Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Emma awoke everything felt disarray in her head. The memories in her mind felt altered in a way she can’t place. A name is there on the tip of her tongue but what name? Who? The deep unsettling feeling in her gut rolls around as she gets up to get ready for the day. But each thing she does she feels like there’s someone that’s supposed to be there, supposed to be saying something, and to be helping her.

As she sits up in bed she glances at the side of her bed that’s empty.. then up at her room. Why did she feel like someone should be there? She is not with anyone so her heart shouldn’t feel so hurt. Why didn’t she sleep in her diamond form last night? She always does.. always, just for protection. Why did she go to bed feeling protected without her form and now waking up with a lost heart? Who in the world would that person be? Certainly not Scott.. that is long over with. Things with Tony were technically a one time thing even if feelings did get involved.. which are long gone now. Who is she thinking of? Why can she not picture that person?

She stands to get dressed even though she feels like there’s an absence in the air and in her heart. It's unsettling how disturbed she feels as she moves about with getting ready for the day. Still even the place she has come home feels alienated to her as she opens her closet to find clothing she wouldn’t ever truly touch. Multiple pieces of flannels and rather plain clothing are to the left side of her clothes.. whose could that be? She reaches out as she takes the sleeve and her heart aches as she tries desperately to think of whose it could be. It’s too large to be Scott or Tony’s or any lady’s clothing.. it’s oddly comfortable yet disturbing as well. There’s not even a smell of familiarity on it as she brings it up to her nose before tilting her head down and putting her hand against her forehead whilst holding the sleeve. Her eyes shut as she takes a moment, trying to get rid of whatever this weird Deja vu feeling is, before dropping the sleeves and carrying on with getting dressed. 

She pulls on her one piece corset all on her own even though her body remembers a feeling of someone’s hands on her hips before grabbing the strings and helping tighten it perfectly. The cape sits on her shoulders as she pulls her hair out from underneath and lets it lay perfectly.. another thing someone would do for her. Even down to brushing her own hair it feels like someone else should be here doing it for her. 

She sits at her dresser after setting her brush down and taking a deep breath. Someone should be here doing the tiny things for her all the while they try to tempt her back to bed.. tempt her to have peace and comfort. A small smile cracks on Emma’s face but falls off just as quick as easily as it came. She pulls out a box with all her beloved things she cherishes that sits neatly on her dresser in the far corner. None of the people she looks at in the sea of photos is who her heart is aching for and her body is missing even though in her mind she cannot recall who it is. Who did she lose, how did she lose that person, and why? She huffs as she slams the box shut and shoves it back into its corner before looking at herself in the mirror. Her hair done beautifully and the light makeup is placed perfectly, making sure she looks good on the outside even though inside she’s torn to pieces. She’s angry and sad but for what? For who? Why?! 

To have her mind messed with as a psychic is not enjoyable. She’s spent many years learning to control her mind, to control others, and how everything in her head should work. This couldn’t have been the work of anyone she’s dealt with recently either.. So once again the question returns to, who? 

She moves without even thinking as she puts on her white coat, walking right out her door like nothing. She stands tall, looking as if nothing bothers her, but her mind is in a turmoil. She's thinking of going to see Kitty and perhaps the others, trying to pry their heads to see what’s going on, but would that even work? She continues walking down the streets of New York lost in thought. It was highly probable that her other memories were rearranged as well. 

Her head is held high, her coat tightly around her, as she looks impenetrable. But of course with herself more into her mind than the space around her.. she walks right into trouble. 

Before she knows it she’s grabbed by her upper arm and yanked away from where she was walking. But she’s not dragged somewhere else, no, she’s only stopped but that doesn't stop her hand shifting to her diamond form, ready to swing.But when she faces the person who stopped her from walking it’s as if she finally focuses on the world around her and the diamond clears away. The sounds of construction, the honking of cars from the construction, and the man standing right in front of her finally comes into focus. 

“Sorry to grab you lady, you didn’t hear me warning you to stop where you are. You were about to walk right into that construction zone right there. Are you alright miss?” The man speaks with a hint of an accent she can’t place. He’s also standing taller than her with his golden hair pulled back into a ponytail and having some impressive muscle on his body, his hand finally letting go of her arm. It takes Emma a second to respond back to him as she makes sure her face isn’t looking as shocked as she feels. It’s eerie staring at this man as her mind and heart feels tugged and played with. What is going on with today? 

She offers him a tiny smile, “Thank you for stopping me. I apologize, my head was in the clouds.” 

When she smiled there was a chorus of cheers and whistles from a few of the construction men standing a bit farther behind the golden haired man. The man in front of her looked a bit bashful, his cheeks turning red, as he looked back at them. He waves his hand to try and get them to go back to work and to quit gawking at him talking to this pretty lady. He turns back to face Emma then, his cheeks still warm. 

“Sorry, Ignore the men, they just think you’re too pretty.”

“And you do not?” She decides to tease a little bit, just to see his reaction.

His reaction is exactly as she wanted as he looks startled for a second. “No! Wait yes, yes, yes I do find you pretty. Sorry, but I didn’t stop you just because you’re pretty. Be careful where you walk miss.”

Emma simply smiles at him and gives a brief nod. “Well, I will. Thank you again.” With that she begins to walk away in a proper direction, heading towards kitty and her other mutant friends. Meanwhile the golden haired man watches her walk away.. feeling something familiar warm into his chest. But why? He rubs his chest as he turns to get back to work with his hammer out of his belt loop and in his hand. 

When she got to the studio she began to speak with Kitty about what’s going on.. a feeling of a person missing in her heart and mind. She eased Kitty’s concerns that it couldn’t be Mr Sinister as she swears it cannot be his work. The more they talked the more it left Emma confused.. Especially when Beta Ray Bill is brought up. That shakes up some memories for Emma but something in her heart twists like it’s terribly wrong. She begins to regret asking about any of it immediately. All of it. None of this sounds right. Well, it does in a sense but deep down Emma knows this is so terribly wrong.

“Kitty, you must be playing a trick.” Emma is grasping at straws as she paces the open living studio. The younger mutants haven’t arrived yet so it’s only her and Kitty, thankfully. Kitty stands confused with her arms crossed as she watches Emma. She doesn’t know what to think of Emma’s words or thoughts.

“I’m not! You and Bill have been dancing around each other for years!” Kitty feels lost watching Emma become more confused and upset. What is happening?

“I know! But.. Kitty, are you sure it’s Bill? It simply doesn't sound right.” 

“Emma, you know I’m not lying.” She insists for the third time during their conversation. 

Emma knows she’s not lying. She knows it. She recalls some memories now, things with Bill, but why do those memories feel sketched? Nothing of it feels authentic and it makes her heart drop farther. 

The door opens and Emma can hear the other three coming in meaning this conversation will be tied up and done so Emma can focus on more important matters. She ignores the concerned look kitty throws her way as she greets the others, ready to plan the day.

Chapter Text

Training that day had gone a bit more smoothly this time, Emma was ready to home to rest and have a relaxing bath. She hadn’t thought of her lost feelings for someone she doesn’t recognize all day thankfully, but it’s beginning to flood back in now that she’s without the distraction of Kitty and the other younger mutants.

Before leaving Kitty had stopped her and questioned her, making sure she is alright both mentally and in her heart. Although it was a slight lie Emma still rolled her eyes and reassured Kitty that all is well and to stop worrying her pretty head. She wishes she could talk more to someone about this but she’s fearing the only one is far out in space burning beautifully. She would speak to Kitty if it didn’t seem like she had a clue what’s going on either. When Kitty had mentioned Bill, saying that’s who it might be, it felt wrong deep in her heart, but words were failing her. It’s aggravating trying to find the right words just to be told she’s wrong by Kitty, who would know better than to lie to her.

As she walks, her heels clicking on the pavement with each step, as her head is in the clouds once again. It’s not broken this time by a pretty man grabbing her, she wishes, but no she’s pulled away when it suddenly starts to rain down. It’s cold and quick that makes her gasp.

“Are you serious?” She huffs under her breath as she picks up her pace to go underneath an awning that was luckily close by. Usually a downpour like this should eventually slow down and clear up as she waits underneath the awning for protection. 

She huffs as she wrings out a little bit of her hair and rolls her shoulders, trying to get the bit of water off. But of course soaked into her clothing.. Today truly wasn’t her day. Thankfully her outfit won't be damaged, her gucci coat can withstand the rain. But still, its a devastating change. She still holds her head high as she watches the rain pouring down with no pity or remorse. She leans against the wall behind her with a sigh as the bell above the door beside her chimes, signifying its opening, and she hopes she’s not in the strangers way as she crosses her arms. She stands proud and tall yet irritated by the storm.

“Oh goodness..” Thunder snaps right as the man speaks and Emma turns her head as she hears such a familiar voice. There he is again, in her sight, the mysterious construction worker with the loveliest blonde hair. He holds a small bag in his one hand as he looks up at the storm clouds and watches the down pour.

“Hello again,” Emma speaks right as he turns his head to look at her. Even he looks stunned to see her again but the shock quickly disappears into a smile along with a hint of warmth on his cheeks. Emma can’t help the small smile at that as she finds it a bit cute seeing how he seems to blush by just looking at her.

“Hello to you too, miss. It’s odd how we keep bumping into one another.” He chuckles after that as even he finds it silly how they keep running into each other. As odd as it is to her it’s equally as odd to him.

The way he speaks is odd yet very endearing.. as she simply smiles at him just to be kind. 

“It is a small world.” She keeps her arms crossed and she turns her head away from the godly sight of him just to see the rain is still pouring horrifically. She can’t help the sigh that she lets out as she glances up at the sky, wishing it would end so she can head home without getting drenched.

He doesn’t say anything else to her before returning into the store, the little bell chiming as the door shuts. Emma just figures he’s going in to fully get away from the rain.. which she probably should do. But no, she sighs and continues to lean against the wall as the wind thankfully doesn’t blow the rain into the cover she’s found. It should clear up. Hopefully.. she’s about to beg in her mind.

Another burst of thunder breaks through right as the door opens again. The thunder is oddly comforting to her.. still she can’t explain these feelings or thoughts she’s been having all day. But she knows the thunder means this may carry on for a bit longer than she was hoping for. 

“Miss?” He sounds a bit nervous as he speaks to her which makes Emma crack a small smile. A man as tall with strength who hardly knows her is nervous around her? What a silly man she keeps running into. 

When she turns her head the last thing she expects is to see him now suddenly holding an umbrella with his small bag of groceries.

“If it’s not too much I can help walk you to your place? I don’t mind if it’s a bit farther than my walk, walks in the storms always put me at peace.” He rambles a bit at the end as if he’s trying to save face. All of it only makes Emma let out a small laugh but she’ll accept as she gives him a nod. He does have an umbrella unlike her and she could go in and buy her own.. but why waste money on something cheap like that since he already has? 

“Alright, I don’t see why not. This shower isn’t letting up any time soon. I live down a couple of blocks, it’s quite the challenge.” She teases, seeing if this odd man is truly up to it.

It ends up doing nothing to deter him as he puts his elbow out for her to put her arm around. She smiles at his confidence and carefree for doing such an act as she links her arm with his, then he opens the umbrella for them to begin to walk.

“What is your name? If you keep bumping into me and taking me home I’d like to know.” Emma walks closely to avoid the rain as they continue to walk the streets of New York. The man’s skin is soft underneath her touch yet strong with the muscle he’s built.

“Sigurd, and you are.. Emma Frost correct? I’ve seen your face in a few papers.” He guesses as he glances over at her, taking in the sight of her. She’s by the far the prettiest lady he’s ever seen so he can’t help the few looks he steals her way. 

When she hears his name it makes her hum in response. “The one and only.” Is all she says as they carry on their brisk walk in the storm. She doesn’t find it odd that the man knows her, many do, and besides even a well built man as himself wouldn’t be an issue for Emma to knock down.

As they walk in silence with only the rain pouring down onto the concrete, she thinks on how the name Sigurd created no reaction out of her but deep down.. it feels like such an odd name. It’s nothing familiar to her at all.

The walk is oddly peaceful, the conversations they have are short and sweet. Just pleasant chats to lighten the mood while the storm rages on  as they keep a decent pace. Sigurd is careful as he keeps the umbrella more tilted underneath her, he keeps their arms linked and pulls her closer if there’s a puddle just to avoid it. Oddly such a gentleman that it’s a nice pace compared to other men she’s been around. Even when she gives his arm a little tug to signify they need to turn he complies and keeps pace with her. 

“Well, thank you for the walk and the conversation, you’re quite a charmer.” She smiles as she stands in front of her doorway now, facing Sigurd who smiles back. He keeps the umbrella tilted back to cover himself yet also to see her. She stands underneath the protection of her building now so thankfully no rain ruins her hair or outfit anymore than it could.

“Of course Miss Frost. Enjoy the rest of your night.” With that he gives her a little smile before walking down her steps and leaving whilst Emma watches him go, she rubs her chest slightly. Since when did her chest feel so tight? 

When Sigurd turns around it almost startles her and it seems to startle Sigurd as well. Neither one expected the other to still be watching the other, they both chuckle and she waves farewell this time before finally walking into her home. Such a silly moment that has her smiling and feeling a little bit giddy.. goodness, why does she feel that way to a stranger? 

“Emma?”

She’s startled as she was taking her heels off, the voice wasn’t one she recognized. She stands straight and barefooted, ready to fight if necessary, just to see Bill at the end of her hallway. She sighs and closes her eyes as she rubs her temple.

“Could you please not startle me like that again?” She speaks to him easily as she opens her eyes. Speaking as if she and Bill have been friends for years. as if their history runs deep. 

Bill only chuckles a bit nervously as he rubs the back of his head, clearly feeling guilty for startling her. 

“I’m sorry about that. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Bill.” She huffs as she walks right past him, going right to her room to get ready for bed. “Just had a long day and I would enjoy a bath and my bed.”

Bill simply smiles and follows her as she heads right to the bathroom door. 

“Well, I’ll uh.. see you tomorrow then?” They had a date tonight but he chooses to not bring it up but it is odd for her to forget. But that’s just the thing, he didn’t want a date night. A date night with Emma Frost felt wrong for him too and he wanted to talk to her, wanted to see if she feels the same confused way he does, but he won’t push. 

“Mhm, of course dear.” She gives him a smile before walking in the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. Leaving him alone in the bedroom.. Usually she enjoys leaving a kiss or two on him but tonight. He really needs to speak to her and to ask if the memories of them are truly real because to him, he knows it isn’t. He knows everything was altered but can’t place why it has or what’s going on. He leaves her home on her behalf as he hopes that tomorrow he could try to speak to her.

Once she had shut the door behind her, holding her pajamas and under garments in her hand, she lets out a deep sigh. This isn’t right. Everything with Bill is not right, it cannot be right. Her body moves on autopilot to prepare the shower as she turns the water on before stripping carefully. Someone else should’ve been here, should’ve been ready to help her strip, and to join her in her shower. But who? This game of pretend feels like torture and the thought of Bill replacing whoever this man should be is making her stomach turn. 

Bill is a kind man so she tried not to lash out but she couldn’t help her reaction, what’s done is done. She huffs and tries to just enjoy her shower as she runs her hands through her hair, her nails scratching her scalp perfectly.

Once she’s done and ready for bed she lays down, letting her body become diamond once more, as she lays on her backside. She glances over at the empty spot beside her and lets out a sigh. What is she missing? Bill is a kind man and clearly the one she has been invested in for years.. but why does it feel wrong? 

It’s not as if Bill has done anything wrong, nothing about him is wrong, but it’s something deep in Emma’s thoughts that tug at her memory. Perhaps tomorrow she will try to speak to her friend who’s far away but slightly close in Emma’s heart.