Work Text:
Elliot blinks, slow and hazily. He's pretty certain he's on the brink of passing out, but how should he know?
His hands hover above two coloured wires, gaze unfocused and distant. His arms don't move, like he's just- lost in space.
"El?"
His eye twitches in the slightest, but still- he doesn't answer. His head is still downcast, yet his eyes are glazed over, unresponsive.
"Elliot?"
Another beat of silence. Then a sigh.
A brief sound of fabric rustling, followed by a gentle shake of Elliot's shoulder. "El, hey. You okay?" A voice asks in quiet worry.
He blinks again, once- then twice. Elliot's head darts up, eyes wide. "Wh- Y-yeah?" He replies cluelessly, looking around. "Sorry, just- zoned out was all."
"Figured." Chance chuckles softly, patting the other on the shoulder lightly before rising to his feet. "I finished the generator and you didn't even react. Just one of those days, huh?"
Elliot pauses, then lets his lips curl into a slight smile. "..Yeah. Just an off day. Don't worry about it." He says reassuringly, nodding.
"Alright then, I should be on my way then. Stay safe, okay El?" They hum, offering Elliot a hand up from the ground.
He takes it gratefully, "Mhm. Yeah, I'll, uhm- I'll see you around! Good luck, Chance." Elliot chirps, watching as the gambler scampers away.
He's not sure whether the sigh that follows is one of relief or utter tiredness. His bones ache with an unfamiliar pain, like they're seconds away from giving out.
Well, maybe that's a bit of an overstatement. It's not that bad, but it isn't exactly enjoyable, per say.
If only Chance knew. If only they all knew.
He could almost compare the dread pooling in his guts to being eaten alive. Which is, ironic, to say the least.
The feelings in his chest are building up, growing heavy. Unbearable.
He shudders, the mere thought of pizza making him sick to his stomach. Who knew being a mere pizza boy could turn out to be such a daunting thing?
Things should be black and white for someone like Elliot, but even before being condemned to an eternal hell, the struggles never seemed to end.
First it was him and his fucking demon child, and then-
He swallows back the burning sensation that rises in his throat. This place, this hellhole, it has done unimaginable things to him, and even that's putting it lightly.
The mere smell of pizza nauseates him beyond belief. Having his own workplace being terrorized on the daily was enough, but being subjected to being on a team with the very person who did that?
Elliot knows 007n7 is sorry, but forgiving isn't something that comes for free. He can beg at his feet all he wants, shoot him guilty looks, hell- the amount of goddamn apologies this man has spouted to him is unbelievable.
A part of him wants to forgive, but another part of him simply can't. Not with that red child running around, hurting him, killing him, exhausting him until he's completely spent.
These death games and these killers, they have all been slowly wearing him down. In itself, it's already horribly unsustainable to run, hide and repeat in an infinite loop, but the sheer thought of helping someone who terrorized him makes it ten times worse.
There's only so many times Elliot can endure the same scenarios before it starts to wear him out, tear at his brain, break him down.
He's growing tired, and it's probably starting to show. Even he notices that. He's been zoning out more, talking less, and has been isolating himself more.
Elliot knows that in a place like this, teamwork is key- but he's just so fed up with it all.
He's even grown tired of himself, and that might just be the worst part.
The feeling of happiness has long gone away. It's just games where you either die or live, and where you run or hide, because Elliot is no fighter.
He's weak, and he's useless, and he knows.
He knows.
He knows that he's responsible for every death that his teammates have. He knows that it's his responsibility, and he knows damn well that he's failed countless times to keep them alive.
And that, along with facing 7n7's son, Coolkid, almost every day- it drives him crazy.
He pretends that he isn't slowly going insane, and he pretends that he's okay with waking up every day back in this god forsaken prison-
But he knows that he's building a wall of lies, and he hates it.
He's so fucking tired of it. Of everything.
Elliot just wished he could stop fighting.
He closes his eyes, squeezes them shut- and for a second, the world seems to fade around him. Just for a split second, everything is quiet. Blissful.
He takes a deep breath, and it feels like he's floating. The pain still lingers, and he can still feel the nausea that swims in his stomach, but just for those mere seconds- it fades.
Everything fades, and briefly- Elliot feels the pain subside.
..Then the entanglement hits, landing directly against his ankle. It almost sweeps him off his feet, catching him by surprise.
He yelps, and the pain returns in an instant. His heartbeat picks up immediately, and his skin crawls at the sensation of the suffocating chains wrapping around him, holding him like a prisoner.
He pries them off himself, exhaling shakily. He hates how his first thought is immediately to run, like he's just been molded to think in such a way. Like he's prey, doomed to be hunted. It makes him miserable, and his balance sways under him in response.
..Maybe he should just let 1x kill him this round.
He barely even helps his team anyway, so Elliot would probably be better off.
He considers the idea briefly before his hands begin to twitch, an odd, yet familiar feeling coursing through his veins. He's grown accustomed to this thrum of power.
Like some sort of black magic, a highlight forms in the distance, outlining a figure in a bright, flashy yellow. He squints, and his feet drag him forward before he can protest.
Offing himself to 1x will have to wait. He needs to save them. If not, what is he good for? One of his teammates are dying, for fucks sake.
And- truthfully, who else will, if not him?
Elliot dashes forward, sprinting towards the direction of the survivor. His lungs begin to burn from the endurance, yet he persists. He ignores the pounding in his chest, and the unsettling feeling that sends him itching. There isn't time for that.
He runs faster and faster, feet beginning to trip and tumble over themselves from doing so. He stops only for a split second, just to catch his breath, and only then does Elliot continue.
He stops in front of the graveyard,
brows furrowing as he glances around hastily. The survivor could be long gone by now, but Elliot can't get up. Not yet.
He runs into the graveyard, passing the tombstones and untended tree. His foot meets a body with a sickening crunch, making him flinch.
Elliot swallows as he looks down, holding back a gag as he's met with the corpse of Twotime, their skin tainted a pale green, along with a large gash lining their back. They must've gotten caught off guard.
..Caught off guard, and Elliot didn't even notice. He came too late, and Twotime died because of him.
God, he's so fucking useless.
He blinks, forcing himself to look away from the mangled corpse, the thought of Twotime's bloody body replaced by the sudden cry of his name.
"Elliot!"
His head whirls around, his response dissolving on his tongue. He opens his mouth to try again, then closes it. Out of anyone that could've called his name, it just had to be him.
007n7 stumbles towards him, a pained look on his face as he drops to Elliot's feet, a pathetic display. "Please," He pleads, "He- He nicked me in the arm, and got a few hits on me. I'll leave you alone, I'll- i'll stay out of your way, just please-"
"Do you ever shut up?" Elliot hisses, feeling the anger rise in his chest. "How many apologies are you going to spit at me, 7n7? You know, every apology you give me, the less they begin to mean to me."
He grits through his teeth, "You don't get to apologize to me with the hope that i'll accept it. The things you did to me, to my colleagues, to my workplace-" He stops, rubbing his temples. "..You're lucky that I even have an ounce of sympathy left for you after what you did."
"I know, I know! I'm sorry, Elliot. I know what I did was wrong, and I should've done been, stopped there- I should've-" His voice breaks, "..I'm so sorry. I should've never brought Coolkid there to begin with."
His gaze on 007n7 narrows, his stomach churning. "I'm not having this conversation with you. Not now, not again, not ever." Elliot says, his own voice beginning to shake. "Just- leave, okay? Take your goddamn slice and leave me alone."
He hesitates before reaching into his box, pulling out a fresh slice of pizza. Elliot holds it out, offers it to 7n7, and he takes it gratefully. Pathetically. "Oh god, thank you Elliot. I'm sorry- I'll- i'll go now. Thank you-"
"Leave." He snaps, his composed voice breaking. "I'm done with your empty apologies."
007n7 nods quickly, running off. Elliot lets a few seconds pass before he crumples to his knees, letting out an exhausted sigh.
He hates helping 007n7, yet he hates feeling so pathetic, so useless otherwise. He fails at healing his team, yet the second 7n7 shows up, he's suddenly off cooldown with a fresh slice of pizza sitting in his box.
"God," He chuckles to himself, swallowing back tears, "Why now? Why him-? Why-" Elliot runs a hand through his hair, "Why won't things go my way?"
His stomach growls beneath him, adding to the list of all his problems. Right.
He props himself against the fence of the graveyard, hugging his knees to his chest. "They work so hard to protect me and I fail them."
"I can't even take care of myself."
Elliot closes his eyes, holding back a sob that threatens to rip through his throat. 007n7, even he's sorry, but Elliot doesn't want to forgive him. His apologies fail to spark any sort of forgiveness in Elliot, so he lashes out on him.
And.. despite the things 007n7 has done, Elliot knows that he doesn't deserve that, necessarily. He can be a good guy sometimes, but the second Coolkid rolls around, chasing him, terrorizing him- Elliot feels the blood in his veins boil.
He doesn't want to forgive him, but he mentally hits himself every time he lashes out at the man. Just like Elliot, he's lost.. pretty much everything.
His son has become a blood thirsty killer. He's stuck in a cabin as an ex-hacker on a team with three admins, for fucks sake. Elliot wants to pity him, but it just feels so suffocating. Every second that passes with 7n7 in the room makes him want to scream.
In Elliot's conclusion, he's failed himself and everyone around him.
The other survivors, even 007n7- put their lives on the line to protect him, and yet- he fails to heal them. It's his duty, and even with something that simple, he fails.
"Hello?"
A voice pierces the silence, pulling Elliot out of his distraught state. He looks around nervously, anxiety rising in his chest. His throat is dry, yet he uses it regardless.
"..Hello?" Elliot rasps, slowly rising to his feet. His head darts around nervously, and then- Fuck.
"Aw, there you are! It seems that i've found you." 1x singsongs, her glitching ponytail flicking behind them. "I'll give you 3 seconds, pizza boy."
His breath quickens, and his feet begin to move. Faster, his mind calls. Faster. He can hear 1x counting down behind him, which only makes him quicken his pace.
There's no other survivors in sight. The farther he runs, the more the panic in his chest rises. No one is around to help him, and he's getting tired.
So tired.
Maybe- Maybe he should just give up.
He takes a sharp turn around the haunted manor, using the brief moment to catch his breath. He can feel 1x's heavy footsteps echoing into the night sky, growing closer with each step.
A burst of green, toxic energy rips through the air, and before Elliot can even process it- the slash meets his leg, slamming him to his knees.
He grits his teeth, wincing at the pain that follows. It stings horribly, but all he can do is keep pushing. He forces himself to his feet, and 1x appears around the corner just as he does.
"Leaving so soon?" They taunt, hitting a slash on Elliot's wrist as the blond begins running. "Just leave me alone, won't you-?!" He yells, dashing around a dining table and out the front door.
1x trails after him, snickering. "You look exhausted already, why don't you simply give up?"
Elliot almost freezes, but his body keeps him moving. Is it that obvious? Does he look that tired? "I-" His running stutters, stopping momentarily to catch his breath again.
"You're making this easy." 1x remarks, tilting her head. "Are you even trying right now?"
He feels his lips tremble, no words capable of forming in his throat. "Uhm- I-" He frowns, backing away with every step 1x takes towards him.
"Come on," He purrs mockingly, "Give me one reason not kill you right now. I could just-" 1x swings their blade, sending one clean slice of energy straight into Elliot's side.
Elliot seethes, holding back a whimper. It hurts, evidently- but what can he even do? The energy forms glowing chains around him, and the only thing he can do is pathetically pick them off himself.
He feels tear prick at his eyes, the stinging sensation coursing through his body, only adding to the nausea in his gut. "Fuck-" He hisses, prying the chains off himself.
"Cat got your tongue, pizza boy?" He drawls out, "So aggressive earlier, for what?" 1x hums, his voice glitching.
Elliot bites back his words. He's not giving into 1x, he knows it's just an act to rile him up. Give her a good laugh before she kills him. "Wouldn't you like to know." He mutters.
"Oh, but I would! So tired, so near to tears, even lashing out at the old one?" He pauses, beating a sickening smile. "Don't think I didn't catch a glimpse of that."
"You're sick." He hisses, biting back tears. "You don't know a single thing about me." Elliot spits, clutching his stomach.
"Maybe." He says, "..But if you're not willing to share, what fun are you?" He laughs, their smile twisting into a teeth-bearing grin.
Elliot feels the burning sensation crawl back up into his throat, the anger building in his chest. He doesn't even know what he's doing anymore.
"Fuck off." He whispers, his voice unwillingly swaying. 1x only laughs in response, mocking him once more.
The laughing, the taunting- it makes his skin crawl, like maggots invading his body. The overwhelming pain, and nausea, and anger- it bubbles, and Elliot's so close to snapping.
He hates this, all of this.
He hates facing these god forsaken killers. He hates how useless he is in a team full of survivors with actual skills. He hates how he's grown to hate the mere smell of pizza, he hates the infinite loop of these hellish games he's been subjected to playing.
He's just so tired. He wishes everything would just stop, like the world will stop moving and everything, for once- will just be okay.
Elliot feels the stinging feeling in his wounds. He feels the blood pooling at his open cuts. He feels the ache in his feet from running so long, and the burning sensation in his chest from running for so long.
His heart pounds out of his head, uncontrollable. He hates this feeling. He hates how he's just a person, unable to control what happens.
He hates how utterly useless he is. Elliot is just someone, someone who's tired of fighting, and of repeating, like a cycle he can't repeat.
Like a workaholic with a job he can't escape. With the fear of perfection. With a starving hunger for praise.
A choked out sob escapes his lips before he can stop himself.
God, he hates this so much.
He feels 1x's searing glare on him, yet the other stays quiet. Curious, observing. They don't mock him, not yet- at least.
"I don't even care anymore." Elliot sniffs, voice hoarse. "Kill me, laugh at me-" He swallows, "I don't care. I'm tired of this shit. I hate this."
He shuts his eyes and lets the tears spill, simply waiting for the impact of 1x's blades to meet him. "Kill me." He chokes out blatantly, crumpling in front of her.
"..Pathetic."
He laughs through tears, "I know. I fucking know. Don't tell me things I already know, 1x. I'm so tired, just- let me give up already!" He snaps suddenly.
"Mm." 1x hums in acknowledgment, "I know. I can tell, pizza boy. You're beyond exhausted.. which is why.."
"I won't be killing you."
Elliot eyes fly open, wide in disbelief. "What?" He whispers. "Why-?!"
1x pauses, and the irritation in their eyes seems to soften into something nicer. "You seem tired. Even more worn out than what I've already seen from you."
"Yeah, well." Elliot uses his palms to smear the tears away. "You're.. not wrong." He mutters, exhaling slowly. "Wouldn't it just be easier for you to.. kill me then?" He points out.
They shrug, "I killed my creator already. This round has been fulfilling enough for me. And you," He narrows his eyes, "Do not seem exactly well."
He mirrors the other, giving her a cold glare. "How so?"
He groans, "Do I ever need to tell you how sick you look? You're pale, begging for me to put you out your misery, and you look like you lost a fight with someone." 1x says blankly.
Elliot looks down at his arms, then back up at 1x. "I'm not pale. It's probably just those blades of yours poisoning me." He counters.
"You're very pale, actually." 1x retorts, rolling his eyes. "When was the last time you properly ate, pizza boy? You'd think with a nickname like that, you'd actually-"
1x voices fades as he gets a good look at Elliot, watching his expression carefully. "..You flinched."
"I didn't."
"You did."
She gives the other a stare of disbelief, sheathing their swords behind their back as an act of neutrality. "Not as good of a liar as much as you are a runner, are you?"
"Mhmm.." Elliot drawls out blankly, stretching out the word.
"Ugh," He sighs, sinking down to Elliot's height. "Just tell me, pizza boy. When was the last time you ate, hm?" 1x questions, watching as Elliot tenses up.
"Don't ask me that like you really care for what I have to say." He mutters, holding back the tears that threaten to form in his eyes.
"You look like you haven't slept in years. You're thin, pale-" 1x deadpans, "You're making it painfully obvious. What is it that's burdening you?"
He sucks in a breath, "You don't care, 1x. You shouldn't care. You aren't someone I know, you- you tried to fucking kill me!"
He tilts his head, going quiet for a moment before nodding lightly, "I did, though- at that time, you weren't exactly on the brink of death, were you?"
"Whatever." Elliot says, waving his hand dismissively. "Just kill me now and the healing system will do its job. Isn't that what you want?"
"Kill you and leave your team without a healer?" She laughs, pausing as the way Elliot cringes. "..Joking, joking. Apologies." He says, a light hint of sarcasm lingering in his voice . "Though, you are a horrid liar. That's for external injuries and broken bones. Shouldn't you out of all people know that?"
He grumbles, "Fuck. You weren't supposed to know that, dipshit. Also, you have no fucking clue what it's like to be the only healer on this team. You-" He stops, realizing how he's done the same thing again. His voice has risen multiple octaves, rising in both aggression and volume.
He's lashing out due to his own insecurities again.
He blinks, taken aback by his suddenly blurred vision. "Fuck."
"..You're crying again." 1x points out, grabbing Elliot's injured wrist carefully. "Are you sure this isn't something you should talk about?"
"Not to you." Elliot hisses, grabbing his wrist back from the killer. "Y-you don't know a single goddamn thing about me."
"Maybe not, but we both know you have no plans of informing anyone else about this."
"That's not true," He challenges bitterly, swallowing back fresh tears.
"Aw, and who are you planning to tell? Surely not that cultist.. that gambler has not a single mature bone in their body, the war veteran? An admin..? Oh, don't get me started on Shedletsky. You won't talk to the mute one either, and.." He chuckles lowly, "The hacker is already crossed out."
"S-shut up!" Elliot chokes out, "I'm fine!"
"Liar. If you're so fine, then why are you crying? Starving? Must I say it for you?"
"Say what?" He laughs hysterically, "Are you gonna point out every horrid thing about me? Each one of my imperfections?"
"I am cruel, but not that cruel." 1x says, his voice crackling like static. "What fun is it to kill someone's who's already slowly killing themselves?"
Elliot feels tears drip down his cheeks, escaping from his burning eyes. He says nothing, because what can he say? 1x was the first one to really notice, and now he's.. stuck. Stuck in one of the worst possible situations he's ever found himself in.
"Is it that hacker? Your incompetent team? Or is it something about you?" 1x questions, poking Elliot gently.
"You'll run out of time before I talk." Elliot spits, voice cracking. "I'm not telling you shit."
"No?" They ask, "Nothing at all? We still have centuries of time on our hands, pizza boy. Plenty of time for you to talk."
"Talk to you-?! About my problems?!" Elliot snaps, "L-like you know a single thing about me?! Like you'll make me actually want to eat-?!"
1x blinks, slightly agitated. "I am made of pure hatred. You think I wouldn't know what you speak of? I won't fix your problems, but really- what are you expecting me to do with such information? This is staying between you and me."
Elliot hiccups, burying his head in his knees, "You don't care."
"If that's what you'd like to believe." He hums.
His jaw clenches, "Fine. You wanna fucking know? I hate every second I have to spend with that prick, 7n7. He spits apologies at my feet, and- I feel selfish for not to forgive him. But- at the same time, his own son is trying to kill me every few rounds! And- my teammates- you know how shitty it feels to die again and again, even with them protecting me with their lives?"
Elliot inhales slowly, trying to wipe the onslaught of tears that follow. "I punish myself. That's what it is. I know it isn't healthy, but i'm just-" His resolve crumbles, his words dissolving into tears, "I- I'm tired of fighting. Living in a loop, repeating all of this-"
His voice breaks down even more, tears streaming down like a waterfall. "Don't you hate this, 1x? A-all you're good for- all any of us are good for, is playing like pawns in a game! I'm fucking sick of it!"
He whimpers, desperately wiping his tears away only for fresh ones to immediately replace them. "It hurts. I hate it. 'Makes me feel so fucking stupid. I know i'm weak for it. I- I don't need someone to say it for me."
1x listens curiously, saying nothing. He watches as Elliot exhales shakily, continuing quietly, "I don't miss what I had before this, b-but this, this isn't any better. I hate how disappointed I- I make them sometimes, I tell myself that I try so hard, but i'm a fucking liar- I'm on the brink of collapsing! I can't-"
He blinks, watching tears drip onto his pants, "I can't keep living like this. I hate it. I just want to give up, h-honestly." He sniffs, "There is no hope left for escape, for any of us."
Elliot lets a few seconds pass, steadying himself as they do. "..There." He says hoarsely, rubbing his reddened eyes. "Is that what you wanted to hear?" The blond asks, looking up at 1x.
The other still remains quiet, observing him.
Elliot.. is like a firefly, light gone dim. Any light that has once sparked a smile in someone else, or made someone feel better- it's dimmed, faded, faded until there's almost nothing left.
He's like a firefly that's been beat down and destroyed, like a bird in a cage. Trapped in his sorrows. Like a candle half melted, slowly burning away until nothing remains and its light burns out.
He's pathetic, beyond pathetic- but 1x can't help but feel a tinge of pity. It feels like a new feeling towards a survivor, since all she's ever felt before that was the bitter craving of revenge and hatred.
But Elliot, he's human. He's trying, failing, crying- It's.. interesting. Hatred, lingering in the other with the only intention of destroying him from the inside out.
Something tugs at their heart, and they've only felt that one other time before. It was for Shedletsky, and he's tried to bury that feeling deep down below where it'll never resurface. However, this tug- it's whispering in his ear, ushering him closer to the other.
A firefly can be saved, can it not? Like a candle can be relit and a bird can be released from its cage. They will all still bear marks of their struggles, but is that not a better outcome than failure?
1x hesitates, watching as Elliot hiccups and sniffs, eyes red with horrid eye bags only adding to the exhausted image of the boy. He's scrawnier than 1x remembers him, and still beyond pale.
His eyes are soulless, empty and different. Truly, Elliot is a firefly who has lost all of its light.
And 1x, even though he can't fix that- he supposes comfort is better than nothing.
"What're you-?" Elliot rasps, leaning back in confusion as they shift closer to him. 1x doesn't respond, simply pulling the blond into his arms.
It's.. a hug.
From 1x.
He blinks in surprise, "What..? What are you doing?" He asks in a quiet whisper. 1x hums, resting one hand on Elliot's head, the other around his waist, holding him close. "I'm giving you what you need."
Elliot blinks again, new tears forming despite him just having finished his breakdown. "I- don't- I don't need-"
"Yes you do." 1x hushes him, their hand gently combing through his hair.
He stays quiet even as Elliot breaks down into tears once more, clinging onto the other like his life depends on it.
"God," He hiccups, "You, of all p-people? You're the one who ends up hugging me?" Elliot chuckles through his hysterics.
"Don't waste empty tears over spilt milk. You're only hurting yourself more by doing this, pizza boy." 1x sighs, "I see right through you."
"..I know."
1x gazes over at the other in their arms, "You do, don't you? You know what's good for you then. Once this round ends, you will eat something." He says, like it's a declaration.
Elliot chuckles again, shrugging weakly. "We'll see." He whispers sadly, "Food makes me sick to my fucking stomach."
The killers gaze narrows, "We'll see?" She repeats in irritation, "No, no. I think you meant to say yes, because in the case that you do say no-"
He unsheathes his sword, watching as Elliot flinches, tear-stained eyes looking up at the glistening blade. "I will hunt you down to the ends of this world if it means you will eat a proper meal."
"You're.. threatening to target and kill me every round..?" Elliot questions slowly, watching as the killer nods. "But- wouldn't you just, like.. kill me regardless?"
1x rolls his eyes, "For Spawns sake. The round is about to end!" He hisses, "Do it, or I will find you next round."
Elliot blinks rapidly, nodding. "O-okay! Okay! I-i'll try. Uhm.. thank you.." He says awkwardly, offering the other a nervous smile.
"Forget about it." 1x says gruffly, yet continues to press Elliot's head against his shoulder.
"N-no, seriously. Uh.. thanks, dude. You.. helped.. me." Elliot insists, even if he sounds incredibly uncertain. "I'm thankful."
"Seriously, forget about it." 1x grumbles, "Do you think i'm capable of feeling gratitude? I am a creation of pure hatred, Elliot." He huffs.
"Oh." Elliot replies blankly, "..I, uh.. forgot."