Work Text:
November 2025
Droid
Four months… A record for Droid. And, he didn't want to get ahead of himself, but he could already tell they would be together for years to come. He loved being one of the only people to see the softer, less-energetic side of Pezzy. And it had been so long since he'd felt this intense of a love for someone.
In a diner, two hours before the recording of the next podcast episode, the three of them sat in a booth in the corner. The space beside Droid was vacant for the moment. Pezzy had slipped away to the bathroom a few minutes ago. Puffer and Grizzy wouldn't be joining them.
Across the table, John leaned forward, resting his chin on his interlocked fingers like he was about to start interrogating them. A cocky smile graced his lips. Beside him, Smitty was a mirror image.
"So," he began in a slight sing-song voice. "How're you gonna tell 'em?"
"Tell who about what?" Pezzy asked as he slid into the booth beside Droid, having just returned from the bathroom. Instinctively, he sidled up to Droid, who responded by wrapping an arm around Pezzy's shoulders. He slotted in perfectly into his side.
"Who-" John started, holding up a finger.
"Puffer and Grizzy," Smitty finished.
"What-" He flipped up another.
"Your relationship?" said Smitty, like it was obvious.
Pezzy narrowed his eyes at the both of them. "It's unnerving how in sync you always fucking are."
"During this podcast recording, hopefully," Droid said, actually answering the question, as John and Smitty bumped fists.
John rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah, duh, but how?"
"Uh-" Droid looked to Pezzy for help, but he just shrugged. Great. How helpful.
John and Smitty guesting on the podcast was an inevitable progression. First, Matt. Then, they had Swagger. But they couldn't have had one of the pair on at a time - they came as a package deal now.
"We're gonna bring up our engagement, aren't we? So, you can just slip it into the conversation," Smitty suggested, before slurping up some of his Coke through the straw. "And then, you can just edit it out."
A simple plan, sure. But it seemed like it could work. But the question of what specifically about their friends' engagement could lead into a confession like that was still to be answered. They didn't get a chance to discuss it further as a waiter approached their table, notepad out and ready. He was probably in the same age range as them, maybe a little younger. And he had one of those poofy haircuts that those I'm-so-fucking-hot boys always had on social media.
"What food can I get for you guys?"
"John, you first," Smitty suggested, nudging his side.
John recited his order. Smitty followed seconds after. Then lastly, Pezzy and Droid. As the waiter jotted the orders down in his notepad, he glanced at each of them respectively and said, "Lads lunch, is it?"
"What- uh, yeah, I guess?"
"Cool. The old balls and chains off together too?" Droid frowned at his wording, exchanging a look with Pezzy.
"No; none of us have girlfriends."
"Huh. No kidding. I thought that was a ring on your finger, dude."
"Oh, this?" Smitty looked at the ring like he'd only just noticed its presence. "Yeah, I'm engaged."
Droid could almost see the cogs turning. "But… he said none of you had girlfriends?"
"Haven't you ever heard of gay people?" John retorted, even though Droid didn't think any of them classed themselves as such.
"Oh."
John held up his hand, showing off his own ring hidden amongst the others. "Twinning."
"Uh, cool. Game is game, man," the boy said, tucking the notepad in his apron and walking away.
Droid watched his friends opposite grimace; he did too. Glancing over at Pezzy, he wore a similar expression.
"What a freak," John retorted quietly.
"Anyway, you've gotta act surprised when we tell them," Pezzy said, steering the conversation away from that weird interaction.
"No problem, man," John said, smirking a little. "I'm an excellent actor."
Smitty appeared less than impressed. "Really?"
"Yeah, watch this." John twisted in his seat to look more directly at his partner. "Smitty… you're the only man for me, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." He snapped his head towards Droid and Pezzy, gauging their reactions. "See? Wasn't that great?"
With a straight face, Smitty said, "I'm gonna cross my fingers when I say 'I do'."
"Meanie," John lamented, sticking out his bottom lip like a child. "But really, though, I do love you."
Smitty picked up the menu that the waiter had forgotten to take back, and pretended to look through it. "Oh-kay."
A couple of minutes later, the two of them got up and left the booth, both apparently needing to use the bathroom at the same time. Droid didn't bat an eye because they were just weird like that. Although, it was a little odd when they whispered in each other's ears once, before dashing off.
"Where the fuck are they?"
"It's been, what, ten minutes now?" Pezzy said, checking his watch. All of their food had arrived and was quickly cooling down.
"You think they dined and dashed?"
"They didn't dine."
Droid reached over and pinched a couple of John's fries. "I'm sure they won't notice if a few fries go missing." Pezzy laughed and took a few of Smitty's. They both already had their own portions of fries.
"Should we check the bathroom?" Pezzy asked through a mouthful of Smitty's fries.
"You're playing a dangerous game."
They headed to the back of diner where the bathrooms were. They both headed into the men's, as that seemed like the only possible place they could've gone. Empty. But then again, like he'd thought previously, maybe they'd left completely.
"I'm so confused."
"You're telling me."
There was a moment of silence then as they debated what to do next.
But then he heard it. The unmistakable sound of… sex.
Pezzy seemed to hear it too, staring at Droid in disbelief. In sync, they both turned to look at the disabled toilet, and slowly walked up to it. Pressing their ears to the door for only a millisecond, they recoiled after the phrases 'give it to me' and 'so fucking good' buried amongst a plethora of moans and groans filled their ears.
"Oh, my god." Droid could have gone his whole life without hearing that. He would never recover.
Pezzy had gone pale. Eyes wide. Frozen in place.
They retreated back to the table before they were cursed to hear anything else.
"I might actually throw up in their food."
Five minutes later, they reappeared. Droid looked in horror at the uneven buttons of John's shirt when he sat. His hair was a mess, but he quickly reached up to fix it, sending Droid an innocent smile when he noticed him watching. Smitty slid in after John, slumping against him. They both looked a little sleepy now, blinking slowly.
"You really couldn't have waited until after?" Pezzy asked, mouth curved into a frown. Droid wasn't sure what he meant by 'after', seeing as they were heading to film the next episode of the podcast straight after they were done here.
John picked up his glass of tap water and began to gulp it down like he was severely parched. Smitty took a small sip of his own. "I don't know what you're talking about. Do you, John?"
John paused his drinking for only a moment to respond. "Nope."
"Well, we ate some of your food while you were… preoccupied," Droid told them, eyeing them both as he picked up his own drink.
"Are you trying for a fucking baby, or something?" Pezzy asked brazenly. Droid almost spat out a mouthful of Coke.
"Funny you should bring that up, because…" John placed his hands over his stomach. At the same time, Smitty reached over to put his own hand there, rubbing in circles over John's fingers and shirt.
Droid grimaced. "I do not want that image in my head."
"Why not?" Smitty asked, tilting his head to one side and grinning widely. He spoke whimsically, "You think the creation of new life is gross?"
"When it comes to you two, yes."
John pointed an accusatory finger at him across the table. "Homophobia!"
To his left, Pezzy was shaking his head in disbelief, but Droid could see the smile in his eyes. "I'm gonna throw up in your food in a sec'."
\ꕥ/
It was the first time they'd had two guests on at one time. With one person, it was easy - they just had to sit between Droid and Pezzy. And so, of course, they opted to sit on each other, as one did, rather than wait for someone to get one of them an extra chair. But they made it work. And John seemed more than happy to perch on Smitty's lap, holding the microphone for the both of them.
You couldn't have Smitty or John; they tended to come as a pair. Not to be sold separately.
Smitty's arms were looped around John's waist, hands disappearing beneath his cropped top. Grizzy made a joke that no one was going to take John from him.
For the first half an hour, Droid could only lean forward to speak or reply to something Pezzy said. Or, just to watch him speak. Small, subtle things. At one one point, he reached across the back of the sofa, behind Smitty's neck to touch Pezzy's shoulder, berating him gently for something he said. The touch lingered for longer than platonic.
"Moving on," Pezzy began, changing the subject from everyone showing off their phone wallpapers. "As everyone knows by now: you guys are engaged."
"To be married, yeah."
"The fuck do you mean 'to be married'? Obviously, dumbass!" Droid exclaimed as the others cackled around him. He was laughing now but inside he was freaking out - how the hell were they supposed to naturally mention his and Pezzy's relationship?
John turned his head back and stuck his tongue out at him.
"Oh, god." Grizzy suddenly said. "Are we gonna have to suffer through you calling each other 'honey' now?"
John was quick to respond rather adamantly. "No!"
John pointed the microphone towards Smitty's mouth as he began to speak, "I'd never call him that. But John actually calls me-" The last few words came out garbled as John shoved the mic into his mouth.
"You fucker!"
"That's not the first time that's happened," John said smugly, winking at the camera.
"How long have you been together now?" Puffer asked, steering the conversation back to something civil, but still with an amused smile on his face.
"Two years."
"And, two months," John added, holding up two fingers.
"I don't think you've ever said how you got together."
"Yeah, for real. Most of us just think you got drunk and fucked, 'cause it happened at PAX, right?"
"All I'm gonna say is that it involved lots of sexual tension, a conveniently forgotten room card-"
Smitty shoved at John's back, causing him to slide off his lap and onto the floor between his knees. John made it more dramatic than it needed to be, and Droid couldn't help but laugh. "It wasn't conveniently forgotten, I genuinely forgot to take it with me!"
John ignored his gripes with a grin, getting comfortable in his new seat by wrapping one arm around Smitty's calf. "Y'know that 'only one bed' trope?" Everyone either nodded or verbally said they had. "It was basically that."
"You moved pretty fucking fast," Grizzy pointed out.
"You think getting engaged after two years is quick? John, here-" Smitty ruffled the other man's hair. "Moved in with me after something like three months."
"Three months?" Grizzy exclaimed.
"I haven't heard of any decisions being made about it. Have you even started fucking planning anything yet?" Puffer goaded.
Smitty shook his head. "Nope."
"The only decision that has been made is Smitty's going to be wearing the dress."
"This the first I'm hearing of this."
\ꕥ/
"I really need a piss," Smitty announced fifteen minutes later, so they decided to pause there for the moment so people could relieve themselves, or get another drink if they needed to. Smitty shoved at John's shoulders. "Move outta the way, fat ass."
Grizzy stood up too. "I'll show you where the bathroom is."
The four of them left the room. Grizzy showing Smitty to the bathroom, and Puffer taking John to get more drinks for everyone.
"Don't let 'em go in there together!" Droid called after to his friends. "We'll be waiting on them for fifteen minutes to finish." There was a scatter of laughs and a pretty ironic 'get fucked' from John.
And then, it was just him and Pezzy left alone in the room. He glanced over to his boyfriend, seeing the imploring look he wore.
"I really wanna kiss you."
He had wanted to since they arrived.
Pezzy looked back at the door for a moment, before turning to Droid with a daring look in his eye. "Then do it."
Droid slid across the sofa, the gap between them seemingly stretching for miles, until he reached him. Pushing the arm of his microphone away, Droid climbed onto Pezzy's lap and smushed their mouths together. Pezzy grunted a little at Droid's forwardness, but Droid sighed in what he could only describe as relief.
Pezzy's hand quickly found purchase on Droid's hips, pulling him closer. He cupped the sides of Pezzy's head with his hands, digging his fingers into the roots of his soft hair. Hair that he had helped to wash that morning.
A tongue slid into his mouth beside his own. And Droid moaned, soft and quiet, as they kissed lazily. Despite being highly aware that they could obviously only go as far as this, Droid still couldn't help the slight rut of his hips.
Neither of them heard the footsteps and gentle chatter quickly approaching until it was too late.
"Oh."
"Woah!"
They ripped apart from one another. "Shit." Droid wiped at his mouth, as Pezzy brushed off imaginary dirt from his lap.
"I had a feeling this would happen," Pezzy told him with a nervous smile.
"What… I had no idea!" John exclaimed dramatically, clutching at his chest.
Beside him, Smitty giggled. "Okay. Dial it back a thousand percent, and shush."
Puffer sat down in his armchair, hands clasped together like he was about to start interrogating them. Grizzy perched on the back behind him. The image was very reminiscent of being sat down by your parents to have a serious conversation. "How long has this been a thing?"
"Not long," Pezzy said. "About… four months?"
Droid nodded for a little too long as he took in his friends shocked expressions. "We were going to tell you."
Grizzy broke first, standing back up to approach them. "Guys! I'm so fucking happy for you."
With an encouraging smile, Puffer agreed. "Yeah, good for you, really."
The two of them each got a hug in, patting Droid and Pezzy's backs and congratulating them. And then they seemed to notice John and Smitty's nonchalant reactions.
"Did you two know?" Grizzy asked, pointing a finger at them.
John said no. Smitty said yes. They shoved each other into the wall and door frame playfully.
"In our defence, we figured it out, like, straight away," Smitty continued. Looking back, that fateful day at Matt's, Droid supposed they hadn't been subtle that something had changed between.
"Are you saying we're unobservant?"
John gestured between Smitty and himself. "We just have a better gay-dar than you."
Puffer nodded his head in agreement. "That's fair."
In the lull of the conversation, Pezzy clapped his hands together and said, "Now that that's out of the way, should we continue?"
He looked over at Droid with a fond smile as the others took their seats again. A pleasant fluttering of butterflies erupted in his stomach as he smiled back.
That went well. Droid wasn't sure what he was expecting. Obviously, he knew his friends wouldn't be ass holes about it. Evidently it was just a surprise for them to have yet another set of friends become a couple. They were probably wondering who would be next.
Droid chuckled at the thought.
He sometimes forgot how lucky he was to have friends like them.
\ꕥ/
Another hour passed before they decided to wrap up the recording. It might be their best episode yet.
Grizzy left first, driving John and Smitty back to their hotel. Grizzy dabbed him up by the door, congratulating him again, as he waited for the others to finish their conversation. And then, a short while later as Puffer got ready to leave, he hugged the both of them and reiterated how truly happy he was for them.
Pezzy drove them back to his house. The entire way home, Droid had a wide smile on his face as he held tightly onto Pezzy's waist. Another two of their friends knew about them. Droid breathed another sigh of relief beneath his helmet. Four down, many more to go. Baby steps.
At home, they moved around one another easily. Droid leaned against the kitchen counter, ordering takeout over the phone for them, whilst Pezzy typed away on his laptop.
"Hey," Droid began after finishing his food, angling his body towards him on the sofa.
Pezzy didn't look his way as he replied, "Hey?"
"I just have to ask…" Pezzy's turned to face him curiously. Droid reached out for him but didn't touch him. "Now that we're out to our friends… is the magic gone?"
The corner of Pezzy's mouth tipped up a little. "It's funny you bring that up because… yes, it is."
"I knew it." Droid made a noise of indignation. "Man, just like that?"
Pezzy broke eye contact to look off in the distance. "And, I mean…" He looked down at his hands.
"Be honest with me."
He sighed with faux disappointment. "I now find you… repulsive?"
"That's honest. Well, fair enough. It was fun while it lasted, though, wasn't it?"
Pezzy held up his hand and made a 'so-so' movement. "Eh."
"For me, it was."
"Oh-kay," said Pezzy, like he couldn't care less, and looked back at the television. Droid bored holes into the side of his face. He watched Pezzy draw his bottom lip into his mouth and clamp down his teeth, like he was trying not to smile.
Droid was the first to break, his grin so wide his cheeks hurt.
"I'm kidding." Pezzy kissed him soundly, cupping his cheek. "I love you."
"I know, dumbass. I love you too."