Chapter Text
Fake color, so ordinary
Dazai was always one to go out of his way to make things extra; extra colorful, extra loud, extra big, extra—whatever he could; it made for a cooler entrance.
But it wasn’t like that with Chuuya, he didn’t feel the need to be loud, or flashy, or anything of the sort; he could just be.
Stained too long to wash them away
So really, it wasn’t his fault for falling so fast, for falling so hard, regardless, it was too late now to even think of falling out of it.
What was worse? He didn’t mind, didn’t mind that he couldn’t get the ginger out of his head, not in the slightest.
Outrageously weird one
And Chuuya? He wasn’t much better, though he may have found the brunette strange, and off putting at times, he was just as obsessed with Dazai, as the other was with him.
All cards on the table, Dazai made him feel less alone, and he was so used to feeling alone.
Craziness is more beautiful to me
Chuuya found his oddities beautiful, gorgeous, even, he wasn’t any more normal than the brunette, and he believed no one normal would ever love him.
But he was okay with that, okay with being crazy, because he could be crazy with Dazai, and that made it feel much better.
I wanna destroy what I am crazy for
Dazai had always been self destructive, had always damaged himself more than anyone else hurt him, and it made him in control, no one can hurt you if you hurt yourself more, or so he told himself
But it wasn’t like that with Chuuya, it was different, Chuuya harmed him in a different way, because he did the opposite; he got mad when Dazai put himself into danger on purpose it felt… nice.
Ugliness makes me want to protect more
And no matter how many times the brunette may insult Chuuya, no matter how many times he made fun of his height, or his temper, or his tacky hats, he would never truly say anything to harm him, he couldn’t.
Further more, he would never allow anyone else to hurt Chuuya either, the only one who was allowed to tease the ginger was Dazai, and Dazai alone.
Kept thinking I am okay being alone
At first, Dazai’s protectiveness would annoy Chuuya, he could fend for himself, he always had.
But no matter how many times he told himself he hated it, he actually didn’t mind, he wasn’t used to any looking out for him like that, not in any way that was helpful, but Dazai did.
I was changing under the moonlight
And since Dazai was so protective of him (a fact which the brunette vehemently denied), he would always stop him before corruption would kill him, and of course he was always the first person to try and save the ginger, and that’s why he was able to change him.
Chuuya didn’t even realize he had changed, until, on a normal, mundane night, after he got off work, he didn’t go straight home, he went over to Dazai’s apartment, it was second nature at that point.
So foolish to like somebody, so lame
Dazai, of course, opened the door, how could he not, he’d recognize the knock no matter what, it was distinct, or maybe he was just crazy.
“Wow, still coming ‘round, who’d have thought you’d be so foolish,” he teased, even though he was the one who felt foolish, someone like him wasn’t meant for love, but he craved it regardless.
I will be betrayed, I will be the same
So they did what they always did, they went inside, had a couple glasses of wine, laughed and talked on the couch for awhile.
Dazai knew he was setting himself up to be betrayed, but that didn’t stop him from resting his head on the gingers shoulder, didn’t stop him from craving his warmth, or his touch, or his voice.
I had enough, the light I once saw
And Chuuya let him, he’d always let him, because no matter how much Dazai insisted he was dark all the way down, Chuuya always thought he looked far brighter than the world that clouds around him.
But maybe it was just because he was so used to being bathed in inky blackness, that shades of gray felt like the sun itself.
I will chase it to cherish
“What?” Dazai asks, touching his face as if to check if he had anything on it, for Chuuya had been staring at his face, his eyes specifically, he’d gotten lost in them.
Chuuya shook his head. “Nothing, I just...” He cupped the side of his face, and the brunettes skin flushed under the touch.
The rage from not saying "I can't sing anymore"
“Can I kiss you?” he finally asks, his heterochromatic eyes lingering on Dazai’s lips before flicking back to the other’s brown marbles.
Dazai found himself nodding despite himself, his eyes flutter shut as Chuuya leaned in closer to him.
You are madly adorable to me
When Chuuya pulled away, too soon for Dazai’s liking, he opened his eyes again; Chuuya’s face was flushed, a ghost of a smile on his features, he looked.
“Adorable,” Dazai murmured, which only darkened the blush on the other’s cheeks.
Scattered dreams that I could not make come true
“I am not adorable,” Chuuya insisted, finding the very notion ridiculous, when earned a chuckle from the other.
“This is a bad idea,” Chuuya remarked with a sigh, causing Dazai to look away dejectedly.
I will pick them up and walk again
“Yeah, probably.” Then Dazai looked back at Chuuya with a charming smile that never ceased to take the ginger’s breath away.
“When has that ever stopped us though?” Chuuya laughed; because he was right, they had done so many bad ideas over the years, what was one more?
"Just trying to put on a smile all of them could be fake"
Dazai’s smile morphed into something more genuine than the fake one he had on prior, Chuuya’s laugh always made him smile, it was so full of mirth.
“So… neither of us are going to put a stop to this?” the ginger asked, yet he didn’t sound too upset about it.
I'm a complicated person and it is okay
“If you expect me to you clearly don’t know me all that well,” Dazai told him, tucking a red lock behind Chuuya’s ear.
“Well, you are a complicated person,” he can’t help but reach to Dazai’s wrist to keep his hand pressed against his cheek.
Can't move after waking up, get up right now
“Yeah? That seems to be your type,” Dazai murmurs more softly then he intended, his words mostly lacking the teasing lilt it would normally have had.
“So what if it is?” Chuuya asks back in a similar tone, glancing at his lips, he was already addicted and they had only kissed once.
I will betray them, yes and I will be the same
Dazai shakes his head. “Not at all concerned about me leaving again? It seems all too likely.”
“I won’t give you a third chance, but I don’t mind a second,” he whispers, leaning back in for another kiss, which instantly had Dazai melting.
I had enough, the light I once saw
This was them, Dazai supposed, neither light, nor dark, nor good, nor bad, whether they would sink or float was still up in the air, they’d have to see.
Chuuya’s hands tangled in Dazai’s hair, pulling him impossibly closer, and Dazai let him, because how could he stop him?
Chased it but I cannot see the destination
This may be stupid, in fact, it probably was; they both knew it, yet they couldn’t help themselves, they were like magnets and the pull had reached a tipping point.
“You’re staying the night, right?” Dazai asked, pulling away and resting their foreheads together.
I wanna keep the right distance from jealousy and pain
Chuuya smiles staring it Dazai’s brown eyes. “Yeah, yeah I’m staying the night.”
Dazai smiles back, pulling Chuuya into his arms and burying his face in the ginger’s shoulder, but he didn’t say anything, not that he needed to, Chuuya understood him wordlessly.
Its tough but just enough for me
So Chuuya took it as a sign to run his fingers through the brunettes hair, he could tell he was holding back from saying something.
“Dazai?” The ginger gently tugged on the other’s hair to get him to look at him.
Something broke out, thrown far ahead
Dazai stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak, he felt he might wait a lifetime if he had to.
“If you have something to say, just say it,” Chuuya demanded.
Sing your own song, people left behind
“Stay,” Dazai whispered, no, pleaded.
Chuuya nodded. “I was already said I would, dumbass” There was a tint of confusion in Chuuya’s voice.
There will be an end anyway, no matter where you are
Dazai looked away for a moment. “No, I mean… never mind.” He went quiet, burying his face against Chuuya’s neck.
“I can’t stay forever,” Chuuya whispered softly, they both had their lives, and they had to get back to them, no matter how peaceful it was here.
The darkness cut by the moonlight
Dazai pushed Chuuya against the couch, the smaller man letting out a small breath of air at the suddenness.
Then, he just laid down in his chest, his ear directly above the ginger’s heartbeat. “Comfy?” Chuuya teased, letting him lay there.
Fake color, so ordinary
“Yes,” Dazai replied sincerely, he’d really was comfortable, probably too comfortable.
“Idiot,” Chuuya whispered, threading his fingers through the brunettes hair, Dazai couldn’t help being extra.
Stained too long to wash them away
“You like me~” Dazai teases, tilting his head to look at Chuuya, a smirk playing on his lips.
“Shut up,” he grumbled, Dazai knew he was right, even if Chuuya didn’t say it.
Outrageously weird one
Dazai let out a chuckle, perhaps mockingly, but no less pleasant to the ears.
“You’re so weird,” Chuuya grumbles, but his fingers never ceased their trailing through the brunettes hair.
You are madly beautiful to me
“You say that like you’re not,” Dazai responds without missing a beat, his eyes fluttering closed.
“Whatever, just go to sleep or something,” Chuuya meant to snap it out, but it came out soft, almost gentle, Dazai looked tired, and he really did want him to sleep.
The brunette let out a hum, fixing himself to be more comfortable as he let himself drift off more easily than he had since… maybe ever, certainly since he left the mafia.
You’re so beautiful.
Chuuya almost said it; but he didn’t, he couldn’t, not yet, maybe one day, it was just a bit too soft for Chuuya, yeah.
To soft.