!” Juntae defended himself.
“What? Why me!” he protests.
Sieun flashes Juntae a small smile but shuffled close to Suho anyway.
Oh, Hyuntak was going to be sick .
Sighing in defeat, he reaches into the pocket for the money he keeps and hands it over to Baku who just laughs loudly.
Okay, Hyuntak will like to take back his previous statement, apparently he have had wrong opinions about everyone .