Chapter Text
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Perfection.
A concept that Bokuto Koutarou could never quite grasp.
Even his little feats never seem good enough, despite what other people might tell him. They only see the brighter version of him — the side that laughs so loud that he fills whatever room he’s in.
Most of Bokuto’s friends have never seen how he is when he’s alone. The ugly side of him that is quick to break down at the smallest of inconveniences. The side that is overly self-conscious and cannot function without constant reassurance.
The side that his family saw too much of.
Bokuto decided that after spending all day in navy blue twin sized bed, he might as well get out of his apartment and walk along the beach.
With a huff, he rolled off of his bed and onto the wooden floor. After counting to three, he slowly pushed himself up and changed into a loose fitting gray shirt and black shorts.
As he walked into the tacky, beach themed bathroom, he splashed some water on his face and looked in the mirror.
Bokuto noticed dark circles underneath his golden eyes and ran pale fingers through his unwashed, unstyled white and gray hair.
His ‘cookies and cream hair’, as Kuroo would describe it.
Speaking of, Bokuto should probably greet his roommate— who also happens to be his best friend. The only one who has accepted both sides of him.
As he walked down the hallway and peeked into the small kitchen, the first thing he noticed was a man with messy black hair cooking dinner. Bokuto took a deep breath and painted his usual smile on his face.
“Testu!” Bokuto exclaimed as he smacked the back of Kuroo’s red sweatshirt. “My bro!”
“You’re so loud, Kou,” Kuroo said then turned to face Bokuto, frowning when he noticed the dark circles. “What the fuck’s wrong with your face? You look like a raccoon on drugs, bro.”
Bokuto dramatically rolled his eyes. “At least I don’t look like a ugly cat that just got electrocuted.”
“How dare you!?” Kuroo scoffed, slightly grinning. He paused for a second. “But seriously, are you doing alright? Is it getting bad again?”
Bokuto winced and turned to his best friend. “You know how it is. I’ll be fine by tomorrow — don’t worry!”
Kuroo’s gaze hardened, seeing right through Bokuto’s fake smile.
“When you say it like that,” he started. “All I can do is worry.”
Bokuto grimaced. He realizes this, but still doesn’t want to seem like such a burden to Kuroo.
“How are classes going?” Bokuto shook his head and asked a bit awkwardly.
Kuroo winced at the blatant topic change, but could sense that Bokuto didn’t want to talk about it. “Got a chemistry final tomorrow morning — but I’m not too worried about it. Can’t say the same for Kenma.”
“He probably hasn’t even studied for it,” Bokuto started. “He’s always playing that stupid game on his Nintendo.”
Kuroo giggled. “You’re right about that. It’s what I love about him — how he always has his priorities straight.”
Bokuto smiled and grabbed some soda from the fridge, covered in cat themed magnets.
“Oh right. Kenma is coming over for dinner if that okay with you?” Kuroo asked.
Bokuto froze, then immediately plastered a big smile on his face. “Of course! He usually has some sort of weird Twitch story to share with us since he started streaming.”
Bokuto does like when Kuroo’s boyfriend came over, despite what his reaction seems like. When Kenma is over, Kuroo is less annoying and they’re so domestic that his teeth start hurting.
However, Kenma is very observant. He’ll most likely see through his mask and worry about him even more than he usually does.
Bokuto wants to avoid that as much as he can, despite how much he likes the guy. “I’m gonna take a walk and try to catch the sunset.”
Kuroo holds a thumbs up in acknowledgment, then turns his attention to finishing cooking up some mackerel.
With that, Bokuto heads out the front door of his apartment and starts heading towards the beach. Lucky for him, the beach is essentially his front yard — he really lucked out when Kuroo asked him to move in a couple months ago.
Plus, he likes this beach — it’s beautiful, not too crowded, and has a sand volleyball court that he and Kuroo play on every Wednesday night.
Bokuto walks along the shoreline, now holding his sandals in his hand so he can feel the sand beneath his feet. Every once in a while, a small wave crashes against his legs.
After walking for a few minutes, he finds himself at the top of one of the cliffs along the beach. And wow — the sunset over the ocean is just beautiful. It’s a elegant blend of oranges, reds, and pinks.
The sight of it all is overwhelming — so much so that Bokuto feels hot tears running down his cheeks.
Suddenly, memories start flashing in his mind. Memories that he’d prefer to forget.
“This is bullshit! After all we’ve done for you?”
“What did we deserve to have a son like you?”
“Get out. We never want to see you again until you’ve quit this nonsense.”
The night he got kicked out of his own house, he saw a sunset like this. Then similarly, the sky turned dark and Bokuto was reminded how alone he really was.
He knows Kuroo and Kenma will always be there for him, but they don’t understand how isolated he feels. Their families have always accepted them. They’ve never been made to feel like love was conditional.
The more he starts remembering, the louder the voices get.
Bokuto looks down at his feet and notices that he made it to the cliff’s edge. It’s not the first time he’s stood here— very aware that one more step and he could stop hearing those voices forever.
In fact, it’s what he should do.
It would be easier this way — for everyone’s sake. Nobody would have to worry about the constant bags under his eyes, and he wouldn’t have to spend another restless night crying about those no longer care.
Do it.
Bokuto slowly steadies his breathing — in and out. He feels calm and his mind finally quiet. Now closing his eyes, he leans forward—
“Is this really your only option?”
Bokuto froze.
His eyes bolted open and he whipped his head around to look for the source of that voice.
Nobody.
He then looked over the cliff’s edge and saw a glimpse of someone — or something— looking up at him from the ocean.
Instantly, chills ran up Bokuto’s spine.
“Shit!” Bokuto gasped as he as he lost his balance and fell over the cliff’s edge.
And fell.
And fell, into the water below.
Once again, he shut his eyes tight, preparing for what’s next to come. Except this time, he felt dread and uncertainty.
I’m sorry, Tetsu.
The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness came from that same, unfamiliar voice.
“Humans are more fragile than I thought.”
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