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It's been a year since you and Xyx had opened your hearts to each other. First, it was a long-distance relationship, each of you travelling back and forth between Australia and where you lived. Eventually, you got a job in Australia with a recording studio, and a day job as a 9-5 office worker - at least until your singing career takes off in the next year or so.
You were his queen, his everything, and he took it upon himself to take care of you. You went on dates at least once a week, and Xyx showered you with gifts and affection, making sure you never felt a single ounce of discontentment. He did anything and everything to make you happy and comfort you, and make you laugh. It was his job after all.
But of course, no person is without demons. Your family back in the states, despite the physical distance, had an unshakeable hold on you. The words they spoke and the horrors you endured haunted your dreams at night and whispered during the day. But you being you did not confide in Xyx, you knew how hard his job is so you opted not to be a “burden”, as you saw yourself. Xyx had much the same problem, with such a stressful job and demons of his own, he was burdened day and night with thoughts and feelings of how he was worthless and how he was nothing if he couldn't make you happy. Yes, you had gotten through to him, but things like healing are not linear, and they get worse before they can get better.
Sure, you both took care of each other the best you could, but you can only take care of someone without taking care of yourself for so long. Eventually, the weight of both your pains formed an invisible wall between both of you. The tension was palpable.
Whenever he brought you to your favorite restaurant and he didn't see the little twinkles of happiness in your eyes his heart broke just a little bit more. You had a harder time getting out of bed; sometimes not even waking up till past noon. You both talked less, and Xyx threw himself into his work and started taking more risks. He had near crashes almost every day. He didn't tell you, of course, but you noticed. The dirt and gravel on his jeans and his motorcycle getting beat up was evidence enough.
It all came to a head on one of many peaceful nights spent at home cuddling, his head on your chest. He noticed your grim expression as you looked at your phone.
“Hey, doll, are you doing okay? My darling sun seems to be dimming, can't have that now can we.” he flashed his signature smirk-smile, his snake bite piercings pinching his lips.
“Yeah, no I'm fine! I could never be down with you here,” your expression betrayed your cheery tone as another text from your mother came through, “hm.”
Xyx grabbed your phone, “Give me back my phone!” you reached for it but he held it out of your grasp and began reading your exchange with your mother
“Tch, your mom's…” he held his tongue and decided it wouldn't help if he insulted your mom, “You know you can rely on me. Why don't you? I want to make you happy! It isn't right that you deal with all of this alone.”
His eyes held the flames of unbridled fury, not for you, but for those who do you wrong. Maybe some of that fury was for him too, for not helping you more, for not being there for you, for allowing such sorrow to make its way into your life.
“It's fine, it's not worth your time and it's not a big deal, I'm fine. I am happy!” You weren't sure if you were trying to convince him or yourself more
You snatched your phone back from your very concerned partner and looked at the newly sent texts from your mom. She was rambling about some sort of evil scheme the world had conspired against the two of you. She was going on and on about how she couldn't believe you would turn against her, after all she did for you you abandoned her and how useless you are. Your eyes welled with tears not having the ability to respond besides a simple heart on her last message. You didn't know how to deal with this. You left your chat with your mom to the one with your dad, the last message was you wishing him a happy birthday a week ago with a sad little thumbs up.
Xyx saw your distress and gently but firmly placed his large hand on your cheek and wiped away your tears. He leaned in slowly and kissed your forehead and with the other hand removed your phone from your grasp, turning it off, placing it elsewhere. He moved down to your lips wiping a few more tears away from your beautiful face. He touched his forehead to yours, now laying in-between your legs once more, this time caging you in with his arms.
“Why don't you tell me these things, doll?” He had a smirk painted across his face but his eyes showcased the sincerity from which his question came.
“Why don't you tell me these things, doll?” you spat back, not out of malice but out of concern. It wasn't fair that the love of your life was so caring but accepted no help for himself.
Xyx sighed and lowered his eyes not being able to muster the courage to meet your gaze. He rubbed your cheek with his hand again and began to retreat.
You looked at him, your gaze could've bore a hole in his head if you had the ability. This time you held his head in your hands bringing him closer to you. You forced him to look at you as tears welled in both of your eyes.
“I notice the dirt and gravel on your jeans, my love. I notice the late nights at work. I notice your solemn expressions when you think no one's looking.” You told him, forcing him to look at you too.
Xyx was speechless with only a few stray tears making their way onto his tan face. Your eyes burned with tears once again looking into your lover's eyes and seeing the pain that simmered within.
You reached forward and wrapped your arms around him, holding his head to your chest (his favorite part 😏), and letting him come undone in your grasp. His sobs racked through his whole body, shaky and heavy breaths going through his lungs. His tears soaked through your thin worn shirt, not that you cared. Honestly some part of you was happy about this, or at least grateful, focusing on him took the spotlight off of you. You can't possibly burden him with your sorrow if this was the state he's in. It was only right.
He grasped your shirt tightly, almost ripping it off, his eyes red with tears shed, finally the shaky breaths turned into calm huffs. He looked up at you with tired eyes, bags heavy and prominent.
“Don't think this means you're off the hook now, doll.” He looked up at you with a tired mischievous smile making its way across his face.
You blushed slightly avoiding his eyeline, now finding your fingers very interesting. You wanted comfort and support but you didn't know how to accept it or ask for it. You've never been cared for like this before. You had always been on the giving end, silently discontent with your existence, until now. You didn't know how to react to such a supporting lover especially since he struggled with much the same things that you do.
This time you were the speechless one, until Xyx turned your beautiful face to turn to his.
“Please.” He begged you, his eyes pleading.
You took a deep breath and asked him, “Are you sure?”
He nodded with only assurance in his eyes now.
You took a deep breath and decided to divulge the details of all your burdens to him, finally.
He listened intently, never leaving your side, carefully comforting you as you sobbed in between sentences, holding you when you got too nervous. He wiped the tears that spilled from your eyes and held you to his page body making sure you were at maximum safety and comfort.
The night was long and filled with many, many years but you both came out of it stronger. Your mother's messages were left unread until late the next day, and when confronted with her delusions once more you knew now that you could rely on your lover completely and totally. Xyx was still stressed out from work and struggled with his own demons and of course he still saw himself as nothing if not useful, but you pushed through to him and made sure he knew he could and should rely on you as well.