Chapter Text
“We need to talk.”
Maybe blurting that out while in the middle of a heated makeout session was not one of the smarter moves he’s ever made in his life, but Wooyoung knows that the charade has gone on for long enough.
“Okay,” Yeosang says as he pulls himself back. There’s a look of panic in his eyes like maybe he’s after doing something wrong, a quick flash of disappointment like he’s waiting for a harsh blow to come. He at least thinks Wooyoung will break whatever they’ve got going on between them gently, but still he settles himself back as far as he can against the couch armrest.
Wooyoung’s heart cracks at the sight, “No, wait, sorry, I, fuck I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. It’s just that, God, how do I even begin to explain this?” Wooyoung hunches forward and lets a long drawn-out groan into the palms of his hands where they cover his face before pinching the bridge of his nose between his two pointer fingers. He’s starting to wish San was here, he’s much better with these kinds of things, but then again he’s also the whole reason that they need to have this conversation in the first place.
“Sangie, listen, it’s just that - “
“If it’s easier I can just leave,” Yeosang lets out a humourless chuckle and jerks his thumb in the direction of the door as he starts to push himself up off the couch. He figures he'll save them both the hassle of having this awkward conversation, and self-admittedly hold on what dignity it is he’s got left. He really likes Wooyoung, really thought Wooyoung had liked him too, but maybe he read the whole thing wrong and was just seeing something that wasn’t actually there.
They’d been seeing each other steadily the last few months, had even organised a day out just last week so each of their closest friends could all meet each other. He’d brought Yunho and Mingi with him, and Wooyoung had brought along Seonghwa and San. It had been a little nerve-wracking but all the same they’d both been really excited about it, to finally see the people they cared about so much altogether, plus everyone had gotten along so well that he’d taken it as a good sign.
Wooyoung darts his hand out so fast to cover where Yeosang’s still rests on the couch cushion and holding as tight as he can in fear that if he doesn’t he’ll slip away faster than he can catch him. “No no no no no wait. Please,”
Yeosang looks at him sympathetically, “Wooyoung, it’s fine, I promise, don’t worry too much about it, okay?”
“Please don’t call me that,” Wooyoung whines out in response. He looks like he might be on the verge of tears which Yeosang deems odd considering that he’s the one that wants to break things off.
“Don’t call you what?”
“ That !”
“Wooyoung, what on earth are you talking about? What is ‘that’?”
“That!” He just emphasises again, “don’t call me that !”
“Don’t call you what-” and then it clicks. “Your name? You don’t want me to call you by your own name?” Yeosang asks incredulously.
“You haven’t done that in weeks! Please don’t do it now!” He actually looks like a child that’s not getting their own way, he’s actually pouting.
Yeosang draws a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. It’s not that he’s angry at Wooyoung, probably never could be truly even if he ever wanted to, it’s just this whole thing is starting to get frustrating. He doesn’t understand what’s happening and it’s making his head start to spin, and if his thoughts start spiraling into endless scenarios of all the possible outcomes as to where this could be going he might start spiraling too.
“Wooyoung, please, don’t change the subject. Could you please just tell me whether I should stay or if I should just go now? Because it’s just t-”
“Stay! Please. I want you to stay.”
He stares directly into Yeosang’s eyes like he needs him to see it. Needs him to understand he means it with his whole heart. Wooyoung slips his hand from where it’s still on top of Yeosang’s and pushes it underneath instead and upwards so he can slot their fingers together.
“Stay” he whispers.
“Okay. Yeah. I’ll stay.”
Wooyoung smiles albeit weakly at him, but Yeosang knows it’s genuine, he returns the favour.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that and make you feel like I didn’t want you here. Fuck, that’s really the last thing I want you to feel, Sangie. I do want you here, I do, I really do, I mean that.” Wooyoung heaves out a heavy sigh, “It’s just what I need to explain is a bit complicated, and I know how that sounds like complete bullshit, but I’m gonna need you to bear with me. I know it’s stupidly a lot to ask, but can you do that for me? Please?”
Yeosang squeezes their hands, “Yeah. I can.”
“Thank you.”
Wooyoung moves to stand up and drags Yeosang along with him where they’re still intertwined together.
“Let’s go put the kettle on and take a minute.”
Wooyoung makes them two cups of tea and they sit down at the kitchen table. It’s a small round thing so the shape is a bit awkward but they do their best to set up the two chairs so they’re still sitting next to each other. Yeosang lays his hand down, palm facing upwards as an offering, Wooyoung doesn’t hesitate to rest his on top.
“I’m just going to steamroll through this and it’ll be confusing as hell but I’ll do my best, but if I stop talking in the middle it might end up sounding so much worse so if there’s anything you want to say can you wait until the end?”
“I promise.”
“And not that I want you to, but God if you want to leave and say nothing I’d totally get it. But I really don’t want you to leave. I need you to understand that first, okay?”
Yeosang doesn’t like how Wooyoung is setting this up, his stomach swoops at the thought of what he’s about to be slapped in the face with but he squeezes Wooyoung’s hand and nods anyway.
“I have a boyfriend-”
“Jesus, Wooyoung.”
“I have a boyfriend, and I know you don’t know about him but he knows about you. He knows about you, okay? He knows about you and he’s okay with everything and how close we’ve gotten over the last couple of months. He likes you. He’ll tell you himself. He’s known from the very first night I brought you home that time. He asks about you, he asks about our dates, asks about all the little things because he knows how much you mean to me. And, well, you like him too. You've met him, you’ve met him loads of times, and you both actually get on pretty great already and,”
Yeosang’s eyebrows furrow as he tries to rack his brain for who’s met more than once when he was out with Wooyoung but no one particularly sticks out in his mind. Sure he’s met his closest friends, and bumped into a work colleague one time while they’d been out. He’s starting to wonder if he’d missed some sort of glaringly obvious sign.
“It’s San.”
Yeosang freezes slightly at the name.
“San is my boyfriend. And before we get any further into that there’s one other thing.” Wooyoung draws a deep breath, Yeosang holds his.
“Well, he’s also kind of my cat?”
He has to laugh at that. So he does. It’s possibly the most obnoxious bark that’s ever escaped him. It’s not malicious, just in absolute disbelief at what he’s heard.
“I’m sorry. It sounded like you just said that-”
“I did, and yes it’s crazy but it’s true. He’s my cat, or well should I really say ‘the’ cat.”
Yeosang can’t really manage to do anything else but stare at their interlocked hands on the table as he does his best to process everything that’s just been said. He wonders if he’s having a really vivid dream because it’s the only thing that makes this whole thing seem possible.
“Yeosang,” Wooyoung starts tentatively, “could you please say something?”
“Okay.”
“Okay? Okay you’ll say something or okay you’ll-”
“Just okay.”
He doesn’t move to get up, which Wooyoung is grateful for, but the silence is killing him, he really needs Yeosang to say something, anything.
“Does explain why there's two of everything I guess.”
Wooyoung laughs weakly at the comment. Only Yeosang would’ve noticed something like that.
“He’s really into those matching couples things.”
“That’s cute.”
“Why aren’t you leaving?” Wooyoung can’t stop himself from asking.
“Why?” Yeosang looks at him with such sincerity in his eyes, “Because I don’t want to, that’s why. Look, it is a lot, and I’m still trying to process that not only do you already have a boyfriend but somehow he’s apparently also your cat, and maybe I’m crazy but it doesn’t make me want to go.”
“Thank you” Wooyoung sniffles, he pulls at the sleeve of his sweater and uses it to wipe the tip of his nose.
Yeosang wrinkles his face in faux disgust, “God you’re gross,” he says as he gets up to grab a piece of kitchen roll and glass of water for him. He could honestly do with some himself as well anyway.
“Hey, don’t be mean to me!”
“Quit being nasty and I won’t have to be, how about that?” Yeosang extends the piece of tissue to Wooyoung. Wooyoung snatches it out of his hand, blowing a raspberry at him in return.
It’s this time that it’s Yeosang that hoists Wooyoung up from the chair and pulls him into his hold. It’s not always his favourite thing to do, but it’s what Wooyoung needs right now and that’s reason enough. Maybe he needs it a little bit too.
They stay there for a while before it starts to get too late and he should probably head back to his own place.
Yeosang toes on his sneakers while Wooyoung hovers behind him like he’s not entirely sure what to do in his own apartment. He has his arms tightly folded in front of him, though it's less of a defensive stature and more like he’s hugging himself to stay grounded.
“Hey, c’mere,” Yeosang holds out his hand trying to beckon Wooyoung forward.
Wooyoung subtly shakes his head like he’s afraid of something, like if he holds Yeosang now and he doesn’t come back it’ll hurt more.
“Youngie, please.”
He still refuses to move, and Yeosang knows that he’ll give out to him later for it, but at the moment Wooyoung won’t budge from where he’s stood so Yeosang steps off the mat and back further into the apartment to come to him. He gently rubs his hands up and down Wooyoung’s arms trying to get him to relax a little, to release some of the tension in his shoulders. It works a small bit.
Yeosang does his best to coax his arms unfolded. “Hey, come on now, I told you it’s alright,” he says trying to catch Wooyoung’s eyes but they keep darting away. “Can you look at me? Please?” Wooyoung does, his eyes are sheen and wet from unshed tears he’s clearly holding back, “Is it alright?” he manages to sniffle out.
“Yes, Wooyoung, it is alright. Is the whole thing incredibly strange? Yes. We’d both be liars if we said it wasn’t. Is there going to be a whole lot of new navigation? Yes. But it’s alright, and it’s going to be alright, and I wish I could stay the night like we both originally knew I was going to end up doing, but I think tonight it might be best to step away and clear my head, wrap my thoughts around everything, you understand that, right? I’m not going to run away from you.”
Wooyoung nods in acknowledgement. He doesn’t trust his voice to not betray him, sure it will crack on any syllable to come out his mouth lest he embarrass himself any further.
“You mean a lot to me Wooyoung, so so much, and I would really love this to work for both of us, all of us I guess, but that’s going to be another day's discussion. But it’s going to be alright!”
Yeosang holds the back of head gently between his two hands and leans in and gives a soft peck on the forehead, another on the tip of his nose, “I like you a lot, Young-ah” and kisses him on the lips. Wooyoung inhales shakily, “I like you a lot too, Sangie.”
“I’d sure hope so. Now, I'll text you when I get home. I promise. And I'll call you tomorrow.”
Usually it's Wooyoung always threatening to call and Yeosang pretending like it's the biggest inconvenience in the world, so he appreciates the vulnerability and honesty he’s being given.
“Get home safe, you better be texting me the second you're in that door.”
“I always do.”
Yeosang steps back and moves towards the door to open it when he feels something grasp his hand, so he turns around and opens his arms for Wooyoung to step into, and cradles his head into his chest.
“Will he be home soon?”
“Yeah. He was just going to stay the night at hyung’s place, but if I text him he’ll come running back. Probably quite literally.”
“He’s a good man.”
Wooyoung hums in agreement, “The best. Though I think that number one spot is currently a tied position for me at the moment.”
“Good to know I measure up to those standards then.”
“No one said it was you.”
“Oh it’s not? Who is it then?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Well yes I would actually, that was kind of the point of me asking the question - or is it another secret boyfriend I don't know about yet?”
Wooyoung doesn't quip back at that one.
“I’m sorry, maybe that was too soon, just trying to ease the situation. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, I deserve it.”
Yeosang squeezes him a little tighter, “Hey now, nothing here to deserve. Don’t you ever speak about yourself like that. You’re a good man, Wooyoung, one of the best I know.”
“Not ‘the’ best?”
“I dunno, I’ll have to get to know San a little better first before giving the final verdict.”
“Guess I'll just have to live up to his standards as well then.”
“You already have.”
They end up just standing in the hallway for a little while longer as Yeosang sways them side to side while they hold each other.
Yeosang eventually slowly detaches and Wooyoung reluctantly lets him go.
“I do have to leave now. Text him first before I go so I know you've actually done it and you're not going to just wallow in self-pity all night on your own.”
“I am so not going to do that.”
Yeosang gives him a pointed look. Wooyoung sighs and wanders off to get his phone. He lets Yeosang watch as he texts San. The reply is almost instantaneous which gets them both to laugh a little.
They kiss goodbye once more and Yeosang softly shuts the door behind him as he leaves. He decides to take the stairs down to the car park, using the couple of extra minutes it gives him to shake out the leftover jittery nerves. When he gets to his car he immediately starts the engine and circles around to the front of the complex and pulls into a free spot. He sits, and waits, drumming his fingers off the steering wheel as he idly watches the front of the building. It doesn’t take long for San to appear in view. He’s not quite jogging anymore, but even from a distance he looks slightly flushed like he had in fact been running at some point.
San must feel his eyes on him because he begins to slow his steps down and scans the area, slightly squinting in the dark of the evening as he tries to find what he’s looking for. His eyes eventually settle on Yeosang’s car and he freezes, almost unsure what he should do. Wooyoung hadn’t really indicated either way what had happened, just asked him to come back tonight. Yeosang waves at him to let him know it’s all good between them. He can see San relax and he waves back before he turns and heads into the building.
Yeosang starts his car and drives home.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
It’s quiet when San steps into their apartment. Typically there’s always some form of background noise if Wooyoung is home, he hates the quiet. San goes about tidying up the sitting area and kitchen space so it’s one less thing for them to worry about when they get up in the morning.
He flicks off all the remaining lights as he passes them by as he makes his way towards the bedroom. There he finds Wooyoung already in bed and swallowed up by the duvet. San can never understand how he manages to breathe in there but leaves his boyfriend to it, and heads into their en suite so he can get ready for bed himself.
Once he’s finished he slips his phone underneath his pillow and sits himself on the edge of the bed, pulling the duvet back to reveal Wooyoung, whose only response is to groan at being unearthed from his cocoon. He’s wearing a pair of San’s old basketball shorts and Yeosang’s hoodie that he may or may not have deliberately left behind one time when Wooyoung had complimented it, not that he'd ever admit to that himself. San takes it as another good omen.
Wooyoung looks up at San with red-rimmed eyes and smiles weakly “Hi, baby” he manages to croak out. He clearly cried a bit more in the little time that Yeosang had left and he had arrived home.
“Hi, sweetheart” he replies, crawling into bed next to him and pulling the duvet back up.
They lay in silence facing each other, San petting his hair as Wooyoung calms himself down, the odd tear escaping and rolling down his cheek. San brushes them away with his thumb every time.
Wooyoung’s phone vibrates from where it sits on his locker behind him. He makes no move to turn around and get it so San leans over him and retrieves the phone himself. It’s a message from Yeosang, and San tells him as such. “He’s home now, look.” He turns down the brightness and flips the phone around so Wooyoung can see the screen. Sure enough there’s Yeosang wrapped up in his favourite throw on his couch holding what Wooyoung can only presume is another fresh cup of tea in hand.
Wooyoung takes his phone from San’s grasp and stares at the picture, he can’t bring himself to do any more than to just heart react to it.
He watches as typing bubbles start and stop a couple of times before disappearing altogether. Wooyoung sighs and locks his phone, flopping it down onto the bed.
“Do you want to talk about it at all right now?”
“He said it’ll be alright.”
“Do you believe him?” San isn’t asking it in a mean or condescending way, he’s asking so he can gauge where Wooyoung’s headspace is at right now. He can put up a good front but heavy conversations often leave him drained afterwards.
“My brain is trying to play tricks on me but I do believe him, it’s hard to reach around my thoughts right now but I know it’s true.”
“Then I believe him too. He’s a good man. Now how about we watch something easy to try distract that brain of yours for a while so it can be nice to you again.” San reaches under his pillow to find where he left his phone earlier and looks for a random compilation video, he turns over and flicks off the lamp at his side of the bed, leaving the only light source in the room to come from his phone.
San eventually dozes off so Wooyoung lets the video play and allows the room to plunge into darkness once it’s finished, gently releasing the phone from San’s lax grasp and sliding it back under his pillow once more. He lays on his back staring at the nothingness of the ceiling as he lets his mind ease. It’s much too late into the night now but he already knows who it is when he gets a notification on his phone. He’s probably having a hard time winding down as well.
Sangie 02:03
good night, Young-ah x
good night, Sangie x
Wooyoung falls asleep a little easier.