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Derapchu had first been rather okay with the new members. Sure, a giant had literally eaten him and nobody was talking about it and instead focusing on the members. What really had bugged him was when he had really only turned around for a moment before Clownpierce appeared in front of him, then everyone else came flying in. That’s when he got overwhelmed with the noise levels.
The moment everybody began crowding around the spawn, the moment everybody began yelling– oh, it was far too much. Their shrills poison to his ears. Derap was smart enough to realize where he could be spiraling too– and if he got too far in his own head he could miss the cues of an attack, which he was already on edge for. His eyes darted to every form of movement, footsteps– too loud. Talking? Too loud. Literally anything a person could do? Too loud.
The only good thing in this moment was the realm he was on. The people on Lifesteal would kill him in a matter of seconds, but the people in this realm were more calm– not totally calm, but better than Lifesteal. Sure they may have hit him a few times with their weapons and sent him into a total paranoia spiral– but that was okay! He wasn’t dead, and that's what mattered.
Derapchu didn’t know how far he was zoned out, but he was still there to notice any movements, and especially the sounds that had only grown louder. His vision was growing dotted, snowy, spiraly, he didn’t know how to explain it. He couldn’t see clearly, but he could hear more than he wanted.
Derap backed up from the crowd once more, he was already on the outer edges, perhaps it was to truly get away from the socialization and noise, or it was to see everyone. He scanned what he could see– it was everyone in the server. Pangi stood atop a tree, staring down at him. Derapchu just tried to ignore him. There was a member he couldn’t see. The bright familiar yellow– the welcoming face of the one who teamed on him in another realm.
Derapchu normally wouldn’t be searching for Zam, or he would be on the other realm– but on this one it felt like their relationship was complicated. Though with what Derapchu was currently going through, he would appreciate Zam’s company.
Ding
Derapchu looked down at his communicator, seeing the notification of PrinceZam. He felt a small smile flickering on his face before dimming down. Had he noticed the battle he was facing? Or was Zam just messaging him for no true reason?
PrinceZam whispered to you:”Are you okay Derapchu?”
Derapchu looked up from his communicator. His eyes darting towards spawn, where the noise still remained. Then he looked around in a circle from him– there was no one except SneegSnag who was in the air looking down at Spawn. Then he looked towards the tree, where both Pangi and Zam were looking at him. How had Zam even got up there without Derap noticing? Either way,he grew nervous under their gaze before just giving them a small sheepish grin.
Did he need to respond to Zam?
…
You whispered to PrinceZam:”If I told you I was, would you believe me?”
Derapchu looked back towards the tree, noticing how Zam was saying something to Pangi– while Pangi remained staring at Derap. He met the other’s eyes– and it felt like Pangi was looking through him, but in a way that he was reading the conflicting emotions.
He didn’t want to interact with Zam or Pangi. They had irritated him enough, and if they thought they were in any form of relation with him that they could check up on him–
He sounded stupid.
He missed them, but he was also angered at them.
PrinceZam whispered to you:”no”
Derapchu stared down at his communicator before grunting– of course! Zam always wanted to practically argue with him. No matter what realm. Derap’s grip tightened around his communicator in slight frustration– he was only proving Zam’s point. Not that it wasn’t already proven. How he reacted to the amount of noise proved that.
Speaking of the noise– he looked towards the spawn again. Grimacing when he noticed the sharp ringing of the bell. It was one of their more noisy bits, not caring about those who may have been overwhelmed about it. Yet unfortunately– Derapchu was one of those people who were overwhelmed about it.
Derap’s eye twitched, he backed up again, but this time he was at the water’s edge. He huffed– perhaps he could go back home, but he also didn’t want to spoil the mood. Then he also didn’t want to get killed– then– God his brain with a total mess.
Derapchu was pulled out of his cluttered mess of a brain when he felt someone tap his shoulder. It placed him on edge almost immediately, before he grew a little less weary when he realized it was just Zam– Pangi wasn’t anywhere near, and seemed to have disappeared into the crowd of spawn.
“You don’t look too well Derapchu.” Zam spoke, her face grimacing ever so slightly. Her eyes looked to be trailing over every detail on Derap. As if deciding something, and nothing could change his mind. Derapchu had noticed that frequently, Zam would make up something and nothing could change it.
“I’m— I’m fine Zam. Just go over to spawn won’t you?” Derapchu replied, his tone wavering as he avoided the other’s gaze. Instead, Derap looked everywhere else— besides looking at Zam.
“Mhm.” Zam grunted, before giving a disappointed sigh and grabbing Derapchu by his arm. “If you think I’ll believe that for a minute you’re wrong.” Zam didn’t look back at Derapchu, just continuing to practically drag him along.
Derapchu wasn’t complaining though. If it got him away from the noisy area then he was okay with that. In this state he knew Zam or.. Pangi— wouldn’t be loud. God would Zam message Pangi or something? Even after he oathed silently he wouldn’t speak to Pangi and that he was upset with him.
Maybe he’d be okay speaking with Pangi. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Perhaps he’d be spiteful and petty towards the pangolin, or maybe he’d be nicer. He never knew how he would act towards Pangi. It was always a gamble— a flip of a coin through it all. That was almost every conversation with Derapchu though.
“Derapchu? Earth to Derapchu.” Zam spoke, cutting off Derapchu’s train of thought as he looked at her. Derap noticed how Zam’s eyebrows had furrowed in a form of concern. “You seem pretty out of it, I’m getting you away from spawn and then I can message Pangi if you want that.” Derapchu waited for some form of sarcasm to enlighten itself, to hear Zam didn’t actually care– yet that never came. Zam.. Zam seemed to genuinely care about him.
Derapchu looked into Zam’s eyes, before looking away. Maybe in nervousness– maybe in thought. He was a wild card, and nothing could ever truly describe Derap’s actions. Did he want Pangi here? A part of him did– and then another part felt hatred and anger. Yet that flame seemed to die down into small embers the more he thought about it.
He was fine with Pangi. But only for the times where his brain worked against him, where situations made him decide that it would be too much for him to deal with others.
“I’m okay with you messaging Pangi.” Derap finally responded, a small I-don’t-really-care-anymore smile appeared on his face, grim and short. Zam continued to just look at him with that sickly sweet face of concern– perhaps it slightly irritated Derap. It irritated him to know she just cared about him, to put away everything that had happened on the realm to make sure he was okay.
Perhaps his pure dislike towards Zam and Pangi is truly just.. One-sided.
That negativity didn’t matter right now.
Zam had raised an eyebrow at Derapchu, before pulling out his communicator. Derap didn’t care to watch her message Pangi. His mind was still racing at what he had agreed with. He could still remember every ruthless comment from when he was a snail. He could remember Zam’s comments too– both of them had said things that were engraved in his head. Repeating to make a mockery of his ego.
Derapchu could hear Zam typing a message on the communicator. His brain focusing on what she could be typing. Was it an insult about Derapchu? What changed now that he was human? What changed now that he could actually well– have the same abilities as the person next to him? No– Zam.. Zam wouldn’t insult him in this state of headspace. Zam wasn’t like that.
… He could remember the realm of Lifesteal. He knew a few members who probably would insult him in this state of mind. Zam was from that realm, him and Pangi too. What stopped those two from acting like the members that would take advantage of tearing someone down when they're already at the lowest? His brain continued to defend and argue about the two. So many times they had proved they weren’t like those members, but other times he had seen the exact opposite. What stopped them from making him the target again?
He felt jittery and jumpy just like he had at Spawn. His mind betraying him, playing every outcome that could appear from this situation. Most ending up in a death of his in some way.
“Derapchu, it’s really obvious when you’re lost in your thoughts.” Zam sighed, casting a side-ways glance at Derap. In retaliation, Derapchu didn’t meet the other’s eyes. Simply finding everything else more interesting than Zam.
“Well we both have something in common.” Derapchu replied, hoping that the comment sounded meaner with his tone. Maybe that would deter Zam. Perhaps the fellow would finally leave him alone. But no! Zam had to continue to cause problems— had to continue to bother him when Derapchu didn’t even need anything.
Derapchu’s mind pondered back to Lifesteal. That realm— the realm where he was teammates with Zam. The place that caused Derapchu to know and learn about Zam, to know practically everything about him, along with Pangi. Derapchu was basically having the same problem Zam always had. Communicating— communicating his thoughts and emotions to the other.
Derapchu was a hypocrite. He remembered preaching communication, yet he now stood there next to Zam, walking to his house in practical silence. Irritable silence that Derapchu had felt he caused. He was starting to feel crazy— and that feeling he had experienced at spawn seemed to be creeping up on him again. He wanted to hide away from everything. Pretend he was someone different— or forget his own existence.
“We’re here.” Zam’s voice cut across Derapchu’s trail of thoughts. He looked up at the house— seeming lost and disoriented for a moment. Zam took that time to drag him inside and drop off his communicator. (Had Zam ever broken loose of his hold from Derapchu’s hand?)
Zam immediately dragged Derapchu to his bedroom. The two stood idle in the middle of the room. Zam was standing there awkwardly, and Derapchu was trying to keep himself attached to reality. After only a few moments, Zam had wrapped his arms around Derpachu, embracing the man in a hug. Derapchu could feel the anxiety that had gripped his heart ease slightly. He allowed himself to embrace Zam as well.
Only then could Derapchu feel how tired he was. Mentally exhausted, but also physically exhausted. He went limp in Zam’s arms, burying his face into Zam’s shoulder. His mind was content with this peace, content with the environment that surrounded him instead of spawn and the other members. There was only one piece missing from the whole thing, Pangi.
Ding
Derapchu knew that wasn’t his communicator, since Zam had taken his and placed it downstairs before they had gone upstairs. Derap maneuvered himself to where he could see the communicator, even in his tired state he was still nosey. (He’d never admit it though.)
Pangi whispered to you:”Where are you guys again?”
You whispered to Pangi:”Me and Derap are at his house.”
Zam broke free of the embrace, walking towards Derapchu’s dresser and placing his communicator down. Zam walked to Derapchu’s bed, sitting down on the bed before looking up at Derapchu and motioning with his hand for the other to walk over.
Derap shuffled towards Zam, immediately settling down with his head in Zam’s lap. He could feel Zam’s fingers running through his hair and partly trying to comb the tangles out. Derap could truly feel the tension that had held him in a tight embrace finally ease. The thoughts that Zam would murder him finally disappeared– letting him live in bliss.
After a few moments, both Zam and Derapchu heard a knock on the door– and then the sound of the door opening. Derpachu immediately sat up, as Zam looked around him, tilting her upper body to look at the door. Both of them immediately recognized Pangi, but this time, without the regular armor. Derapchu let out a small snicker– he hadn’t seen how Pangi looked without armor in a long while, and he looked silly to Derap. Though his snicker didn’t last long, as Zam had punched him lightly in the arm.
Derap gave a mock offence to Zam. Giving a half-hearted glare, before erupting into laughter. He never knew how he got himself into these situations, but neither Zam nor Pangi needed to do much to make Derapchu amused.
“Since someone– ahem, Derapchu, doesn’t seem to know a greeting, hello Pangi!” Zam greeted, his voice cheerful even with his mockery of Derapchu. Derap in retaliation swatted at Zam. He looked back at Pangi with a smile.
“Hi Pangi!” Derapchu replied, already motioning the pangolin over. His brain ignored any earlier interactions on this realm— simply wanting to be in the presence of his closest friends.
“Hi you two!” Pangi replied, immediately walking over to the both of them and sitting next to Zam, tilted to where he could place most of his body weight on the other.
Derapchu laid back down, with his head on Zam’s lap, and his arm outsprawled to where he could hold Pangi’s hand. While Pangi himself sat with his weight on Zam. His head practically on Zam’s shoulder.
Zam had his hand combing through Derapchu’s hair, before having his other hand slightly mess with Pangi’s hair— before finally his hand went idle, now simply next to him as he drifted off into a small slumber.
Derapchu looked up at Pangi, who seemed to be more awake than him. Giving a small grin towards him.
“I love you two.” He stated.
“We love you as well Derapchu.” Pangi replied.