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Hermes wasn't a swimmer. He had wings, could fly higher than any mortal could ever try to imagine. He didn't need to touch the water. Even when he was sent to deliver a message to Poseidon, he never actually went into the water. The god's palace in Aegai was not completely in the water. Certain rooms held air, as well as a secret tunnel through the caves only few knew of.
And yet, somehow, you had been able to lure him to his worst nightmare: a waterpark.
You had said you wanted to take him on a date, to plan something for him for a change. "You deserve princess treatment too," you had said. "I just want to spoil you in the way you spoil me," you had said. "I want to surprise you," you had said. He had been completely smitten with you, immediately throwing his card at you. "Get whatever you need, and when you want to go somewhere; rent out the whole thing for just the two of us."
He had blocked out the whole weekend for you, telling everyone up in Olympus he would be busy, and to not bother him unless giants scaled the mountain. He had been so excited the whole morning.
"Where are we going?" He floated above you, trying to peek into the bag you were packing.
"You'll see when we get there."
He kissed the back of your neck. "Give me a hint, darling."
You rolled your eyes. "You have shown me your temples, and all the things, rituals, festivals you had in ancient Greece. So, I decided to bring you somewhere I used to go to as a kid."
He frowned. "Another farm?"
He was wearing a blindfold, your hands leading him forward. "Ready?" You asked.
"Born ready!" Hermes was ready. Excited to see what you did for him. Until the piece of cloth fell from his eyes, and he was staring at a board reading; Splash Splash Park.
"Tadaa!" You pulled him by the arm. "I did as you said and rented to whole park out for today. Got a bit of help from Apollo too. He switched all the employees with nymphs, so there is no reason to hide your wings!" You pulled off his fedora. "You can just be yourself."
Gods, he loved you so fucking much. His wings fluttered at the sentiment, out in the open. He just couldn't tell you the truth. Not after all the effort you put into it. So, he just followed you to the changing room. The swimming trunks you bought for him was bright orange with snakes on them. The size was just right too.
He stepped out to find you. Red quickly coated his cheeks, his feathered wings shot up in surprise, and suddenly the trunks felt too small. You were wearing the cutest bikini, emphasizing all your best assets. You looked so damn good. "Wow, you look..."
"Beautiful? Gorgeous?" You pried.
"God-like." He put his hands on your waste, holding you against his chest. "No, better than any god."
"Don't let Aphrodite hear that," you joked. "She'll have my head."
"She can try, but only I will have your head." He laughed. That cute, dorky laugh.
You pushed him off. "Hermes!" You shoved on some cheap flipflops and grabbed his hand. "Come on! We should go down the tornado!"
"R-right, maybe we should take it easy first!" He pulled you back, lifting you up. "We have all day to explore. Why don't we... hang out there!" He brought you over to the kid's play area, the pirate's cove. He first tested how high the water came, concluding it didn't reach his ankle-wings, before stepping in.
"You sure? There are a lot more exciting things to do." He set you down, deliberately in one specific spot. "You haven't even seen The Vortex of Death, yet."
"No, I want..." He floated up again. "You to stay..." He flew back a bit. "Right there." The giant bucket hanging from the play structure filled up, making it tilt. All the water fell out, drowsing you.
The impact on your head, neck, and shoulders made a loud splash sound. Your entire body grew cold at the new sensation. Your eyes slowly moved up, to look at your laughing boyfriend. "HERMES!" You launched yourself at him, barely grasping his feet as he flew up high, settling down in his little bird nest at the top of the play-area.
"Come and get me!" He taunted you. "If you can!"
You took the challenge, climbing the structure that was way to small for you. The water made everything slippery, but the pirate ship's ropes helped keeping you upright. On the side of the upper 'floor', had three water guns attached to the structure by a tube. You picked one up and aimed it at the bird's nest. "Take that!!!" The water pressure was stronger than you had expected. It reached Hermes, hitting him against his calf.
"AAAWWW!!! You have wounded me!" He yelled, jumping up and sitting on the railing to look at you, his legs swinging back and forth. "But I have not been defeated yet."
You smirked. "I have the perfect weapon to beat you! Just you wait!"
"Looking forward to it!"
You ducked into the round netting, leading up to the bird's nest. It was cramped, clearly meant for young children and not a fully grown woman. Still, you climbed on. Your eyes locking onto two white ones, waiting or you. Hermes wings stood stretched, ready for some excitement. You finally reached to top, standing right in front of him.
"What do you have in store for me? Let me guess; you were going to push me off? Or were you going to tackle me down? Or were you going to-"
You cut him off with your ultimate move; pushing your lips up against his, pulling him in a sweet but desperate kiss. You held his face in your hands; his cheeks squished between your fingers. After the shock settled, he kissed you back with just as much hunger. After who knows how long, you two pulled back, faces flushed, and lips wet.
"Clever."
Hermes and you messed around at all parts of the kid's section. Every time you attempted to pull him away to the slides and other attractions, he found something new to do.
You two:
Chased each other in the splash zone, throwing water balloons at each other. However, in some mysterious way, the balloons never broke when they hit Hermes in places he didn't like.
"Now I know for sure; you are stopping them from popping!!!"
"If you say so, darling."
Played with the giant chess board, ending in 3-1 for him. Apparently, he had picked up some chess moves in his long life.
"Looks like I've won again." He flew to the scoreboard and changed the two to a three.
"Bragger."
"Loser."
And battled on the beam, where Hermes proceeded to cheat again. You two were hitting each other with the foam stick, you a lot harder than him but he had better balance; no doubt due to his constant playing around on branches, light poles, and electrical poles. Then you got on strong hit in, pushing him over the edge.
As he was about to hit the water, his wings sprung alive and floated him back on.
"Cheater."
He winked at you, before throwing another punch.
After all that tumbling around, you two sat down at the park's restaurant, famished. The nymphs immediately started up the kitchen again. One of the nymphs walked up to your table, biting back a giddy expression. Hermes had as much fans as haters amongst the Mythos, unsurprisingly.
"Lord Hermes," these were the only words said in English. She continued to speak in Greek, most likely old Greek. You understood nothing.
It happened more often than you would like, being ignored by Mythos creatures in favour of putting all their attention on your boyfriend. They just saw you as another mortal fling of one of the gods; insignificant, unless you grant a child.
Something you weren't ready for in any way. So, you just went back to being ignored.
Hermes spoke back to her in English: "Just bring me a greasy burger, no tomatoes." He then turned to you, "and..."
"Just a grilled cheese." The nymph did not look at you as you spoke, her gaze locked on him.
"A grilled cheese for the lady," he repeated when the nymph stayed unmoving.
"Of course, my lord." She turned around and finally left.
"This becomes more annoying every time. God forbid my lowly mouth to even mutter a hello to them." You complained.
"These are Apollo's nymphs. They are bound to be more stuck-up than most. Next time I'll bring you to meet some from Artemis' domain; they tend to like women a lot more, even mortal ones."
"Sounds fun, can I sneer at you with them?"
"Only if you dress like them." You rolled your eyes at his insinuation.
It took them surprisingly little time to get the food out. A different nymph came out this time. She was less impressed by Hermes' presence, but still, she ignored yours completely, even when you thanked her.
You held up one piece of the grilled cheese to him. "To a fun day."
He held up his burger in return and booped them against each other. "To a perfect day."
You took a large bite, rolling your eyes back at the heavenly taste of the melted cheese. "What do wanna do next. We could go down the Hydra, the slide has multiple exits. Or we could do the thunder bringer. We can go down together in a slide ring."
"Is it really such a good idea to go down a slide after we just ate?" The perfect excuse, he figured.
"Hermes, I have seen you fly through a category 6 hurricane after eating an unholy amount of burritos."
"That's different! I didn't have a human girlfriend who pukes after doing one cartwheel in the sky, to take care of afterwards."
"Touché." You thought for a few quiet seconds. "We can go to the beach simulator. Every five minutes there is this giant wave, always dragging everyone all the way back."
"Hmmhmm," Hermes hummed. "We could do that, or..." He swiftly looked around for another idea. "We could... uhm..."
"Hermes." You grabbed his attention back to your now frowning face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong." He took a quick bite of his burger, nervously stuffing his mouth.
"Hermes." You repeated strictly.
"I told you; nothing is wrong, babe."
"Yeah, the more you repeat that, the less I believe it." You reached for his hand, holding it softly. "You can trust me." Your eyes drifted to the side, where the nymphs were watching you two. You sighed, "come on, I want to show you something." You pulled him by two fingers, holding them tight but soft.
Off to the side, close to the water slides, there stood a wall with pictures. Every one showing a person going down the slide. You brought his attention to one at the far right, holding you finger on the photo.
"That's my little sister," you said, pointing to a young girl, clearly happy at the back of a slide ring. "And this was me." You took your finger off, revealing a terrified girl. "I was so scared to go down, but I let myself be pushed around by my little sisters. They are both younger than me, and I felt an obligation as the oldest, to be the bravest. What I am saying is: I get it if you're scared, I won't judge you, but please be honest with me."
Hermes looked fondly at the little girl in the picture. "I am not scared of the slide, per se. Styx, I am used to a lot worse. Like hurricanes."
"Still, can't believe you did that."
"I can. Done it often enough. The thing is I don't like water or getting wet. Rain is one thing, swimming another. But you did so your best for this day, and you were so excited, I didn't want to let you down. I also didn't want you to feel guilty for bringing me here, so I have been secretly trying avoid the water this whole time."
"I'm so-"
"Don't. I said that I don't want you to feel guilty. I am sorry for not saying anything. Father, I feel like an idiot."
"What don't you like about getting wet?" You asked. You wanted to understand him more.
"I don't like it when my wings feel soaked." He admitted. "They get heavy, making me slower when I fly, and they get itchy while drying."
You kissed his left wing. "And we can't have that. We can leave if you want. There are plenty of other places without pools."
"No, I want to stay here. You did your best and I want to enjoy it."
You looked at his wings again, letting you fingers glide over one. You wondered if their size would be a problem, but looking at them again; you don't think so.
"I have an idea, wait here." You ran back to the park's store.
Hermes had his eyes closed. He didn't know what you were planning. He heard you open a plastic packaging. "Should I be afraid?"
"Only a little." You took them out and brought one to a wing on his ankle. "Tell me if you don't like how they feel."
You put something around it. Hermes quickly opened his eyes and looked down. A blue bag? Or something in that manner. It wasn't pure plastic. The texture was strange but not unwelcome.
"They are shoe covers, size XXL." You brought another to his other ankle-wing. "You are lucky; they are pretty high quality. The lower ones either rip or will become too hot for you." He didn't say anything, just had a soft smile on his face, so you continued.
At the end, he looked a bit silly, but it worked. "Now, I know exactly what to do."
"And that is?" Hermes asked while looking over your handy work.
"Go down the lazy river and relax."
You had your eyes closed, lying down in the blow-up tube. The sun shined down on you both. You muttered a: "Thanks Apollo."
Hermes was floating on the water next to you, dipping his feet in the water, without getting his wings wet. "This is nice," he admitted.
"I know," you said back.
There was a second of shadow. He opened his eyes to look at what caused it, finding that a slide had blocked his sun. A little sign called it 'The Tornado'. He looked down to his feet for a few seconds.
"Come on, darling. I've had enough relaxing for today." He clumsily made his way out the water. "I want to go down the tornado."
You looked up at him as you slowly made your way out yourself. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this."
"But I want to." He grabbed your arm and dragged you to the slide. "Come on!"