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Shauna woke up to rapid knocking on her front door.
Fuck.
She glanced at the alarm clock to her left. 2:38am . Who the fuck was at the door at this time? Shauna tried to peer through her window but she couldn’t make out anything in the dark.
The knocks came back, louder and faster. Shauna jolted, she glanced around the room for something she could use as a weapon, but was pulled out of her panic as the knocks were joined by a familiar voice.
“Shauna? Shauna, are you there?!”
Jackie.
Shauna flew across her room and descended down the ladder faster than she ever had before. She ran through the house, socked feet slipping dangerously, until she made it to the front door.
She flung it open and was immediately met with the sight of Jackie’s tearstained face, red and blotchy. For once in her life, Jackie Taylor looked something less than presentable. Not that it mattered to Shauna. Well, it did matter to her in the sense that she was going to find whoever the cause of this was and kill—
“I— I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” Jackie hiccupped, chest heaving.
Shauna blinked. She hadn’t yet said anything. “Fuck, uh, come in.”
Jackie nodded shakily as Shauna stepped aside, opening the door further. That’s when she noticed Jackie lugging a suitcase behind her. Her thoughts had begun to race but she found that they all circled back to one question — what the fuck had happened?
“Let me.” Shauna found herself saying, reaching behind Jackie to take the suitcase.
“Thanks. Sorry for just—” Jackie waved her hands around. “Barging in? I don’t know. Um…”
Shauna sighed, not unkindly. “Don’t worry about it. Go on, sit on the couch. I’ll make us some hot chocolate and if you want you can explain what happened, yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Jackie ducked into the house, making her way to the living room as Shauna made her way to the kitchen.
“Are you cold?” Shauna called out, cups clinking as she prepared the hot chocolate.
“I know where the blankets are.” Jackie smiled weakly, already at the cabinet where they were kept.
Shauna let out a small chuckle at the sight. Of course Jackie knew where they were, she’s been coming over since she was seven years old.
Soon enough, Shauna was joining Jackie on the couch, handing her a cup of hot chocolate. Hers had three marshmallows in it, as opposed to Shauna’s preferred two. Jackie lifted up the blanket from around her shoulders and Shauna quickly shuffled closer to her side.
“You wanna talk about it?” Shauna asked after a few moments of silence.
Jackie shook her head. “Not really.”
“ Should you talk about it?”
Jackie sighed. “Yeah.”
“I’m always gonna be here for you, Jackie. You can tell me anything. Or you can tell me nothing. I don’t mind. It’s whatever you want.” Shauna said, resting her head on Jackie’s shoulder because she knew she liked it when she did that.
“Um. Okay.” Jackie took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “My mother… fuck.”
Shauna frowned worriedly, offering Jackie her hand as to provide her best friend with some sense of comfort. “Take your time.”
Jackie nodded, though Shauna could see more tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
“ MymomfoundoutIwasgayandkickedmeoutofthehouse .” Jackie said all in one breath.
Shauna’s eyes widened. She didn’t catch everything Jackie said, but she caught enough words to piece everything together. Right. Okay.
“I’m… God, I’m so sorry, Jax.” Shauna said, raising her head to meet Jackie’s eyes. She looked… destroyed. She was looking at Shauna with those glassy wide eyes and Shauna realised the weight of what Jackie just admitted.
“Oh. Oh, Jax, I don’t— I don’t care if you’re gay.” Shauna said, taking both of Jackie’s hands into hers.
“You don’t?” Jackie croaked. “You don’t think it's, like, disgusting ?”
“What? God, no. Is that what— is that what she told you?”
Jackie nodded, eyes shining as she let out a choked sob. She set her hot chocolate on the coffee table so she could then surge forward and bury her head in Shauna’s shoulder. Shauna wrapped her arms around Jackie’s waist and let her stay there for as long as she needed.
When Jackie finally pulled back, she was sniffling and wiping away tears.
“I don’t— I don’t have anywhere to go.” Jackie’s voice was shaky.
“You can stay with us. I’m sure my mom won’t mind. She loves you, yeah?” Shauna said, hand resting on Jackie’s shoulder.
“But what if… what if she finds out why I was kicked out?”
“She won’t care. I promise.”
Jackie slumped back onto the couch. “You can’t know that.”
Shauna bit her lip awkwardly. “Actually, I can…”
Jackie blinked, looking up at Shauna. Her eyes widened in realisation.
“Oh. You’re…?”
Shauna nodded, giving a small smile.
“Oh, cool. And your mom…?”
Shauna relaxed back next to Jackie. “Yeah, yeah, she knows.”
— — —
Jackie swallowed nervously, glancing at Shauna.
So… Shauna is gay.
And so is Jackie.
And Jackie just got kicked out of her house for being gay.
And now Shauna had an arm slung around Jackie, comforting her after she was kicked out of her house for being gay.
Also, Jackie is in love with Shauna.
“Do you wanna go to bed now? You must be tired.” Shauna said, taking the last few sips of her hot chocolate.
“Uh, yeah.” Jackie reached for her cup to drink the last of her hot chocolate. “Fuck, uh, the adrenaline’s wearing off now.”
“Here.” Shauna grabbed Jackie’s cup and made to get up. “Go. I’ll meet you upstairs.”
Jackie nodded, standing up. She folded up the blanket and put it back in the cabinet before making her way up to Shauna’s room.
She immediately beelined to Shauna’s clothes rack, rifling through the numerous flannels that Shauna liked to hoard. She pulled out her favourite, an oversized maroon number with accents on it that she and Shauna could never decide the colour of (but it’s definitely grey).
She pulled it tight around her shoulders and pretended not to find comfort in inhaling Shauna’s scent.
Then, her sheer exhaustion finally caught up to her and she found herself needing to sit down on Shauna’s bed, lest her knees give out and have her fall to the floor.
She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
— — —
Shauna’s heart warmed at the sight of Jackie curled up on her bed, wearing her favourite flannel. It was Shauna’s favourite flannel too, but only because that was the one she associated with Jackie.
Shauna smiled and set herself down next to Jackie. Before she realised what she was doing, she was smoothing Jackie’s hair down and pressing a chaste kiss to her temple.
“I love you, Jax.” Shauna murmured into her hair.
She laid down and snaked her arm over Jackie’s waist.
She began to fall asleep with her heart pressed up against Jackie’s back.
Jackie stirred at the feeling of Shauna’s breath on her skin.
“Shauna?” She whispered sleepily.
Shauna froze.
“Sorry,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Jackie shifted slightly, turning just enough to face each other. Her eyes blinked open, still hazy.
“It’s okay,” she said softly. “I… I like it when you hold me.”
Did she hear what Shauana said? Shauna’s breath caught. “Yeah?”
Jackie nodded as she turned back around. Shauna then rested her head on Jackie’s shoulder, letting silence settle over them just like the blanket they were resting under.
— — —
Shauna was already awake when Jackie woke up. The midday sun was filtering in through the curtains and Jackie rubbed at the sleep in her eyes. Shauna’s heart swelled. She thought Jackie looked a bit like a cat when she stretched.
“What time is it?” Jackie asked, sitting up.
Shauna twisted to glance at her alarm clock. “11:34am.”
Jackie grumbled and slumped back in bed, landing on the arm that Shauna had been using her to spoon her throughout the night. She felt her cheeks flush.
“God… I don’t have a home, Shauna.” Jackie muttered.
“You do, Jax. Where do you think you are right now?” Shauna said, reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Jackie’s ear. Shauna tried not to think about how much she’d like to press a kiss there.
“Mm, with you.” Jackie mumbled, reaching out a hand to cup Shauna’s chin.
Jackie was always more affectionate when she was tired. Maybe because, when you’re tired, the first part of your brain to turn off (or rather, the last part to turn on, in this case) is the part that makes rational decisions .
(Or maybe Jackie was 100% capable of rational thought but Shauna just didn’t want to accept the fact that maybe Jackie was just able to love her like that. )
Shauna ignored her thoughts, and smiled, pressing a kiss to Jackie’s forehead. “C’mon, let’s go get breakfast.”
Jackie sighed but sat up. “Wouldn’t it be lunch now?”
Shauna shook her head. “Breakfast just means to break your fast, meaning it’s the first meal of the day no matter what time it is.”
“Nerd.” Jackie smiled.
— — —
Shauna cooked the one thing she knew how to, scrambled eggs (she had started out with sunny side up, but it kind of devolved from there).
“Don’t forget the—”
“Yeah, yeah. I won’t forget the ketchup, freak.” Shauna chuckled, setting down her and Jackie’s plates on the table before grabbing the ketchup from the fridge (the only appropriate place to keep it, mind).
Jackie made grabby hands at it as Shauna sat down across from her at the table. Shauna handed it to her and watched with a mix of affection and disgust as Jackie doused her eggs with the sauce.
“I don’t know how you eat that.” Shauna said as she took a bite of her perfectly normal eggs.
Jackie shrugged. “‘S good.”
They ate in relatively comfortable silence until Jackie spoke up again.
“Um, when are we gonna tell Deb?”
Shauna swallowed, not one to talk with food in her mouth. “Well she was just on night shift so she’s probably sleeping now, but she’ll be up around… one? One or two, probably.”
Jackie nodded. “Right. Um. I need to tell you something.”
Shauna snapped to attention. “Go ahead.”
Jackie let out a shaky exhale. “Okay. I, um, feel really bad with you not knowing this because, um, I just feel like you should know this if I’m gonna… live with you. Because it might change your mind? Like you might not be… comfortable living with me if you knew this…”
“I doubt there’s anything you could tell me that would make me feel that way.” Shauna said, offering a comforting smile.
Jackie kept her eyes trained on the table. “ I’minlovewithyouShauna .”
Oh.
Oh.
Holy fucking shit.
Jackie was silent as her eyes nervously raised to meet Shauna’s.
Shauna stared back with such a fierce intensity she could almost feel her corneas burning.
“Oh.” Shauna finally said.
“Oh…” Jackie agreed.
Shauna stood up, chair scraping awkwardly across the hardwood floor. Jackie winced and Shauna immediately wished she could have a do-over, never wanting to make Jackie hurt again.
But she couldn’t reverse time, so she just walked around the table until she was next to Jackie.
Wordlessly, she used both of her hands to cup Jackie’s face, fingers resting comfortably underneath her ears. She leaned closer, giving Jackie time to back away, but she just moved closer.
She wasn’t sure which one of them closed the distance first, but now their lips were touching. It was only for a second until Shauna felt Jackie pull away.
“Say something. Please.” Jackie said, gripping Shauna’s hands.
“I’ve been in love with you since the day we met, Jackie.”
“Okay. Nice.” Jackie said before surging forward and capturing Shauna’s lips with her own.
This kiss was a lot less restrained, to say the least. Shauna felt her legs shake as Jackie stood up and pressed herself up against Shauna’s chest. This was so much better than all the times Shauna has fantasised about this very moment. Partly because this time it was real , but also because she had never expected Jackie to be such a good kisser.
Jackie’s hands were resting comfortably against the small of Shauna’s back, loosely but effectively keeping her in place. Holy fucking shit.
And that’s not even to mention just how soft her lips were against her own. It contrasted nicely with how rough they were moving.
Shauna had to force herself to wrench away from Jackie, remembering that she needed air.
They were both breathing heavily, and Shauna didn’t have to look to know that her lips would be just as red and swollen as Jackie’s. Shauna licked her lips and tried not to fall to her knees at the taste of Jackie’s strawberry chapstick on them.
“Since the day we met?” Jackie teased, raising a brow.
Shauna nodded. “What about you?”
“Mm, the day before we met.” Jackie smirked. “There was a boy bothering you on the swings, saying that girls couldn’t go on them, so you kicked him in the stomach.”
Shauna remembered. “And then you came up to me the next day and asked if I would be your knight in shining armour.”
“Mhm.” Jackie smiled.
Shauna could tell she was holding back a toothy smile, trying to maintain the smooth exterior she probably thought she had right now. Shauna knew better. She knew that Jackie was absolutely ecstatic right now. Mainly because she was feeling the exact same way.
“Our eggs are gonna get cold.” Shauna whispered.
“Way to kill the mood, Shipman.” But Jackie still sat back down.
Shauna made her way back to her seat. “Sorry, but if I kissed you again I don’t think I’d have been able to stop.”
Shauna looked up when Jackie didn’t say anything. Her pupils were blown and her cheeks were red and Shauna smirked at the sight. She just continued to eat her eggs.
— — —
Jackie was sitting at the table, bouncing her leg and fidgeting with her thumbs, when Shauna finally entered the kitchen with her mom, Deborah, in tow.
Jackie immediately stood to attention. She almost didn’t notice Shauna backing out of the kitchen with a supportive thumbs up.
“Hey, Jackie. I didn’t know you were staying over last night?” Deb asked. She settled down into a seat at the table and Jackie took that as her cue to sit back down.
“Um, yeah, sorry, it was… last minute.” Jackie said, her leg shaking involuntarily.
Deb reached out and covered Jackie’s hand with her own. “Is everything alright, hun?”
“...No.”
She could see Deb’s eyes sharpen, but she knew it wasn’t directed at her.
“My, um, my parents… kicked me out.” Jackie said slowly. “For… well, they found out that— that I’m gay .” She whispered the last word.
Deb squeezed Jackie’s hand. “Oh. Oh, honey, you’ll always have a place here, yeah? And I’m so proud of you for telling me that, I know it’s hard.”
Jackie nodded, blinking the tears out of her eyes. Why couldn’t her own mother be like this? But, then again, had she different parents growing up, she might not be the person she is now. She might’ve been happier, though.
No. Stop it. There was no use in thinking about what could’ve been.
Right now, her best friend’s (or maybe girlfriend’s?) mother was telling her how proud she was of Jackie. That’s a good thing. Think of the good things, Jackie.
“—as you need.” Deb was saying.
“I’m sorry?”
Deb didn’t seem annoyed. “I said, you can stay here as long as you need. Even if that’s forever. Okay?”
Jackie felt her throat sting with tears. “Thank you. I don’t— I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
“All you have to do is be good to Shauna.”
Jackie felt her cheeks flush with red. “I— I’m…”
Deb smiled good-naturedly. “Thin walls, Jackpack.”
Jackie ducked her head, blushing at the old childhood nickname. “Oh. Um. Right, yeah. I’ll… be good to her. Of course.”
Deb pat Jackie’s hand. “Of course you will. You make her smile, you know? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her happier than when she’s with you.”
Jackie’s cheeks grew even more red. “I’m glad. She… has the same effect on me.”
“I’ve noticed.” Deb chuckled.
“Can I… um, can I have a hug?”
“Of course, darling, come here.” Deb said, opening her arms for Jackie to step into.
Jackie sniffled as she buried her head in Deb’s shoulder. She tried not to cry but she was never very good at holding herself together around Shipmans.
“I take it everything went well?” Shauna’s voice pierced through the tender moment. She had walked back into the kitchen holding a cup of what was probably tea.
Jackie pulled back, using the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that had escaped. “Yeah. All good.”
“You know, Shauna, I expect you to be good to Jackie as well.”
Shauna choked on the sip of tea she had just taken. “Um— uh, yeah, um.”
Jackie smirked. “Thin walls, Shippy.”
Shauna blushed and took a sip of her tea (probably English breakfast, she’s pretty sure Shauna finished all the Earl Grey the other day) in lieu of a response.
“Is there anything you need to get from your place, hun?” Deb asked, bringing Jackie’s attention back to her.
“Oh. Um. Yeah, I packed a suitcase but I was in kind of a hurry so I forgot some things.”
Deb stood up. “If you want I can drive you two over there? I’d like to have a word to Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.”
Jackie blanched. “Oh um, yeah, but you don’t need to talk to them. It’s um, I really don’t want them to… yell at me again.”
“I’m not going to let them yell at you ever again.” Deb said it with such finality that Jackie wanted to burst into tears right then and there.
Instead she just nodded.
— — —
Jackie didn’t know what to expect when she walked back into her house.
She knew her parents would be home, so she was expecting that at least. She expected something bad. But not like this.
When Deb knocked on the door (because Jackie was too nervous to do it herself), it was her father who answered.
He took one glance at the three of them and walked away. But he left the door open.
Deb went in first. Shauna had to coax Jackie into entering the house, murmuring words of encouragement into her ear.
When she walked in, her mother was sat in the lounge room knitting an (ugly) sweater. Her glasses were perched obnoxiously on the tip of her nose in a way that made Jackie want to just… punch her. And she wasn’t a very violent person.
She didn’t even spare a glance at her.
Her daughter, that she just kicked out of the house, had come back, and she did absolutely nothing. She didn’t look at her and scoff. She didn’t yell at her to get out. She just… treated her as if she was a ghost. Like she was already dead.
Jackie might’ve preferred the yelling.
She felt Shauna’s hand come to rest on her back.
“Don’t think about her. Let’s just get your stuff and go, okay?” She whispered.
Jackie nodded, tearing her eyes away from her mother. “Mhm. Yeah, yeah, sorry.”
“Don’t apologise.”
“Sorry. I mean— okay.”
Shauna smiled and ascended the stairs, Jackie trailing behind her.
“What did you need to get?” Shauna asked as she entered Jackie’s bedroom.
“Um, some more clothes. I kinda panicked and only packed like… two outfits.” Jackie huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “And, uh, toiletries and some other stuff.”
Shauna nodded, making her way over to Jackie’s closet as Jackie started rifling through her bedside drawers.
“Is this where that went?” Shauna called out, holding up a blue grey flannel that happened to be Jackie’s second favourite.
“Oops.” Jackie said, unapologetic.
Jackie turned her attention back to her drawers as she pulled out her journal. The catalyst for everything that had happened yesterday.
She didn’t write in it much, certainly not as much as Shauna wrote in hers. She only ever used it when her brain was getting way too overcrowded and she just had to empty it . Unfortunately, that happened a few days ago, when her, what she thought to be unrequited, love for Shauna was piling up too much and she just needed to get it out.
Unfortunately, her mother had found her journal last night and thought it would be a bright idea to read through it. Try to get to know her daughter better.
It seems that she may have gotten to know her too well.
“Hey, uh, Jackie?” Shauna called out.
Jackie spun around to face Shauna. “Yeah, what’s up?”
Shauna opened her mouth and then closed it. She opened it again. “What… exactly… are we?”
Oh, okay, they were having this conversation now.
“I— um… whatever you want to be. I guess.” Jackie said, pickling at her nails awkwardly.
“But…” Shauna started. “What do you want to be?”
Soulmates . Partners. Lovers. Everything. I want to spend my entire life with you, Shauna.
“Um… I want to be your girlfriend.” Jackie kept her eyes on her shoes, missing the way Shauna grinned from ear to ear.
“I want to be your girlfriend too, Jax.” Shauna said, much closer to Jackie than she had been before.
Jackie looked up, squeaking as she was almost nose to nose with Shauna. “Guh, uh, great! That would’ve been really embarrassing if not.”
Shauna smirked. “We were literally making out in the kitchen earlier today”
“Which could mean nothing.” Jackie swallowed.
“Did it mean nothing to you?” Shauna asked, already knowing the answer.
Jackie shook her head, reaching out and tipping Shauna’s chin towards her, kissing her softly before pulling away. “It meant a lot to me.”
“Good.”
Jackie picked at her nails. “So… we’re girlfriends now?”
Shauna nodded.
“And like, are we gonna be… out?” Jackie asked. “Like— to our friends and stuff?”
Shauna huffed as she began to pack the clothes she had taken from Jackie’s closet into a bag. “If you’re like, okay with that, I’d like that. But only if you’re comfortable. Don’t feel like… pressured or anything.”
“I want to. I— I want them to know.”
Shauna smiled up at Jackie.
— — —
Deborah Shipman did not consider herself an angry woman. She really didn’t. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have the capacity to be angry.
And right now, facing the ‘parents’ who had kicked out their own daughter for something so trivial as liking girls? Deb was angry.
She never liked Jackie’s parents. Their love was always too conditional.
They would make Jackie wear short floral dresses that she was clearly uncomfortable in, and scold her whenever she wore anything less ‘lady-like’. They had once yelled at Jackie when she had come home from a playdate with Shauna wearing shorts . She had only been six years old.
Her parents had never supported her when she was growing up either. They had refused to let Jackie play soccer with Shauna until a literal year of whining and begging. They claimed that it was improper and ‘dykey’. They had said that— to an eight year old.
Who does that?
Now Deb was sitting herself down in front of Jackie’s mother.
“Jackie is going to be living with me from now on.” She told her.
Mrs. Taylor turned up her nose. “Which has what, exactly, to do with me?”
“Are you willing to pass guardianship onto me?” Deb said, ignoring that last remark.
Mrs. Taylor looked away. “What you do with my dead daughter does not concern me.”
Deb clenched her fists, trying desperately to remain civil. “Will you sign the paperwork and show up in court when needed.”
Mrs. Taylor worked at her jaw before eventually; “I suppose so.”
“Thank you.” Deb nodded. “And, please, if you’re going to hate your child for anything, at least let it be something they did to you. Jackie did nothing wrong.”
Mrs. Taylor just glared at her. “The civility’s over. Get out of my house.”
“I hope you find it in yourself to love, at the very least, half as much as your daughter can.” Deb said as she made her way to the door. She made an effort to slam the door as loudly as she could.
Deb wasn’t an angry woman.
She just liked to point out the truth.
Right now the truth was that Jackie no longer had a place in the Taylor household. But, luckily, there was more than enough space for her at the Shipman household.
She’s going to be happier here.