Work Text:
The first time Ricky coughed up flowers he was surprised. It was shortly after his mom left for Chicago the first time and he must have been 12 or so. He coughed up some pinkish petals and white petals, which sent him into a research spiral (there was no way he was going to ask his dad about this, it was probably just another part of puberty and there was no way he was having that talk again) in which he discovered they were apparently daylily petals and carnation petals. He also found that he apparently had some sort of genetic mutation (which some classified as a disease) called Hanahaki, since the first case was in Tokyo and discovered by some big scientist there.
According to his research spiral, Hanahaki wasn’t fatal, only annoying and uncomfortable. Much like other chronic illnesses, there can be flare ups, which usually happen when someone is feeling unrequited love, though it wasn’t always romantic. Since it wasn’t fatal, Ricky decided to throw the petals away and not worry or think about it, which worked as well as one would expect.
Every time his mom left for Chicago, he coughed up petals until the day she came back. At first it was the same daylilies and white carnations, which he discovered symbolized mothers and pure love, which, at least it was accurate.
Over time however, the petals started changing to purple hyacinths (sorrow) and willow (sadness). Ricky supposed the only good thing about this genetic mutation was at least he was well in tune with his emotions, whether he wanted to or not- and spoiler, he did not.
When his mom came home and told him she was leaving to live in Chicago for good, and they were getting a divorce, he coughed up yellow petals from both roses (decrease of love) and chrysanthemums (disappointment). After his mom left for good, and the calls got fewer and farther between, he stopped couching up petals every night, only coughing up the occasional single petal on holidays.
~~~~~
The second time Ricky coughed up petals was after Nini broke up with him. He would cough up yellow hyacinths (jealousy) whenever he saw her with EJ, but as they got further along in the play, he slowly couched up less hyacinths, and started coughing up ivy (friendship).
Ricky supposed it had to mean he was no longer romantically attracted to Nini, which was something he never thought would happen. Although, once he thought about it, he realized when he missed Nini, he always thought about the times they would laugh together, and never the romantic times.
He made up his mind to talk with Nini after rehearsal, but she was out the door before he could ask. Instead he decided to leave her a voicemail, so that she could listen to it when she was ready since she clearly didn’t want to talk to him just yet, and since it was friday, she would have the entire weekend to process before she had to see him in rehearsal.
“Hey, Nini. This is Ricky, in case you deleted my phone number. I wouldn’t blame you if you had, I realize I have been pushy lately and making my feelings your problem. I want to apologize to you, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when you told me you loved me, and I definitely shouldn’t have joined the musical in some misguided attempt to get you back. It’s not fair to you, and it’s definitely not fair to EJ. I want to tell you that I am not going to interfere with your relationship anymore. I am still going to be at rehearsal, because I committed to the role and I do want to change. I know I haven’t been great at commitment or communication before, but I want you to know that I am trying to be better at the very least. I think I was trying so hard to get you back because I missed having you as my best friend, so if you are willing to try and become friends again, I will be here when you are ready. Take your time Nini. Anyways… goodbye I guess?”
Ricky ended the voicemail and sank down to the floor in the stairwell, a place that had become his safe haven in the 2 and a half years at this school. He supposed all he could do now was wait, another thing that had never been his strong suit.
It was around 9pm, well after he had left school and headed home for the day that he got a text from Nini, which read: I got your voicemail, can we call?
Ricky responded yes, and in a couple seconds Nini’s contact appeared on his phone, which he clicked accept.
“Hi Ricky.”
“Hi Nini.”
“I listened to your voice message, and I wanted to tell you I appreciate it. I have some things I would like to say in response, so please don’t interrupt me until I finish?” Nini’s voice sounded controlled, which could mean just about anything in terms of how she was actually feeling. Not that Ricky had very much insight anymore, they hadn’t properly talked since the beginning of summer.
“I can do that.” It was all Ricky could say in response, because he did want to make this better, and he already got to say what he needed to with the voice message.
“Okay, thank you. First I want to say that I appreciate your apology, and I wanted to acknowledge how difficult it must have been to say all that out loud. Second, I want to apologize.” Ricky wanted to question why she needed to apologize, but he remembered his promise to not interrupt her.
“I want to apologize for saying I love you for the first time on instagram. I should have taken your feelings into account, especially since I know you’ve never been good with those words after your mom left. It wasn’t fair for me to post what should have been an intimate and vulnerable moment between the two of us on the internet. I also made my feelings, your problem, without considering your point of view at all, so I am sorry Ricky.” Ricky could feel the ivy receding back down his lungs, and dissipating as he listened to what Nini had to say.
“Last, I want to say that I also miss our friendship, and while I am not ready to start interacting outside of drama and school, I am ready to start talking to you when we do see each other. I don’t think we will have the same level of trust right away, I do want to stop being so hostile to you, so I think we can start with some small talk in rehearsal, and saying hi to each other in the halls. Does that sound fair to you?” Ricky let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he listened to Nini say all the things he hoped for and all the things he didn’t realize he could hope for. While it wasn’t perfect, it was honestly the best case scenario for both of them.
“Yeah that sounds good. I really missed you Nini.”
“I missed you too. See you in rehearsal on Monday?”
“See you on Monday. I’ll make sure to practice my lines this time.” Ricky ended the call with a smile and a clear throat.
~~~~~
After his talk with Nini, things went a lot smoother in rehearsals, Nini and EJ weren’t glaring daggers at him the entire time, which made acting as a love interest and best friend (respectively) a lot easier.
Things were going good for weeks leading up to the show, until he saw EJ and Nini in the hallway together, and his lungs started getting itchy again. They were headed over to him so he tried to suppress the cough but failed miserably as he coughed up some morning glory (affection) and red roses (love).
“Are you okay Ricky?” He looked up at Nini who was suddenly right in front of him. He looked down at the petals in his hands in confusion as he realized they meant he was romantically attracted to someone.
“I- yeah I’m fine.”
“Are you sure Ricky? I know we aren’t the closest of friends anymore but you can talk to me.”
“I’m, well I’m coughing up flowers again. For unknown reasons.” At least they were unknown until Ricky looked up and saw EJ standing a little ways away, obviously concerned, but too awkward to come closer.
“Well, what do the flowers mean? I know you’ve done a deep dive research into flower meanings.” Ricky paused, hesitant to say the words out loud, especially since Nini and EJ were still together.
“Ah it’s uh... affection….. and uh… love?” Nini looked at him questioningly, which caused Ricky to panic. “It’s not for you! I mean, I’m not in love with you anymore that is. I don’t know why I started coughing as you were coming over but I know it isn’t because I’m romantically attracted to you.”
“I believe you Ricky, and I think you should go talk to him.” Damn, he forgot how perceptive Nini was.
“But- I thought- aren’t you?”
“No Ricky, he’s gay and we were dating to appease his dad over the summer, and then well, I panicked when you came to talk to me on the first day, so I said we were still dating.”
“Oh. That uh, makes sense I suppose.” Nini smiled, before waving to EJ and saying,
“EJ I forgot something in my last class, why don’t you two go head over to rehearsal and I’ll meet you there.” Ricky cursed. Nini was a meddler, and while he was trying to be better about communicating his emotions, that didn’t mean he was quite ready to be alone with EJ.
“Sooo, how is line memorization going?” Ricky asked, praying that EJ wouldn’t bring up whatever he had heard or seen. That prayer was dashed as soon as he looked over at EJ, since he was sent into another coughing fit as more petals made their way up his throat.
“Nice try Ricky. I do know what Hanahaki is, perks of being a rich kid with too much free time and access to the internet.”
“Don’t suppose you also know the language of flowers then?”
“I do.”
“So then you know what I feel.”
“Yes. But- I still wanna hear it.” EJ looked over at Ricky with the softest look on his face.
“I have feelings for you. Like non-platonic feelings. Romantic feelings. Not the I want to be friends with you feelings. But the I want to cuddle with you and maybe kiss you and hold your hand feelings and please say something or I will cough up more petals and-”
“Ricky.” EJ reached out towards Ricky’s hand, a silent question. Ricky took his hand and smiled. “I have romantic feelings for you too.”
“Then- do you think- I mean if you’re okay with it, could we maybe-”
“Be boyfriends?” EJ finished, a smirk forming on his face.
“Yeah, that.” Ricky said, blush starting to form on his face.
“Yes Ricky. I would love to be your boyfriend.”
“Can I… kiss you?” Ricky looked up at EJ, as he started to notice every minute detail.. The crinkle around his eyes as he smiled, the bright blue in his eyes, the softness of his hands. The kiss was amazing. It made Ricky feel safe and warm and secure, and for the first time, the future didn’t seem all that terrifying. Rehearsals were going along at a good pace, Ricky finally knew all his lines and most of the dances, he and Nini were on their way to becoming good friends again, and he was finally in a romantic relationship that didn’t feel forced.
Time passed, as once rehearsals started going until 9 and 10 at night, one could find Ricky curled up next to EJ in the practice room as Nini and Gina worked on the scenes with the girls. Ricky stopped coughing up petals, though he still felt a tickle in his throat when he thought about his mom. But now he had friends that supported him and a boyfriend who cared for him when he was feeling lonely.
Ricky supposed he didn’t hate the Hanahaki as much as he used to, the petals were still annoying, but they did help him grow as a person, and he built a much bigger support circle of friends than he had at the start of high school.