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“Look,” Hirano couldn’t meet Kagiura’s gaze, heat rising up his neck, turning the tips of his ears red and spreading rapidly across his face.
Argh, he pressed his face into his hand, taking a breath so he could face the taller properly. He was aware that he was blushing―he didn’t bother hiding it, he didn’t want to―and he wanted Kagiura to see all of the emotions he was feeling.
“Kagi-kun,” he looked towards Kagiura, whose head was hanging low so they were nearly eye-level. “I―” At the roughness of Kagiura’s fingers meeting his skin, his throat closed up.
Wha ― Is he gonna kiss me?
There was barely any space between them. Hirano could feel, and taste, Kagiura’s melon soda scented breath ghosting against his face. What is he planning to do? The stance wasn’t uncomfortable, exactly, but it wasn’t comfortable either―it was somewhere in between, labeled with a name Hirano didn’t know.
Kagiura’s hand slid up the side of Hirano’s face, thumb propping his chin up, the rest of the fingers tangled themselves with the blonde hair that framed his face, the lighting of the room catching on the sapphire stone set in Hirano’s ear and causing it to gleam.
So he really is going to kiss me…?
As Hirano expected, Kagiura leaned in but didn’t swoop down low. Hirano’s azure widened in anticipation and this feeling of what-are-you-doing as Kagiura brought his other hand to press the palm against Hirano’s mouth.
What?
“You…” There was a sort of sadness in the depths of Kagiura’s jade eyes, reflecting in his tone. “Don’t have to say anything.”
That was rather contradictory, considering that Hirano had quite a lot he wanted to say. The roughness of Kagiura’s hand against his mouth felt like the warmest fire―anchoring him to reality even if the event happening currently felt as if it was something out of a fiction.
Hirano found that he was frozen. Body, mind, voice―all paralyzed.
Against his skin, Kagiura’s fingers tremble slightly, betraying the sheer extent of emotions he was feeling and the effort he had been making to hold himself back. “I… I know what you’re going to say, Hirano-san,” his voice held a fragility that Hirano hadn’t come across before.
Bright jade eyes turned dull, a gray storm brewing as if he were fighting something―tears? Doubt? Himself? Hirano couldn’t tell.
“I just…” Kagiura was shaking now, his grip on Hirano’s face tightening, fingers pressing into the skin. “I don’t want this to end just yet.” He wasn’t ready for everything that the two of them had built up over the year and few months to just come crashing down like a tsunami.
He didn’t want Hirano to come to a conclusion. He didn’t want to see the finality in those azure eyes he loved so much.
Hirano, whose heart had never raced before, could feel the organ thudding against the bones of his rib-cage as if it were in a Formula One race. It hurt―seeing Kagiura holding onto sadness, letting go of hope.
Slowly, the pressure he felt on his lips eased, Kagiura’s hand falling away, leaving behind only the phantom of warmth. At that moment, the dorm room felt quiet―not the comfortable sort of quiet but the kind which made one hyper-aware of everything around them and yearning―for what exactly, was unknown.
The only thing Hirano could do was stare at Kagiura’s bowed head and the jade peeking out from dark brown lashes that glimmered with longing and sadness.
“...Why―” As soon as Hirano found it, his voice cracked, frustration and desperation layered thick and unfiltered. “―The hell would you stop me from saying it?”
Kagiura’s shoulders tensed, his nails threatening to dig into Hirano’s face. “Because if I let you say it, I don’t think I could handle it.” It came out bittersweet and painful.
There was a silence that was full―so full that it threatened to overflow with unexpressed emotions and touches that they hadn’t tried yet during their ten-second agreement. Hirano’s heart continued to beat as if it were the leading car in a Formula One race―hyper-aware of the way each beat would echo within his bones like the roar of cars on the track―because somehow, he knew what sort of reply Kagiura had been expecting.
And fuck him if he let it end in that way.
Gently, he took a hold of Kagiura’s arm. He could feel the muscle rippling with tension and fear, the way the boy’s pulse jumped beneath his fingers. In these sorts of situations, he knew that Kagiura would try to find a way out―which more often than not was avoidance―so acting accordingly―preventively, he supposed, was the right word―his hold on Kagiura’s arm tightened.
“I wasn’t gonna repeat what I said last time, Kagi-kun,” he doubted if this was enough to ease Kagiura’s fears―it probably wasn’t but any form of reassurance was better than no reassurance at all. “Look, Kagi-kun, I―”
Tugging on Kagiura’s arm, Hirano pulled the taller forwards. No hesitation, no doubts―boundaries seemed to be non-existent and he was willing―was crossing over them without any second thoughts.
He was letting his emotions lead instead of his head.
He pressed his lips to Kagiura’s, soft and tender, pulling away just as quickly.
“Kagi-kun,” his fingers found the hem of Kagiura’s sleeves, gripping onto it as if it were tethering him to reality―as if Kagiura was a lifeline. “I love you.”