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Caitlyn used to love silence.
She used to adore those quiet days, when there was nothing to do but curl up with a good book, to spend her time relaxing as the world shrank right down until it was just her in her own little bubble of quiet contentment, completely untouchable.
Silence doesn't feel like that anymore. Now it’s the space between footfalls, when Caitlyn has to be most alert, just waiting for her little world to come crashing down around her. Even now, sitting curled up against her girlfriend on her tiny apartment's ratty sofa, when the only sound is Vi's peaceful breathing and the faint murmur of people talking on the street outside, the world feels as if it's holding a breath.
Vi shifts beneath her, silently urging her to sit up, so she does, looking expectantly into her girlfriend's eyes. Vi looks as if she's fighting some kind of internal battle, and Caitlyn narrows her eyes in concern. "Is everything ok?" she asks quietly.
After a moment, Vi nods. "Yeah, I just… Sorry. I wanted to talk to you actually."
The silence presses hard against her ears, and Caitlyn has to force her voice to keep steady as she replies. "Oh? What about?"
For another horrible moment, it's silent again, and then Vi speaks. "I want you to meet my parents," she says. "As my girlfriend I mean." Caitlyn's world reassembles itself, now threatening to fall apart in an entirely different way.
She sits up a little straighter, taking hold of Vi’s hand and ignoring the frantic staccato rhythm of her heartbeat. Fighting the tremble in her voice, she replies, “You’re going to come out to them?”
Vi nods, running a hand through her strawberry-blonde hair, the other still holding onto Caitlyn's. "Yeah… I've been talking to Vander about it, and I'm just sick of… hiding I guess."
Caitlyn takes a steadying breath, trying to ignore the way her heart is suddenly beating twice as quickly. That's not what Vi needs from her right now, so she just squeezes her hand to say that she's listening, and waits anxiously for Vi to continue.
"I'm not… I mean I… I don't really know what they'll say," she finishes, grey eyes locked onto Caitlyn's own, "but I want to tell them."
Caitlyn searches Vi's face for anything at all that might make it clear what she's thinking. After a moment, she speaks. She knows that she only gets to say this once, but she says it all the same. "Are you sure?"
The corner of Vi's lips shifts upwards in a gentle smile that could mean anything. "Yeah, I am,” she says firmly. “Are you… ok with this?"
Caitlyn nods again, perhaps too quickly to be believable. "Of course, Vi. This isn't about me, it's about you."
"I want you there, Cait," says Vi, stroking her thumb over the side of Caitlyn's finger. "You have to be happy too."
She drops her gaze to Vi's hand, still stroking at her finger gently, grounding her. She takes a deep breath. "I'm just scared Vi, well, terrified I suppose. I want so much for you to be happy, but… I just don't want you to get hurt."
Vi's smile fades a little. "I know this must be… hard for you," she says probingly. Caitlyn doesn't look up to meet Vi's eyes. She still doesn't like talking about that particular memory. "I would really like you to be there."
"And I will be," she says firmly. "Whatever you need from me Vi."
She fights back memories, which claw their way to the surface from places she thought they were truly hidden. Nights spent curled up in an anxious ball, clinging on to hope like a lifeline.
She looks up and into Vi's eyes, and they're full of care, radiating warmth. "Thank you, Cait. I love you so much," Vi says gently.
Caitlyn smiles, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "I love you more."
Vi rolls her eyes and laughs. She knows this is a battle that she cannot win.
*
Caitlyn pulls up outside Vi’s house in her car, an old rickety thing that she wouldn’t trade for the world. She sits listening to the engine hum quietly for a moment before cutting it off, and letting the silence close in around her, suddenly stifling.
Vi looks nervous, her knee bouncing up and down with a quiet tapping noise, and she’s staring at the doorway without saying a word. Caitlyn leans across to still her leg’s movement with a soft hand on her thigh.
Vi turns to face her, and she gives what she hopes is a reassuring smile, swallowing to clear the lump in her throat. “Are you ready?”
Vi glances down for a moment then nods. “Yeah, I think so.”
They step out of the car together, and Caitlyn misses getting to hold Vi's door open for her and seeing the sparkle that always brings to Vi's pretty grey eyes. She makes to grab Vi's hand as they walk up the short driveway to her parents' house, but thinks better of it, opting instead to tuck four fingers into her jeans pocket, the thumb hanging out.
Vi's parents know she's bringing a friend round for dinner, and she's planning to say what she has to say afterwards so that Caitlyn can have to time to settle into being comfortable with her family. Her sister is apparently a lot sometimes, but she's quietly excited about meeting them all.
Vi turns back to look at her one final time, expression unreadable, before reaching up to ring the bell. The silence that follows has Caitlyn's heart doing all sorts of flips and bounces in her chest, and she desperately wants to give Vi's hand a squeeze, reassurance for herself as much as for Vi, but she knows that would be hard to explain. For now, her presence is enough, and Vi seems to lean slightly towards her warmth.
The latch clicks loudly, then the door swings open, and Vi's mother Felicia beams out at them. She's wearing a lightly stained apron, and her dark brown hair is up in a single braid that hangs over one shoulder.
"Thank the Gods Violet, your dinner's almost ready, we were getting worried you wouldn't turn up," she says, pulling Vi in for a tight hug. Vi manages to extricate herself and squeeze around before Felicia turns her eyes to look at Caitlyn with a swift assessment that makes Caitlyn feel as if she's being undressed. "And you must be Caitlyn," she finally remarks, smiling sweetly.
"Um, yes. That's right," she says, holding out her hand for a shake, but receiving a hug instead with a slight yelp. She can see Vi chuckling over her mother's shoulder.
"Goodness, she sounds posh," says Felicia, pulling back from the hug with an arm on each of Caitlyn's shoulders.
She laughs awkwardly. "Um, yes I grew up in Piltover actually," she manages to say before Felicia interrupts again.
"Ooh, look at you. Well, don't just stand there, you’re letting in the cold," she warns, moving past Vi in the cramped corridor and turning away into a doorway to the side, where a pleasant smell is wafting through the air towards them. "It'll be five minutes Violet."
Vi gives her an apologetic shrug as Caitlyn pulls the door closed behind her. "I couldn't get a word in edgeways there," she mutters.
Vi chuckles quietly. "You haven't met my sister yet."
As if on cue, a young girl with bright blue hair that makes Caitlyn's own look suitable for a ball in Piltover bounds down the stairs at the end of the hallway, eyes lighting up with excitement upon seeing the two of them. “Vi!” she practically shouts, running forward to hug her sister.
Vi lets out a stunned, “Oof,” as Powder crashes into her. She grins, ruffling the girl’s hair, and suddenly looking far more relaxed than she did a minute ago. “Hey Pow.”
Powder springs back a moment later, and surveys Caitlyn with critical eyes. “Squares or triangles for sandwiches?” she demands.
Caitlyn opens her mouth to reply, completely at a loss. “I’m sorry?”
“Do you cut your sandwiches into triangles or squares? It’s a test.”
Vi is giving her absolutely nothing, taking off her shoes as if this is a completely normal conversation. “Um, squares I suppose.”
Powder looks at her suspiciously. “Hmm, ok.” Caitlyn isn’t sure if that means she passed or failed. “I’m Powder by the way. I’m the cooler sister,” she explains enthusiastically. “Like imagine Vi, but better in all aspects.” Caitlyn’s sure that there should have been pauses in that sentence, but Powder seemed to manage without.
Felicia leans her head out of the door, glaring at them all. "I said five minutes, didn't I Violet?" She disappears again, saying something else more quietly, and Powder runs off to follow her.
Vi looks at her with a wry smile. "Yeah, sorry about that. She'll calm down a bit once she's eaten… Probably," she adds as an afterthought.
Caitlyn chuckles quietly. "Let's hope so. Is the, um, ‘triangles or squares’ a common question?"
“Ahh, yes,” Vi says gravely. “I’m afraid you failed that one.”
“I did?”
Vi smirks. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll get a chance to redeem yourself. Anyway, this way before my mum skins us alive,” she says, leading the way to the dinner table as Caitlyn hastily toes off her boots.
They barely have time to sit down before Vi's parents bring in the food, a large pot of stew carried by a man with very neat short hair, and a look to his face that makes him seem constantly as if he's trying to regain his breath after a run.
Once he's set down his pot, he holds out his hand. "Connol," he says with a kindly voice, and Caitlyn smiles, introducing herself in turn.
"Caitlyn."
He grins, squeezing into his seat at the end of the table. "Always nice to meet a friend of Vi's," he says warmly.
Felicia leans over to serve them all with a huge ladle, managing not to get tangled with Powder, who's eagerly piling mash potato onto her own plate, unable to wait for her mum to finish.
The stew is fantastic, and Caitlyn nods enthusiastically when Felicia asks her how it is, unable to speak with her mouth full of the best slow-cooked beef she's ever had. It's rich and tender and wonderfully filling, especially when compared to her own very much utilitarian cooking.
"Where'd you get your hair dyed?" Powder suddenly asks from the seat opposite Caitlyn, taking a sip from her cup with a bright orange metal straw.
Caitlyn smiles at the earnest curiosity. "It was at Gert's place just round the corner from the last drop, do you-"
"Hey that's where I had mine done too," exclaims Powder. "You work at Benzo's right?"
Caitlyn blinks at the conversational whiplash. Vi was right, this will take some time to get used to. "Um, yes that's right. Mostly just fixing things, I'm not very good at talking to customers."
Powder nods enthusiastically, swallowing her food in record time, and probably ignoring the second half of Caitlyn’s answer. "So you know Ekko then? Does he talk about me much? We're basically best friends."
"Um." Caitlyn glances at Vi for reassurance, but she's currently wiping drops of sauce from all around her mouth. It's hard to tell if her body language reads as nervous, but she usually wouldn't bother being that neat until she's finished her meal, so Caitlyn isn’t sure.
She turns back to face Powder, who's smiling expectantly. "Yes, he's mentioned you once or twice. You helped him fix his skateboard right?"
Her entire face lights up even brighter than it was already shining. "Yeah, yeah, we had to make a whole new wheel out of a tuna can."
Felicia nudges Powder affectionately from her place diagonally opposite to Caitlyn, giving her a very relieving break from the conversation that she uses to breathe. "What's Piltover like then?" she asks, turning to face Caitlyn.
Caitlyn glances down at the table, swallowing another mouthful of stew before she answers. "You… haven't been?"
Felicia chuckles. "Oh sure, I've been, but what's it like living there? Do they all have gold-plated taps? Marble wash-basins?"
She bites her lip nervously, trying to find a way to deflect the question. "I don't really like talking about it," she settles on, hoping that won't be taken as rude. Honesty rarely is in Zaun, another reason she loves it here.
She feels Vi's hand squeezing her leg softly, and she turns to see her girlfriend leaning forward slightly. "Wait, Pow, did you say you turned a tuna can into a wheel?"
Caitlyn turns to her girlfriend, smiling in relief as the conversation drifts off in a new, harmless direction, helmed by Powder's bubbling enthusiasm.
Eventually everyone is quiet, even Powder finally having run out of energy for further questions. Vi glances at her, flashing a quiet smile, and Caitlyn seeks out her hand to hold onto beneath the table, giving it a squeeze for courage.
Vi takes a deep, steadying breath. "I, er… I wanted to say something… to all of you," she starts.
Powder watches her intently, a curious expression colouring her face. Felicia searches out her daughter's eyes, and Connol looks up from where he's scraping his plate clean with the edge of his fork.
“I…” She breathes heavily again. "I… am gay," she says, voice only slightly wavering, "and Caitlyn here," She turns to face Caitlyn, wearing a brave smile, "is my girlfriend. And I love her." Powder turns to look at her, eyes wide.
Vi turns back to meet her mum's eyes. Caitlyn glances between them all, trying to work out what they're thinking. Powder just looks confused, slowly bringing her straw up to her lips for a drink. Felicia is staring at Vi with… something, but what exactly that is eludes Caitlyn entirely. Connol simply looks stunned, his fork hovering just above his plate, frozen.
Caitlyn herself tries not to look nervous, to remain a grounding force for Vi, but she can't help but think back to her version of this moment, Cassandra's eyes narrowing in confusion, Tobias' look of pure pity.
Felicia speaks, holding out a hand across the table for Vi to take. "Ok," she says gently. Vi takes her hand, the other still gripped by Caitlyn. "How long have you known?" she asks, slipping her thumb into Vi's palm.
Caitlyn supposes that's certainly a better response than her mother's, "Why would you say that?" which still haunts her sleepless nights, when she's lying in the silence, waiting for it to shatter.
Vi's gaze slides to Powder, who's back to looking at her sister with a kind of amused curiosity. "A while," she admits quietly.
Felicia looks down at the table again, and when she speaks, it's slow, kind. "Then I'm sorry," she says. "That you felt you had to hide something like that from us."
Vi smiles, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as Connol places his own hand on top of theirs.
"We will love you no matter what, because we are your parents, and that's how it works," he says softly. Caitlyn feels a tear slip down her own face, and she reaches up to wipe it away, but nobody is looking.
If only that were how it worked. Maybe she should have known from the constant pressure to, "Live up the Kiramman name," that their love was never really unconditional, but it still hurt. It will always hurt.
Vi lets go of Caitlyn's hand to place a second onto the pile. When she speaks, her voice is thick with tears. "Thank you," she says. "I love you so much."
Felicia smiles with one corner of her mouth, and reminds Caitlyn so vividly of Vi's smile. "We love you too."
Caitlyn glances down at her own empty hands, and she expects to feel that usual deep, numbing loneliness that comes for her whenever she thinks of her own parents.
Her mother's angry ranting about how she's “sick,” about how they can “cure her,” “turn her into a proper lady,” "Get rid of these disgusting, perverted ideas."
Her father's silent look of betrayal at his daughter's decision to tell him the truth in the empty hope that he might still love her anyway.
The door slamming shut in her face with a great echoing boom.
She doesn't feel it though.
Somehow, looking back up at Vi's family as they cry tears of joy, hands clasped firmly on the table, she just feels… happy.