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Rayane was waiting in front of the train station. Karim had just dropped him off with all his things, and now he was waiting for Jimmy to join him so they could both board the train to Paris. That was it, the big day: Rayane was leaving Sète. He was going to live in the capital, to experience his brand-new romance. It had happened so quickly; even Rayane didn't understand what had happened. He had gone from being with Jack, practically living at his house... to being with Jimmy, whom he had known for barely three weeks. And now, he had decided to go live with him in Paris.
He couldn't deny it, what he had felt for Jimmy when he first met him had hit him hard, right in the head and the heart. He had felt an inexplicable attraction to this boy he barely knew, feelings that had pushed him to the point of leaving Sète, leaving Jack, leaving his father to live in another city, with practically no money and a potentially shaky future. But he was going to be with Jimmy. That's what mattered. Wasn't it?
“Wasn't it?” Rayane kept repeating to himself, deep down.
Yes, his feelings for Jimmy were real.
Yes, he had fallen head over heels for him.
And yet...
And yet, a small voice in his head disrupted his train of thought. It whispered a name to him over and over again: Jack.
Rayane couldn't stop thinking about Jack.
He had ended his relationship so he could be with Jimmy. He knew he had hurt Jack. It had hurt him just as much, too. But he had been convinced he had made the right choice. That his place was now with Jimmy. That he wanted to be with him. That with Jack, it was over. That Jimmy had now taken the first place in his heart.
He wanted to convince himself he had made the best decision.
And yet...
Yet Jack kept materializing in his mind. He tried to push him away, but he couldn't.
Suddenly, Rayane was plunged back into his memories.
The first time he'd seen Jack, when he was blind: “So your plan is to do everything you can to make yourself look like an asshole, is that it?” Jack had said.
Rayane smiled at this memory, while others flooded into his head:
When he helped him with his homework and to direct himself in the high school.
When he gave him the cane at the hospital.
When they'd gone to the park so he could teach Jack how to use it.
When Jack had lied to the police to protect him.
Rayane closed his eyes, completely absorbed in his memories of Jack.
When Jack had touched his face to try to figure out what he looked like.
When they'd almost kissed at the Roussels' apartment...
Rayane's head was spinning.
When he'd kissed Jack at the skate park for the first time...
Rayane's heart was pounding now. His eyes were still closed.
His declaration to Jack and Jack telling him what had changed Rayane's life forever: “It changes everything. Because it means we can be together now.”
Rayane dropped all his things and put his head in his hands.
“Hi!”
A voice tore him from his memories. Jimmy had just joined him.
“Are you okay?” Jimmy said cheerfully. “You seem upset!”
Rayane cleared his throat, still overwhelmed by his memories of Jack.
“Yes, I'm fine.”
He gave him a smile that was meant to be reassuring. Jimmy leaned down and kissed his quickly.
“Okay. Shall we go?”
Rayane nodded and grabbed his bags to follow Jimmy. They began walking through the station, to their train. But Rayane wasn't feeling very well.
When he thought he'd have to leave for Toulouse and be separated from Jack...
“I can't wait to get to Paris,” said Jimmy, still in a good mood. “Well, our apartment won't be amazing, but as long as it's just the two of us, that's the main thing.”
When Jack had supported him when things were complicated with his mother and Karim... Jack had never abandoned him.
“Also,” Jimmy continued, “your new prep school isn't far from the apartment. Cool, right?”
But Rayane wasn't listening anymore. His memories of Jack were overwhelming him. And now, it went even further: he didn't want to leave. And this reality hit him as an evidence.
He was making the biggest mistake of his life.
He looked at Jimmy then stopped abruptly.
“...and we still have some furniture to buy for the apartment, but... What's going on?” Jimmy interrupted himself.
Rayane looked at Jimmy, who stopped himself too.
“Are you okay, Rayane? What's wrong, is it the stress of Paris? Don't worry, I...”
“It's not that. Jimmy, I'm sorry. I... I can't go with you.”
Jimmy frowned.
“What are you talking about?”
“I'm making a mistake. I can't go.”
“It's because of your ex, is it?”
Jimmy's insight disconcerted Rayane, who didn't know how to respond.
“Okay,” Jimmy sighed. “I get it.”
“I have to go,” Rayane said, his expression both apologetic and panicked. “Forgive me.”
And without waiting for an answer, he turned on his heel and left as quickly as his belongings would allow him.
In front of the train station, he put his things down and took out his phone to call Karim.
“Hi, Dad? No... No, I'm not feeling well. Can you come and get me, please?”
__
Later, at Rayane’s house.
“So, you just left him like that, at the train station?” Karim asked.
“I know, I'm an asshole. But I told him I couldn't leave and that I was sorry."
“And it just came to you all of a sudden? Just yesterday you were determined to leave.”
“I know. I wanted to convince myself, anyway.”
Karim looked at his son for a long time.
“It's because of Jack, isn't it?”
Rayane took a deep breath before replying:
“He's the one I love. I've always known that.”
“Okay. And Jimmy? What about your feelings for him?”
“I had feelings for him, I can't deny it. It happened very quickly with him, as you know it. But he’s not Jack. It will never be Jack. And for me, it will always be Jack and no one else. I know that.”
Karim placed a hand on Rayane's arm.
“Deep down, I always knew. But I didn't want to stop you from leaving if that's what you really wanted.”
Rayane looked at his father.
“I don't know what to do now.”
“You didn't leave with Jimmy. You love Jack. But I remind you, you left him to be with Jimmy...”
“I know. Even if I didn't leave, that doesn't mean he'll still want me. I hurt him by leaving him for someone else. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I'm probably going to pay for it for the rest of my life.”
Karim put his hands on Rayane's shoulders.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Rayane. That doesn't mean they define us or that we'll pay for them for the rest of our lives. You're 18. It's normal to make mistakes at your age.”
Rayane moved closer and hugged his father.
“Dad, what should I do?”
Karim hugged him tighter.
“Go talk to him.”
“But what if he doesn't want to see me?”
Rayane's expression was devastated, and it squeezed Karim's heart.
“There's only one way to find out,” Karim replied. “Go see him. Don't live with regrets.”
__
Rayane was running all over Sète, looking for Jack. He would have called one of the Roussels to ask directly where Jack was, but he suspected he wasn't Jack family’s best friend right now.
But he wasn't discouraged. In the middle of summer, during the holidays, and with this beautiful weather, Jack couldn't be anywhere. He was betting on La Paillote or The Spoon. He was going to start with The Spoon, since it was the closest.
He ran to the Spoon and burst into the cafe...
“Rayane?”
...where he ran into Jack, Lizzie, and Jordan, who were having coffee. The place was practically deserted, the beach being the preferred location on this beautiful day of July. Only a few tables were occupied.
Jack jumped to his feet, under the stunned gaze of Lizzie and Jordan, and the bewildered one of Rayane.
Jack walked over to Rayane, but his face was cold.
“What are you doing here? Didn't you happen to have a train by any chance?”
Jack had said it a little harsher than he would have intended. But he couldn't help it. Although he still loved Rayane, his pride and ego were still cruelly hurt that Rayane had left him for someone else. He was heartbroken and in terrible pain.
“No. Yes. But no. Uh...”
“Rayane, can you explain, please?”
It was Lizzie who had intervened. Rayane looked at the three Roussels, completely panicked. He'd run here and thought he knew exactly what he was going to say when Jack would be in front of him. But now that he was, he was losing all his composure. He'd rehearsed everything he wanted to say in his head, but Jack's gaze had him rooted to the spot. Having him in front of him made him realize even more how much he loved him and that he'd almost made the mistake of his life. He wanted to hug him so much, to hold him, like before. To kiss him. To tell him everything he had in his heart, the words that were currently stuck in his throat.
“I... I...”
“What are you doing here, Rayane?” Jack interrupted. “You were supposed to leave and now you show up here? You know what, I actually don't care. Bye.”
He turned to sit back down with Jordan and Lizzie, but Rayane, overcome by a sudden impulse, grabbed his hand. Taken aback, Jack looked at their joined hands. It had been so long since this had happened.
Then Rayane poured out everything he had on his mind:
“I made a mistake. Maybe the biggest of my life. I should never have left you, and even less so for someone else. And when I agreed to go to Paris, I thought it was best for everyone. For me. But especially for you. I don't deserve you, Jack. I never deserved you. You deserve all the happiness in the world and to be with someone who makes you happy.”
“You were the one who made me happy, Rayane," Jack couldn't help but reply.
Rayane, overcome with emotion, continued:
“Jack, thanks to you, I've changed. Your love has changed me. Even though you accepted me as I was, you made me a better person. The best version of myself. You showed me true love and what it means to be happy. You understand me, you complete me, and you've never abandoned me, even in the worst moments of my life. And I have no right to ask you to take me back. I'm not asking you that because I have no right to. I hurt you, and I have to pay for it.”
Rayane squeezed Jack's hand, which he hadn't let go of for a moment.
“Jack, you are the only love of my life. Even if this is definitely over between us, I wanted you to know that. I will always love you.”
Then he let go of Jack's hand and walked out, leaving Jack stunned in the middle of the Spoon.
__
Later, at the skate park.
After his meeting with Jack at the Spoon, Rayane wandered around Sète, not knowing where to go. He would have happily returned to Karim's, but he needed to walk to clear his head. His reunion with Jack kept replaying in his mind. His face kept coming back to him, and he wondered for the umpteenth time: How could he have even thought about leaving him?
After walking for over an hour, he naturally headed towards the skate park. Everything brought him back to this place, which meant so much to him. And it still does. It's as if he were drawn to it. At the same time, the skate park had been one of his first refuges when he arrived in Sète. And ever since he met Jack, they had both come there regularly. And above all, it was the place of their first kiss. Rayane could never forget that day. And deep down, he hoped Jack couldn’t too.
“Hi.”
Rayane jumped. He was pulled from his thoughts by a voice he recognized out of thin air. He thought he was dreaming, but it was indeed Jack standing in front of him, his hands in his pockets.
Rayane stood up but didn't approach. He didn't want to rush Jack.
“How did you know I was here?” Rayane asked.
Jack shrugged his shoulders.
“The same way you knew I was at the Spoon earlier, I suppose. I guessed. And you and I are kind of connected, don't you remember?”
Rayane swallowed. He ran his hand through his hair, unsure of what to say and do. But it was Jack who spoke again.
“What you told me at the Spoon... I've been thinking about it all the time since you left.”
Rayane's heart leaped. He took a step forward.
“I meant every word. I should never have acted the way I did. I should never have left you. And now, seeing you in front of me, I wonder how I could have been so stupid as to even consider laying eyes on someone else.”
“Then why did you do it?” Jack asked, harsher than he intended.
"I don't know, Jack. Even now, I wonder. I believed my feelings for Jimmy were more sincere than I thought.”
“I can understand having a crush,” Jack said more gently. “Even though my heart broke the day you told me you'd met someone else. Especially since I wasn't expecting it. But I would have accepted it and gotten over it eventually, even if it took years."
“Jack... You're the only one for me. I left Jimmy at the train station. He asked me why, but he figured out on his own why I couldn't leave.”
“Rayane... I don't want you to deprive yourself of being with Jimmy out of guilt or pity for me. If you don't love me anymore, if you don't want us to be together anymore, if you love someone else... that's just the way it is. Even though it breaks my heart, there's nothing I can do about it.”
Rayane took a few more steps forward.
“There's no guilt, neither pity. I love you and I want no one else but you. I know it doesn't change what happened, but it's the truth. But Jack, ever since we met, I've always told myself I didn't deserve you. You're too good, too pure, too bright for me. You're the best person I know, and you deserve someone who gives you back all the light you radiate. And I don't want to taint your life or your happiness. So, I also admit that, unconsciously, I told myself it was better for you if I left. So that I'd no longer be in your life and you'd be happier without me.”
Jack nodded negatively:
“You're wrong, Rayane. I know you think you don't have the right to happiness. That your past and everything you've been through make you believe you don't have the right to be happy. You think you don't deserve me, that you're an obstacle to my happiness. But Rayane... my happiness is you,” Jack added with some emotion. “And you can't think for me or decide what makes me happy or not.”
“Yes... I know,” admitted Rayane, shaken by Jack's words. “And when I was at the station, I knew I was about to make a big mistake. I already knew it, but when I stepped forward to board that train, it was like a trigger. A wake-up call. It all hit me, as if I were waking up from a coma. Jack, I don't want to be with Jimmy, or anyone else. Only you.”
Tears had begun to roll down Jack's cheeks, which he wiped away.
“Rayane, I've suffered too much. You know I still love you, but who's to say you won't leave me again as soon as you have a crush again?”
“It won't happen again. I made that mistake once, I can't do it again. When I almost boarded that train, the pain of living without you overwhelmed me and I realized I couldn't. Because I only love you. And I can't live without you. You are my world, and my heart belongs to you. It always has. I'll never give it to anyone else. It's yours, if you're willing to take it back.”
At Rayane's words, Jack quickly approached and closed the distance that still remained between them. He had held back for a long time, but he could no longer hold back. He grabbed Rayane's T-shirt and kissed him with all his might. Rayane, taken aback and not believing his happiness, kissed him back.
After their kiss, Rayane realized he was crying. The tears rolled down his cheeks on their own, and Jack tenderly wiped them away one by one. But Rayane, at the thought of perhaps having lost Jack forever, couldn't stop his tears. He clung desperately to Jack, wrapped his arms around him, and his tears redoubled.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry...” he repeated, like a litany, his face pressed against Jack's neck.
In response, Jack pulled away from him slightly and wiped away Rayane's tears before kissing him again. Between each kiss, Rayane said sorry or I love you. He clung to Jack like a lifeline. He never wanted to let him go.
“I'll never leave you again," he said into Jack's arms. “I promise. Sorry, Jack. Sorry. I love you.”
Jack hugged Rayane tighter and replied:
“I love you too. I love you like crazy.”