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Kazui sometimes still feels out of place in their little family. Adopting Haruka and Amane… well, it wasn’t like it was a whim or anything, but he’d be lying if he said he thought it through. He never had his own kids, and even when he’d been married he and Hinako had never discussed the idea of having them some day. His experience with parenting was limited to just generally looking out for younger people, which was just the natural thing to do at his age. Normally, he would’ve never considered adoption.
But, well, in his line of work some cases stick with you. It felt wrong to think of letting the two of them go to someone else.
Maybe that’s why when he heard there was a nice doctor looking to adopt Amane, he was the one to suggest co-parenting. Shidou, and Mahiru who came with him, were much better candidates for the whole parenting thing than he was. Shidou was kind and patient, if a bit stubborn and overbearing, and while Mahiru was a bit young to be a mother she certainly approached the idea with enthusiasm. With the two of them around, taking a backseat was easy. A little too easy.
So if he noticed they sometimes babied Haruka a little too much, or their hovering got on Amane’s nerves sometimes- well, who was he to step in? He certainly didn’t know what to do instead. He’d had enough people point out his flaws without an actual solution for a lifetime, he didn’t need to do it too.
So he just looked the other way, and hoped everything would turn out alright.
Kazui knew it was the wrong thing to do, but it was so easy to just shove it to the back of his mind and focus on work. The kids would turn out okay. Every family has problems. It’s better than what they had before. He could come up with all sorts of excuses, but at the end of the day he still knows he’s wrong.
The day everything changes starts out like any other. It was his day off, actually. He’d been in the home office, sitting at their beat up old computer going through emails. One of the younger officers at the station had invited him to a wedding, Mahiru’s physical therapist had sent a reminder for her appointment the next week- oh, there was a reply from that ad they’d put up advertising their spare room for a tenant.
He had been just about to click on the email titled “CHEAP ROOM CLOSE 2 UNI?” When he heard a crash and two people shouting “Amane!?” in unison.
The sounds that follow paint a pretty clear picture. Rough footsteps as someone- almost definitely Amane- runs through the halls. A loud thud as she fails to stop in time and slams into the wall, but recovers fast enough to bolt up the stairs only seconds later.
He waited for the sound of footsteps following after her, but… they never came.
He opens the door to check what’s going on and is met with the sweet smell of syrup and cream. Not again… Shidou and Mahiru had seemingly made it their mission to give Haruka and Amane all the experiences they’d missed out on growing up. One that Shidou was especially insistent on was family breakfast with pancakes, and it never turned out well.
Still, Amane’s reaction was so much worse than usual. Usually she’d just refuse. If Shidou was being especially stubborn she’d even go so far as to make her own food. She never just… ran out.
If no one else was going to check on her, it fell to him.
He made his way up the stairs, planning on heading straight to Amane’s bedroom when he heard her voice from the bathroom.
“…rry, I’m sorry.”
When he opened the door he found her slumped against the glass panel of the shower, her hands clasped. Her head was bowed, but he could just barely make out her eyes staring at the floor vacantly.
Kazui had seen this before, Amane was having a flashback.
Was she here to make herself throw up…? It wasn’t unheard of for children with food trauma to resort to drastic measures like that, but if that was the case there was at least no evidence she’d been successful. If that’s not it, then why is she here? Why not her room?
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for breaking the rules…”
He tries to put a hand on her shoulders, but it’s no good. Her apologies just become more frantic. It was like Amane couldn’t see or hear him at all.
Think, think! What did the therapist say? In his panic it took longer than he wanted to remember the answer. Give her something that only exists in this environment, something that can ground her in the present .
But what? Clearly his presence wasn’t helping, and if he was right about what started this Shidou and Mahiru weren’t options either. Asking Haruka to step in was too unpredictable, especially when he was so skittish around Amane even in a normal situation.
I don’t have time for this! He stood and slowly made his way out of the room, careful not to make any sudden moves that could startle Amane, before running to her room. One of her stuffed animals would have to do, they were the only gifts the three of them gave her that he was sure she liked, at least enough to not complain about how “childish” they were. Cats especially made her eyes light up. He moved to grab the nearest one when he heard the water turn on.
Shit , he shouldn’t have left her alone.
He abandoned his previous plan and rushed back to the bathroom to find Amane kneeling in the shower. She gasped through the cold as she repeated the same phrase under her breath over and over again.
“Thou shalt discard vulgarity. Thou shalt discard vulgarity.”
Kazui remembers the report. Thou shalt discard vulgarity: used to restrict diet, behaviour, and vocabulary. Punishment: water cleansing . The water is freezing- the coldest it can go- but Kazui doesn’t hesitate to grab Amane and pull her away from it.
“No! Let me go! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She screamed and struggled, managing to get a kick to connect with one of his knees, but he only slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, carefully maneuvering her so she was sitting in his lap. Even when she snapped her head back to hit his chin, he held strong.
With all of his training, Kazui knows exactly how to restrain someone, but he can’t lie. It feels awful . He hates that it’s come to this, but no matter how many strategies they were supposed to have in place for this exact situation, it was already too late. All he could do was ride it out with her and stop her from hurting herself.
Even reassurance is meaningless now, but it doesn’t stop him from murmuring softly into her hair. “I’m sorry. You’re going to be okay, Amane. You’re safe.”
Eventually the fight seems to drain out of her and she bursts into tears, going limp in his hold. He takes the chance to grab the biggest towel he can find off of the nearest shelf and wrap it around her, adjusting her so her head rests on his shoulder. Even when her breathing evens out and she falls into an uneasy sleep, Kazui isn’t sure she ever regained enough awareness to recognize him.
But even if she hadn’t, it was at least safe to move her now. He could at least make sure she woke up in her bed.
When he got out the door, he was face to face with Shidou. The man opened his mouth, but Kazui just walked past him down the hall to Amane’s bedroom. He peeled off her sweater and socks, thankful that everything else was at least mostly dry, before wrapping her in blankets.
Once she was fully settled, he found Shidou waiting silently outside her room.
Kazui crossed his arms, disappointed that the doctor seemed to be avoiding eye contact. “Pancakes?”
“I… made too many. I asked her to help finish them off so they wouldn’t be wasted.”
“I take it that didn’t go well.”
“I actually got her to take a few bites, but then she threw the plate. No one was hurt, but she scared Haruka.” A look of shame crossed Shidou’s face. “I thought she was just having a tantrum so I was giving her time to calm down while I cleaned up.”
Kazui sighed. Of course . On the surface, it all sounded completely reasonable. Any other child and the situation wouldn’t have blown up so spectacularly in his face, but Amane barely trusted Shidou even at the best of times. “Maybe… lay off about the pancakes.”
“But I know she wants to eat them.”
“Shidou.” Kazui fixed the doctor with his most serious expression. “That’s not for you to decide. Amane does deserve to be happy, and experience all the things she’s missed out on, but forcing her to do things before she’s ready only scares her and makes her trust you less .”
Shidou dragged his hands down his face with an exhausted expression. “I know, I know.”
“Do you?”
Usually Kazui wouldn’t press the issue like this, but he couldn’t just stay passive. Amane had been in their care for almost seven months, and he’d never seen her have an episode this bad. From the stunned silence, Shidou clearly hadn’t expected him to put up a fight.
Well, if he was going to keep going, the least he could do for Amane was follow through. “I know you want to treat her like any other kid- like your kids- and usually that would be fine, but Amane isn’t them. Treating her like she’s the same isn’t fair to her.”
The words seemed to hit their mark as Shidou slumped, still silent.
“I’m going to stay with her until she wakes up. Go look after Haruka, I don’t want him to be late for school.”
“Kazui…” Shidou reached out, only to stop halfway. “When she wakes up, tell her I’m sorry?”
“Mukuhara Kazui.”
When Amane's muffled voice jolted him back to awareness, he’d practically been dozing off himself. Even if he was worried, hours alone with nothing to do tended to be dull. His eyes caught hers immediately from where she was barely peeking out over the covers. The green conveyed equal parts exhaustion and confusion.
“For what reason are you sleeping in my room?”
“What do you remember?” He asked.
“That vile Kirisaki Shidou was up to his usual antics, and then…” She looked away. “I was cold.”
That was… about what he should have expected. If she wasn’t present enough to recognize him, she probably hadn’t been present enough to process or remember much of anything happening around her. Now the question was whether to tell her or not.
But Amane must have noticed his expression, because the next words out of her mouth were “What happened?”
“Ah, am I that obvious?”
“Something must have happened for you of all people to be here.”
Ouch, yeah, I probably deserved that. His absent parenting style hadn’t exactly been subtle.
“Also,” she continued, “your face is bruised. If I wasn’t involved you wouldn’t be here. You’d be with Kirisaki Shidou, letting him infect you with his sinful medicine .”
Not even three minutes into the conversation, and Amane had already insulted Shidou twice. Kazui sighed, hopefully this is temporary, or we’ll be set back months . “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Of course not. I’d never even considered it.” The subtle tension that went away when she heard that proved that wasn’t true, but he wasn’t about to point that out.
“You had a flashback. It was… bad. Really bad.”
“I see.” Her reaction is muted, like she’d already assumed that was the case. “That does explain why I’m so tired.”
“I spoke to Shidou, whether it was intentional or not he was wrong to pressure you. He said he’s sorry.”
“He is, is he?” She rolled over so she was facing away from him. “Like it matters…”
It’s worse than I thought. Kazui stands, moving to sit on the edge of her bed. She glances his way, but doesn’t turn back to face him. “He won’t do it again. I promise I won’t let him.”
“Making promises you don’t intend to keep is also a sin.”
“Then I guess we’d better make sure I keep it.”
He held out his pinky to her when he said it, and she just stared. After long enough for it to become awkward she finally locked her pinky around his. “If you break it you have to quit smoking.”
That got a laugh out of him. “You really know how to hit this old man where it hurts.”
“Thank you for your praise.” It was nice to see her smiling again, even if it was smug. “So, what now?”
“It's eleven thirty, and I already called the school to let them know you were staying home. We have the house to ourselves until Mahiru gets back at two. You like movies, right?” She shrugged. “We can watch some together. I can run to the store and get some snacks too. What's your favorite?”
For some reason that question elicited a stare down. He was prepared for her not to answer, or deny having a favorite at all, but in the end it didn't take her long to crumble on her own.
“…Caramel popcorn…” Amane mumbled, before glaring at him. “Kirisaki Shidou cannot know. He doesn’t deserve to.”
“Huh…”
His lack of reaction made her tense up, rushing to explain. “Muu-san gave Haruka a box of assorted snacks, but he didn’t like the caramel popcorn. He said it was too sticky. It’s rude to waste food, especially when it’s been gifted to you, and corn is a vegetable. I was just-”
“Hey, hey, Amane, it’s okay.” Kazui waved his hands in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. “Haruka let you have it?”
“Yes.”
“Then you didn't do anything wrong.” He stood, taking a moment to roll the stiffness out of his neck. “I should be back in twenty minutes. Pick some movies for us while I’m gone?”
By the time Mahiru came home they were halfway through their second movie, the one about the witch who delivered for a bakery. Her eyes lit up seeing the two of them together, but dimmed as they focused on Amane. Her hands fidgeted in her lap for a moment before she resolved herself and rolled her wheelchair closer.
“Amane-chan? I…” she took a breath, and Kazui could only assume she was trying to think of what to say. “I’m sorry. I was so excited this morning, and I’ve been trying to be better but- I’m sorry.”
“I made Kazui-san save his orange candies for you.” Amane slid the box her way without making eye contact. She didn’t say the words, but it was forgiveness. Honestly, she can get so awkward with unsolicited apologies .
Still, Mahiru understood and took the box with a smile, settling into her own spot to join them as the witch discovered the old lady had made her a cake.