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"What's this?" Derek asks, accepting the mug offered to him.
Casey's body bends forward, sitting down beside him on the step. "Just coffee."
"At midnight?" he points out, but she only shrugs in response, lifting the chipped ceramic to her lips. Inhaling the cool October air, Derek mimics her, taking a long sip.
The silence is interrupted by laughter wafting from the house. Even though the voices are loud - mere feet away in the kitchen - he feels far away, almost in a dream-like trance.
It's the first time in years they have all been together. The entire family. Every McDonald-Venturi under the same roof. Well, most of them. At the moment, the two eldest siblings are outside, drinking in the night air.
"I can't believe Edwin is engaged," Casey breathes, laughing quietly as she does so.
Derek exhales. "Yeah. Crazy."
She lightly bumps his shoulder. "Lizzie's married off. Now Ed. It's just a matter of time before it's Marti's turn. Who would have thought our younger siblings would have found love before us?" she jokes, but he doesn't find it very funny.
He just takes another sip, looking up at the sky. He wishes he could see the stars. Like in the movies. Star gazing, sipping coffee on the back step... Casey's body shifts toward him, shivering against a sudden breeze.
"Do you think you'll ever get married?" she whispers, folding her hands protectively over the hot mug in her hands, trying to keep warm.
Bowing his head, Derek looks into the dark liquid in his hands, reflecting the light coming from the house. "I don't know." He swallows. "You?"
She shrugs. "I'd like to."
"Me too."
"Get married?"
"Yeah." His fingers tighten against the cup, twisting it mechanically in his grasp. The corner of his mouth twitches upward, as he clears his throat. "How come you haven't found yourself a husband yet, McDonald? I would've thought, by now, you'd be married off with a whole motley crew of kids.
She chuckles lightly. "Nah. Not really my style."
He raises an eyebrow at her. It's totally her style.
"I would have thought you'd have a bunch of kids by now," she twists, turning the topic over to him.
Placing his mug to the side, he leans back to get a better look at her features, concealed in the darkness. "What makes you think that?"
"You love kids," she answers, obviously. "Just thought maybe you'd want some of your own."
Hesitantly, his chest inflates, and he nods. "I do." His legs stretch out in front of him as he leans back on his elbows. As an afterthought, he adds, "but I don't just want to have kids with anyone."
She swallows a long sip of coffee. "Then who?"
Looking over at her, he finds that her eyes are inquisitively searching his own, and when he makes eye contact, her body stiffens. He rubs his nose absently, and averts his gaze back up to the pitch-black sky. "I don't know yet."
Casey downs the last of her coffee, and tucks her arms into her torso. Without a coat, she shivers uncontrollably. "You know," she says definitively, and Derek can tell she's about to begin one of her long, drawn-out stories that he's learned to crave over the years. Especially since it's been so long since he's seen her - since he's seen the family.
"Hmm?" he responds, brushing his shoulder against her arm to let her know he's interested.
"Back in high school, I had this big plan for what my future was going to be," she confesses.
"Ten year plan?" he interjects.
"Try fifty year plan," she corrects, laughing through her nose. "I honestly thought I knew everything back then."
"I thought you did," Derek states matter-of-fact-ly.
She smirks. "You did?"
His shoulders lift as he sits up and leans forward. "Yeah. I mean, you had everything figured out. You were so put together, compared to me." He picks at a rip in his jeans, pulling a strand loose and twisting it between his fingers. "I... I envied you."
He can sense her smile, even without looking at her. "Yeah?"
He nods and smiles, too. "Yeah. You were cool."
She inhales and bites her lip. "Did Derek Venturi just say that I'm cool?" she teases, poking his shoulder.
He sits up and rolls his eyes at her. "What are you? In high school?"
She shrugs. "It feels like it," she retorts, still smiling widely. "The Great Derek Venturi just said I was cool. I'm totally reliving the fifteen-year-old butterflies."
He snorts, remembering what he used to be like as a teenager. He thought he was all that, but he honestly cringes when he is reminded of his past life. Thank God he's grown up.
"I gave you butterflies?" he picks up, looking at her with lifted eyebrows.
Lowering her eyes to her lap, she shrugs self consciously. "Sometimes."
"Really?"
Playfully bumping him with her shoulder, she nods. "There was a reason why you were popular, Derek. You were the cause of a lot of fifteen-year-old girls' butterflies."
He smiles, trying not to show too much amusement. "I just didn't know I had an effect on you."
"Are you kidding?" she nearly scoffs. "You definitely had an effect on me."
He eyes her briefly. "Did you have a thing for me?"
Her lips part, but nothing escapes her swelling throat.
Nodding, he turns away. "Wow."
"Don't let it get to your head. I was a confused teenage girl, with a cute boy in the bedroom beside me. How was I not supposed to develop a thing for you?" she explains with ease. Her feet dance along the bottom step, brushing over the grass.
He had always had his suspicions, and now that she had confirmed them, something inside of him clicks. "You ever wonder what it would have been like if our parents never got married?" he asks, his tone of voice changing from playful to inquisitive.
Her sharp breath cuts the air. "What?"
His fingers keep running over the hole in his jeans, nervously. "If we never became siblings. What would have happened?"
She swallows. "Well, for one, we never would have met-"
"Pretend that we did."
"Why?"
"Indulge me, Case. For a minute, just pretend that our parents never married. We met as teens. What do you think would have happened?" He cranes his neck to face her, searching her expression as she concentrates on her shoes. "Do you think we would have been so mean to each other?"
She doesn't respond.
Kicking the ground, he sighs. "Remember Operation Disengagement?"
"How could I forget?"
"I knew back then."
"About what?"
"About my feelings." The rip on his jeans just gets more interesting. "You had a thing for the cute boy in the bedroom beside you, I had a crush on the girl beside mine."
He waits, looking over at her, for a reaction. Something wild and crazy. But she only nods and taps her toes together.
"Do you think we would have dated?" he asks, running his thumb over his knee, widening his stance to brush against her.
She smirks. "I think I would have given you a hard time," she decides. "We still rubbed each other the wrong way. Even before I knew who you were."
"But I knew who you were," he points out. "I was purposely provoking you into disliking me." Thinking back, he can't believe how stupid he once was. "Because I liked you."
"So you're saying if I wasn't your sister, then you never would have been so rude to me."
"Exactly." He punctuates with a nod. "I would have pursued you like any other girl."
She looks over at him, amused. "Which is to say, pick me up and drop me ten seconds later when another girl would walk by."
"Probably not."
"What makes you think that?"
He scrubs his hands down the top of his thighs, shrugging. "I... I know you don't think much about my taste in girls," he starts, and inhales deeply. "I had a type, Casey." He still does, but it's easier to deal with it in the past tense. "I kind of had a weakness for smart girls. Strong girls, who don't let themselves get pushed around."
She stays silent.
"Why do you think I liked Sally so much?"
"She was perfect for you," Casey finally interjects, thoughtfully.
He picks up his mug again and takes a short sip, trying to quench his dry throat. "She was a lot like you, you know."
Shaking her head, Casey protests. "I was nothing like Sally! She was so sweet and put together, and beautiful."
"All which apply to you."
He doesn't even care if he doesn't phrase it in the past tense anymore... She is sweet and put together... And beautiful. And she always will be.
"I would have dated you, Case. And I would have held on to you."
She fidgets with her own fingers, rocking back and forth slightly. He gets it; she feels awkward. He doesn't blame her. It's a lot to take in. He might as well be confessing these feelings to her using this version of reality, rather than pretending they are something they are not.
"I don't wonder why Lizzie and Ed found love before I did," he answers, blinking up at the starless sky. "Because as far as I'm concerned, I've been in love for years."
Her eyes widen. Her body stiffens. Her breath hitches, and she bites her lips together.
"Case?"
"You've been in love with me?"
It's not exactly that simple. To some extent, it's true - he's in love with her - but mostly in an otherworldly, parallel universe type of love. A type of love that makes most sense to him, because real, honest, passionate love for Casey is something he's never even considered. Not yet, anyway.
"I know I can't picture life without you," he answers, drinking more coffee. "Whether it's with you, or along side you." He shrugs. "As long as you're in my life, that's all that matters."
"I..." Her hand lifts, brushing her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I have a confession," she blurts, as if it's a real surprise.
He nods, smirking.
"I haven't gotten married because..." There she goes again, fidgeting with her own fingers. "I haven't gotten married because I sabotage my relationships on purpose."
His eyebrows furl as he glances at her.
She just hangs her head, covering her face with her hands. "I feel when it starts getting serious, and I just panic. I distance myself and stop being attentive, because I get scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of losing you," she says, her voice urgent.
"Casey-"
"I love you, Derek."
His heart stops beating, his ears ringing with those words. Four simple words. Words he has waited the past fifteen years to hear.
She sighs, hugging her knees. "That's why I sabotage my relationships."
He stares at the sky. "Oh."
Tapping her foot, her head turns to him. "That's it?"
He returns her gaze. "What?"
Exhaling pointedly, she says, "I just told you that I love you, and all you have to say is 'oh'?"
He wishes he had something better to say, but he's already told her how he feels. "What do you want me to say?" he retorts, his voice raising in volume as irritation sets in.
"I don't know. Something more than a generic monosyllable."
He sighs. "Oh. Okay," he adds, tongue in cheek. "That better?"
"De-rek-"
"What?" he interrupts. "You love me. So what. Life goes on."
Her jaw clenches tightly, and her eyes narrow threateningly as she stares at him in anger. Then, her body swivels the other way, purposefully keeping him out of view.
He sighs, and rubs a hand through his hair. "Look, Case, this still doesn't change the fact that you're my sister."
"Step sister," she corrects, angrily.
He groans. 'Same difference' is her line, but he desperately wants to steal it. "Okay, what do you suggest we do?" he asks, opening up to suggestions.
Her arms unfold and she cautiously turns back to him. "Can't we... Try?"
"Try?" he asks for clarification.
"Try. Us. Together."
Rubbing out an imaginary itch on his nose, he sighs. "What about our family?"
She sits up. "They're all inside. Why don't you go ask them?"
His eyes widen. "What? No. I'm not doing that."
She pokes his chest. "You're the one all freaked out, and wondering 'what if'," she reminds him. "I'm fine with it. And I bet you at least four out of five family members would be fine, too."
"Who's the fifth one?"
She shrugs. "Your dad."
"Why my dad?"
"He's always the last to catch on to these things. Remember when Lizzie came out? He didn't even fully register her fiancé was a woman until the wedding rehearsal."
"You're saying he'll just deny the facts?"
"Like he usually does."
Derek inhales, shaking his head. Is she honestly serious? Him and her? Her and him? Them, together? And what kind of relationship is she even suggesting here? She knows his job is tough. Being an assistant coach for the NHL is time consuming. And he doesn't even live in Ontario any more. And she sure as hell isn't moving. Her whole life - her job and friends are all in Toronto. They can't just start something new. Not in the middle of their lives.
"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Derek asks, massaging a knot at the base of his neck. Because this would all be so much easier if she had just said something before their lives had actually begun.
"The same reason you didn't," she throws back at him.
"Case, I can't just leave Calgary."
"We can do long distance-"
He grumbles. "No, we can't. I can't just... be with you, but never be with you." Her mouth opens to respond, but he lifts a finger and jabs the air in her direction. "And don't you even suggest quitting your job and moving out west," he commands, putting his foot down. "You've worked too hard to just leave."
"Some things are more important than a job, Derek," she argues.
He shakes his head. "I'm not."
"You might be."
"Trust me. I'm not."
He would go on, but the back door opens, and someone pokes their head out into the night along with them. His body stiffens tightly as he turns to see who the addition is.
"What are you guys talking about?" Marti asks, stepping out onto the steps with them, folding her arms against the chill in the air.
Derek shakes his head. "Nothing. What's up?" He is aware of Casey's eyes plastered to the side of his face, giving him a prodding glance.
Stepping down a few stairs, Marti kicks a leaf taking up room beside her feet. "I'm just..." She shrugs, and slides down to join them, sitting. "I'm just sad, I guess."
Scooting to the side, Derek makes room on the step he's been sharing with Casey, and Marti slips into the open spot.
"Why are you sad?" he inquires, draping his arm over her shoulders, holding her close.
She leans into him, and then reaches out to hold Casey's hand. "Everything is different."
Derek's stomach churns. "Change is okay," he comforts, squeezing her shoulder.
But she shakes her head. "I hate change. I hate growing up. Everyone is all grown up. I don't want to grow up."
Derek knows exactly how she feels. He went through the same dilemma when he was eighteen, too - graduating, and going off to college. "You can't stop growing, Smarti." He should know. He tried a long time ago.
Casey leans in, too, wrapping her arm around Marti, and resting her hand on Derek's shoulder.
"Change is a part of life," Casey adds, and Derek knows she is saying it more for him than for Marti. "People change and grow, and mature. What you might think you want right now isn't always what you'll want in the future. Do you really want things to stay the way they are forever?"
Marti inhales, and shakes her head. "No."
"It's okay to embrace the change. Who knows? Something amazing could be waiting just around the corner for you. If you're willing to try and look for it."
Derek lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Casey's words ring in his ears, and he looks over Marti and makes eye contact with Casey. Her eyebrow is raised in a challenge, and he rolls his eyes in response.
"Casey's right," he caves, and shifts until Marti sits up again. He pulls his arm from around her and clutches his hands together in front of him, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Marti, I need to ask you something," he starts, and glances at the two girls - women - beside him.
Stiffening, Marti's eyebrows curl. "About what?"
He notices Casey's coy smirk, but ignores it for the time being. "Do you think it would be weird if..." Trying to find his voice, Derek wrings his hands together. "It'll be a big change!" he warns, turning his entire body to face his little sister. "It might be strange at first, but sometimes change is good, right?"
Marti only stares at him, unimpressed. "What are you getting at?"
"I'm getting at Me. And Casey. You're thoughts?"
Marti scrunches up her nose, looking between them. "What?"
Casey chuckles, and extends her arm across Marti, shoving Derek playfully. "I think what your brother is trying to ask is if you'd be okay if he and I were together."
Marti blinks. "Like a couple?"
Casey smiles. "Exactly."
Marti's eyes narrow considerably, and at first, Derek thinks she is going to protest, like he initially feared. "I'm confused," she starts, her hands gripping into her knees. "I thought you two were already together."
"What?" Derek cuts, reeling backward. "You thought-"
"Aren't you?" Marti clarifies, in an unimpressed tone.
"No!" Derek shouts, a little bit too eagerly. "What makes you think we're in a relationship?"
"I just thought... Since neither of you ever date... And you go on vacations together, and you went to Lizzie's wedding together-"
Derek gulps. "Does the rest of the family think we're together?"
Marti nods. "Yeah," she confirms. "Oh, except for Dad. He likes to pretend he doesn't see anything."
At the news, Casey eyes Derek playfully, but he lifts a finger to her quickly.
"Don't you dare-"
Casey laughs, and sings, "I told you so!"
Gritting his teeth, he shakes his head, unable to keep from smiling. Keeping his eyes on Casey, he says, "Marti, go inside for a second."
"Why?"
He manages to look to Marti, and prods her off the step. "Just go inside," he commands, pushing her upward, and threatening her with a stare.
She stands, and awkwardly obeys, ascending the rest of the steps upward. "What are you-"
"Inside, Marti! And don't come back out."
"Geez," she complains, and the door squeaks as she opens it. "Thanks for not making me feel any better."
Derek waits until he hears the door bounce closed before he slides closer to Casey, his arm resting on the step behind them, inching toward her.
"So," Casey starts, her eyebrows dancing furtively.
He nods. "So."
Casey cracks a grin, her arms lifting, running her hands up his chest, lacing her hands behind his neck, pulling him closer. "You willing to figure something out with me?"
He rolls his eyes. "We'll figure it out later," he decides, and pulls her into a kiss, aware of her laughter against his lips.
She pulls away for a moment, digging her fingers into his hair. "I love you," she whispers.
Capturing her lips again, he smiles against her kiss. "I love you, too, although I have a feeling I might regret it."
"Oh, you're definitely going to regret it," she agrees.
Their conversation withers completely as they continue to kiss, moving naturally together, like they've done it their entire lives. He's about to suggest they go somewhere else - somewhere private, and particularly not their parents' house, but is startled when a voice interrupts them.
"See Dad?" Marti says, and Derek pulls away from Casey, still wrapped in each others arms, foreheads touching. "Do you still think they're not together?" she adds.
He wants to be angry or embarrassed, but he can't. Not when Casey smiles and laughs, and pulls Derek back into a kiss.
And it's a kiss to make up for all the ones they've missed.
//
Fin.