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“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called you in here,” Terry said.
It was a Monday afternoon and everyone was gathered around him. Nico had stumbled in slightly late, so his hairnet was even less on his head than usual, and Amber only had one eye with mascara on, but apart from that they were all changed and ready to go.
Aaron hurriedly wiped the lemon juice from his hands on his apron, then frowned at the shine it left. Bridgette made her way over to Trick, who met her with an uncharacteristic smile - one he seemed to be sending her more and more.
Then Terry had come in, chest puffed up, and announced that he had an idea.
“Yeah, what gives?” Joey asked. “You don’t usually want us kitchen staff for your fancy server meetings.”
“Bitter much?” Nicole whispered to Bridgette, who giggled.
“Well, this one concerns you,” Terry said. “Concerns everyone, actually. If executed right, this could revolutionise our business.”
“I thought we were an experience, not a business?” Trick asked, parroting something Terry had told them a week ago, which the vast majority of them had completely ignored.
“Fine, revolutionise the experience, whatever,” Terry dismissed.
“What, did they invent robot servers yet? Can I finally quit?” Nicole asked.
“Nooo!” Bridgette and Amber protested at the same time.
“Cut the bullshit, it’s obvious you love it here,” Ruby said.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just got the right incentive to stay,” Nicole said coyly.
Ruby grinned. “Oh, I bet you do.”
“Ladies!” Joey barked. “Not at work!”
“Let’s all try to get back on track, now,” said Terry.
“What is it, Terry?” Brad asked. “We open soon, people will get annoyed if we’re here much longer.”
“Well, I’m getting there! See, I was eating out recently, and I saw a behaviour pattern that I really think it would be beneficial for y’all to adopt,” Terry said.
“That’s it, everybody, he’s pulled out the PR speak, you can zone out now,” Nicole announced.
Terry rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Nicole. This is serious.”
“Well, I for one am excited,” Aaron chipped in.
“Me too!” said Bridgette. “Like, what’s it going to be?” Aaron nodded.
“Well, like I said before I was interrupted about a million times, I was out with some friends -” Terry started.
Aaron shuddered, and they all turned to look at him. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “That just felt weird. It’s like when you’re a kid and you find out your teacher has a first name, you know? Like, whaaaat?”
Trick placed a hand on his shoulder. “Aaron,” he said, “respectfully, shut up.”
“Thank you, Trick,” Terry said.
“No, I also think this is stupid, I just want to get it over with,” Trick said. Joey snorted, then covered his mouth quickly. Terry glared at them all.
“Like I said,” he repeated. “I was out with my friends for a meal. The service was fantastic, everybody was polite and efficient, the food was great, and to top it all off, at the end when they gave us the check it came… with these.”
He waved something at them - a little gold square.
“What is that?” Pickles asked. “It’s so shiny.”
“This,” Terry said, “is a complimentary chocolate.”
Groans from a host of employees who should have expected this, really.
“Terry, are you kidding me?!” Joey exclaimed. “We’re not made of money. Now you want us to factor one of these in for every guest?”
“They’re not much if you bulk buy,” Terry defended. “Anyway, who does the accounts round here?”
“You, but you shouldn’t be if these are the crazy ideas you’re getting. You’re killing my food cost!”
“I think it’s a great idea!” Pickles said.
“You would,” said Ruby.
“I like it too,” Aaron agreed. “You think you’re finished with the meal, then, oooh, a little extra treat at the end.”
“I’d hate it,” Nicole said. “Like, if I wanted chocolate, I’d just order chocolate.”
“No, Nicole, because you shouldn’t have to ask. It makes the guests feel valued,” Terry said.
Nicole was unimpressed. “I’m sorry your self worth relies on a little square of chocolate, but some of us have bigger fish to fry.”
“But, see, they come personalised.” Terry held up the other side of the square proudly. On the back, it said, With compliments from the chef.
Joey actually recoiled in horror. “I don’t want to compliment them, what the fuck?”
“It’s weird to get that friendly,” Ruby agreed.
“Well, we don’t have to say that, exactly,” Terry acquiesced. “But something like come back soon might be nice.”
Nico nodded. “Ah, I see. Guilt trip them into returning.”
“No,” Terry sighed.
“I’d just worry about tipping,” Bridgette said. “Like, what if they’ve already decided how much they’re giving you, and then you bring them a chocolate and they feel bad and suddenly want to tip more?”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Trick asked.
“No, but I’d feel so guilty!” Bridgette said. “Like, if this is what they wanted to give, we should respect that. It would feel super manipulative to ask any more of them.”
“It’s not asking,” Terry said, “it’s just enriching the guest experience.”
“Oh, sure,” Brad said.
“Milk, white, or dark?” Clint asked. “Only if it’s dark we’ll have to order in a lot more Frangelico, for mixology reasons.”
“Do bartenders get complimentary chocolates?” Deb asked in interest. “A little box where customers don’t go, perhaps? For staff morale?”
“They’re not for you, they’re for the guests!” Terry spluttered. “Come on, guys, I didn’t think you’d hate the idea so much!”
“I don’t hate it,” Nico said.
“I mean, it’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had,” Nicole allowed. “I just don’t get the point.”
“The point is to make our guests feel special and valued, which you seem entirely allergic to!”
In came Harold, poking his head out from the back. “What’s going on? You guys are making a damn racket, I can’t hear nothing over you!”
“Complimentary chocolates,” Aaron told him.
“Oh,” Harold said. He thought about it for a sec. “Nah. Not worth it. Waste of time.”
Terry looked around him. Aaron and Pickles seemed excited, but everyone else seemed to just want to get the shift over with. He sighed. Perhaps he hadn’t timed that one the best.
“Fine,” Terry said. “No chocolates, complimentary or otherwise.”
“Aww,” Aaron said.
“Can we start the shift now?” Joey asked, arms folded.
“Can I have the chocolate?” Pickles asked.
“Sure,” Terry groaned, passing it to him. At least someone was getting something out of this.
***
An hour later, Terry was called out by Brad to help with - surprise, surprise - Tim and Pam.
“What’s this I hear about complimentary chocolates?” Pam asked as soon as he got within earshot.
Terry turned to Brad, who raised his hands. “It just came up! I didn’t know they’d fixate on it!”
“If you’re serving other people at this establishment free chocolate, and not us, then I think we’d need at least three gift cards to compensate,” Tim said with a glint in his eye.
“What kind of free chocolate? Because white gives me gas,” Pam said.
“Can’t stand to show your regulars some appreciation, huh?” Tim growled.
“Nobody is getting any free chocolate!” Terry said.
“Aww,” Pam said. “Why not?”
“Well,” Terry said, straightening his tie, “I thought it was quite a good idea, if I do say so myself, but these folks here - ” with that he glared at Brad - “think it’d be too much hassle.”
“Hassle? How much hassle does it take to put one tiny square of chocolate on a plate?” Tim said.
“Thank you!” Terry said triumphantly.
Brad laughed. “Oh, man, I should have known you’d like the sound of it.”
“Who wouldn’t like free chocolate?” Pam said.
“Wow. Just wow,” someone else chimed in from another table - they all looked over to see Poppy, with a very frustrated Nicole trying to serve her. “I should have known you guys would be too stingy to even serve a tiny square of chocolate,” she contributed.
“Yeah,” River added. “Chocolate deserves rights too, you know.”
“The right… to be eaten?” Nicole said.
“Exactly.”
“Poppy, you can’t even eat chocolate,” Nicole said.
“Yes I can.”
“Oh yeah? Then why’d you tell me you were allergic to dairy so that I’d substitute your starter?” Nicole said triumphantly.
“Uh, because I can eat dairy-free chocolate, obviously,” Poppy said quickly.
“Nice save, babe,” River said.
“What’s this I hear about free chocolate?” Cybill called from across the restaurant.
“Yeah, it’s - ” Terry paused. He looked at the two servers, then over at the bar where Clint and Deb were both watching. He even thought he saw the chefs at the doors. He had an audience - this was his chance.
Terry put on his best customer service voice. “Well, folks, it’s this new thing we’re trying. After every meal, we’ll give each of our guests a square of complimentary chocolate, to let them know how much we appreciate them choosing our establishment. It starts next week, so spread the word and bring a friend!”
He heard clapping from the kitchen - it was Pickles, who whooped. Aaron started to join in, a smile growing on his face. It spread, and soon the whole dining room was applauding free chocolate.
“You’re an excellent specimen, Terry,” Madge said.
“Yeah, you really spoil us,” Cybill said.
“I’d fancy you spoiling us in other areas, if you know what I mean.”
“Madge!”
“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,” Terry bowed, making his way to the back.
He made eye contact with Joey, who glared. Terry just grinned back. “I think I’ll get those ordered now, then.”
“Fuck off!” said Joey.