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“You’re a fucking slut dei.” Hidan squinted at the blond boy who was sprawled on a nearby beanbag chair.
“Says the guy who fucks with anyTHING.” Deidara emphasized the “thing” part.
“Hey man, you’re telling me you’ve never stuck your dick in a bottle before?” He raised his hands in the air.
“Dude. I don’t have the dick built like a twig. Shit wouldn’t even fit!” He motioned to the bunched fabric caused bulge in his pants.
“Dude. That’s your pants.”
“No shit stupid. Point still stands. Meaning you’ve got a shrimpy dick.” Deidara laughed while Hidan sneered at him, then took a peek at his own crotch.
“Hey man.” He pointed sternly at deidara.
“Last thing my dick is, is shrimpy.” he held a fist close to his heart, Deidara rolled his eyes at his friend.
“Prove it.”
“Dude, that's gay.” After a couple seconds of silence they both curled over laughing. In the middle of the fit hidan stood up, beginning to unbuckle his belt.
“Fine. Check This beast out!” In a swift motion his pants and boxers fell, revealing said “beast”.
Faced with hidans bare dick, he stopped laughing for a split second. Then looked up at him.
“Man… that shit is shrimpy!” He began to laugh again so hard that he rolled out of the beanbag chair.
Hidans face grew red and hot, then looked down.
“Fuck! I forgot I'm a grower! Give me a sec!”
“What! You gonna- jerk your shit!” Deidara gasped between cackles.
“I mean it’s kinda hard to get it up… your ugly ass is scaring it.” Hidan smugly said turning around and closing his eyes trying to get his dick to harden.
“Could you shut up!” Hidan turned back around and barked.
“I’m so sorry-!” Deidara couldn’t contain his laughter, trying to smuggle his hands to muffle himself.
“Okay. Boom! My monster dick!” Hidan whipped himself around, his genitals hitting his bare thigh from the momentum.
“Wait dude. It kinda is big.” The blonds laughter halted.
“Fuckin told ya.” Hidan rested his hands on his hips, displaying his dick. Deidara squinting his eyes at it.
“Hey deidara sorry for just barging in but I really need-“ the squeak of the old door startled the two friends, who stared at the person who just entered Deidara's room.
“Pardon me…” neji said, his eyes wide but quickly looked away from the two as he exited.
“fuck-! No Neji Come back!” Deidara yelled, launching himself off the chair and shoving past Hidan to straighten things out with Neji.
Hidan followed suit, and pulled his pants up and ran after them.
“Neji! I would NEVER fuck that man!” He pointed to hidan who turned around, insulted.
“Bro you wouldn’t?!”
“Ew hell no you’re hella ugly!” He scowled.
Neji, confused, looked between the two.
“So. What?”
“Okay I was just showing him my monster penis cause he said it was shrimpy.”
“Cause it is shrimpy. BUT, only for a bit!”
“Right cause I'm a grower!” The two friends played off each other. Neji just nodded along, the gears clicking together in his head.
Then, he saw those nosey smirks make their way to hidan and deidaras faces.
“So Neji-“
“Hell no!” He crossed his arms and looked away from them.
“Come on! You’ve got to have seen some killer swingers!” Hidan grinned.
“Hell no!” He repeated.
“Hell no you haven’t seen monster swingers? Or…” Deidara asked.
“God if you wouldn’t phrase it like that.” Neji rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“So, tell us. Spill-“
“Though that kid you’re dating, fuck what was his name?” Hidan cut deidara off.
“Uhhhhh shika-?” Deidara thought alongside him.
“We give up, what's his name again?” They motioned to Neji, who once again rolled his eyes.
“Shikamaru…” he sighed.
“Yeah! Shikamaru! He seems like he’d have a tiny dick.” Immediately deidara ooed and smacked hidans back in agreement.
“Oh my god you’re so right! Neji you’re dating a tiny dick boy!”
“I'm not gonna air out his business…” neji but his tongue.
“Or, haven’t fucked him yet?” Deidara and Hidan narrowed their eyes on him.
“We have.” He huffed
“So spill them! Come on don’t be a lame ass!” Hidan lightly smacked Neji's shoulder.
“Its average-“
“It’s tiny.” Deidara interrupted, and he deadpanned.
“Yeah that’s what everyone says when they got small dicks.” Hidan agreed.
“It’s like 7 inches.” He mumbled.
“Shit that’s pretty good.”
“Is he a grower?” Hidan questioned, pushing deidara out of the way.
“Yes…”
“Fuck yeah! Growers for the win!” Hidan jumped around in celebration.
“Neji, what’s taking so long?” Shikamaru slowly opened the door, shocked to see the other two.
“My brother!” Hidan raised his hands and hustled over and wrapped his arms around the younger.
“Yo what the fuck-“
“Shhhhh, we have a bond. I’m sorry for calling you shittymaru.” Hidan stroked his cheek.
“Wait what-“
“Okay he’s all yours Neji.” Hidan said, pushing Shikamaru over into Neji's arms, winking behind his back. A small smile appeared on Neji's face.
“Let’s go, I’ll come back another time for my notebook.” Neji gave a small kiss to Shikamaru's cheek, holding onto his arm and leading them out of Deidara's small apartment.
“I have questions.” Shikamaru said, Neji gave a chuckle and waved to his friends, closing the door behind him.
“They’re pretty cute.” Deidara said, looking over to Hidan.
“Yeah they are, you know I never doubted them.” He smiled like a proud parent.
“Dude, you said shikamaru was too ugly for him.” He gave a confused side eye.
“Shhhhh, no I didn’t, let’s get high and bother Itachi.”
“Fuck you’re lying ass, also yeah let’s”