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On some days, you would come home to find the doors leading to the beach ajar. The sea breeze flitting through the gossamer curtains and filling the rooms with a salty air.
It was not often that Rafayel would not be waiting for you. Sometimes in a place between consciousness and sleep, with his hand growing still, pencil still pressed against the rough page of the sketchbook. You always left extra cushions and blankets on the lilac couch whenever he decided to make his home there. On other days, he would still be off to the corner, only the sound of his breathing and the gentle strokes of the brush would fill the entire house. On your favourite days, you wouldn’t even have to be home before you would find yourself in his arms. Somehow, he knew the days where the hours became a little intolerable, and the 30 minutes it would have taken to get to him an unbearable thought. Those days he would be waiting, impatiently, just outside the building.
What all those days had in common were his playful smile, his warm touch as he wouldn’t wait even a second more to pull you into his arms. The look in his eyes that always made your stomach fill with butterflies.
However, today seemed to be none of those days.
Today, the canvas lay incomplete, the paint long dried. His sketchbook lay closed, his dull pencil abandoned on top of it.
Darkness hung in the air, with not even the dimmest lamps shining in any corner of the house. Even your bedroom was shrouded in shadow, usually the one room that would never lose its light, but today you had to stumble around just to reach the switches.
Although you ached to call out his name, you knew hidden away in the house it would be futile. He wasn’t here.
Slipping off your socks, you walked to the french doors as you let your hair fall from the hair tie that held it back all day. As you stood in the doorway, you saw a familiar set of footsteps leading out to the water, which held the distorted reflection of the full moon still rising in the sky. Not bothering to leave your own, you matched your steps to his, your smaller feet fitting entirely in the marks he left on the soft beach.
Some distance away, you saw him sitting at the point where the waves lapped at the ground. The edge of his feet barely touching the soft seafoam, the barest hint of his iridescent scales glimmering in the dim light. One knee propped up, he leaned on his hand on the other side. The moonlight illuminated his purple hair to a silvery lilac tinged with a hint of blue. A little touch of the sea that never left him.
You didn’t call out his name.
Instead, you took your place by his side, silently settling on the sand before leaning into him. Without a word, he waited until you utterly melted against him before nuzzling the top of your head with his cheek. Shutting your eyes, you let out a contented hum as he left a light kiss over your hair, his movements slow and deliberate. Breathing you in as if you had been apart for months or years, and not merely a few hours.
It was not wrong to say you were doing the same.
In that moment it did not matter if the cold water lapped at your bare feet, or the sand rubbed uncomfortably against your legs. All that mattered was him.
The reassuring rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. The light scent of his perfume that slowly enveloped you as you were beside him. His overly warm skin pressed against yours.
For a while, the two of you sat in silence, with no words between you and only the familiar song of the waves. Any other day and the silence was always a welcome guest. Today, however, you longed for his voice. Just a hum even, if not a word. That his silence was not of familiar comfort. It was a silence borne of a pain he never voiced.
Tearing yourself away from him, you turned just enough to put the sea at your back, and there was nothing except him in your sight.
You knew when his eyes met yours, that more than his love for you, there was pain.
Pain, and longing.
The soft pink in his eyes was overrun by the dark shadow that took its place.
Brushing the hair away from his eyes, you felt the cold weight of dread settle on your chest as he turned his eyes back towards the sea. His body was tense against your touch, drawn tighter than a taut bowstring.
“Raf… my love…”
You trailed off, searching for something, anything you could say in that moment when all you could think of were the unfallen tears glistening in his eyes.
There were days like this, which no matter how uncommon they were, you could never forget.
Rafayel continued to watch the waves as they ebbed and fell. The look in his eyes was indecipherable. His pain was something he never spoke of, and considering his past, there was no one you could even ask. Not that you would. Such things were not discussed lightly. They were meant to be from his lips, his words, or not at all.
You knew the sea brought him immense joy, it was his home, the source of his power and the one place he could truly be himself. Yet you were reminded that just as the sea could be gentle, it was also cruel. It may have brought him joy, but it also brought him misery.
Shifting off the sand, you crawled closer to him, making him cross his legs as you settled on his lap, cutting off his view of the sea.
There was relief in his eyes as he looked towards you once again, but a smaller, silent question asking why.
Cupping his face, you traced the edge of his cheekbone with your thumb as his arms wrapped around your waist.
An overwhelming surge of regret bubbled in your throat as Rafayel’s arms only tightened around you.
“Raf… I…” You trailed off, finding the courage to continue your sentence as you noticed the smallest quiver of his bottom lip. “I love you and….I’m here, okay? I’ll listen, if you want, but I’m here even if you have nothing to say.”
Eyes glistening heavily with unfallen tears, he drew in a shaky breath as he hid his face in your neck. His arms held you with a desperation you couldn’t hope to understand as you ran your fingers through his hair.
Resting your cheek on top of his head, you whispered sweet nothings to him as he used you to hide from the world. You felt no sense of the passing time as your eyes couldn’t bear to tear themselves away from him, no matter how much it hurt to look.
How could you ask him, when just thinking about it brought him to such misery.
But…
How could you not?
How long could you watch him hold it all inside, filling to the brim with memories he couldn’t bring to light. Memories you knew he hoped to forget.
How could you ever even begin to ask that of him?
“My love, would you like to know what I did today?”
You asked softly, feeling the small hum he let out against your skin as his breathing began to slow down. “After training in the morning, which had already left me completely exhausted, they made me oversee the reports filed by some of the lower ranking hunters. You know how I feel about paperwork.”
Waiting for a moment, you held your breath, hoping your words were beginning to distract him. Just a little. Just enough.
As you were about to move on, you felt him shift. Instead of his face being entirely tucked away, he turned just enough to press his cheek against your chest. The warmth of his breath hitting your neck made a tingle travel down your spine.
“Yea…”
To the best of your ability, you tried not to let out a sigh of relief as you continued.
“These new hunters, it’s like they learned nothing at the academy! Sloppy writing, sloppy paperwork, everything sloppy!” You huffed, and you felt his lips pull into a small smile against your collarbone. “I swear I spent half the day sorting them out. If I’m being honest I was almost begging for a wanderer to show up and put me out of my misery at that point.”
Immediately you knew you had said something wrong, because his smile fell, and his body that had once relaxed grew tense once again.
“After that I really couldn’t take it anymore and asked Tara to switch with me and I went out on patrol alone.”
Peeling himself off you, Rafayel glanced up at you, concern shining in his doll-like eyes. A pout made its way onto his lips as his brows furrowed, clearly displeased.
“Alone…?” His voice cracked, as if it was the first word he had spoken in quite some time. That one word was heavy with hurt. ”You could’ve called me…”
“You told me you’d be painting today.” You replied softly. Your hands fell from his hair down to his face, caressing the soft skin above his cheekbones. On the bottom part of your palm, you felt the slight poke of his facial hair. A strange feeling considering he always shaved immaculately, with not even a bump in sight. “I didn’t want to tear you away from that.”
Nuzzling against your hands, he shut his eyes, letting his eyelashes tickle your fingers as you held his face.
“Sweetheart, you know that doesn’t matter.” He said dismissively. The usual playful lilt in his voice wasn’t obvious until it was gone. His voice, while dripping with affection, was still touched by darkness. “I don’t want you in danger.”
Was that what contributed to this mood of his?
You nearly wasted no time in pointing out the obvious, that you were basically in danger everyday. Came with the job. However, considering his reaction, today was not the right day for that talk. He knew what your job entails. No need to be a cruel reminder. Not now.
Tilting his head up, you forced him to meet your eyes.
You felt some of the tension in your shoulders melt away as you saw the bright pink of his eyes slowly creep back into his irises.
No, there really was no need.
“Hey, are you my bodyguard or am I yours?”
Scoffing, he rested his hand on top of yours, purposefully using his evol to warm up your skin. You weren’t cold, well not anymore. However, the heat was a welcome one, taking away the stiff tiredness from your hands.
“I can take care of myself, you know.”
“I’ve never doubted that for even a second, my love.” He acquiesced, his other hand shifting up from your waist to just between your shoulder blades. He had a knack for finding the most tense parts of your body, his hands doing away with soreness before you even had a chance to complain about it. “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you always have to.”
For a few seconds, all you could do was stare wordlessly at him, your heart decidedly skipping a few beats. Occasionally, you forgot just how easy such words came to him. The way he said them, it was never as a placating move, but an immovable truth he chose to point out.
“Besides, if I keep calling you, they’ll have to start paying you too.”
“Starving artists need a side gig.”
Eyes sparkling with amusement, he finally gave you a smile- one that still did not reach his eyes -as you pinched his cheek, lightly tugging it to the side. Chuckling, he finally gave you a smile as you let go.
“I really don’t know about the starving bit, baby. Getting a lil chubby aren’t you?”
Sticking his tongue out at you, he seemed to finally have completely taken himself out of the grasp of the ocean. For now, he was all yours.
“Anyway, that one wanderer I finally caught probably regretted showing up in the first place after he came into my hands.”
“I should be scared of you, my little hunter, but I unfortunately find that a little too attractive.” Admitted Rafayel, letting out a playful whistle as you flicked his temple. The weight that had settled on your chest the second you had walked in disappeared a little. “Are we talking a little dismemberment, or was it a sashimi situation?”
“Come on, my hungry hungry fishie. I want to wash off before bed.” You stated simply, trying to get off his lap, but he refused to let go.
It was your turn to pout as he smiled at you in the same smug way that made you want to roll your eyes at him.
“You’re forgetting something, my love.”
Despite knowing what he referred to, you made it a point to draw out the moment as long as possible.
Patting the pockets of your pants, you made your way along your jacket, even checking the holsters you emptied after entering the house.
“Oh let me just check, keys.. nope. Guns? Nope. Uhh where’s my lip gloss??” You muttered to yourself as Rafayel grew increasingly impatient. However just to rub it in, you pat non existent pockets, looking for things you definitely were not carrying. “Loose diamonds…nope. Tattoo machine… nope, crap I must have left it there. Where’s m-”
“Can you just kiss me already, you bully?” He whined as he pressed his forehead to yours. Suddenly, the humour dropped from his voice, and with it the warmth emanating from his skin. And while his eyes were squeezed shut, you didn’t have to see them to sense the desperation behind his words. The tight grip of his arms caging you. Holding you in place. Hiding you away from the world. “Please, just kiss me.”
Cradling his face, you pressed a kiss to his forehead, then down to the tip of his nose, before finally pressing your lips to his. The second his lips met yours, you felt his skin grow even warmer. Wherever he touched you, his frenzied need left a burning sensation. His hand moved up to cradle the back of your head as the kiss deepened.
You felt a sharp nip on your bottom lip, making you gasp as he lightly brushed his tongue over where he bit you. His hand at your waist brushed over the bare skin where your shirt had risen up, sending goosebumps crawling across your skin. Wherever his flushed skin touched yours, your pain, all your exhaustion seemed to melt away. Each time you were around him he seemed adamant on healing something he had never even broken.
You let your hands wander a little too, moving down from his cheek to the curve of his jaw and neck. As soon as your fingers brushed against the small scales on the skin of his neck, you felt him shiver, breaking off the kiss for a second as he gasped. However, he didn’t give you the opportunity to ask him anything as he caught your lips once again.
His hands always seemed to linger at a spot in your spine, just between your shoulder blades, directly behind your heart. It wasn’t much, not even longer than a second, but you could feel his touch grow just a little heavier as his hands wandered over it. You never understood why, but you never questioned him either.
As much as you didn’t want him to stop, you knew behind that frenzy was something you couldn’t just let him push down.
So, when you finally pulled away for air, you didn’t lean into him again. You could see it in his eyes as he asked you, without a word, but would never push you to continue even if he wanted to.
“Raf…” You pleaded softly, trying to calm the racing beat of your heart as you gripped the collar of his shirt. A tangled knot of guilt grew in your chest as Rafayel’s eyes scanned you meticulously, looking for any sign of pain or injury. “I’m not hurt, just… just tired.”
With a ghost of a smile, he pressed a kiss to your temple. His fingers slowly began teasing out any tangles from your hair as he pulled you closer, letting you rest your head against his chest as he held you.
“We don’t have to do anything, sweetheart. I just missed you. That’s all.”
Letting yourself be held, you let the stiffness in your body be swept away in his embrace. You could feel the warmth of his breath as it brushed against your forehead, knowing it meant he was looking only towards you.
But, that wasn’t enough.
You had to take him away. Far enough from the sea that it could no longer have a hold on him. At least, just for now.
“I missed you too.” You breathed out, hands coming to rest on top of his arms. “Do you want to tell me about your day?”
“Well… I started the day waiting for you to come home. Then after I ate lunch I waited for you to come home. I ignored Thomas calling ‘cause I hadn't finished the painting because I was-”
“Let me guess, waiting for me to come home?”
“Look at you, finally caught on huh?”
Looking up, you found him smiling, eyes flushed pink, just a little darker than the blush on his cheekbones. Purposefully blinking at him, you blew a puff of air up at him, making his nose scrunch.
“How about we wash off this sand and head to bed?”
Thought you’d never ask, sweetie.”
Wiggling out of his hold, you rose to your feet, and offered your hand to him. For a moment, he just looked at you with his smile still lingering on his face. The look in his eyes held so much adoration, you found your face growing a little warm as you forced yourself to keep looking at him.
“See something you like?” He asked, slipping his hand into yours, his smile growing a little smug. However, it turned into shock as you yanked him up with surprising power, pulling him onto his feet within a second before you started brushing off the sand from your clothes. “Oh? Let me help you with that, don’t trouble yourself.”
Brushing your hand away, he started dusting off your pants, only he began from an area you had already cleaned.
“I already dusted my butt off, don’t pretend you’re helping you perv.”
“Can’t be too sure, just double checking. Don’t want any pesky sand bothering you after all.”
Swatting his hand away, you stuck your tongue out at him as he put his arm around you and began ushering you back towards your home.
Pointedly, you leaned back a little to look at the sand that clung onto his trousers a little too conveniently.
“Oh? look at that, you’re covered in sand too. Let me return the favour won’t you?” You asked sweetly. Immediately sensing the danger he was in, he darted away from you, kicking up sand as he ran towards the house. Breaking into a sprint, you ran after him, catching up with ease since you knew he would never bring all that sand into the living room.
With a nervous chuckle, he turned his back towards the house, stepping as close as he could dare to the safety of the indoors as you approached him, warming up your wrist.
“Now sweetheart, listen there’s no need for drastic measures. I just wanted to make sure you’d be cleaned up.”
Finding himself in a dead end, he had no choice but to surrender as his back hit the doorframe. With one final stretch of your hand, you helped him clean up exactly the same way he had, leaving him clutching his butt in indignation.
Suppressing your laughter, you pressed a placating kiss to his cheek before taking his hand and leading him to the open door. The two of you left your sand soiled clothes just by the edge of the living room door leading to the beach, making sure to shut it behind you as you headed straight to the bathroom.
Admittedly, the first few times you’d showered with Rafayel there had been an unignorable excitement to it. Somewhere down the line, the excitement had given way to this silent and comforting domesticity. With gentle hands, he’d help you wash off the struggles of the day, making every worry fade into the void. Under the warm shower, he’d always complain of the temperature as he helped you to clean every inch of your body. He was always so careful, with worshiping hands that were guided entirely by a love that seemed a little too overwhelming at times. All topped off with light kisses peppered all over your freshly bathed skin.
You never failed to return the favour, of course. Just as he had discovered all of you, you too had wasted no time in committing him to memory. Every mole, every mark on his body He’d always lean down just a little when you would wash his shoulders, taking that time to steal a kiss from you while you were distracted.
Rafayel was always brimming with requests. Asking you to blow off work for lunch. Making you drive him around when he knew you could. Stealing you away from patrol on boring days with the excuse of ice cream.
However, the more important the task, the less likely he was to ever bring it to light. He had no problem filling conversation with words that didn’t ever come close to voicing his heart.
You couldn’t help but cling to that dreadful truth as you both dried off and headed to bed. Instead of your own clothes, you didn’t resist the urge to steal one of his shirts to wear over your cotton pajamas. His scent clung to the soft cotton, leaving you feeling a little greedy as he beckoned you to lay down in his arms.
“Whenever you want, if you want, I’ll be here to listen, Raf. Remember that.” You whispered, curling into him as he pulled the blanket over to cover your body as well. Instead of giving you a proper reply, he brushed the hair out of his way as he left a lingering kiss on your forehead.
“Shift’s over, Miss Bodyguard.” He whispered against your skin, pulling you in until your bodies were pressed against each other. Letting all the tension in your body go, you let yourself fit into the curves of his body like two pieces of a puzzle. “Time for me to worry about you, not the other way around.”
“Nope,” you refuted, fingers curling into the fabric of his robe as you stifled a yawn. Even as you tried to fight it off, the exhaustion of the day began to creep up on you. The drowsiness had already begun to set in the second you left the warm shower. Now, with him purposefully heating up his skin to let it sink into you, it was a silent battle. One you were determined to win. Even as your eyelids felt like they were being weighed down by the anchors of a man o’ war. “I slacked off all day, can’t just let me off like that.”
His hands moved from where they held your face, his fingers running through your hair as it came to rest on your neck. You knew that he was extremely careful, his actions exceedingly calculated, and this too was no idle gesture. The second his fingers began working the knots out of the muscle you knew you had already lost.
Sighing, you gave in. Tilting your head, you let your neck be as exposed as possible as he expertly teased out any pain that dug its claws into you. It likely hadn’t even been a few minutes, but the dimly lit room had already begun sinking into the darkness that was waiting impatiently for you.
“You can pay me back tomorrow.” He whispered, his voice tinged with smugness from his impromptu victory. “Rest now, my love. You’ve already done more than you know.”
-
The waves lapped at your waist, growing colder each second as the sun had begun to rise in the horizon. Your lungs struggled to breathe, not because of any injury, or lack of air, but the pressure of the looming silhouette of Romirro behind you. The scale hanging off the threads around your neck, which weighed next to nothing, had begun pulling you down into the water. Beckoning you to stay. To give up on what you thought you had to do. Just stay. Stay here, right by His side.
Stay in His arms.
Your hand reached up to the scale, snapping the thread which held it in place. Cradling the small iridescent oval in your palm, you finally brought yourself to look at Him.
Rafayel…
His long hair drifted in the soft sea breeze, lightly obscuring the sparkling jewels which framed his eyes. While still mostly violet, you saw the end were tinged with a deep blue that had not been there earlier. The scales on His arms and chest looked no different than the gemstones scattered across his skin. Blue and crimson waves clung to the curves of His skin, painting him in the colours of the world held in the embrace of the water.
The hair went down to his thighs- no, tail. A single strong limb shimmering in the refracting light which held you in the water.
Your lips, your jaw, your neck, they still burned with the lingering sensation of His lips.
He watched you, with the love you knew you would always find in His eyes. Love that always matched yours.
Reaching out, you held the scale before him, trying your best to keep your voice from quivering. You wanted nothing more than to repair that broken string. Tie that scale around your neck once again, and tuck it away in your clothes. It was yours. Yours and yours alone.
So why?
Why must it end this way?
Why must you lose Him?
Lose your heart, your country?
Lose the very reason you had to live.
“You once said this was once part of your heart. It’s time to return it to where it belongs.”
The gleaming scales rising out of His ears matched the blue in his eyes that had overtaken the deep pink that used to shine abundant. In the dawn light, the gleaming marks on His face looked more like tears than tattoos.
Had you ever seen Him cry?
No… But did you even want to?
That was a face that had already held the suffering of a millennia. All you wanted was to erase every pained line, every furrowed wrinkle until all His features could hold were the markings of happiness.
Tearing His eyes away from you, He looked at the scale clasped between your fingers. You felt a pang in your heart as you saw the apparent misery slowly carve its way into His features. It seemed, He knew what you were trying to do. The song, the conch shell. His crushing embrace. It was a quiet display of His conviction, to keep you with Him, even if it was for just a few more moments.
“The place you hold in my heart far outweighs this little scale.” He said softly, His voice barely audible above the song of the waves. It was His way of a silent refusal. He could never bring Himself to deny you anything.
He begrudgingly held out His hand, palm facing towards the sky as you gently placed the once favoured gift in His hand. A piece of Him, meant for you, that you knew you could not hold on to.
Maybe, someday, He would find it in His heart to forgive you.
“Because of my selfishness, I took the heart that belongs to you.”
Was it selfish, to desire the one thing that was meant to be yours? The only thing you could call your own? The one piece of you that you could share with Him, out of your own volition.
Before He could pull it away, you clasped His hand in both of yours, holding it in place as you saw the dread sink into His eyes. Deeply furrowed brows, a deep frown, eyes that gleamed in the rising sun.
Swiftly reaching forward, you stole a kiss from His downturned lips, one He would never deny you. Even when He knew what it would cost Him.
What it would cost you.
As you pulled away, you saw the same look in His eyes. Betrayal. Hurt. Anger. Pain.
Love.
The mark on His chest burned, resembling a brand more than a bond. Bright red, gleaming painfully against His pale skin.
“Now… with the power of the Sea God’s vow, our covenant-” You began, gripping His hands so tightly that your knuckles went white. The familiar surge of His, no, your shared power spilled over your conjoined hands. Swirls of blue and white escaped through the small fissures between your fingers. In the core of your palms, a bright scalding red resembling your bond gleamed forebodingly. This was no longer the same warmth He used when he touched you. This part of the bond was even more ancient than Him, its laws binding. Even for a God.
“-Rafayel…”
His eyes looked down at you, pleading.
Begging.
Crying…
“Obey my command!”
The power in your hands surged, searing your palms with pain you welcomed, for it could never hope to match the ache in your heart.
Out of that scalding heat, a curved blade formed, its icy blue blade gleaming as its tip aimed right at your chest. Your heart.
However it was not in your hands, but in His.
His hand which more struggled to break out of your hold, trying to fight against the bond that guided His very existence. Any other time, any other day, it would have taken Him no effort at all. But today, the sea turned its back on Him, choosing to hear your wishes instead. Today He felt the weight of the unseen chains that bound Him to you, and what that could truly mean.
You could see Him struggling, trying to tear His hand away from yours, but over the racing beat of your heart you heard nothing else. For the sake of hearing His voice just a little longer, you wanted to tell your heart to give in. To give up. Not to match the anguish in your Beloved’s eyes, knowing you were the one to put it there.
Now, the same knife you once used to set Him free, you were using to bind Him to an eternity of suffering.
Trying to slow your breathing, you forced yourself to look at Him. To see Him. All of Him.
The Sea God you were promised to.
The soul, bound eternally to yours.
The man who had given you his heart, and had to watch as you gave it back, shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Reclaim this heart, and…”
You knew the words you had to say, yet you could not bring yourself to say them.
Such joy that assuredness of forever had brought you. Knowing you could be by His side, no matter how much time would go by. He was yours, and you were His.
For Him, you would have given up anything.
However, that was your price to pay.
Only yours.
I’m sorry.
“And, end our everlasting bond.”
You heard Him cry out, but all your senses were engulfed by blazing white pain as you pulled his hand towards you. The cold blade elicited a sharp gasp from you as it sunk into your chest before all you could feel was blinding agony spreading from your heart.
Just as quickly it had appeared, the dagger dissipated into golden sparks as He yanked his hand away. Your body grew weaker each second, and your hands fell on their own as you fought to keep your eyes open. Against your will, your breathing grew sharp, and quick. No matter how many breaths you took, your lungs did not seem to be fulfilled even in the slightest.
You felt your body grow heavy, falling back but… you didn’t reach very far. You heard Him call out your name, and you felt the familiar bite of His vambraces on your back as He held you up.
You tried reaching for his face. You tried to tell Him that someday, you hoped all He would remember were the fleeting moments of joy you shared together. Not this. Never this.
Please.
Your hands didn’t even reach His neck before they began falling. You wanted nothing more than to hold onto Him, remember the feeling of His skin. The bumps of His shimmering scales and the way He shivered when you touched them. His silken hair, untouched by the harsh salt of the ocean, the way it floated weightlessly behind Him as He swam with you. The warmth of His lips, His kisses…
His love.
“No…. No, I refuse to accept this betrayal!” He cried, clutching onto tightly. Only… you could no longer feel His warmth that always reached out to you. Instead you felt the heat of your blood as it seeped out of the gaping wound in your chest. You tried… tried to focus on Him, anything but the life slowly leaking out of your now frail body.
Glueing your eyes to His, you saw them, for the first time, well up with tears. His eyes had grown the sapphire blue of the sea you had once loved. It seemed you had stolen the playful adoring pink He was always adorned with.
Was there a way you could give that back?
His soft lips pulled back in a grimace, eyes frantically darting over you to find something, anything He could do to keep you.
With one last ditch effort, you lifted your hand just enough to brush away the first of His tears.
“This heart can save you… and Romirro.” You insisted, earning only a fresh wave of tears. With each word, you felt a little blood trickle out of your mouth. Each word was becoming harder and harder to let out. It only nurtured dread in your veins as you mustered up the last bits of your strength. “My death is worth more than my life.”
“No!” He screamed, but with your fading hearing it was barely more than a whisper. “The Sea God doesn’t need this heart! Our bond, it cannot end this way, I won’t allow it!”
You wanted to tell Him you tried to fight it too. For as long as you could. You tried to be with Him, as long as you could.
There were so many words still left to say to Him. But, they weren’t meant to be said with death looming above you, waiting for you to draw your last breath. They were meant to be given with an embrace, a kiss, even a simple touch.
Not like this.
Not that you had the fortitude to say then anyway.
“Although our covenant has ended, I’ll become one with the sea.” You promised Him, even though you knew he would never accept it. You both were promised eternity. You had promised him eternity.
And now, you were the one to snatch it away.
“And stay with you. Forever.”
You wanted to hear His voice, but your mortality betrayed you as the only thing reaching you was silence. You could see His lips moving, the heat from His tears as they fell on your face. His brows left their furrowed position as shock dawned on His features when your hand began falling. You felt your head grow heavy, but you forced yourself to hold it, right there, right where He was the only one you could see. Even as the light finally began to fade, you wanted Him to be the last. The only one.
He was your world, and as you finally gave in to the darkness you couldn't help but wonder…
At the end, it was you.
You took everything from Him.
-
Shooting up straight, you gasped for air as your hands immediately clawed at your exposed chest. Tears slipped out of the corners of your eyes, tracing tracks that had paved their way in your sleep. Heart racing, your fingers searched desperately for the excruciating pain you had been feeling up until just a few moments ago.
Was that a dream?
Why did that feel real? Real enough that it could almost have been a memory.
Your room was dark, but you could hear the rattle of the windows as you looked down at your torso to check. Trying to keep up with your rapid breathing, your chest rose and fell, making it hard to notice anything significant in the moonlight. Was it your imagination, or was there now a faint scar that gleamed on your sternum?
Had that always been there?
As you let your hands finally stray from your sternum, you noticed they were trembling.
Nightmares were an old, unwilling friend. They’d been with you longer than anyone else. Fragmented memories of your lost childhood. Losing your family. Then, just the regular touch of horrific wanderers you were yet to forget about it.
But, this had been more than just a nightmare.
None of them had ever involved him before. Rafael had gratefully been the one part of your life untouched by the gruesome colours of everything else.
Why now?
Why today?
Hugging yourself, you ignored the slight sting of the skin on your chest from your impatient investigation. Your breathing was still ragged, still shaken from what you saw. Why did it have to include Rafayel? Did… why did that feel so real?
“Rafayel….” You croaked, your throat so dry you could barely get a word out.
Turning to your side, you looked at Rafayel hoping to see him sleeping peacefully. Unfortunately, rest did not seem to be in either of your fates as you saw him breathing just as rapidly as you. Even in his sleep, the shimmering scales by his ears gleaming in the dark, bathing his hair and neck in blue. You both had started out in each other’s arms, but sometime in the night he had turned his back to you.
Was he in the middle of a nightmare too?
Could yo-
“No….” He whispered, his voice cracking just as yours had.
Your heart sank as you reached towards him, hoping to pull him out of his torturous sleep.
“Rafayel…”
“No, stop…”
You felt a chill go down your spine and you froze with your hand still reaching out as thunder roared outside your home. He twisted again, this time turning towards you. Sweat was beading on his forehead, making some of his hair stick to his forehead. Usually his features were completely relaxed, holding not a single sign of strain from the day. However, today they were contorted, as if in pain. His body was tense, and you knew the storm outside was likely his doing. There was no reason for his scales to be out unless he was using his powers.
Was… was he dre- No, seeing the same thing you saw?
“Please….” He begged, and you saw the first tear slip out of his eyes, only it never hit the pillow. Before it could even touch the soft silk, a gleaming pearl took its place, rolling down the cushion and stopping by your hand.
Lemurians did not often cry. But, when they finally let go of their grief, their tears vowed never to be lost within the embrace of the ocean.
This time, you did not stop yourself, gently placing your hand on his face, feeling the scales, and his skin burning hot to the touch. As soon as your hand made contact, Rafayel shot up straight, his hand grabbing your wrist a little too tightly.
“No! No please!” He screamed, his face still twisted with pain as his eyes flitted wildly across the room, desperately searching.
You found yourself falling backwards, caught off guard by the sudden movement. Lightning flashed behind him, making it hard to see his features as he panted, his hand not loosening in the slightest. However, his eyes were not hard to see, for they had abandoned their usual vibrancy and glowed with a frosty blue. It made him look far more dangerous, and it might have been far more terrifying had it not been for the tears trickling down his face.
“Rafayel…”
Snapping out of his daze, he finally looked at you. Relief flooded through his body, and his hand fell limply by his side. Despite all the cuts of muscle across his soft skin, he had never looked wea- no, more vulnerable than he did in that moment.
For a few seconds, the two of you just stared at each other. In the shock of the past few minutes, your trembling had ceased, but now it returned full force as you felt your eyes burn looking at Rafayel.
The man you had seen in your dream, he had looked much older, his face more gaunt, haunted by the years he had to suffer. He had also been more sure of himself, with no doubts that came with his identity or responsibility. Or his love.
This Rafayel before you looked far younger, his face holding onto a softness the one in the dream could not cherish. While this Rafayel did not look entirely the same, his eyes held the same aged suffering.
The same love.
Somehow, something within you knew you had the same dream. Whatever doubts you may have harboured before dissipated into the air as he gave you the same look. Gleaming downturned eyes, his lips slightly parted, as if he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words. Furrowed brows, and cheeks gleaming with the marks of his tears.
The look he couldn’t hold back as you went limp in his arms.
“Rafayel… th-that-” You began, unable to keep your voice from quivering. In that dream you had been far stronger, your syllables unwavering even in the face of death. So why did it shake now? “Was that really a dream?”
Upon seeing your shaking hands, it was as if a dam broke in Rafayel, and he surged forwards, wrapping you in an embrace so tight you struggled to breathe. Putting your arms around him was all you could do before the scattered tears transitioned into sobs. Instead of feeling the usual warm dampness of tears against your skin, you felt cool hard pearls roll off into the bedding.
In response to him, the rain hit the windows a little harder, morphing into an actual storm as scattered lightning and thunder continued to rampage in the skies. Even the usual calm waves crashed deafeningly into the sand, surging forward more than ever before. However scared you were of storms, you could barely hear them over the agonised cries of your beloved in your arms.
You wanted to ask him again, even when you knew the answer. You wanted him to say no, to dismiss it as the dream it should have been. Just a figment of your imagination, and not the truth.
Not a reality where you abandoned him.
If that wasn’t a dream, then what did you see?
A memory?
That hadn’t felt like your world. The air had held a touch of magic, one that your world seemed to have lost somewhere along the way.
Shaking the thoughts out of your mind, you curled your fingers into the back of his thin cotton shirt. Hands refusing to stay still, you did everything in your power to keep them from trembling again. However, while that may have worked for your hands, the rest of you continued to shake like a leaf in his arms.
Not faring much better, Rafayel seemed utterly incapacitated by the sobs that wreaked through his body. You wanted to comfort him, but all you could do was cling to him, just as he clung onto you. The longer he cried, the more sure you grew that this was no mere nightmare. A dream would never have left him in a state like this.
Even if it ended in your demise.
Unable to help yourself, you felt your eyes burn with a fresh wave of tears. Pressing your face into his tousled hair, you let the tears fall alongside your beloved. Only, you could not hope to match his misery.
You had never seen him cry before. Even if it had been a stray tear, they had never done this. You always thought the stories about Lemurians and their tears were just that.
Stories.
However it seemed that was far from the truth.
“My love, I’m so sorry…” You whispered, and Rafayel immediately pulled away from you, his hands searching desperately for your face. As carefully as you could, you guided his hand to cup your face. His body may have been burning up, but his fingers were as cold as ice. While his eyes no longer burned with that cold light, they were veiled under a deep blue shadow, the only light coming from the glassy sheen of his tears in the moonlight.
The same desperation clutched onto him, the same fight.
His breathing came in short erratic bursts as he tried to catch his breath, but his own body seemed to betray him.
Gripping his hand insistently, you pressed it into your cheek almost painfully as you forced him to look at you.
“Rafayel, I’m right here…” You repeated, your voice hoarse from your broken sleep and incessant tears. “Just look at me, okay? Don’t look at anything else. I’m here, I promise. I’m so sorry…”
You were rambling. Subconsciously, you strung together apologies, a chance that you did not get in that memory. However no number of apologies could ever be enough. Nothing you could ever do would be enough to make up for it.
Just how often did those memories resurface in the dead of night? Catching him just as the both of you were utterly helpless, at the mercy of demons you could not fight with the swing of a sword.
How often was he stuck, reliving that nightmare, again and again and again?
“That wasn’t a dream.” You echoed hollowly, watching his breath hitch as you no longer stated it as a question. With each passing second, your conviction only grew stronger. “That wasn’t a dream. So.. what was that?”
“I… I can’t.” He stuttered, eyelashes heaving with the weight of unfallen tears. “Please, I can’t. D-don’t make me talk about it. I can’t.”
“Did I… I ma-”
“Don’t!” He interrupted, his other hand joining in as he cradled your face, not even bothering to wipe the tears and snot off his face anymore. His eyes were full of a desperate fire, burning any words you had considered saying. “I’m begging you. Please…”
His voice tapered off as his cries surged once more, his hands slowly slipping off your face as if he could no longer control them. But… even then, they couldn’t bear to leave you. They traced your jaw, his thumb catching at your lips before they finally rested on your neck. He held onto you like a lifeline as he was trapped in an ocean of his own horrors.
His gaze could no longer meet yours, as he hunched over, eyes glued to your lap. While you sat there, held in place by the finality of his words, you felt the warmth of his tears falling on the bare skin of your legs.
Rafael didn’t even have the strength to properly sob anymore. All you heard were sniffles, and the sporadic jerks in his body as he continued to struggle for air. Even the storm outside was reduced to a heavy drizzle, its vitality dissipating into the clouds.
Abandoning your own slowly leaking tears, you pulled the edge of the sleeve to cover your palm and you began wiping his face as gently as you could. Most of his tears no longer hardened into those iridescent spheres, trickling into the fabric instead. The pearls now could not make a dent on the scattered pile by your bodies that had formed just in the time since you had woken up.
The pearls biting into you were a cold, hard reminder of something that seemed to have slipped your mind.
Right now, it was his agony, his pain that had to take a front seat. A dream, or reality, it did not matter. His sadness was real, and it was something you couldn’t ever imagine facing.
Tearing his hand away from your neck, you saw as he finally lifted his head, eyes red and puffed from all the crying. Not letting go, you deliberately shifted his palm from your shoulder, over the curve of your collarbone, and finally making it rest above your sternum.
Realising dawned on him, and reflexively he tried to snatch his hand away, making you hesitate for a moment.
He had never rejected you. Never once refused to touch you. It was always him who reached out. Pressing his leg against yours, his hand on your thigh while driving. Offering an arm for you to hold as you walked, leaning against you each time you sat together anywhere.
Touching you was like breathing for him. Somewhere along the line it had become second nature to you as well.
So you knew, this wasn’t coming from him. He was afraid, and fear always changed people for the worse.
Just as quick as he flinched from you, he seemed to have been equally as surprised by his own reaction. Within a fraction of a second his strained eyes melted apologetically and he let you have your way with him.
The light scratches from your own desperation still stung, but you chose to ignore them as you pressed his hand to your skin. Your racing heart beat against your chest, and you knew he could feel it.
With wide eyes, he watched you carefully, tracing every little movement.
“What a-”
“Look.” You insisted. “I’m not injured. I’m not hurt. Feel my heartbeat. Look at nothing else, just focus on me.”
Forcing yourself to calm your breathing, you shut your eyes, drawing in deep breaths until your breathing no longer hitched. One by one, his fingers slowly unfurled, leaving his tightened fist as they lay flat against your chest.
Furrowed brows slowly relaxing, you watched as his breathing slowed. His frigid fingers slowly rewarmed until they were almost hot against your skin. Your heart slowed as well, no longer beating as if it was trying to escape your chest.
“I’m right here okay, I’m not going anywhere.” You reminded him, both your hands holding onto his. The same way you had forced the dagger from his hand into your heart.
“I’m okay, and I’m right here.”
Your grip on his hand tightened, and you felt the warmth emanating from his hand into your chest. Slowly, the scratches began disappearing, and you saw a faint rosy glow seeping through his fingers. The red light etched out the tired lines on his face, making his eyes and nose even redder than they had looked in the moonlight.
His eyes were glued to yours, his lips parted trying to find words to say, but it was a futile attempt. Shifting your hand from your chest, you gently ran your fingertips over his cheekbone, letting him lean his face into your touch. He always followed it up with a kiss to your palm, but there was a new fear in his eyes. He was afraid, as if tearing his eyes away for even a second would mean you would disappear.
“I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere.”
Before he could even have a chance to say anything, you saw a familiar red glow appear on his chest. His mark… your mark burned brightly against his pale skin.
Even though you didn’t want to, your mind could not help but think of your dream upon seeing that mark. You just hoped, in this world you could trust yourself not to shatter that connection.
Releasing a shaky breath, he shifted closer to you, pressing his forehead to yours. Relief flooded through your body as his arm curled around you, wrapping around your waist carefully.
“My love, promise me…”
“Anything.” You breathed out, clutching his hand tightly. “Anything, please.”
“Don’t leave me.” He pleaded, his hand curling into your shirt as he held him close to you. While you were trained onto him, in your eyes, images of him with longer hair and sparkling marks flickered agonisingly. It lingered, again and again, reminding you of the weight of your words and your every action. “You can’t leave me. I won’t make it.”
“I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Ever.” He insisted, the mark flaring as the pink slowly slipped back into his irises.
“Ever.” You agreed, letting your hand trace the shape of his face. your thumb lingered over his lower lip, feeling the soft flesh dip under the light pressure. “Only if you promise me the same.”
Rafayel chuckled, and you couldn’t help but freeze at the sound. His usual soft voice was husky with exhaustion, making it sound far deeper than it actually was. After the only sounds in the room had been of his anguish, the sweet sound of his laugh left you speechless.
“I’m all yours, cutie.” He agreed softly, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose, pulling out an unexpected giggle from you. “Congratulations, you get the privilege of being stuck with me forever.”
While both of you were quick to smile, the air around you was quick to grow serious once again. But, his eyes no longer returned to their previous darkness. The ghost of his smile still lingered on his lips as he watched you intently.
Whenever you found yourself at the receiving end of that look, you knew you would say yes to anything.
“Raf, can I kiss you?” You blurted out, and he smil- no, smirked. He knew exactly what he was doing.
“You know you don’t have to ask.”
“So what are you waiting for then?” You asked coyly, and annoyingly Rafayel leaned away from you. His smile only grew wider as you pursed your lips.
“For you to kiss me.” He teased, his hand slipping under your shirt to rub circles on your skin, deliberately heating up his fingers to make you shiver.
“Well, now I’m not going to do it.” You frowned, turning your face away. Immediately retracing his steps, he leaned back in, trying to get into your field of vision.
“Hey,” he pouted, “wh-”
Grabbing his face, you kissed him deeply, his words lost as he kissed you back. His hand wandered over your bare back, the other coming up to cradle the back of your head. With the storm, the temperature of the room had dropped uncomfortably low, making the warmth of his touch even more irresistible. The last kiss you had shared before falling asleep had tasted like your toothpaste, the peppermint burning on your tongue. However, this kiss was salty, tasting of both of your tears. Salty but dripping with eagerness.
Honestly there had been few kisses sweeter than this.
Curling into him, you let out a gasp against his lips as he pulled you onto his lap, giving you no time as he captured your lips with his own again. Gently, he leaned forwards, pressing your back into the mattress as his lips wandered from yours. Taking his time, he left slow, deliberate kisses starting from the edge of your mouth, the line of your jaw, a particularly sensitive spot on your neck that never failed to make you shudder. Your hands were tangled up in his hair as you placed yourself at his mercy. His hot, open mouthed kisses always left you wanting more as every touch cooled as soon as he cut contact. Your collarbone, and finally, he stopped right at your sternum.
That spot still retained his earlier warmth, but the kiss was a welcome one.
Instead of moving any lower, he stopped.
As soon as he halted, the spell he always seemed to pull you under shattered, and you felt small lumps biting into your back. Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you turned to look behind you, and not fighting his curiosity Rafayel followed. Beneath you lay countless pearls scattered across your mattress. They rolled wherever weight was applied, nestling together near your arm as you gave your beloved a look.
“The aftermath of your tears is really interesting.” You said, hearing him sigh. His warm breath hit your neck, and you resisted the urge to squirm. “Well, it’ll save me a lot on jewellery.”
Without a word, he brushed away the pearls closest to you, and you heard them scatter onto the floor as he pressed you back onto the bed. As if you had never broken apart, he retraced his steps, going back a few kisses. This time, taking even longer and you knew it would likely leave a mark.
Before you could say anything, he carefully settled on top of you, his cheek resting over his last kiss as you combed your fingers through his hair. His usually perfect hair was marred by sweat, and clung uncomfortably to him in places. Knowing how much it bothered him, you tried your best to sort out the strands.
“I love you, Rafayel.” You muttered, feeling him breathe out a sigh against your skin. His fingers traced unrecognisable shapes against your stomach. While the pressure was extremely controlled and delicate, he loved using his fingernail, letting it lightly scratch your skin sending shivers up your spine. “More than anything else in the world. I love you.”
You knew he was teasing you, and as much as you wanted to lie, butterflies fluttered in your stomach as he continued. Refusing to lose, you returned the favour. Your fingers pressed into his nape, and you felt him suck in a sharp breath as your hands dipped under the neckline of his shirt.
Neither of you knew why you were playing that game, you were far too spent physically, and emotionally. However the little adrenaline, the nervous flutters, they were quick in driving away the suffocating air.
“Impossible.” He scoffed lightly, positioning his head in a way your wandering hands wouldn’t be deterred. “I’m quite convinced I love you more.”
“I’m not getting into this with you.” You stated with a tone of finality. “You never let me have the last word.”
His hand came up from where it rested on your stomach to close your eyes, which- if they could have -cried out with relief. You knew they would be quite puffed up and dried when you wake up, but that was a problem for later.
“So how about just shut your eyes and take my words for what they are?”
“Only if you do the same.”
You could not see his smile, but you felt it as he kept his hand firmly placed over your face.
“Let’s count down to 3 and say it together, alright princess?”
“Okay. I’m trusting you on this.”
“Uh-huh.” he nodded. “One… Two… Three.”
“I love you.”
While your voices were supposed to speak out in unison, only yours filled the cool air as Rafayel only chuckled. Poking his back you opened your mouth to protest just as you felt him shift. His weight on you disappeared but you soon felt the dip of the mattress beside you. Immediately after, a chaste kiss on your lips before he settled back to how he was before.
“I love you, my beautiful bride.” He whispered back. “I love you now, and I will love you forever. I-”
“I’m yours.” You spoke with him, feeling him hesitate before he continued, nuzzling into you as your hands returned to his hair.
You knew he had finally let go of the last grey cloud that had latched onto him as he melted into you.
In that moment, even if they wanted to, the gods could not have taken this time from you.
Taken him away from you.
Whatever he had to say, if he ever even wished to utter a word about it, it could wait. A million questions burned at the tip of your tongue, but you did not have the heart to voice them. After all, you had forever together. Everything, and everyone could wait.
“And, you’re mine.”
The rain outside had slowed to a drizzle, lightly pattering away at your windows like a lullaby. Even as he removed his hand from your eyes, your eyelids seemed to be weighed down. If you tried you knew you still would not be able to lift them.
With the slow rhythmic sound of Rafayel’s breathing, you knew it would not be long before he slipped back into sleep. Not trying to fight it either, you let your body relax against the mattress, letting your tense muscles free as you exhaled.
You were no worse than Rafayel, because how could you let him have the last word?
“Forever stuck with you doesn’t sound too bad.”