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Your cramps were killing you. You had gotten some painkillers from Farya, but it would take some time for them to kick in. Besides, you were feeling a bit lightheaded, so you curled up on your bed and waited to feel some semblance of normalcy.
Your foot brushed against something—Teddy, your old teddy bear. In your menstrual suffering, you had forgotten you had moved him from the closet to the bed. You pulled him close to your chest and remembered the advice he gave you when you first got to introduce yourself to each other properly. If only you could hear his sweet, soothing voice just then.
. . . Wait.
Ugh! Period brain! You grabbed the Dateviators and pointed them at Teddy.
There he was, already holding your hand. He beamed at you. “Oh! How good it is to talk to you again!”
“Teddy . . .” Your voice was soft.
His face fell. “What’s wrong?”
“I just wanted to hear from you. I’m not feeling great.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Teddy’s soft hand brushed across your cheek. “What’s got you feeling down? Are you sick? Did something upsetting happen?”
You sighed. “My period just started. I just wanna lie down.”
“Oh!” Concern flashed across Teddy’s face. “How do you feel about that?”
“. . . About wanting to lie down? It’s fine. I feel safer. If I pass out, I won’t hurt myself. You’re here. Betty’s as supportive as ever.” You patted the sheets.
“Well, I’m glad we can help you feel safer. But do you really think you will pass out?”
“I don’t know. I’ve felt dizzy before on the first day. I haven’t passed out yet! . . . Though I have fallen asleep, so maybe that’s the same thing.”
Teddy stroked your forehead. “Rest up. And remember to stay hydrated.” He reached for the water bottle resting on the bedside table. “Here, lean on me while you drink.”
The two of you held the bottle as you drank, your other arm propping you up and Teddy’s other arm around your waist. When you were done, you snuggled into his fluffy orange coat and listened to him breathe.
You weren’t sure how much time passed before Teddy spoke again. “You don’t seem scared this time.”
You lifted your head and gave your old friend a quizzical look. “What do you mean? I mean, I’m not scared, but . . . what do you mean?”
“You were scared the first time,” Teddy explained. “I remember you came and got me from the old closet—the one in our childhood home, I mean—and cried into my fur on the bed. You hadn’t talked to me in a few years, but in that moment, your arms and your voice were trembling around me. ‘I hate this, I hate this,’ you said. ‘I don’t wanna grow up.’”
Though those feelings were long past, you teared up. “I didn’t.”
“Do you still not want to grow up?”
“Not much I can do about it now,” you replied. “I grew up. Not in every way, but in a lot of ways. There are things I can handle now that I couldn’t handle at that age. Periods are one of those things. They’re still painful and frustrating, but by the last few days, they’re only inconvenient.”
“I’m proud of you for learning to handle it.”
You shrugged. “I got used to it. It helps that I actually am an adult now. My mom said, ‘Oh, sweetie, you’re a woman now!’” Your nose wrinkled. “But I wasn’t. I was still a kid who liked playing kids’ games and reading middle-grade books. Bleeding out a hole doesn’t make me an adult just like that.”
“Of course not!” Teddy agreed. “Did you feel that way?”
“A little.” You sighed. “I wanted to stay the same, but it was getting harder to recognize myself in the mirror, and it felt like the changes were happening all at once. Looking back, I know it was gradual, but it felt overwhelming. I didn’t want to be a grown up yet. I didn’t want to do all the grown-up things, and it felt like I was being forced into it.”
“Mm-hmm.” Teddy nodded.
You looked up at him and smirked. “Got any advice for me? Maybe some relevant advice?”
“Hmm . . . it sounds like you needed advice back then, not now.”
Oh, he had read you like a bedtime story. “Yeah. . .”
“Do you want to hear the advice I might have given you back then?”
“Sure.”
“Life has lots of milestones. And some can be really fun! Like big-deal birthdays: a B Mitzvah, a quinceañeara, a sweet sixteen. Then, some are scary. And some are both fun and scary, like a high school graduation. You’ve accomplished so much to be able to graduate, and you’re free from the monotony of public school, but the choices in the path ahead can be intimidating. But you know what all of these milestones—and others—have in common?”
“Tell me.”
“They’re a simple, short-term version of the changes you experience over time. You’ll probably feel like the same person the day before and the day after, but you’ll probably feel different the year before and the year after. You know who you still are inside, even if officially, people consider you to be someone different. No one can truly make you become something new all at once. Stand tall in who you are, whoever that may be.”
Teddy’s dark eyes met yours. He grinned down at you. “What do you think? Would that have helped if I could’ve told you that when we were younger?”
You pushed yourself up again, this time to place a kiss on Teddy’s cheek. “It certainly would’ve. Better late than never in the best way. Thank you, Teddy.”