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It was a request from two people they didn’t want to say no to the most.
“I am here to fulfill my obligation, nothing more.”
Was what left their mouths the moment they saw each other. And the blatant surprise on each other’s faces spoke a lot; an awful first impression.
Surprisingly, they did meet for the second time, again, simply not to disappoint the ones who wanted them to meet.
Aglaea sips her coffee, eyes on the man sitting across the table, currently sipping his drink in a gesture that… mimics hers. While Aglaea isn’t that petty to feel bothered by what people do, something about this man irks her in a way that she can’t comprehend. It’s a shame since, after a little background check she did unwillingly, she found out he is quite decent as a human being, just having a few screw loose, but, eh, a little insanity is still manageable.
On the other hand, Anaxagoras finds her hard to bear. From an unwanted tip he received, Aglaea is a businesswoman, a successful designer who has made her name in the industry. Smart, successful, eye-catching—Anaxagoras admitted it while inwardly begrudging—well-mannered, there should be nothing in her that is worth complaining about. However, Anaxagoras can’t erase the slight irk he feels whenever she is within the vicinity. And this is just their second meeting.
“So,” Anaxagoras is the first to break the silence, “Since we’re here anyway, might as well see it through.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“A clarity; the reason why we ended up doing this meeting.”
Aglaea’s gaze shifts. She sighs. “An off-hand idea from my most respected senior. She said, not quoting, I need a man to brighten my day.”
Anaxagoras raises an eyebrow. “A funny coincidence. My most gifted student said something similar.”
“Oh?”
“To be precise, she’s worried being preoccupied with my studies prevent me from… finding a suitable partner.”
“Surprisingly, our situation is quite similar, indeed. Though I personally think I don’t need a man to brighten my day.”
“Neither I need a partner in general.”
They look at each other. Agree to disagree; unsaid words that refuse to slip out, as it will only prove that they have a similar wavelength. After all the trouble they went through to politely decline the blind date offer, admitting they have something in common leaves a bad taste in their mouths.
“In other words, we have nothing to reject the third meeting.”
“...unfortunately so.” Anaxagoras sighs and averts his gaze out of the window. “We only have one chance left, don’t we?”
“Technically speaking yes. Are you that eager to see it fail?”
He glances at her. “Aren’t you?”
“Not really. I won’t bother if I know you don’t deserve my time, even if the one who asked me to meet you halfway is my life benefactor.” Seeing his expression, Aglaea adds, “Do you think I will give you a minus point simply by not meeting my standard?”
“...perhaps. As far as I know, a busy woman like you wouldn’t spare a second for just anyone. We don’t have anything to match—at least, our background is quite the opposite, and it gives me the impression that you don’t consider me at all.”
“You are not a nobody yourself, Professor.” Aglaea tilts her head, looking slightly curious. “From what I heard, you’re quite proud of your achievement. Yet, just now you underlined yourself, which sound unlike you.”
“That’s where you are wrong, but… I’ll let it slip. For now.”
Aglaea gives him a look, but Anaxagoras doesn’t want to elaborate further, so she doesn’t press, either. With the silence once again taking over between them, with the chatter from the surroundings and slow music playing in the background, their table becomes so distant and quiet, despite Anaxagoras only needing to outstretch his hand a little bit to touch her. But he won’t. Never. Even if he should.
Even if doing so will probably spare him from the tiny guilt he had the moment he landed his eyes on her.
Aglaea, still the heartless woman I once knew you
Something in Anaxagoras stirs in a bad way. The meeting with Aglaea was a pure coincidence; at least, he believes so. As an atheist, he doesn’t believe in karma or God’s mercy in general, despite having this specific memory of a distant land that seems so surreal to think about. He thought he was crazy; he was aware he was abnormal. In his defense, geniuses like him have quirks, and he simply brushes off his peculiarity as one. But, but, that thing resided in the deepest corner of his heart, the battle, the bloodshed, the sacrifices, all carved too deep to the littlest detail. To treat it like a nightmare when he can recall the pain and sorrow is an understatement, yet he has yet to find the proper term to describe it. Besides, no nightmare happens so many times, for years, repeatedly, almost every night, haunts his sleep long enough for him to recall everything.
It felt too real.
“Do you enjoy your life, Aglaea?”
“I do.”
“I believe you’ve faced quite a hardship to be in your current position. No status came without hurdles. And seeing how you are, it proves how resilient you are.”
Aglaea doesn’t respond immediately. “Your point?”
“I simply admire strong women like you. There is a reason why those with power often depicted as heartless. I’m sure you’ve heard something similar in your life.”
“It seems you can read people quite well, Professor. Has anyone told you that you are unpleasant to be with?”
“Oftentimes that I lost count.” He chuckles ironically. “Though, more of it is nothing but unsatisfied grumbles behind my back.”
“I believe you don’t let your students pass your class that easily.”
“Because I don’t grade based on pity. Those who passed have earned it.”
“How many tries to bargain with you to let them pass?”
“A lot. If they can convince me well, I don’t mind changing their grades.”
“Oh? That’s surprising.”
“What kind of educator I am if I’m too fixated on numbers? Do you think I’m that shallow?”
“Rather than shallow, you give the impression of someone who’s hard to please.”
“Hard to please, huh? In a way, I am.”
“I see.” Her gaze shifts to his cell phone on the table. “...May I ask what’s with that Dromas?”
“Cool, isn’t it?”
“I won’t say it is…”
Anaxagoras frowns. “Elaborate.”
“It’s cute and that image serves well as a mascot. But I don’t think ‘cool’ is a perfect match to how it is supposed to be.”
Anaxagoras gives her a look. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to have an all-out fight if she gave an unsatisfactory answer, yet it seemed he was quite pleased by her reasoning.
“Cute… yes, it is. Your opinion is valid and acceptable. You just secured a brownie point.”
Aglaea raises an eyebrow.
From complimenting a Dromas?
=====
“You look pleased, Aggy.”
Aglaea raises her gaze. Tribios gives her usual sweet smile as she trots closer, vividly curious.
“Am I?”
“How was that Professor?”
“Still the same as our first meeting.”
“Really? You two don’t get closer after bonding twice?”
“I won’t even say it was a bonding—” Aglaea suddenly recalls how his expression softened when he suddenly blabbered about the Dromas. “...he didn’t appear as bad as I thought.”
“Oh?? Did something good happen yesterday, after all?”
“Rather… I saw a peculiar side of him. It makes him less overbearing.”
Tribios purses her lips. She was the one telling Aglaea to go on a blind date, even though Anaxagoras wasn’t her only choice. There were better candidates, ones she knew better than Anaxagoras. However, after she hears a thing or two about what kind of person he is, Tribios thinks he would be a good match for Aglaea if their date went smoothly. She’s aware there might be a clash or two, as their personality seemingly do not fit. However, her guts say so. And her guts rarely missed.
“Do you dislike him? As a man and as a person?”
“I won’t say I dislike him, just…”
Anaxagoras isn’t quite how she pictured him or the information she got from snooping around. As an educator, he has quite a notorious reputation, which is not all good. She thought he would be more prideful, borderline narcissistic, and a mansplainer. Surprisingly, while he is indeed confident, he is more reasonable than most men she has encountered. She only needs to turn a blind eye to his obsession with Dromas.
“...he’s not as bad as people describe him.”
“You think so?” Tribios smiles. “Will you keep seeing him? You don’t have to date him if you don’t want to. But there’s nothing wrong with being friends, right?”
“Friends, eh? It depends on him. He looks busy.”
“Don’t give me that poor excuse, Aggy. Everyone is busy, but there will always an exception. It’s all up to you to make the time.”
“...right. Sorry, that’s not what I mean, but…”
“I was the one who came up with the idea, but it’s still your decision in the end.” Tribios holds Aglaea’s hand. “I just feel unsafe seeing you alone, Aggy. Having someone to share your burden is…”
“Don’t feel bad, Miss Tribios. I know you mean well. I just don’t understand why it has to be… a man.”
“Hmm? Do you prefer a woman?”
“...that’s not what I mean.”
*
*
On the other hand, Anaxagoras had to face Hyacinth’s peering gaze upon his unwillingness to speak about Aglaea.
“If you have anything to say, Hyacinth, please speak clearly.”
“I, I’m sorry, Professor! I don’t, I mean, it’s—uhh…”
“Are you curious about the date?”
“Yes…”
“It went well.”
“I see. It’s unfortunate, but—! Eh? It went well??”
Anaxagoras raises an eyebrow. “Why are you surprised? You were the one who made me go.”
“I don’t want to be rude, Professor. Sorry for reacting that way, just… this is the first time, isn’t it?”
“At what? Having a date? No, it’s not.”
“I mean, that it went well.”
Anaxagoras doesn’t respond right away, a sign that he doesn’t want to admit the truth. “...In a way, yes.”
Hyacinth smiles. “What kind of person is Miss Aglaea?”
“Boring woman with an uptight attitude.”
“Eh…”
“She’s quite prejudiced. She thought I was a hard-headed person who enjoys abusing my position as an educator and love giving hard time to my students.”
“Oh…”
“I corrected her view, but whether she changed her mind or not, it’s not my business.”
“Uh…”
“But she doesn’t think badly of the Dromas, so I gave her a brownie point.”
“Eh?”
“And she doesn’t interrupt me when I talk about Dromas’ superiority. Another point.”
“Ah…”
That’s all she needs to make you open up?
Who would have thought Anaxagoras’ bottomless love towards the mascot would become the key to uniting them? Though there is another thing, one that Anaxagoras doesn’t tell a soul about. But Hyacinth doesn’t need to know about it.
“However, just because she impressed me, doesn’t mean I’m aiming towards that direction.”
Hyacinth gives him a look, pondering. “But you don’t mind being friends with her, correct?”
Anaxagoras involuntarily inhales.
“Friends, huh?”
It’s hard to discard that image from his head. The white dress she wore that day, the golden strings attached to him that he had cut off so many times, the memory of their last conversation, the moment their fingers touched right before he ceased to be nothing…
The eyes were devoid of emotion, seeing nothing but everything at the same time. Blinded but also enlightened
Those eyes are different now
The Aglaea he met a few days ago looked at him directly into his eyes, returning the cold gaze. Despite everything about her remaining the same, those eyes don’t lose the light they once had. It’s the only difference to tell between the real Aglaea and the one from his endless nightmare. Somehow, Anaxagoras finds it endearing to know that here, in the land where no magic and the like exist, she is thoroughly healthy. Despite holding a position that most people would be envious of, she doesn’t hold the world’s burden on her shoulders. She is just a woman having her mundane life, not a part of the disposable war tool she once was.
Fate is a funny thing. Be it back then or now, Anaxagoras never believed in superstition or anything related to religion in general. He existed in the opposite of what Aglaea once believed. He fought her, denying her, yet stayed by her side in the end while still holding onto his practical and logical belief. It was an irony. A laughable ending. It was never a happy nor sad one, as they didn’t have that red string tied around their pinky fingers.
However, the attraction was there.
However, they never bothered to act upon it.
Will they, this time?
“I don’t think we can be friends.”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
Because we were never once, and I don’t want us ever to be
Anaxagoras inhales and says nothing more.
The next week, they meet at the same cafe, sitting across from each other again, sipping their drink, letting the silence take over as they are busy with each other’s minds. They only have three meetings to do as promised to Tribios and Hyacinth. Three, and if there’s no spark lit, they won’t see each other anymore.
Anaxagoras observes Aglaea, wondering. He took his time to think it over, whether continuing this date was worth the trouble. He has been feeling quite uncomfortable around her, and it has led to his irritation. A boring woman with an uptight attitude and prejudice, yet surprisingly, doesn’t ridicule Dromas’ existence. It’s the same as he remembers.
The irritation, after all, stemmed from his dissatisfaction over that ending they had. The brief moment of truce right before his death. A separation that only meant something to him, to the point of haunting his life this long. Now, the person sits before him, sipping her tea, having the life she was meant to have, a peaceful one they both longed for.
Still, why is he the only one carrying that memory?
Anaxagoras inhales.
Then again, it hardly mattered
Anxagoras doesn’t understand the meaning of that distant past; he remembers. He feels it. He drowns in one, unreasonably unable to let go. Was it all for this moment? So he won’t just flat-out reject the invitation without meeting her even once?
“You’ve been staring,” Aglaea breaks the silence, eyes directly staring at his. Something that never happened in that awful memory. “Is there something on my face?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“Your eyes.”
“My eyes?”
Anaxagoras outstretches his hand and gently caresses her cheek, thumb rubbing the corner of her eyes with a blatant hint of longing in his gaze.
“They lit.”
Aglaea freezes on her seat, confused, despite her expression remaining unbothered. For a brief moment, she feels an awful familiarity from his gaze, a sense of deja vu. An anemoia.
“Do you believe in reincarnation, Aglaea?”
“Can’t say I do.”
“I don’t. I don’t even believe in superstition, as I believe everything happens can be proven scientifically.”
“Is that—”
“However, a single man can only do that much. A single man can carry enough knowledge, not all. There are so many things I need to learn about this world.”
Aglaea blinks, unsure what he’s trying to say, so she silently listens to his rambling while wondering how long he’s going to be caressing her cheek.
“Some things are too questionable to understand. Love is included.”
“I didn’t expect to received a love confession this early, especially one from you.”
“Nor that I want to say any.”
“It feels like one. If you think I am being conceited, maybe you should articulate your words better to avoid misunderstanding. Not to mention,” She glances at his hand on her cheek. “Your misleading gesture.”
“Do you mind?”
“I do.”
“...obviously, yes.” Yet, Anaxagoras doesn’t pull out. “But… you should have slapped me the moment my hand touched your face.”
Valid argument. Aglaea says nothing, nor does she pull away from him.
“What I’m trying to say is,” He continues, “I don’t wish to have any romantic relationship with you yet, not this early. However, I also don’t think we can be friends.”
“This will be our last meeting, then—”
“Just… I hate the idea of ending things this way.”
“...you mean…?”
“I’m unsure of what to do. It’s rare of me to be this indecisive over something.”
“Do you need my help to settle your mind?”
“I do.” Anaxagoras’ hand moves. It no longer stays on her cheek but also on her earlobe and slips between her hair strands. “I do.”
His voice reeks of loneliness. For someone she barely knows through three meetups, one who didn’t leave a good impression on her, one who seemingly is ready to headbutt with her, he acts uncharacteristically… gently for a stranger. Aglaea had experienced this situation when a man tried to make a move at her, and she reacted accordingly to show that she didn’t appreciate the gesture. Anaxagoras irks her, yet she is seemingly unable to break away from that feathery hold.
It feels like her body doesn’t want to.
“What do you want me to do, Anaxagoras?”
“Shall I let you go?”
A leverage. An affirmation. It flows to her, the implicit words, the unsaid uncertainty and hesitation. She felt the same, though she didn’t brood over it longer than he did. That’s why she’s confused. She’s bewildered by what makes him so lost. This is supposedly just a blind date, one that both sides can end without any hard feelings.
So, why does he make it hard to leave it as it is?
“It depends,” She whispers, wondering why she voices it lower than she intended to. “Whether you want me to go or not.”
“I don’t.” Anaxagoras tilts his head. “Though, I can’t be that gentleman you probably wished to be with.”
“I can tell.” Aglaea closes her eyes, savoring the foreign-yet-unfamiliar warmth spreading from his palm. “Seems like we’re going to argue a lot.”
“As it supposed to be.”
As we were once
But the past will remain the past
=====
“What do you usually do on a proper date?”
“Eh?” Hyacinth thinks briefly. “Umm… I’m not sure. I have no experience in this area, so… why don’t you ask Phainon, Professor? Since he and Mydei are…”
Anaxagoras instantly remembers the image of the two men getting chummy in the campus area, and how he accidentally witnessed it on his way to class.
“Wait, no, not like that. I mean about the safe parts.”
“Safe part? Did they do something unsafe? What did they do?”
“...you better not know.”
On the other side of the city
“Miss Tribios, do you have any suggestions on what’s good to do on a proper date?”
“Hmmm… I can’t think of any on the spot. How about asking Dei? He’s more experienced.”
Aglaea instantly remembers the memory of capturing the man doing something questionable in a public place, red-handed.
“...I think looking it up online is safer.”
“Why? Did he do something?”
“Nothing you should be concerned with. Anyway, please don’t go near him any closer than you already are.”
“?”
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