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Your room is a mess. Well, it isn’t too bad, atleast not as bad as it could get, but it’s still quite messy. Theres a bit of trash scattered around the room and bed hasn’t been made in weeks. Folded laundry remains abandoned by the foot of the bed, the pile a stark reminder of just how little motivation you have to do much of anything.
You lay in the middle of the mess. You swore you wouldn’t let it get this bad, but then again, when do you ever listen to advice, even to your own?
You wish you could just disappear for a bit, let the dark void swallow you up, not caring what would happen if it did. Maybe it would be nice. To be able to leave this mess behind without having to worry.
But it’s never that easy, is it?
————————————————————————-
Ada checks her phone again. She’s sent you countless messages and has tried to call you, but still no answer.
She’s starting to get worried. It’s not too uncommon for you to go silent for a bit, but for this long? She’s worried you’ve made a rash decision.
With a deep breath, she finally decides to go over to your house, just to make sure you’re okay. She grabs her jacket and keys and runs out her apartment, quickly jamming her key into the ignition and speeding off to your house.
When she gets there, she sees your car parked in the driveway. Good, they’re actually here,she thinks.
Walking up to the door, she knocks. No response. She knocks again and again. She standing there, hoping for any sound of activity, but it’s dead silent.
“Sweetie, you in there?” She calls out, but there’s still no response. Concern tightens in her chest and she clenches her fists, unsure of what to do.
She takes out her phone, dialing your number. On the last ring, you finally pick up.
Your voice is weary and shaky, barely audible. “Yea?” You answer.
Ada lets out a sigh of relief, but her concern isn’t completely gone. She can hear the weariness in your voice, evident that you’re clearly hiding something.
“Thank god, I was starting to get worried! You weren’t answering all day, and when I came to your house, you weren’t opening the door either. Are you okay?” Her voice was filled with genuine worry.
You sniffle softly, wiping your face of tears that aren’t even there. Tears that won’t come.
“Yea, I’m good.” Yea, totally good. Totally not spiraling into a deep hole and loosing my mind. But of course, you’d never tell her the truth. “That’s you knocking on the door?”
Ada immediately sees through your lies. She knows something is wrong, and she won’t stop until she can fix it.
“Yes. Can you please open up? I can tell something is wrong, and I really just want to help you.”
Well shit. Now you’ve made her mad too. Way to go.
You stay silent, unsure how to proceed. You’re worried that you’ve upset her.
“Hey, I’m being serious. I’m not leaving until I get to talk to you in person.” She says again, sighing in annoyance. “Stop being stubborn, you idiot.”
“Fine.” You groan, getting up from your bed. Your room is a mess, and the rest of your house looks abandoned. What a way to welcome a guest.
You open the door to a shocked Ada. She looks you up and down and steps into your house, looking around at your abandoned looking living room. Not much of a living room.
You close the door behind her and turn around.
“Jesus, this place is a mess. It looks like no one lives here.” She crosses her arms, her eyes gazing over everything in the room. Or the lack of everything in the room. “What going on with you?”
You look down at the floor, a shameful blush coming over your face. You feel like a kid again, getting yelled at for fucking something up again for the millionth time in a row. Useless is the first word that comes to mind.
Seeing you stand there, silent and with your gaze fixed on the ground, immediately makes any of Ada’s frustration and annoyance goes away. She sense that you’re struggling, emotionally and physically, so she decides to be softer.
“Look at me.” She hums, placing a gentle hand on your chin to make you look at her. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I.. I can’t.” You respond, your voice threatening to give out. You don’t look into her eyes, instead opting to stare right beside her.
Ada’s expression softened even more. She places a kind hand on your lower back, coaxing you over to the couch. She sits next to you, smoothing her hand over your thigh.
“You can.” She insists. “Please, whatever this is, you don’t have to go alone okay?
Her gaze never leaves your face, silently begging you to talk to her. She knew you were on the verge of something. Whether it was a confession or a breakdown, she wanted to be there to support you. With the upmost patience, she runs a gentle hand over your thigh, giving you the silence you need.
You stare at the floor, so heavily guarded that you’re unsure if you can actually let go. What do you even say? Can you even say anything without breaking down? Should you just lie and tell her to leave? What if she gets mad?
Ada senses your inner turmoil, the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind making you unable to focus. She could see the doubt, the sadness, the regret. Everything.
“Hey,” She murmurs, “Take a deep breath darling. I’m here. Just start from the beginning.”
You take a deep breath, finally looking into her eyes. Finally, you see her smile, so warm and tender, and her eyes, kind and caring. She’s not angry. No, she seems to actually care.
Another deep breath. Still, the anxiety and everything else is tight in your chest. It doesn’t stop the overwhelming emotions.
“It’s all.. it’s all too much. I can’t even begin to describe what I feel. I don’t even know.. I.. I’m not…” You trail off, tears threatening to take over
“Oh dear…” she hums, watching with so much patience and kindness. She brings you into a tight hug, her arms wrapping around you, her hands patting your back and rubbing gentle circles.
That’s when the flood gates open. You can’t hold the feelings back anymore. You sob into her, feeling so empty but so full of emotion at the same time.
Her embrace is warm, like the soft sunshine on a chilly autumn night. It’s a breath of fresh air.
Ada feels you sob into her, her arms tightening more and more. “I’m here, baby, I’m here. You’re okay. Just let it out. I’m not going anywhere.” She murmurs.
She listens to your incoherent sputtering, your sobbing rendering you unable to speak, but she just listens patiently. She understands the weight of your emotions, so she tries her best to comfort you through it.
“Shhh, darling, don’t force it. We can talk about it later. Right now, just focus on getting it out. I’m right here with you.” She whispers in your ear.
You grip her tighter, feeling so weak and vulnerable. Your shoulders tremble as you sob, your chest rising and falling rapidly. All your emotions are coming out like a flood.
“That’s it. Do whatever you need. Just know that I’m here baby. I’m not going anywhere.” She continues to whisper reassurances, her words a soothing balm for your sensitive state.
She runs her fingers through your hair, massaging your scalp. With her other hand, she rubs soothing circles into your back. Lightly, she rocks you back and forth, like you’re a little baby in here arms.
“Good job, baby. I’m proud of you. Keep letting it out. You don’t have to hold it, okay? Just fall apart in my arms, I’m here to put you back together.”
As you sob, the realization hits you that Ada isn’t scolding you, judging you, or making you feel worse. Instead, she’s trying so damn hard to make you feel better. There’s no anger in her tone, nor is she criticizing you. Her voice is full of only reassurance and understanding.
It’s in these moments that the burden on your shoulders feels infinitely lighter. Ada’s presence is an anchor in your emotional story, a rock for you to lean on.
She feels your grip tighten anymore, and she just smiles. She doesn’t push you away, or tell you to stop. She just smiles, patient and happy that you’re able to let out your emotions.
For what feels like hours, you let it all out, muttering incoherent thoughts. The dam has broken, and there’s finally someplace for your emotions to go.
Ada simply holds you through it all, quietly listening, letting you voice whatever comes to mind. She’s there to catch every word, every tear, every feeling that escapes you in this moment of vulnerability.
You don’t know how much time passes, but you finally start to calm down, a heavy sigh wrecking your exhausted body.
Her embrace continues to ground you, providing you the silent reassurance you need.
“You’re doing so great, sweetheart. Just take a few deep breaths.” She hums, placing a heavy and comforting hand on your chest.
She manages to fill the emptiness in your chest, something you’ve grown accustomed to from the infinite lonely nights of having no one to talk to. Ada rubs your chest, pressing down softly.
“Just breathe.” She exhales, trying to get you to follow her breathing.
After a few more breaths, she speaks up. “Feeling better, dear?” She asks softly, her tone light and airy.
You rub your eyes, groaning at the familiar throbbing pressure returning in your head. Great, a headache.
Her gaze softens, hating to see you in so much pain, both physically and mentally. “I’ll get some ice and painkillers, okay? I’ll be right back.”
She gets up, returning quickly with the items in hand.
You take the painkillers, immediately melting into her when she places the ice pack over your eyes. “Better?”
“Mhm..” you hum shakily.
Her hand returns to your back, rubbing circles in a comforting gesture. “Good.” She hums.
“Just relax, okay? I’m here for whatever you need. We don’t even need to talk about what’s bothering you. If silence is what you need, then I’ll give you it.” She explains.
“I just.. just want to cuddle with you..” you whisper.
“Then that’s what I’ll give you, dear.” She says, pushing your head to rest in the crook of her neck. “Just relax.”
For the first time in forever, you feel truly relaxed, like maybe the world isn’t ending. Even if it’s just for a moment, you can feel happiness in Ada’s arms.