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Seungcheol knew that he looked too good for a first date.
Especially since it was not his.
Still, he decided to wear a black leather belt above his newly bought jeans. “Oh, tangina. Pogi,” bati niya sa sarili niya sa salamin. Nagawa niya pang mag-pose na parang nagpapapogi. Pati posibleng tayo kapag pipicturan para pang-soft launch, pinractice na niya. Hanggang sa napatigil siya kasi… para saan?
Seungcheol could only sigh. “Pogi nga, taga-hatid lang naman. Ah.” He poutedly grabbed the keys of his perfectly washed G-Wagon and started to drive through a familiar road silently.
A soft playlist– one that Jeonghan once teased him for dahil, “Hindi mo bagay”– played as he traversed through the traffic. Pero wala ring talab yung mga kanta dahil naiirita na nga siya sa mga sasakyang busina nang busina, lalo pang bumabagsak ang mood ni Seungcheol dahil sa mga boses na naglalaro nanaman sa utak niya.
Kasi tangina, what would happen to him if this finally works out?
Oo, siguro pang-pitong beses na niyang hinatid si Jeonghan sa first date. At oo, hindi nag-work yung unang anim. Pero ‘di ba sabi nila swerte yung number seven?
Sige na. Lahat na binibigyan niya ng meaning. Pati yung number ng kung pang-ilang date na ‘to ni Jeonghan. Pero ano pa bang bago? Kaya nga siya nandito, sinasabuhay yung trope lang naman dapat na unrequited love at yearning para sa close friend niya, dahil lahat nalang binibigyan ng meaning.
Napa-tangina nalang siya when he finally saw Jeonghan’s home. He heard a loud ass “Yah!” from his phone almost at the same time as he changed to gear shift to P– a notification specific from Jeonghan.
Han: ikaw na ba yan? 😁
Sige na, badtrip siya sa mga desisyon niya sa buhay including na ang pag-volunteer bilang taga-hatid sa dates a year ago. Pero sige na nga. Down bad talaga e. Kaya ito, ngumiti pa rin habang nagta-type:
Seungcheol: Oo. Dalian mo o maglalakad ka. Okay na yan wag mo na pogian pa.
Han: sus ganyan pero hahatid pa rin ako tas papabuan ng compliments hehe
No more than five minutes later, a man came rushing out of the building with the widest and brightest smile Seungcheol has ever seen in a person. He wore a white satin shirt and black wide leg pants– simple pero more than enough to leave any person wanting to get to know him more. Paano, mukha lang niya enough na to have turn heads.
Yeah, Jeonghan looks too good for this date not to work out.
"Let's go, let's go!" Jeonghan pretty much jumped in the passenger seat, clicked his seatbelt on, and gave Seungcheol a fond little tap on the head. “Itong resto na ‘to ha?” The former immediately pressed on the GPS on the car to set the directions like it’s second nature.
Seungcheol fondly rolled his eyes, trying his best to keep the corner of his mouths down. “Yes, Sir. As usual pa-rate nalang po 5 stars.”
“Dalian na.”
Seungcheol chuckled as he started to maneuver the steering wheel out of the street. “So, tell me about him,” he asked. “Para lang alam ko na matino yung kung sino nanaman ‘tong paghahatiran ko sayo. Baka konsensyahin nanaman ako gaya nung nangyari kay date no. 4. Online dating app? Work? Reto? Some guy who decided to shoot his shot?”
Jeonghan smiled. “I have a good feeling about thi–”
“You said that for numbers 3, 5, and 6, pero sige.”
“Pwede ba?! Pero seryoso. Ni-reto siya ni Wonwoo.” Jeonghan smiled. “Alam mo naman yun. Taas din ng standard sa lalaki.”
“Si Mingyu boyfriend niya pero again, sige,” side comment nanaman ni Seungcheol nang tumatawa.
Not minding the teasing, Jeonghan continued, “Nagkakausap na kami so medyo kumportable naman na ako.”
Seungcheol nodded and gave a small smile. “Alam mo naman na isang tawag lang kung sakali, diba? Ingat ka ha at mag–”
“–enjoy. Yes. I know.” Jeonghan smiled gratefully and looked at Seungcheol. “Pero wala ka bang lakad pagkahatid mo? Eh parang makikipag-date ka rin ata diyan sa suot mo e.”
The older shook his head. “Pogi lang talaga ako.”
“Ulol.”
“Tsaka pupunta ako kila Hao mamaya pagkahatid ko sayo. Hang out lang.”
Jeonghan always believed that a first kiss can tell you everything you needed to know about a person and a potential relationship. Call him judgmental, petty, or a hopeless romantic but he can have a glimpse of what kind of person the other is based on how they kiss.
He doesn’t want to sound boastful but he had the chance to meet and try to date different people since he was in college. Advice yon sa kanya ng mama niya: Explore and meet different kinds of people. That way, you can choose.
Kaya throughout the years, he knew soft kissers could equate to soft lovers. Kissed aggressive ones to know that the have the tendency to be controlling. He already felt hesitance. He tasted early certainty. He knew that doubt tasted bitter, and pretense tasted too sweet.
He tried giving bad first dates another chance because the person was a good kisser. On that logic, he also didn’t push through entertaining a person because he felt “bad vibes” with the way they kissed.
Most of the time, tama ang judgment niya. Siguro nasa 60% ang kanyang success rate of judging a person based on their first kiss. Okay na rin, more than half. Pero dahil ito siya, 27 years old, ilang beses nang nakikipagdate at hindi pa rin siya nakakakilala ng person worthy to be in a serious relationship with, baka time na para mag-retire ng kanyang first kiss judgment scale.
Seungcheol teased him multiple times after knowing about it. Natural na ata sa kanilang dalawa ang asaran. They knew each other well to know that every tease had a tinge of concern and care behind it.
Every time nagkikita sila uli after makipagdate ni Jeonghan, unang tanong na niyan ay, “Ano. Hinalikan ka ba?” habang nakanguso na akala mo bibe. Pag positive ang kwento, nakanguso. Pag hindi, nakanguso pa rin. Parang hindi naman talaga ginustong magtanong pero kailangan niya rin ng sagot.
Jeonghan smiled at the thought of Seungcheol. Paano, this man in front of him is starting to bore him to death, talking about data and numbers. He looks like a good man, stable enough to date and possibly marry. Pero tangina, hindi na niya kailangan halikan ‘to para malaman na he would not be happy should this be a relationship.
The thought of telling the story of this godforsaken date (and his unspoken thoughts about it) to Seungcheol is the only thing that keeps his ass sat down. He doesn’t mind spending another hour rotting his brain with technical terms he didn’t understand, if it meant he’ll get to see Seungcheol cackle about another one of his lovelife’s misfortunes.
Seungcheol is so dear to him. The thought of him is enough to make Jeonghan feel comforted. Yung tawa niya at ngiti. Yung mata niyang may mahabang pilikmata. Yung nose. Yung dimple. Yung li–
Basta.
Seungcheol is one of his best friends kahit pa iniinsist non na “close friends” lang sila for some reason. But the way Cheol cared about his well-being, iniisip ni Jeonghan na baka may masamang connotation lang para sa isa ang label na “best friends” kaya sige nalang. Alam naman niya kung sino siya sa buhay ni Cheol.
Minsan nang sinubok ang friendship nila when so-called feelings were involved. Kapag nalulungkot siya sa thought na bakit walang nagwowork na relationship for him, minsan sumasagi sa isip niya ang mga what-if. Pero ‘di bale nalang. Siguro naman siyang wala na yun kay Seungcheol. Matagal na.
Hinahatid pa nga siya pag makikipag-date siya diba?
“Bakit kasi ‘di ka nalang umamin ulit?” Mingyu asked. Seungcheol, Mingyu, and Minghao are currently sat on the couch nibbling on some chips as they thoughtlessly watched a replay of a baseball game.
Pinagsawaan na nila yung PS5. May pasok pa bukas sa trabaho kaya hindi makainom. Kaya ito na ang cooling down phase ng hangout nila. At ngayon, si Seungcheol nanaman at ang kanyang walang usad na lovelife ang bunot.
“Ano, iisa pa ako? Reminder lang na dalawang beses na niya ako binasted.” Natawa nalang is Seungcheol. “Okay na rin naman. Alam ko naman kung hanggang saan nalang ako.”
“Kesa ganito na nag-aalala ka kung paano kinalabasan ng gabi nya? Kung di ka rin naman kasi tanga, volunteer volunteer ka pa maghatid sa dates niya,” sabi naman ni Minghao.
Mingyu turned to him. “Siguraduhin mo lang na wala kang ibang intensyon ah? Baka mamaya umaasa ka pa rin na habang on the way kayo sa kung saan siya makikipagdate, bigla siya magkaka-realizations na ikaw gusto niya.”
“Baliw. Imposible yun.” Napabuntong hininga nalang ulit si Seungcheol. “Ayoko rin. Baka isipin ko nag-settle nalang sakin yun kung ganon. Kung gusto niya ako, dati pa dapat, diba?”
Minghao scoffed. “Then fill me in because anong point nito–” he then pointed at Seungcheol overall get up. “Ang effort for someone na chauffeur ha.”
“Chauffeur. Sosyal. Atleast di masyado masakit pakinggan, pre,” Mingyu commented.
Seungcheol sighed. “Wala. Wala talaga.” He laughed a little too bitterly than his intention. “Jeonghan is a really really good friend to me. Ang daming beses na ako yung nangailangan ng support niya and nandyan siya. Gusto ko lang ibalik sa kanya yun. Tsaka gusto ko yun. Yung pakiramdam na mahahatid ko siya sa possible na magpapasaya sa kanya. Yun lang naman gusto ko e, yung masaya siya —”
“ Yung masaya siya. ” Sinabayan siya ni Mingyu at Minghao dahil sa paulit-ulit na nilang narinig.
“Bobo na nga, martyr pa. Pick a struggle, pre,” Mingyu real-talked.
“Akala mo nasa drama sa linyahan talaga e,” Minghao added. “Mahal mo, mahal mo?”
“Gago!” Simangot ni Seungcheol. “...Oo.” Natawa nalang siya.
Seungcheol’s eyes were letting out happy tears with how much he laughed. “Eh bakit kasi di mo nalang binanggit na hindi mo siya gets?” Tawa niya pa ulit habang kumakain sila ng isaw sa gilid ng kalsada at kinekwento ni Jeonghan how much of a failure his date a few days ago was.
“Eh he seemed like a good guy! Nakakaguilty naman,” he replied.
“Masyado bang good?” Tawa ulit ni Seungcheol.
“Oo. Parang babahiran ko siya ng kasalanan if we dated,” Jeonghan snickered.
Seungcheol turned soft. “Good ka naman ah?”
Jeonghan gave him a small but genuine smile. “Thanks. Pero need ko ng spice okay? Kilala mo naman ako.”
“Yup. Mischievous. Mahilig sa prank at manggago minsan.”
Jeonghan looked at him with wide eyes and smile. “Exactly! So kahit konting pilyo man lang sana. Someone na makakasabay. Like you !”
Akala mo’y umiinom ng tubig si Seungcheol sa way kung paano siya nasamid.
“Huy!” Lapit ni Jeonghan sa kanya at pinispis ang likod nito. “Okay ka lang?”
Seungcheol nodded and drank from his gulaman. “Ikaw kasi!”
“Ano?!”
“Wag ka nang magsasabi ng ganon.”
Jeonghan frowned. “Ano bang mali sa sinabi ko?”
“Basta.” Seungcheol bit on another stick of isaw quite aggressively before attempting to steer off the topic. “Eh, hinalikan ka naman ba?”
Jeonghan shook his head before finishing another stick. “I didn’t give him a chance. I was really fucking bored, Cheol. Tsaka I feel like time to retire na nung first kiss scale ko. Wala naman akong kinapuntahan.”
Seungcheol hummed. “Eh bakit hindi ka nagpasundo nalang gaya nung isang time dati?”
Seungcheol tried not to coo with the way Jeonghan smiled at him. “Edi wala akong makekwento sayo na makakapagpatawa sayo ng ganyan? Yun nalang saving grace ko nun noh.”
Seungcheol stilled mid-bite. Ito siya, walang kaayos-ayos. Literal na lumang t-shirt at shorts ang suot. Pero puta, bakit nag-iinaso nanaman yung mga delusional na boses sa utak niya.
Parang date lang ah.
Isang linya pa nga na ganon, Han, please.
Bakit kasi hindi nalang ako!
Yiee. Crush mo na ko niyan.
Tumahimik na nga kayo. Baka makahalatang kinikilig tayo.
“Pa-fall,” he blurted out.
“Excuse me?”
This was one of the times when Seungcheol decided to just… fuck it. “Wag ka kasi magsasabi ng mga linyang ganyan. Ganyan ba sinasabi mo sa mga ka-date mo?”
Jeonghan smirked. “Don’t tell me crush mo pa rin ako ah. Grabe. I was thinking about it pa naman last time.”
“Di kita crush nun. Gusto kita.” Napahinto si Seungcheol nang marealize niya ang sinabi niya. “I mean…” Lalo siyang nanlamig nang marealize din niya ang huling sinabi ni Jeonghan. “Wait. Anong ibig mong sabihin na iniisip mo yun last time? Ha?”
Jeonghan shrugged and decided to get the wet wipes from his bag for his oily hands now that they’re finished eating. “Popped in my mind lang nung nabobore ako don sa date. Yung noon nga. Nung umamin ka.” He laughed. “Ano kaya nangyari kung sinagot kita dati noh? Pero di ko na rin ineentertain yung thought kasi hinahatid mo pa nga ako sa mga dates so sure na wala na diba?”
Natahimik si Seungcheol at napakurap nalang.
“Huy? Diba?”
“Tapos bigla siyang nagyaya pauwi. Sumakit daw tiyan niya,” kwento ni Jeonghan sa best friends niyang sila Seungkwan at Joshua.
“Edi gusto ka pa nga?” Seungkwan asked excitedly.
Joshua chuckled. “Sa reaction ni Cheol? Yes. Sus. Maniwala akong sumakit tiyan nun eh sabi mo sanay kayo kumain ng street food. Tsaka walang ibang naging boyfriend o girlfriend yon ever since umamin siya kay Hani diba? Since the first time pa.”
Jeonghan huffed. “That doesn’t make any sense. Bakit niya ako hahatid sa dates kung ganon? And listen to my dating stories. Tsaka di naman ako manhid noh. Alam ko na walang ibang intention si Cheol aside from friendship.”
Seungkwan shrugged. “Malay mo that’s his way of loving you still? Kahit platonic nalang? Or maybe he cherishes you as a friend din talaga outside all of it.”
“Alam mo, Hani, loving someone romantically and choosing not to pursue it anymore in respect of the other person’s feelings can co-exist. Bihira, yes. Suspicious, yes. Pero sa dami ng dates na hinatid ka ni Cheol, parang that might be the case. Wag din nating i-eliminate agad yung thought na baka gusto ka pa nga. Why would you even hint on those kinds of things din. Kung anu-anong pinagsasabi mo kasi, akala mo di mo binasted two times yung tao,” litanya ni Joshua.
Napasimangot lalo si Jeonghan. “Eh naisip ko e.”
“Bakit mo naisip?” Seungkwan pressed. “I’m sorry pero I find it a bit confusing kung bakit mo naiisip yung mga what-ifs at mga ganung linyahan kay Seungcheol. After all these years, why now?”
“Huy Jeonghan Yoon. If you’re starting to get frustrated on your failed dates and is somewhat unconsciously thinking of using Seungcheol as your last resort or back up, tigilan mo yan. Wag ka nang mas maging unfair don sa tao,” Joshua added. “We’re young. You don’t need to rush about dating and marriage just because the people around us are starting to settle down. Diba nung una sabi mo ineenjoy mo lang yung dates?”
“Oo nga. Speaking of, why would you retire your first kiss scale? Fool proof naman when I applied it when I was dating? Tingnan mo kami pa rin ni Nonie.” Seungkwan smiled.
At doon napatingin si Jeonghan sa kanya. “Bakit kasi sayo nag-work on the first try?! You felt good about your first kiss about Vernon, took a chance, and look, kayo pa rin. Nakailang dates na ako and laging parang mali judgment ko.”
“Baka kasi mali ka ng taong dinedate at kinikiss kaya ganun.” Seungkwan shrugged. “Baka you’re looking for sparks? Look for peace? Security, ganon? Yun yung naramdaman ko nung first time kaming nagkiss ni Nonie e.”
Joshua laughed. “I still find it so ridiculous. Kaya niyong mafeel sa halik yon?”
Jeonghan would be nothing if he wasn’t determined. Ang dami dami niyang naabot sa buhay na hindi naman maibibigay kung hindi siya nagpursigi. And so he tried meeting more people months after that last one.
There were two dates after that: a college professor, Kento, and a model, Hyungwon. Both times ay hinatid pa rin siya ni Seungcheol papunta sa first dates niya. That conversation over isaw was never brought up again.
Hindi man siya nagtagumpay pa sa lovelife, one thing Jeonghan will always be grateful is that he managed to get to know respectful men. Kento was probably up there kung ang basehan lang ay kung kaya niyang pakisamahan at mag-eenjoy ba siya kapag kasama niya ito. For a professor, the man has a very good sense of humor at kayang kayang sabayan ang trip ni Jeonghan. Kunsintidor pa nga gaya nung isang time na may gustong i-try na weird food combination si Han in the middle of their second date. They went to three more dates before Jeonghan realized that there’s something missing. They kissed every single time they bid goodbye but there’s… there’s nothing. Sa lahat ng nahalikan niya, yun yung pinakablangko siya. Walang naramdaman kung okay ba o hindi. Sakto lang. At habang tumatagal, yun lang talaga si Kento sa kanya. Sakto lang. Was that the peace Seungkwan was talking about?
When he told Seungcheol about it, the older seemed to be enthusiastic for him. He believed that maybe… this was someone Jeonghan could finally share a deeper connection with.
“Baka lang kasi nasanay ka na laging inaassess kung may malakas bang impact sayo kaya parang nanibago ka? Hindi ba mas okay yan siya? Hindi ka pinagiisip masyado?” Seungcheol encouraged.
Jeonghan groaned. “Yun na nga e! Hindi ako pinag-iisip to the point na okay lang kung nandiyan siya. Okay lang din kung wala. Literal na sakto lang.” He whined. “Cheoool. What’s happening?”
Two months after dating Kento, he met Hyungwon. He had everything he was looking for when he was with the former: the feeling of excitement. Their dates were pretty much an adventure for Jeonghan because he got to try things he never did before. He was the longest he ever dated in a long while. Nung una, sobrang masaya dahil habang tumatagal, palalim nang palalim lang ang excitement sa puso niya. Not until he realized that the excitement was slowly feeling a lot like danger.
Nothing too serious. It’s just that Hyungwon’s way of life is much more different than his. He likes everything out of the ordinary, likes to always be out there and doing something that can be too much and out-of-this-world. He should have known when Hyungwon decided to take him on a hot air balloon and kiss him while they were feet above the ground for their first date. Or when date nights always equated to steak and wine or luxury buffet.
Jeonghan liked getting out of his comfort zone but he always found comfort in the ordinary. It’s where he finds the most significant nuances. He preferred walking under the stars then eating street foods after. He liked watching movies at home and eating delivery or homecooked food. He loves conversations in the middle of all of those. He was contented and happier that way.
He could only sigh.
Gusto nalang niyang huminga. Wala bang ganun rin? Someone in between? Not too boring. Not too much. Yung swak sa kung sino siya at ano ang gusto niya?
Maybe ganun talaga kapag pinipilit mo, walang nangyayari.
Maybe he should give this dating thing a rest for now.
It has been three months since Seungcheol drove Jeonghan to a first date. Hindi na rin niya kinwestyon dahil for the past three months, parang siya ang laging kinakaladkad nito papunta sa kung saan: sa bahay para lang magluto para sa kanya, sa park para ilakad yung aso ng kapitbahay niya, sa ihawan malapit sa dati nilang university kasi kinrave niya, sa golf course kasi gusto niya i-practice ang skills niya, sa BGC para maglakad at 2 in the morning.
Walang linggong dumaan na hindi nagyaya ng hangout si Jeonghan kasama si Seungcheol. And as someone who’s willing to do everything that makes his close friend happy, Seungcheol could never say no.
Minsan pa ay nakatanggap siya ng text kay Jeonghan na ihatid daw siya nito somewhere, only to find out na siya rin pala ang makakasama nito. Hanggang sa everytime nakakareceive siya ng “hatid mo ako” , Seungcheol’s reply would be, “ Saan nanaman tayo? ” A total 180 from before na ang tanong ay kung sino ang kasama nito.
Today was another one of those days.
They were simply strolling in the middle of a mall in Makati, window shopping at minsan ay pumapasok sa store when something catches Jeonghan’s attention sabay reklamo na ang mahal.
Their conversations as they exhausted their legs went from work to their friends to family. May nonsensical shit din gaya ng corny jokes about store names at online memes. Hindi rin mawawala ang tanong ni Seungcheol about Jeonghan’s lovelife that he finally had the guts to ask.
“Bakit nga ba kasi ako ang hinihila mo kung saan saan?” he started as they passed by the door leading to the outside area of the mall.
“Ayaw mo ba? Pwede naman humindi,” Jeonghan replied in a small voice.
“Hala hindi. Ano ba yan. Ang akin lang. Nanibago lang. Ano, nagretire ka na ba sa dating? I doubt walang nagme-make ng move sayo? Sabi ni Mingyu nung nakaraan na sabi raw ni Wonwoo na may workmate kayo na nagtanong kung pwede ka ilabas?”
Jeonghan only shrugged. “Hinga muna ako. Tsaka sa totoo lang. Mas masaya ako ng ganito.” He smiled at Seungcheol. “Dito. Tayo. Ewan ko. Mas payapa sa pagkatao ko.”
“Hmm?” Seungcheol smiled lightly. “I’m glad.”
Jeonghan nodded. “I’m happy nitong mga nakaraan kapag kasama ka. Hindi ko rin alam. Don’t get me wrong ha. Hindi ko sinasabi ‘to para maging pa-fall. Pero parang for once, wala akong kailangang ipilit. Walang kailangang i-assess. Comfortable ako with you e.” Jeonghan teasingly smiled. “Kaya kung gusto mo pa ako, magsabi ka na ngayon.”
“Ganon?” Tawa ni Seungcheol.
“Why not? Try lang.”
“Ayoko. Baka basted-in mo pa ako ulit. Tama na yung dalawa. Tsaka baka gamitan mo ako nung first kiss scale mo noh.”
“Why? Di ka ba good kisser?”
Hinila nalang ni Seungcheol si Jeonghan para bumilis bilis ang lakad, sinusubukang itago ang pamumula. “Tara na. Baka gutom ka na.”
Nakakain na sila ng dinner at naikot na ata nila pati yung buong outside area ng mall. Aalis na sana sila hanggang sa makakita sila ng photobooth that Jeonghan insisted to try to “remember this day.”
Seungcheol could only smile as he nodded, all while there was something pulling on his heartstrings. If he was delusional enough, he can think that maybe this was a date. Even the other ones before this too. Idagdag mo pa yung mga sinabi ni Jeonghan kanina.
Paano, in his imaginary date with Jeonghan, kasama kasi ‘tong photobooth sa itinerary niya. He knew they would both be comfortable enough to cling to each other as they make cute poses. Sa pinaka-cliche side niya ay naisip niya pang sa photobooth niyang unang hahalikan si Jeonghan to keep a memory of it.
Kaya as Jeonghan picked on the frame and filter, all he could do was stare. Longing for something he long accepted can never be his.
“Ready? Eight photos ‘to ha?” Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol up and down then said, “Pogi.” Not giving Seungcheol a time to react, the former pressed on the shutter and the camera started to count down.
It counted from ten and the first picture was of Jeonghan leaning into him and holding onto Seungcheol’s right arm. Cheol was also leaning onto him, his cheek, still a bit pinkish from the previous comment, rested comfortably on the top of Jeonghan’s head. Both of them had huge grins.
The second photo had the both of them holding up peace signs as they wore bunny ears, still leaning on each other. Pasadong pasado sa green line test kung meron mang makakita.
The camera started to count down from ten again when Jeonghan spoke, removing his bunny ears. “Cheol?”
“Hmm? May gusto ka gawin na pose?” Seungcheol smiled at him, not caring about the count down.
A beat. “Hindi mo na ba talaga ako gusto?”
Seungcheol’s jaw dropped at the same time the camera clicked. Napatingin siya sa screen. “Huy! Teka,” kausap niya sa nagbibilang nanaman na camera. “Puta, ang panget ko don.” Napaharap siya uli kay Jeonghan. “Han, ano ba yang sinasabi mo?” awkward niyang tanong. “Dali. Next picture na. Sayang ‘to.”
Jeonghan pulled him to look at him again. “I’m serious. What if… What if I want today to be a date?”
Nanlaki naman ang mata ni Seungcheol this time. “T-tigilan mo nga yan. Hindi magandang joke. Hahanapan kitang date agad bukas if that means you’ll stop whatever this is.” Seungcheol was frowning as he stuttered. “Hindi mo ako kailangan as your last resort, Han. Ang daming magkakagusto sayo.”
Click.
Seungcheol pouted and groaned at the camera. He then looked at Jeonghan again. “You picked such a nice timing for this conversation noh?” he scoffed.
Jeonghan turned to look at the camera again– looking at Seungcheol’s face on the screen. “Hindi kita last resort. I just… you know, realizations. That maybe that’s why nothing worked out for me. Kasi there’s you na pilit kong tinatakbuhan. Kasi how is it that this feels natural? Like it’s everything I ever wanted? Like everything finally feels like it’s in the right place? Sa ilang beses nating lumabas, yun lang naramdaman ko.” Jeonghan looked up at his side to observe Seungcheol’s reactions. There, he saw Seungcheol looking back straight at him too.
Click.
Jeonghan looked away. “I’m sorry,” he said in a soft voice. “Ang gago lang. Nevermind.” He then proceeded to get a big sunglasses from one of their prepared props.
Seungcheol remained standing and looking at him, still processing the information. Parang kanina lang, iniisip niya pa kung gaano ka-imposible at hanggang utak nalang niya ‘to. “You rejected me twice,” he said softly.
Jeonghan only nodded, clearing his throat, trying to angle on the camera. “I know.”
Click. A photo of Jeonghan wearing a big pink sunglasses with a small sad smile, while Seungcheol was looking at him with somewhat glassy eyes.
The camera started another countdown but that was the last of Seungcheol’s priorities.
“Look at me, Hani,” he said in the softest voice he ever heard himself say. Jeonghan removed the sunglasses and turned to look up to him. Seungcheol chuckled softly when he saw Jeonghan’s pouty face. For once, he let the voices telling him to shoot his shot for the third time win. “I like you,” he confessed in the same soft voice he did the first two times. “Always have. Never stopped. So much that I didn’t mind kung hanggang kaibigan lang ako. As long as youre happy.”
Jeonghan always believed that a first kiss can tell him everything he needed to know about a person. He didn’t mind the 60% success rate. He didn’t mind if it made him feel frustrated. Now, he didn’t mind if he somewhat retired this scale.
It was his personal basis of judgment.
He had it for years.
But never did he ever willingly ask a man to kiss him just to test it.
Not once. Until today.
In a voice softer than the camera’s countdown, he asked, “Can I kiss you?”
Seungcheol smiled so big before nodding, cupping Jeonghan’s cheek softly, and leaning forward.
A second before their lips touched, the camera clicked.
Seungcheol smiled onto the kiss. Jeonghan’s lips was soft against his. Calm but sure. For all the years he imagined, now he knows what it’s like to kiss the man he adored the most.
It was as short and as sweet as that camera countdown. Nothing more than 10 seconds but enough to be a clear indication of something new. As they pulled away just enough to still have their forehead pressed together, their eyes met again.
And Seungcheol could see nothing but how Jeonghan’s eyes twinkled. He chuckled softly. “Pasado ba sa first kiss scale mo?”
Jeonghan always believed that a first kiss can tell him everything he needed to know about a person. This one, though? It just affirmed what he always knew.
He smiled fondly, caressing Seungcheol’s cheek with his thumb. “You taste like safety,” he whispered. “Like someone I could always come home too.”
Seungcheol’s face brightened even more and cannot help himself but to kiss Jeonghan’s nose softly. “Good to know.”
“I think that’s my favorite first kiss,” Jeonghan admitted.
Seungcheol laughed and stepped back. “Good. Kasi last mo na yan.”
Napa-atras din si Jeonghan at sinamangutan si Seungcheol. “Excuse me, ano?" Jeonghan asked, quite offended. Pangit ba siya humalik? Anong pinagsasabi nitong last?
“That's the last time that you're gonna have your first kiss. I'm your last first kiss, yes?" Seungcheol smirked.
Jeonghan blushed at the unexpected response, slapped Seungcheol’s chest and pulled from his embrace. “Nakakairita. Ayan tuloy!” he pointed at the screen. “Nag-print na. Di ko man lang na-decorate.”
He leaned down to get the lone copy of their photobooth session.
Seungcheol leaned closer to him to see the rollercoaster of emotions that the photo immortalized. “Angas naman ng first kiss natin. May photo evidence kasama build up.”