Chapter Text
A dark blue background template, hues of darker shades around it with a minimal logo of a questionable triangle right in the middle.
Jungwon frowns at his screen, the single light coming from it somehow makes his eyes ache as he squints around for his phone.
“Tama naman,” He mumbled after checking his messages, specifically Nishimura’s after the younger randomly sent him a weird site to ‘explore’ during his free time.
Eh, ito na nga yon. The highs and lows of being a senior in college after finalizing your semester and you’re in between the phase of resting and anticipating what comes after. Jungwon dislikes it—yung parang gusto niya naman mamahinga but the anxiety of actually graduating and making a life for yourself? He somehow wails for the structured life of his educational years.
Going back to this rare activity he’s immersing himself with, he explores the facade of the page as it seems pretty straightforward. May call button sa gitna, on its left side is the drop call one while the other looks like the one you press if you want to block something, possibly an incoming call.
Jungwon thinks he gets the hang of it in theory, so without any more time to waste or give Nishimura the satisfaction that he’s actually checking out what he sent him, he finds himself pressing the call button until the very distinct sound of a phone ringing could be heard.
Tatlong ring.
Then he hears a static audio, similar to a phone being picked up.
You’re now connected with a random stranger.
Jungwon hovers his finger over his cursor as if he was ready to bolt just in case this might be an introduction to those cybercrime documentaries he watched once.
Click then a ping.
His eyes flash to the screen again only to find that whoever is on the other end has decided to mute themselves.
Stranger muted their mic. You can start speaking.
Speaking? Ano ba pwede niya sabihin bukod sa hello? Hovering his finger over the cursor again, he feels the base of his spine starting to tingle from a sweat spot even with his AC on.
Eh ano naman? Hindi naman sila magkakilala sa totoong buhay. Probably never will. So what’s there to lose?
Jungwon breathes in, mouth opening and closing but his voice remains in.
“Hell—”
But the voice from the other end beats him to it.
“10 minutes until 12:00, birthday ko na. Pag nag skip call ka ipagdadasal ko na magka-almoranas ka.”
“Wow,” It was out of Jungwon’s mouth before he had time to think it over. Not even the hesitant laugh that followed as he replays the implication of the person’s ‘threat’.
“Seryoso nga wag ka tumawa dyan. Hindi mo ba alam ang swerte mo?”
A boy…perhaps around his age. Voice a little low but all the while, carrying a certain softness to it, Jungwon starts to dismantle the voice he was hearing while he finds his heart thumping at the idea that this is a real person he’s talking to.
“Bakit naman?” He managed to breathe out and he found himself wincing after. A loser naman niya huminga but with how casual the other sounds, he can’t help the pressure of actually prolonging this conversation.
“ Eight minutes. Syempre imagine, hindi kita kilala pero ikaw kasama ko tumanda.”
And again, it was out of Jungwon before he could think it over. This time, it was a laugh that was loud enough to translate an understood humor, a message of a personality delivered.
Whoever this person is, the humor was winning him over.
“Grabeng choice of words.”
“Okay lang yan, hindi naman tayo magkikita in person. Seven minutes. ”
“Alam mo yon? Laro yun diba pag may mga nagtru-truth or dare.”
Actually beaming against his palm after his remark, Jungwon curls around his duvet as his eyes flicker on the screen, his heart mad inside his chest while he anticipates a reply,
“Haha, may baon din naman pala siya. Akala ko ako lang magsasagwan ng barkong to.”
This stranger’s words…they were not rare but the context of it was humorous in a way na if it were a situation with a malicious implication, it would’ve been corny and cringe. Perhaps it was the way it was delivered too. How it lacked emotion when in other ways those phrases and words were meant to be said in an endearing manner.
There was no denying that Jungwon was hooked.
So he sinks himself deeper, folds his legs together and gets comfortable.
“Ilang minutes na?”
“Seconds,” The stranger breathes out like he was the one caught off guard this time.
Just like clockwork, Jungwon looks at the time from the upper right part of his screen just in time to watch the four zeros appear.
Indicating a day’s end and another’s start.
June 24th.
“Happy birthday, stranger.” Leaning towards his screen, Jungwon takes advantage of the quiet time to bear the simple greeting.
Then what came after somehow made his head spin.
“Sunoo na lang. Yan na lang itawag mo sa akin.”
Jungwon stares at the blue messaging application on his phone. The white arrow resembles a paper plane head somehow speaking to him, mocking a deep inside joke of engaging in that particular app when it’s known for a malicious relationship fiasco.
“Nakita ko yon!” Nishimura’s sudden outburst startled him despite the younger’s low and deep pitch. “Aha, bakit ka may ganon?”
Frowning and a bit flustered because oo nga naman, itatanggi niya pa ba eh kitang kita na rin naman , Jungwon only settles for a timid nod while Nishimura breaks into a rowdy fit of limbs and suppressed laughter.
“So ginamit mo? Ginamit mo nga yung site?”
It has been three days since that call.
Three days since Jungwon stayed up until 3 am celebrating someone’s birthday only to wake up lightheaded the next day.
“Wala ka bang pasok bukas?”
“Graduating…literal na gradwaiting.”
“Same, nakakaubos diba?”
Jungwon falters midway while his laptop nearly falls against the side of his face because he was sleepy and they’ve been on call since 12 am.
Graduating din . A confirmation of some sort of the other’s age brings Jungwon a rare peace of mind and he actually finds himself grinning despite sleepy eyes.
“Siguro ngayon medyo hindi na.”
It was Sunoo’s turn to falter as he heard him mutter a small, “hmm?” but the reception was quite unclear.
“Bakit?” Paanong hindi na?”
“Kasi nagbirthday ka. You don’t meet strangers randomly when they ask you to spend their birthdays with them.”
Maybe because it was nearing the actual rising of the sun that had Jungwon running his mouth but the thought of them being strangers and never meeting each other in real life gave him this sense of bravery to say anything he thinks of saying.
And he means them. Means it all.
“I know kaya thank you for staying, Won .”
“Won?” Jungwon repeats with a surprised but tired laugh. “Nickname basis?”
“Ayaw mo?” Sunoo challenges back and if Jungwon thinks too hard and places a face to the voice, he can think of a pout.
Gusto
“Sige lang,” A casual confirmation while his ankles are crossed under his blanket.
“Sus, pakipot pa. It’s 3 am.”
“Hmm,”
“Sleep time na?”
“Hmm,”
“Gago, tulugan na nga. Mahina ka pala. Ibaba ko na to.”
“Hmm—huh—uy teka lang!”
Rising to his knees on his bed, Jungwon feels his stomach dropping at the thought of the call being dropped. Ni hindi niya na namalayan na halos isubsob niya na yung mukha niya sa screen ng laptop niya.
Then a series of hushed giggles paced him to a stop. Mind racing, fingers clawing at his laptop just to grasp a permanent trace of…Jungwon stops and actually lets himself breathe.
Three hours. He’s known this stranger—Sunoo—for three hours and there he was, having breathing problems at the thought of their call ending without a single trace from the other he can possibly hold onto.
“Bakit?” As if Sunoo was already anticipating it, it was laughed against the other side of the screen.
But the silence on Jungwon’s end was enough of a message perhaps.
“Do you have any other socials?”
Sunoo was the one who initiated the prolonged contact—the reason why that certain messaging application now sits on his phone.
Turning back to Nishimura’s curious glare, Jungwon only waves a dismissive hand as he nodded away in silent defeat.
“Try lang, ang corny naman ng mga tao. Kung hindi bastos, hindi ko maintindihan yung salita.”
But the younger one was already grinning. Mouth stretched on both ends in triumph as he laughed away in a more hushed tone before Jake’s familiar SUV prompts them down the street for a spontaneous errand day.
Sunoo:
hello
sana kilala mo pa ako
Jungwon:
50/50
Syempre pinuyat mo ba naman ako nung isang araw
Sunoo:
ouch
ako na nga nag-first move hingin socials mo baka naman ako rin lagi magtataguyod ng alyansang to
Jungwon had to physically pull his phone away at the term used.
alyansang to
Sunoo really had a way with words. The peculiarity of picking the appropriate terms however rare made an endearing compatibility of the phrases he makes out.
It made him smile.
Jungwon:
Akala ko 10:00 pm ka pa nabubuhay?
You told me that when we talked, you’re in your Bella Swan era
Sunoo:
shocker he’s the type to remember
actually kahit naman hindi pa 10 icha-chat na sana kita but i figured gantong oras ka rin active
Jungwon:
You’re not wrong though
Ano ganap mo today?
Sunoo:
nagbayad ng bills nung umaga
nagpa-laundry ng mga comforter after
tas eto kausap ka
Re-reading the updates, Jungwon couldn’t help the little scenario where he imagines a faceless person doing all of those.
Then he soaks the last message a little longer than necessary.
Sunoo:
ikaw? ano ginawa mo today?
Placing his thumb over his screen, Jungwon crafts the sentences in his head. Then again, same old routine lang naman halos but the difference was his little meet-up with Nishimura and Jake earlier today.
But even then, he thinks there were too many words to go over it. Parang nakakapagaod naman i-type. If he were to place his role to be the receiver, hindi ba nakaka-bored basahin to randomly update you about his day?
So he does what he’s been doing ever since meeting Sunoo. He does not think it over when he types the single word question.
Jungwon:
Call?
“So… hello…ano ganap mo today?” That was how Sunoo answered the call like he was someone Jungwon knew all his life.
No trace of an awkward hello or an air that will equip them to navigate each other again for the first time.
Something warm spreads around Jungwon’s chest at the familiarity.
“Errand day din nung umaga pero sa tropa ko. Dinamay lang kami.”
“Oh may friends siya, may friends siya.”
Teasing, he’s teasing him.
“Inaasar mo ako?” Jungwon couldn’t help the fond chuckle after receiving a playful remark. Almost as if he’s known Sunoo close enough for him to do that.
“Endearing na asar! Parang ‘wow may friends pala siya’ bukod sa akin .” And a small laugh by the end accompanied that response that Jungwon almost missed the small detail of the little claim Sunoo just said.
Bukod sa akin. So he’s a part of it already. He titled himself to be a part of something in Jungwon’s life.
Jungwon blames his fan for not facing him directly but the heat spreading down to his neck at the thought of gaining another friend in the span of days, in the rarest possible way, somehow made everything feel like a fever dream.
“Hindi naman ako loner, grabe ka naman.”
“Wala akong sinabi….” Sunoo sing songs like a freed little bird that his voice even squeaks by the end.
It caught Jungwon off guard that for a moment, he thinks Sunoo forgets he’s on call with well…basically still a stranger he chose to get to know.
The rest of their conversation played out like a familiar hymn of a newly discovered song. It was entirely new but there was this certain warmness that prevailed, like a veil of some sort that lingered around to spread dust of familiarity that made it warm enough to stay.
They ended the call at midnight.
One with giddy fingers while he nurses his stinging eyes.
While the other rubs at his temple to soothe the minor throbbing as he tries to contain a satisfied smile.
Sunoo:
mushroom ka siguro in your past life
di ko ma-anticipate kailan ka susulpot but i know you’re there
Jungwon:
Wow, hello to you too
Baka ikaw siguro yon, why are we projecting?
Sunoo:
excuse me ???
five days since last chat !!!
Jungwon:
Sabi ko naman basta hit me up lang pag free ka and I’m active at night
Sunoo:
ehhhhh
that’s kind of hard to read
i don’t like to feel like i’m you know
Jungwon:
Ano?
Sunoo:
call na lang
yoko i-type baka di ko ma-word sa maayos na way
When Jungwon rings it himself, he does not dwell on the fact that he’s initiated the move. When the cool surface of his phone screen was molding itself on his cheek and Sunoo’s display names hurt his eyes from the darkness of his room, no other pain mattered other than that.
Sunoo answers by the fourth ring.
“Hi,”
It was unlike him and the breathy tone it had unsettled him for a little bit.
“Hi? Parang out of character naman yung intro mo today.” Jungwon bites his lip after, mind racing at the response he made hoping that was a good start since Sunoo’s own one felt a little off the grid.
Mukhang siya ata ang magsasagwan ng bangka this time.
“Kaw kasi,” Sunoo keeps it at that although his voice was a lot fuller and livelier than when he answered. “Anyway ano yun—”
“Teka lang, di mo pa tinutuloy yung sasabihin mo.”
“Alin doon naman?” For the first time, Jungwon hears the strain in Sunoo’s voice. A very distinct contrast from his usual well kept phrases and sentences he delivers in utmost casualness that you’d somehow hated how easy everything feels to him.
Jungwon placed his phone on speaker as he found his fingers fidgeting at the sudden silence.
But he needed to know.
“Ayaw mo ma-feel na…” Jungwon dragged it out, hoping for Sunoo’s telepathy to just get it.
And maybe Sunoo already gets it because of the dragged silence.
Just when Jungwon was about to open his mouth and end both their misery for the night by changing topics, Sunoo extinguishes it through an admittance that made the former pause.
His chest a little tight, he brought his phone back up until it was right in front of his face.
“Ayoko lang nung feeling kasi na I’m intervening.”
“But you’re not.”
Jungwon’s reply was instant but Sunoo wasn’t done delivering his mind and heart tales.
“Or maybe I’m taking someone’s time…”
Oh
The silence that followed on both ends was definitely charged now. Sunoo sits through the tensed space while Jungwon struggles against his own mouth.
“Sunoo?” In the quietest of voices just loud enough for the other to hear as he presses his phone closer to his mouth, Jungwon hands back an information he does not entirely grasp what for.
But he feels like it was right for them both to know.
“There’s no one. I have no one.”
Similarly, in the wake of the few more minutes leading to midnight, Sunoo responds in the same tranquil way.
“Okay,” Almost a whisper of his own as his voice mingled with the faint noise of a fan. “Good. That’s good.”
“Good?” Jungwon repeats, chest warm and steady.
It takes Sunoo some time to answer but when he does, it delivers Jungwon straight to his bed.
“At least alam kong walang magagalit even if we exceed past 12:00 midnight.”
Exceeding past midnight somehow became a routine. No, it wasn’t an everyday kind of thing. It was more of an added hour, a special one where a 10 PM mark now means a settled body in front of a device with the familiar messaging application opened.
Most days, it’s really Sunoo who initiates the opening.
But on quiet days where Jungwon loses himself to the vulnerability of the night as he lets his worries bleed away, he finds himself reaching out.
Never first but the intensity is felt.
Sunoo:
busy bee tonight?
tagal mo nawala ah
Jungwon:
Call?
Sunoo:
aba sounds loaded
tough day?
Jungwon struggles to find words sometimes. Not that he can’t keep a conversation going because he can. Quite frankly, he finds his messaging skills entertaining at times, finding a new found activity to indulge in that can actually hone his interpersonal skills in the long run.
But when he thinks of Sunoo, surely the interpersonal aspect loses its place.
And when consent is given and he rings the other’s contact, the relief of ending the day with someone gets to him.
“What happened today?” And it shouldn’t sound like that but it does. Jungwon presses the phone tighter against his cheek just to replay the question directed at him.
“Won?”
Won
It was rare that Sunoo called him that but in times that he does, Jungwon was certain each moment got remembered in a particular way.
“Wala naman, it’s just that time of the night.” A passive chuckle almost meant to overpower the serious burn away.
And of course Sunoo gets it. He does that a lot that it’s not even the kind that feels empathetic. It’s the kind that tells you he’s been there before and that exact situation was lived.
“Hmm, no Nishimura or Jake tales?”
“Si Nishi umuwi ng Japan kasi ayaw mag-summer class. Yung isa umuwi muna ng Australia kasi grad din ng brother niya sa Master’s.”
An added layer to this little alliance is the fragment of knowledge to the respective extensions of people that are close to them.
In the little time that this— they —exist, Sunoo learns about his closest friends: Nishimura, the youngster who recommended him the site to explore; and Jake, the corporate friend who’s a year older but lingers around like they’re still the same age.
“Solo gaming ka pala talaga.”
Jungwon huffs as an answer and Sunoo accepts it with practiced ease.
“Ikaw? No Jay adventures to share?”
And in return, Jungwon learns about Sunoo’s world: how Jay, the driver friend, is head-bent on sending random mixtapes for Sunoo to comment on while he navigates life as a sole heir of hotel chains somewhere in Macau.
While their worlds will never possibly collide anytime soon, bearing the knowledge that they now know these people as extensions of the other somehow carves a warm palette of something really pleasant inside the both of them.
Sunoo addresses it the same way and Jungwon blends his own mocking laughter as a response.
“Si Jay may ka-talking stage. Ending towards an actual relationship or not, it’s basically the same. Talo lang tayo parehas. Nakalamang lang ako sa part na yung kaibigan ko wala sa ibang bansa.”
“But his time isn’t for you anymore.”
“Ah, putangina mo.”
And Jungwon bursted out laughing. It wasn’t those one round laughs that spilled this air out in excessive heaps. It was the belly rolling kind. The type that slices through your cheeks and spills some tears by the sides.
It was the kind that hurts your stomach in the best kind of way.
When he recovers, he can hear Sunoo’s distant breathing like he was just waiting for an open fire before attacking.
Only this time, Jungwon beats him to it. “Inis ka? It’s the truth. On call nga yung iyo eh nakikihati ka naman si time na para sa iba dapat.”
“Hello? Syempre ako naman yung nauna and iba naman yung context ng friendship namin. It’s not even sharing when I had Jay first as my friend.”
“Ohhh,” Jungwon couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help his mouth too as he stirred the situation more when he found clear traces of annoyance in Sunoo’s voice.
Something in him soars at the thought: of Sunoo standing his ground if given that situation.
“Gagawin mo siguro sa akin yon. Pag nagka-jowa ka, dapat ba doon na lang iikot mundo mo?”
“Wala akong sinabi na ganyan—” But Sunoo cuts him off midway.
“But clearly you’re lurking around the idea. Aquarius ka pa naman. I know you don’t play when it comes to personal boundaries and peace.”
And that’s clearly another thing Jungwon now dances around. The idea of astrology and the meaning of signs.
He meets Sunoo through it and quite frankly, the bulk of what led them here in the first place was because of that.
“Ano pala sign mo? Like what month ka pinanganak?”
“February 9—”
“Aquarius ka, air sign. May kink ka ba to self-destruct and isolate?”
For a moment, Jungwon replays the moment in his head. The exact time he realized that something will definitely shift.
Because he never really believed in those but everything that came out of Sunoo’s mouth, it just clicked.
“That’s the thing. I protect my peace well but I know when. Pag nagka-jowa ako which will clearly not happen anytime soon, I’ll let them know that all the relationships I built before I met them are not contract stubs. Eh kung ako lang, I know a part of me will always choose my friends over any potential partner I’ll get to have.”
He wasn’t really meant to bear all that out. But with Sunoo’s tone and the clear shift of their conversation to a more serious tone, it felt fitting to let those all go.
Lalo na, they were clearly entering a territory of romance from their perspective.
It takes Sunoo awhile to answer. But when he does, Jungwon already grieves the time it does end up happening.
“And when that time comes, when you feel na may darating or kung meron na…sabihan mo ako.”
Then a pause. The sound of Sunoo’s familiar fan steals the show for a few seconds before he continues with a much gentler tone. Almost fragile, close to a whisper.
“Para lang alam ko kung hanggang saan na lang.” Sunoo ends but not without a little laugh, almost melancholic but teasing. “Deal, Won?”
And why does he have to say his name like that? Jungwon wonders but before his frown can even deepen, he opens his mouth to seal his confirmation.
“Basta ikaw din sa akin.”
With the flourishing of their online alliance, it was kind of inevitable not to have those talk and lingering thoughts of physical evidence that these wee hours of human interactions actually exist in real life time.
And obviously, both were entirely humans not to give attention to it.
So it ends up happening on a random day.
“There’s this soft opening ng commercial building under Jay’s name. Small gathering lang naman, mostly work friends ng daddy niya but knowing him, he’d drag me along there. It’s kind of near your place actually.”
Sunoo breaks it to him so casually that it makes Jungwon feeling physically ill at the realization that this is actually real.
Of course, along with the brewing implication of what was to come.
“Hmmm,” He tested the waters with a slow hum of his own despite hearing Sunoo’s faint chuckles in the background almost as if he already knew why that sound was coming out from him.
“Ano naduduwag ka na? Poser ka ata eh.”
“Poser naman to. Di nga tayo nagse-send ng mukha sa isa’t isa. I told you open naman ako sa vid call noon.”
“Excuse me? Ikaw yung ayaw magbigay ng public account other than this one.”
And it was true. This little alliance of them very much felt like a fever dream with this silly anonymity they had going in despite talking until the skies were no longer obsidian black.
But it was also true how Jungwon initiated them to do anything close to a face reveal, hence the exchange of childhood pictures one random night.
“Oh, ikaw yan? Ang ganda naman ng eyes mo.”
“Mana kay lola. Si ate rin same eye shape kami.”
“She must be pretty then. But why do I feel like ikaw yung type na hindi namimigay ng baon nung bata? Tapos sumbungero pag may nanghingi ng papel.”
Jungwon laughs at Sunoo’s detailed assumption as the traces of truth were revealed after.
“Ako class president madalas.” Jungwon admits, his eyes fluttering close as the clock ticks closer to 2 am. “Ikaw naman. Para kang espasol.”
“Pero cute diba?” Sunoo’s voice was higher than usual. A soft laugh sometimes follows after his words while he goes over analyzing Jungwon’s childhood picture over and over again.
“Parang almond yung eyes mo. Almost same tayo ng eyes nung bata. Singkit both.”
“Hmm, mas malaki mata ko.”
“Cheeks ko mas malaki.”
“Cute lips ko.”
“Cute nga.”
Jungwon ended up dropping his phone on his face while Sunoo continued to ask him what happened from the other end.
They were brought back to reality at the sound of a little whine.
Without needing to guess, Sunoo’s voice leaped three octaves as he excitedly called out to the adorable intruder.
“Si Maeumi ba yon?”
Something stirs inside Jungwon at the thought that this is in fact very much real. How he’s got someone other than Nishimura and Jake who knows of his Maltese pup. How there’s another person who glows at the sound of his dog without even meeting them, only through picture updates he randomly sends.
But that night, to compensate for the lack of his confirmation to Sunoo’s invite, Jungwon mustered some courage to click the video icon.
Nawala nga lang sa isip niya na by default, the camera would face him first.
And so, he faced Sunoo’s wrath through a surprised gasp followed by a string of curses.
“Gago ka, bakit ang gwapo mo?”
And oh. Objectively, Jungwon was knowledgeable about his facial assets. Growing up, he was not a stranger to casual compliments and mostly, he believed it was just out of kindness as he grew up sheltered from the malice of being seen in that way.
Pero syempre, his high school years did equip him with enough knowledge that he’s attractive in a way that gets him confessions through message requests and year end farewell notes.
But no one really told him from the get go. Yung mismong sa harap niya. In the exact moment where his face is just there.
Sunoo never retracts. There was no other follow-up of it being a riddled joke of some sort. Just genuine surprise and well…Jungwon breathes through the silence.
“Um, shit—sorry–” As if a bucket of ice cold water somehow poured over him, he sprung into action as he hurriedly turned the camera to the oblivious puppy who was now lounging on his bed.
Perhaps it must've been the stretched out silence on Sunoo’s end that made his stomach tighten hence his anxiety driven decision to abruptly end the call.
Not knowing it was Sunoo’s turn to have his phone dropped on his face from the other end.
Sunoo:
gago ikaw talaga yon?
wala ka man lang pores!!!
Jungwon:
Salamat? Salamat siguro
Sunoo:
ANG ACIM ANG YABANG
Jungwon:
Ano ba namang bawi yan
Sorry na-drop call di ako makahinga biglang nag-front cam
Sunoo:
thank u Lord hindi senior citizen kausap ko
hindi ka naman siguro pamilyadong tao ???
ISTG last straw ko yon
Jungwon:
Ano ba naman to
Grabe ka naman
Mukha nga akong minor
Sunoo:
PLS DON’T PLS WAG YAN ANG DI KO KAKAYANIN
Jungwon:
Pamilyadong tao is not in the room with us
Si maeumi lang baby ko
Sunoo:
wan ko sayo jungwon
na-vertigo ako bigla buti nag-end call ka
i need a breather
Jungwon:
Bakit naman hahaha
Ang oa nito ang daya naman ako lang nakita mo
Hello????
Ganyanan naman
Ang daya mo
[ Sunoo sent a photo ]
“Gago,” Jungwon mumbled as he clicked the sent image.
Sunoo:
quits ???
pakita ka na
don’t think i forgot about the invite
i know we joke around and all pero i’m starting to really value this ‘friendship’ or kung ano man alyansang to
just in case you don’t know yet
seryoso ako sayo (platonically) ayan may disclaimer na baka lumipat ka ng galaxy eh Aquarius ka pa naman
Jungwon:Dami mo alam
But I feel the same, sana alam mo rin
And I’ll think about it, Sunoo : )
I want to do this right too (platonically)
Sunoo:
screenshot yan kukulamin kita pag tumiwalag ka
good mornight and good mornight maeumi < 333
Jungwon:
Good mornight
Sleep toime na baka kaya pa yan sayo 2 cm
Don’t reply
Sunoo:
🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻(endearingly)
The meet-up does not happen for two reasons:
- Sunoo ended up with the stomach flu after consuming the lethal avocado + ice + condensed milk goodie.
- Jungwon was tasked to accompany his sister to her volunteer work.
Jungwon would be lying if he were to say that their calls did not play a part with his boosted will to wake up and go on about his day.
Na parang he now takes his days productively during the morning while he makes sure his nights are free for anyone's taking really but much more for a particular someone now.
Not that they talk all the time.
But he knows, while he stares at Maeumi, that a yearning blooms when the quiet hour of the night starts and there’s not a numbered message when he opens the app.
He doesn’t even have his notifications on. He’s that careful. Kahit na alam naman niya—well, in the fleeting moments they both share—it’s not like that.
Sure, Sunoo entered his life in a way that book authors would love to get their hands on but in the span of their connection, any underlying hues of romance and malice were not vivid.
Right?
Sunoo:
where are u these days
parang ang busy bee mo
anyway, i’m messaging lang to let u know baka maglaho ako,, (di pa aakyat ha)
Jungwon:
Wow
Bubbles yan?
Sunoo:
and he’s alive
hello to u, ur just in time
Jungwon:Why mawawala
Kaninong pamilya ka makikipagtanan?
Sunoo:
kay Jay kanino pa ba
and …
Jungwon:
Here we go
Sunoo:
remember ano Libra guy?
Jungwon:
Si six months talking stage?
Sunoo:
mismo yes him
Jungwon:
What about him?
In the darkness of his room amidst the coolness of his AC, Jungwon feels the moistness of the back of his spine at the mention of a past someone.
And the thought of their internet connection suddenly going out was an idea he welcomed.
Eyes waiting, he braved a look.
Sunoo:
he reached out the other day and we talked
Jungwon:
Closure or…
Sunoo:
closure
It takes Jungwon some time to reply kasi ano ba pwede niya sabihin? The slightest feeling of relief was already gnawing at his insides. Pero bakit ? But before it can fully consume another portion of him, Sunoo rains his usual messages just in time.
Jungwon wishes he had anything close to liquor that night.
Sunoo:
he told me what he felt for me was genuine but he realized he didn’t like me enough to really risk it
but what he felt was true, nagustuhan niya naman talaga ako
di lang sapat
but still, I thanked him for allowing me to realize that hindi naman sa akin yung mali, wala akong pagkukulang and how I shouldn’t settle for non-labeled relationships
it’s all or nothing from now on
Jungwon stares at Sunoo’s last text a little longer. Perhaps too much that a sudden ring envelops the dim space until he’s sliding a finger to answer it. A memorized action he’s come to know.
“Won, inom tayo.” Is what answered him. Sunoo’s voice was gentle, gone was the trace of the usual coolness and mischief.
Strained, Jungwon forced a laugh. His eyes warm, a tender ache behind them.
“Di natin siya bati. Ano nga pangalan niya? Heeseung something diba?”
“Oo gago, ang gwapo niya sayang talaga.”
That triggered a laugh out of both of them. Warm, prolonged and lively even just for a moment.
“But alam mo sinabi ko sa kanya after that?”
Maybe it was a mistake to elaborate on that. Jungwon should’ve kept his words and allowed Sunoo to just say whatever his little heart wanted.
“Na hindi siya ang huling tao sa mundo. Na other than him, may makikilala ka na tao na ipaparamdam sayo na sapat ka.”
Sunoo’s reply was instant. No point of hesitation.
“Meron naman na talaga.” Sunoo’s reply was instant. No point of hesitation. “I made sure he knew that before we parted ways for good. Kaya bawal ka na mawala sa buhay ko.”
They don’t talk for days after that.
Jungwon gets invited by his sister and her friends to a camping trip.
The last bit of information from Sunoo was something similar.
Sunoo:talk to you later?
Jungwon:
Yeah, later
Sunoo:
ingat ka there
balik ka
Jungwon:
/naduwal/
Ikaw din ingat...
Sila sayo
When they did, it was already weeks before both of their respective graduations.
Coming back from his grad pic photoshoot, the remnants of his shower bled his gray shirt to a darker shade but Jungwon found himself crossing his unmade bed at the sound of a familiar ring.
It was out of their order, really. Consent was voided and that should mean something.
After all, Sunoo never called without permission.
But that night, he did.
Jungwon got his answer from the first ring.
“Saan ka?” Slurred, drawled out but still clear.
“Ikaw ang nasaan, before I answer yours, answer mine.” Jungwon feels both his hands cradling his phone at the thought.
But he knows Sunoo. He was spontaneous but responsible.
“Suno—”
“Asa bahay,” Sunoo breathed out after another silent hiccup. Almost as if he was trying to hide it.
“Wala sila, ako lang sa bahay.”
“How many?”
“Just three bottles.”
Jungwon closes his eyes and breathes out in a way that Sunoo rawfully hears.
“Hindi mo ako sinagot. Madaya.”
Three bottles
And something tells Jungwon it was not the occasional T-ice too that Sunoo claimed to like. It must be stronger.
“Bahay din, saan pa ba dapat?”
“Dito kasama ko.”
Definitely stronger.
And Jungwon knows enough not to ask what happened. Hindi sila ganon.
But he worries. He finds himself by his window, eyeing his father’s car.
Jungwon gulps, hands cradling the phone tighter.
“It’s not like that.” And of course Sunoo knows him, knows his silence. “Pag lang mag-isa ako, it sinks in. It’s not even about Libra guy—Heeseung’s a name I can say without it being bitter anymore. Maybe it’s just life. In your words, graduating pre-jitters. Mauuna ako sayo.”
“Oo nga pala.” Jungwon was quick to support, his mind taking him back to a 10 day gap between their graduation dates.
Almost as if everything about them was crafted, organized and fated.
It makes him ache.
“What if we don’t win in this life? What if we….” A hiccup and a soft burp. It almost makes Jungwon smile if it doesn't sound so sad.
“We will, hindi naman natin papabayaan na—”
“What if we never see each other?”
Jungwon faltered at that. Hand pausing, mouth opening but no words were brave enough to settle on his tongue.
Sunoo drinks, he can hear him. The gulp of a little more than a healthy amount. A stinging burp right after and Jungwon was sure it must have hurt.
Suddenly, the world was too small and too big at the same time.
“I’m not going to regret this when I wake up. Hindi ako lasing, at least not enough to take any of my words back. But I mean that. I really do.”
“I’m going, Sunoo.”
“Aquarius ka nga.” It was laughed against the phone. But it sounded too pure, too genuine without an actual heat behind it.
Like the mere thought of Jungwon responding that instead of a comforting phrase made sense to Sunoo. Almost as if it was the comfort he was needing in some fucked up way.
“Kailan nga?”
“A week before your grad.”
“Hmm, ilang days uli?”
“Just a week, birthday ni lola eh. Uwi lang kami for that.”
It was Sunoo who steered the waters for them.
“Kita tayo? Will you be free by then? When you get back?”
Jungwon learned about the soil and the types of rock thrice in his school years. But in practice, he’s never come to know just how hard one actually is even when he feels it against his skin.
But that exact moment, he feels it somewhere inside his throat.
“I will be.” It wasn’t a whisper but it felt like it. And Jungwon thinks they should be happy that finally, finally, an actual face to the name, an actual flesh to the face will be possible.
“Okay, I’m gonna wait .”
But something felt like an opening hymn to a closing song.
“Okay,” Jungwon confirms. “Pagbalik ko.”
“Pagbalik mo.” Sunoo confirms back.
Sunoo:
thank u for staying up with me
wala pa rin ba magagalit???
Jungwon:
In layman’s terms?
Sunoo:
baka lang nagka-jowa ka na
Jungwon:
Paalis ako tingin mo magjo-jowa ako?
And I told you, it's really not for me
Not anytime soon
Tsaka I haven't met someone who made me feel like I want to risk it
Sunoo:
okay
Jungwon:
Okay
Sunoo:
okay
good night
thank u uli
Jungwon:
*morning
Welcome
Don’t reply
Over the course of Jungwon’s little getaway and the short homecoming he did for his grandmother, something in him stirs at the thought of actually meeting Sunoo.
Sunoo who was barely a name. A complete stranger whose birthday was a thrusted information that night.
Even then, they celebrated it with a peculiar bliss, the kind of thrill that could rival a sailor’s homecoming.
Jungwon pauses at the realization when he spots a dance poster plastered on the airport’s information desk.
“He dances actually. Although mas matanda siya sa atin but he was very open about his dancing career back in college.”
“I mean gets. Ang rare kaya ng pangalan na Heeseung. Yan yung mga nickname na naririnig mo pag kasali ka sa g-force. I can see the vision.”
“Sira,” Sunoo laughed all breathy and entertained. “Pero diba sumasayaw ka rin? You told me one time nung—”
“Oo nga pala, maaga ako bukas. Nakalimutan ko nag-aya si Jake mag-jogging bu—”
“Asa Australia siya diba?”
A ghost of a smile followed by a click of his phone. He was going to show Sunoo that when he gets back.
Pwedeng pang-asar . And suddenly, scenes of him pulling his phone out to taunt the other fills him. And he wonders, in the most quiet of ways, how that would play out. He knows what Sunoo’s laugh sounds like but witnessing it?
Perhaps it can rival the sun.
The second memory bank Jungwon takes with him was a bowl shaped haircut on a toddler he saw upon arriving as his favorite uncle loads their things inside the family car.
It was more of an inside joke or the only joke he gets to purposely tease Sunoo and have the other one all worked up.
“Nung kinder nga kasi yon!” It was a midnight call, eyes stinging but their laughter sounded the most alive. “Nagustuhan ata ni mommy yung gupit sa akin kaya every school year may buwan talaga na papagupitan niya ako noon.”
“Send pic nga.”
“Ano ako tanga?”
Jungwon laughed quietly against his sheets but the warming of his chest was getting to him.
“Eh bakit umabot ng high school?”
“Cute nga kasi! At bumagay din naman kasi sa akin. I mean basing sa face shape mo, di yon bagay sayo.”
“Wow, Madame Awring? Ano ba kasi yung coconut hair, I would never know.”
“Search mo na lang.”
“Kahit naman. Iba yung nakalapat sa mukha mo—”
[ Sunoo sent a photo ]
“I’m ending the call. Bahala ka dyan, gawin mong wallpaper.”
Valuing consent, Jungwon did not have the heart to snap a full picture of the young oblivious child despite the cuteness of the youngster so he settled for a blurry pic of the back of the toddler’s small figure.
When Jungwon was able to finally settle in his grandmother’s home, nobody really prepared him for the few day vacation to prolong until the calendar ran out of familiar days he promised a certain someone.
The worst part? A peaceful province’s margin of error was the signal.
In the days of his stay, Sunoo remained a yearning name Jungwon longed to get back to.
But life worked in mysterious ways.
Sunoo:
ingat ka dyan
sila sayo rather
[ Sent 12 days ago ]
Jungwon:
Loe ???
Back from the dead
Grabe ganito pala feeling maging OFW
Sunoo:
gago
hindi pa November
bakit ka bumangon agad???
Jungwon:
Haha
Sunoo:
may humor pala ang mga multo??? wowers
Jungwon:
Aba
I skipped a few chapters?
Sunoo:
a whole ass book siguro
a few days? parang nag-leap year ata kalendaryo mo ah
Jungwon:
Nag-extend kami for personal reasons
Just legal matters and settling classic family affairs
Something happened? Galit ka ba?
Sunoo:
tanga hell no
there’s no reason to be mad ano ba to!!
it’s just that u were gone for a while
nag-alala lang ako
Jungwon who was still clad in his airport clothes found himself lounging out in their veranda amidst the abundant amount of evening mosquitos.
Parang feeling niya kasi may hinahabol siyang oras. Then again, no one could even blame him after losing connection for almost half a month.
Especially now.
The thought of having someone waiting for you when you get back… Jungwon reads Sunoo’s active message with hard eyes.
The air feels expectant. Something lingers, definitely not dread, but a certain shift that feels heavy enough to bulge out of Jungwon’s throat.
So he gets straight to it.
Jungwon:
Sorry for not messaging, nasabi ko naman malayo sa kabihasnan yon
And before ako maratatat sa updates mo
HAPPY GRAD!!!
Happy Grad, Sunoo!
Sunoo:
/nanikip dibdib/
thank u thank u
tagal mo nga nawala inintay ko congratulatory message mo
sa sobrang tagal nagka-jowa na tuloy ako
Jungwon:
Ulol
Sunoo:
HAHAHAHHAAH what
seryoso
[Sunoo sent a photo]
Jungwon:
Ay pota
Ay pota
Ay pota
Ay pota
Ay pota
Jungwon walks away from his phone.
He breathes in and out and places both hands on his hips.
Goes back to his phone, picks it up and looks at it again.
Walks away from the phone. Walks back only to look at it again and again.
And the picture stays. The picture never changes.
That was Sunoo. That is Sunoo. The current one. Not the one he came across that night demanding he stays for his birthday salubong.
But this current one looks the same. From the very first picture he sent that night, everything was the same. The shape of his face, the paleness that was uniquely his and the slope of his nose all merged the same person.
The only difference was his mouth, the strained curve and how it beams next to someone else’s.
Someone Jungwon does not know.
He does not wish to. He feels it long before the words come out as letters. How something drops to his stomach. Heavy, barricaded and almost unpleasant if he stops lying.
Sunoo:
Won? still there?
uy ano naman to siya
should I call?
Jungwon:
No
I mean yes, I’m still here
Pwedeng huminga lang para akong magulang na inaminan na magkaka-apo na
Sunoo:
si oa!!!
Jungwon:
May. Jowa. Ka.
???
Sunoo:
life happened
kahit ako nagulat na lang din na totoo pala yung concept na magigising ka na lang and there’s someone
Jungwon:
Happy ka?
Sunoo:
idk honestly it’s mixed and overwhelming
happy ka?
Jungwon:
For you I am
Alam mo yan
That momentarily stills Jungwon. Happy ka? Na para bang may magbabago kung sasabihin niya na hindi. The internal monologue corrupts him that the idea alone felt like acid, burning him the longer he sat there as he absorbed Sunoo’s words.
Sunoo:
Won? i can still call you that, right?
wala magbabago?
honestly, natakot ako sabihin sayo kasi baka lumayo ka
Jungwon:
I’m still here, still here
But there will be inevitable changes and I hope you know it’s out of respect
Okay?
Call me Won, ikaw lang naman natawag sa akin noon
Lagit’ lagi
Sunoo:
pwede ka murahin? respectfully?
why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye
Jungwon:
Hahaha I’m not
But it’s 12:00 and I feel like your midnights are no longer mine to keep
Sunoo:
please don’t ever be a stranger
kukulamin kita
Jungwon:
What’s his name?
Sunoo:
sabihin ko pag break na kami
Jungwon:
Gago na to talaga
Sunoo:
HAHAHHSHSH
it’s Sunghoon
Hoon is what I call him
wala pang pet name masyado pa maaga baka nga di na umabot
Jungwon:
Sana magka-pigsa mamaya yang bibig mo
Well, it’s nice to meet him through you
Very iba sa ka-ex talking stage mo
He sounds like he looks nice, sure, and taller than you
Sunoo:
he is
he’s alright
he’s something
we’ll be okay, right?
Jungwon:
Oo naman
It’s 12:05 am
Good mornight, Sunoo
Don’t reply na
Sunoo:
nye nye
ang lumayo mababaog
don’t reply (2)
Nishimura pulls the poorly bitten lollipop stick out of his mouth while he sorts out the Meiji chocolate bars he hoarded for Jungwon as his pasalubong.
“Parang may patay. May namatay ba kayong kakilala?” Sporting a confused frown, the youngster looks at an equally frowning Jungwon who continues to clean his bike in silence.
Even Jake behind him had to nudge him just so he could address Nishimura.
“Sino ba? Sinong namatay?”
A low laugh followed by that one meaningful whistle.
Jungwon already knows where this will go so he braces his mouth with a definitive denial.
“Hindi na kayo nag-uusap?”
“Umamin ka ba?”
“Bakit ang ganit ng kadena nito?”
All three of them asked at the same time. Nishimura stifled a laugh, Jake snorted while Jungwon stepped away from the two.
“And there we have it.” It was Jake who concluded the situation. While Nishimura’s first instinct was to tease, nothing with the way Jungwon dodges their stares screamed that it was tolerable.
Maybe that was a little over the top but if Jungwon can’t even have it in him to meet their eyes, it must have left a dent.
Good or bad—both.
Nishimura silently grabbed the conditioning oil to pour over the said bike’s chains.
Jake follows wordlessly, catching the dripping goods with a microfiber towel.
“Bili tayo ice cream pagkatapos mag-bike sa village. Si Nishumura manlilibre.”
“Anong ako!”
“Ikaw yung nagbigay nung site!”
Sunoo:
Won?
you there?
Jungwon:
Loe, what’s happeninggg
You okay???
Sunoo:
enloeee
ang awkward mo sana kagatin ka ng langgam
Jungwon:
Mangumpisal ka ha
Nagka-jowa ka lang ang sama-sama mo na
Why nga? Why mo ako kinukulit?
Sunoo:
oh ???
attitude???
bawal ???!!!
Jungwon:
On my end…hindi
On your end… boi
Sunoo:
fawk u
ito na nga
before your grad, may free time ka? baka naman pwede mo ako isingit
And oh. Oo nga pala. Their little meet-up he ended up promising.
Unlike what he felt that day, the actuality of meeting Sunoo burns him a little oddly now. What used to be pure bewilderment and entertaining nerves were now dulled by a fact that remains true.
Jungwon shakes it out of his system, well, tries to before typing his reply.
Jungwon:
The night before, I’ll make time
G?
Sunoo:
of course basta ikaw
though commute lang ako kasi that’s a weekend
gamit ni ate yung car
Jungwon:
Let’s just meet near your house kung ganon
I can drive and bring a car over unlike you
Sunoo:
no, ako nagyaya it’s on me
i’ll adjust and let’s meet halfway
a little sacrifice for u
Jungwon:
Kulit
Sige na
Sleep toime
Sunoo:
ang aga pa
humihina ka ata boi
Jungwon:
May jowa ka boi
Ayon kulitin mo
Tapos na sched ko
Sunoo:
may lahi ka rin na tarantado tandaan mo yan
bye don’t reply
and see u
pag lang di mo ako sinipot
Jungwon:
Oo hindi
Baka utangan mo ako ng pangtanan niyo
Bye don’t reply (2)
On other nights, Jungwon was sure it would’ve provoked a laugh out of the both of them.
Because laughing and being happy was just so easy when it’s them.
So why can’t he feel the same now, as he stands outside the froyo shop they agreed to meet at.
It was the night before Jungwon’s graduation.
A silly thought passed when he caught sight of his face from the reflected glass panes of the shop. Mukha siyang ikakasal. The last night before one gets married and the anxiety of life burns you alive.
Jungwon feels it all. His clammy hands dampening his black sweats that the cotton material actually sticks to his skin. But on top of everything, something in him aches—gentle but agitating. The contrast drives him a little insane.
Until a poke from his side breaks him out of his own dungeon.
Fox eyes and whisker smiles.
Something in him aches—-gentle but agitating.
Gentle but
Gentle
Jungwon does not say a word. He can’t. But Sunoo’s own one ended up moving. He watches, he stares.
“Ano ako bangkay? Hello?” A laugh accompanied by another poke. “Won!”
“Oh?” Jungwon couldn’t help the purely made sound from erupting as he angled his body to face the… familiar stranger .
Because that’s what he remains to be, right? A stranger still. Just one he ended up knowing very well.
Sunoo straightened his posture from where he was bent down to greet and pester Jungwon. While some words died inside his own mouth, there was a terrible itch to reach forward and just… hold .
But he keeps it in, deciding to fold his hands behind his back as he bites the insides of his mouth and waits for Jungwon’s proper hello.
It never comes.
“Ang liit mo.” Jungwon breathes out, eyes a little shifty. “Ayan na yon?”
Sunoo’s frown was instant but there was no real heat behind it. Jungwon knows of this, the exact reason why he took it upon himself to poke back.
Soft, just the right firmness and warm. Jungwon feels his eyes widening but he drowns the surprise in by a little comeback.
“Pwede mo ako maging kuya.” Ears red and ringing.
“Gising gising naman dyan.” Sunoo counters back as quick, finger ready to poke him again but Jungwon decides another contact of their skin would actually…
Pinagpapawisan na siya.
“Sasabihin ko pa sana ang gwapo mo. Legit, walang halong malisya ang kinis kinis ng mukha mo.” Saying it while their eyes met for a certain time, a feeling of blissful dread somehow envelops him.
Bakit parang sobrang tama? While certain awkwardness lingered because they were meeting for the first time, the familiarity of Sunoo’s eyes and the way he stared while Jungwon refused to look longer just made sense.
He reads him. He reads him well enough not to ask.
“Wala man lang hug?” Standing on their full heights, a quiet explosion somehow happens.
Sunoo wears that easy smile, so fitting for the voice Jungwon was able to know him by.
In return, he tries to meet his eyes while his chest betrays him.
“Mamaya na lang.” An attempt to joke, to run away. “Kasi baka mamaya may—”
It falls on a cotton shirt until the lulling scent of clean laundry detergent and pear fills him until days where the smell can linger temporarily paints a previewed life.
Jungwon stills, heart to his stomach but he can’t get himself to pull away from the sudden hug.
“Ang tigas ng mga buto mo.” It was laughed somewhere against his collarbone. His skin absorbs the sound.
Even then, he can feel Sunoo’s hands against his back. Soft, patting but firm as he presses just a little closer.
“Nice to finally meet you, Won.” Now a whisper, a quiet greeting.
Good thing, no crowd or rowdy high schoolers were present. Only a tired looking part-timer in her 40’s while they hugged at the corner of the little store.
Jungwon should probably let go.
“Ang tagal na.” He laughs, tries to, but it somehow breaks midway. “Bili na muna tayo bago tayo paalisin ni ate.”
Sunoo hums and he pulls away but not too much. His palm was still somehow around him: warm and grounding.
“Anong gusto mong fla–”
“Thank you, Won.”
Sunoo says it without hesitation.
Jungwon’s ears burn.
“Ano—”
“Thank you lang for answering the call that night. For staying. For not skipping and celebrating my burn-out birthday wish.” They probably should pull away. A gentle cough was heard. The AC hums. Another ping of the small door that meant a few more people could see them.
Sunoo finds his wrist, ghosts a touch but it wasn’t malicious. It was just warm, achingly familiar and respectful.
Perhaps, saying goodbye later will be hard.
“Thank you for coming into my life.” A humorous chuckle somehow comes out. Sunoo’s eyes are a little glassy as he pulls away completely. “Just in case hindi ko masabi mamaya. Baka ma-sepanx na ako.”
Saying goodbye will hurt.
It will definitely hurt.
“Paabot na lang tayong 12:00 kung ganon.” Jungwon thinks if this is a prelude to a goodbye, then he’s got nothing to lose.
Sunoo’s eyes said it. A gentle longing despite meeting for the first time.
Hindi na kasi pwede
“Ano, g ka? 12:00 sharp tapos ihahatid na kita pauwi sa kanya.”
The Sunoo he met for the first time would curse him out for ever thinking he would end up with someone.
But this Sunoo only smiled playfully, a little bashful at the end.
That’s when Jungwon knew it’s different now. He met versions of him he can keep and ones he should let go of.
Smiling and giving a nod, Sunoo confirms his answer while Jungwon dies a little inside.
“Basta ikaw maghahatid.”
Sunoo:nakauwi na me
alam ko narindi ka na but thank you, thank you talaga
i don’t think words are enough to describe yung nararamdaman ko when we met kanina
i would of stayed way past 12:00 kung ako lang
while i want to say this won’t be the last, something told me it is and i can never hold that against you
but please never be a stranger whose voice i can recognize anywhere, Won
ipagdarasal ko talaga na magka-almoranas ka
Jungwon:
I won’t
: )
Sunoo woke up to their whole conversation being deleted.