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He had never had many friends. There were some children, growing up, the ones brought round by other businessmen who vanished as easily as a deal was made. And there was, of course, Gregory who was more competition than friend but--he was a constant that Tony couldn't dismiss entirely.
But friends, people who liked him, who wanted to be around him, for no other reason than the pleasure of his company--
Those were rare indeed and he looked at Thor, regal and otherworldly and disdainful of everything he was, everything he'd ever been. He looks at Steve Rogers, at Captain America , a goddamn war hero and national icon.
He looked at them, and he yearned for the kind of friendships he’d never had. He wanted it, and he couldn't have it, didn't deserve it.
He was, at the heart of him, a terribly selfish creature.
It was, he knew, a horrible idea. They wouldn’t want anything to do with him, not outside the suit, not outside the battle.
But when he opened his mouth, when he offered --
Both said yes.
~*~
Dying is a lonely kind of business.
His whole life has been a lonely sort of thing, so it’s not like he isn’t used to that, but--it’s different.
Dying is different, makes him look at the world in a new way. It’s why he built the suit, why he throws himself headlong into saving the world, why he agrees to the Ultimates, why he tolerates Fury and SHIELD, but there’s this too--he does it because he’s lonely, because he’s dying and no one, not even Tony Stark, wants to die alone.
He thinks that’s why he wants them here, why he wants to get close to all of the otherworldly awe that is Thor, why he wants to crack that upright soldier facade Rogers has, wants to make them real and touchable, messy and human.
Or maybe he wants that because it’s everything he is and he’s tired, tired of being the weak link in a team that he doesn't truly belong on.
~*~
He doesn’t intend on telling them.
Dinner is--
It’s what he should do, isn’t it, inviting the team over--he has the space, the money, he’s got a reputation for parties, for being a gracious host.
It's what he should do, he tells himself and not just the selfish lonely boy in him longing for companionship.
Of course, he intends on Hank and Jan being there, a buffer between his desperate loneliness and two people who won’t ever want to be his friends.
It’s one thing to fight together, to work with Cap and Thor to bring the Hulk to his knees, but--
It’s different, having them here , to sit across from them stripped of his armor and masks, comfortable in his slippers and robe, and smile and know that what they’re seeing is a man who’s never been enough , who’s spent a lifetime trying to be.
He smiles, and it feels false and he chatters about the battle and it feels like a stopgap and Thor--
Goddamn Thor.
He asks why .
There’s a moment, while Rogers is grinning and Thor is watching him, that Tony thinks about lying, about agreeing with Cap’s theory that this--Iron Man, the Ultimates, all of it--was a way to get laid.
“I have a brain tumor,” he says, instead, and finishes his drink.
~*~
He doesn’t regret it.
He’s tired of lying and he’s tired of carrying it alone, and maybe it isn’t fair, to put this on two men he barely knows, but if anyone’s shoulders are strong enough to bear the weight, it’s Thor and Steve Rogers.
~*~
He doesn’t think about it. There’s the mess with Hank and Jan, and his bombshell, how it’s going to affect the dynamics on the team is overshadowed by the fractures that make him wonder if there will even be a team.
Cap goes off the deep end in a big way when he tracks Hank down and beats him to shit, and it makes Tony pause, makes him reassess what he knows about the man.
He’s a soldier, and a damn good one, but--
He’s almost violently dangerous, on a terrifyingly short leash, and Tony thinks that maybe he’s like Thor in that way, in the fact that he’s allowed himself to be used by SHIELD, but only because it suits his purposes.
Thor will work with SHIELD when he agrees with them.
Tony will suit up and follow the mission, if he agrees with it.
Steve is a weapon he allows them to point, if he agrees with their cause.
They’re dangerous, all of them, and they’re barely loyal to Fury’s agenda.
He wonders if the other two have made that connection yet.
~*~
He likes Thor.
He doesn't expect to--he's an atheist through and through, and Thor is a madman claiming to be a god. Thor hates everything that Tony is, the capitalist icon of a generation with SI at his fingertips. They shouldn't get along at all.
And yet--he likes Thor.
He understands Thor, as much as anyone can. He moves through the world with a kind of arrogance that Tony understands, that he recognizes, because he does the same, the kind of insolent disregard for the world born of wealth and privilege. He likes Thor because they argue about gods and magic, about capitalistic greed and corporations out of control and how dangerous they can be to the world and for all that he is a capitalist icon--he agrees with Thor on levels that neither of them expect.
He likes that Thor will challenge him, that he makes Tony think.
He likes that Thor understands what it's like, to be a scion of a great family, with all the pressure and expectations that come with that.
That Thor doesn't trust Fury, that he fights against Fury's demands and restrictions and bald faced manipulations to drag Thor into the net of the Ultimates--well, that's just icing on the cake.
"We'd take good care of you," Tony tells Thor, once, after Fury's stormed away after Thor's turned him down again.
"My friend," Thor says, inexplicably gentle, "Do you not already do that?"
Tony blinks at him, and Thor squeezes his shoulder, hard enough that Tony can feel the armor denting, and then walks away.
~*~
The thing with Hank is--it's eye-opening.
He likes Steve, and there's a part of him that wants desperately for Steve to like him. He isn't quite sure what to make of him, though--where Thor is otherworldly and alien, he can relate to him, too.
Steve is righteous and good and it's easy to miss the tightness in his shoulders, the anger in his eyes.
Then he beats Hank to shit, and walks away with bloody knuckles and when Fury calls him on it, Captain America stares back with that rage burning in his eyes, like he doesn't give a good goddamn about what Fury has to say, because this was the right thing to do.
It's--enlightening.
Tony doesn't even think it was the right thing. Oh, Hank deserved everything Cap gave him and then some, but Steve wasn't there for the right reasons. He was there because he was sweet on Jan, because he was angry at his own father, because this was something he could beat to hell, something that he could hurt , that he could point all that rage at and call it righteous.
The thing with Hank is eye-opening, because it makes him reassess his view of the good Captain, and he likes what he find, a man that's raging against a world he didn't ask for, that demands more than it has any right to, who smiles for the cameras and beats the enemy bloody and all of it hides just how lonely he is.
~*~
Time slips by, as it is wont to do, and Tony marks it in strange ways.
Days he doesn't die.
Callouts where they don't die.
Dinners where he isn't alone.
Thor fights with Fury and Steve gives him that classically disappointed stare that makes Tony cackle, that does nothing to sway Thor at all, and they bicker all the way back to the mansion. Jarvis greets them with a smile that's almost a leer, a dinner that's meant to impress, drinks that do nothing for Thor and Steve, but do everything for Tony.
Sometimes, he'll find them still in the Mansion when he wakes, Thor whistling to himself while he fries eggs and Steve glares at the paper while the coffee burbles, and Tony--he thinks it should rankle, to have them here, to have them in his space, but it doesn't.
They're not just his teammates, he realizes, sometime after he comes down to find a still warm egg sandwich waiting, and Steve's coffee cup rinsed in the sink, and both of them vanished to their lives, when they're not busy saving the world with Tony.
They're friends.
It's strange because he's never had much in the way of friends, and stranger still because Steve will haul him to his feet on the battlefield, clap a hand to his shoulder and tell him, "Steady, Iron Man," and it's almost--
Thor will fly beside him and laugh as Tony makes a particularly pretty shot, and shout, "Good job, brother," and it's--
It's strange because he has a brother and the less said about that the better, but he's never had friends, really, and he's never had someone who cared about him the way a brother should , and he thinks maybe with Thor and Steve--
Maybe he does.
~*~
He comes home from the doctor, and Steve is in the kitchen, stirring something fragrant on the stove while Jarvis hovers anxiously nearby.
Jarvis never did like anyone else in his kitchen, not even ones he liked as much as he liked Steve. Tony stares at him for a long bemused moment. "What on earth are you doing?" he asks, finally, drawing Steve and Jarvis attention both, and Steve's eyes flick over him, ever the faithful captain assessing his team.
Tony doesn't think he particularly stands up to scrutiny at the moment, but he arches an eyebrow anyway and Steve nods, almost to himself. "Makin' you soup. I know you probably feel rotten--it'll keep until you think you can keep it down. Go lay down, I'll bring it to you later."
Tony tips his head. "You aren't here for a mission?" he asks, a little bit confused because why would he be here, waiting for him, for no reason, and Steve smiles at him.
It's gentle, gentler than he ever expected from Captain America, but maybe not more than he's learned to expect from Steve.
"No, Tony. I knew you had chemo today. Ma always hated it, when she was sick and left alone. And I thought--" he shrugs, clears his throat and gestures vaguely at his rough chopped vegetables, the broth bubbling merrily away, and smiles ruefully. "I thought maybe I could keep you company."
"Not much company, I'm afraid," he says, and Steve sighs. He puts down his knife and wipes his hands before he comes to stand in front of Tony where he sways on his feet.
"I'm not your adoring public, Tony. I'm a friend. You don't have to entertain me, or do anything but let me help. Alright?"
Tears sting in his eyes, and he nods, sniffling to keep them at bay. Steve smiles and nods. "Go get comfortable. Lie down. Take a nap if you need. I'll bring you some soup when it's ready."
~*~
It's not Steve, who finds him. It's Thor, shouldering his way into the bathroom to find him kneeling by the toilet, weak and trembling and mouth flecked with vomit.
He sighs, and comes to kneel next to Tony, rubbing at his back, his palm warm through the thin dressing gown and silk pajama top he'd changed into.
"You should have called us, Antonio," he rumbles and Tony shakes his head.
"No one wants to see this," he mutters, shame burning in his gut.
"Perhaps not. But neither would we want you to face it alone," Thor answers, like that's enough. Like Tony being left alone is reprehensible.
Like it hasn't been the one constant of his life.
"Do you need to stay here longer, my friend? Steven has finished his soup and we can make you comfortable in the library."
Tony shakes his head. "I'm done," he mutters, spitting. "Just--"
He isn't sure he has the strength to get up.
Thor doesn't make him admit it, just pulls Tony gently to his feet, and guides him to the sink, waiting patiently while Tony cleans himself up.
When he's ensconced on the couch, wrapped in his favorite soft blanket, a cup of soup broth clutched in his hands, his toes tucked against Steve's warm thigh and Thor sitting in the nearby chair, Tony half dozes, listening to them murmuring back and forth.
He's comfortable, he realizes. He trusts them. Oh he trusts Thor, trusts Captain America, to fight at his side, to protect his back. But it's more than that--he trusts them here .
He didn't snap and snarl when Thor found him in the bathroom.
He didn't vanish into the depths of the house and order Jarvis to throw Cap out, when he found him in the kitchen.
He doesn’t expect them to disappear, as he falls asleep in his soup. He isn't self-conscious, even knowing that he smells of hospital and sick, of chemo and rot--they're here .
They stay.
He thinks maybe this time, they will .
~*~
He's used to being alone. He's never had many friends.
He thinks Steve and Thor are though. Not for his money or his company or even Iron Man.
He thinks maybe they stay only for him .