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“Mate, can we chat for a sec?”
They asked cautiously.
The two had turned in for the night after West had dozed off while they were all watching tv. Of course the two were too wrapped up in conversation, they hadn't noticed he fell asleep till the man had toppled over onto the two of them despite claiming he wasn't tired a mere five minutes ago. Both of them simply stared at the sleeping one of the three for a moment before giving a quick glance to the other. They wrapped up their conversation with hushed whispers before carefully and slowly maneuvering off of the couch so as not to wake their sleeping friend.
Toby staggered after the question. He had a feeling he knew what this was about, but that didn't mean he was ready to talk about it. He sat down on the large bed next to them, fiddling with his fingers anxiously as he replied quietly.
“Course, uh, what about?”
He asked in a slightly worried manner, not meeting their eyes, he probably knew.
“..About.. about West.”
They stated as nonchalantly as possible, Toby grimaced in reply. They pretended not to notice.
“..What about him?”
Toby questioned quietly, meekly.
“Well he’s uh..”
They trailed off, he braced for the worst.
“He’s pretty great, ain't he?”
..Not what he expected to hear.
“I.. Uh.. I mean, well duh he wouldn’t be here otherwise, right?”
He questioned confusedly, trying to understand what they were getting at.
“Right.. well uh.. how would’ja feel if we maybe asked about making his stay more of a..permanent thing?”
They replied, looking off to the side, almost bashfully. Was.. he reading this right?
“I…”
He stuttered in shock.
“I mean.. you and him are my best friends, uh.. why would I be opposed to you guys gettin’ to hang out more?”
He questioned rhetorically, however there was a subtle somber note in his voice.
“Why ya’ sayin’ it like you won’t too?”
They questioned with an air of confusion. An uneasy silence fell upon the two for a moment.
“Well..;”
he paused for a brief moment, choosing his words.
“We’re not talkin’ about him just stayin’ though.. are we?”
He asked sheepishly, a look of guilt fell upon the other's face.
“Im.. sorry I uh, I guess I uh, misread how ya’ felt about em’.. sorry, wont bring it up again.”
They mumbled with a heavy heart while staring at the floor.
“You..”
He sighed
“Ya’ didn't. I just.. I ain't gonna mess things up for ‘im again. You two can do whatever ya’ want, but I’ll pass.”
“..What? What’re ya’ talkin about?”
“Ya’ know what i'm talkin’ about, Em.”
He said fidgeting with his hands anxiously. They stared at him for a moment with a look that could only be described as pity. He refused to meet their gaze, he just wished they'd just drop the topic.
“Do ya’.. do ya’ feel the same way ‘er not?”
They questioned more directly.
“God, i..”
He gripped his own hand hard enough to break skin, he didn’t want to say it, admitting it made it too real. But there they sat with that expectant gaze, and how could he lie to them? He hung his head in shame and sighed a shaky breath.
“..Of course I do, Em. But.. im not about to screw shit up like last time just because I cant.. be fuckin’ normal.”
He stated while still adamantly avoiding their gaze, he already knew what they were thinking with the way his hands were beginning to tremble.
“If.. if he says yes to ya’ i'm fine with it, i'm happy fer yall actually. We can do our thing.. and yall can do yours, but i.. I can't risk what happened last time again.”
He added uncharacteristically quietly, a slight whimper in his voice like a wounded animal.
“I only just got him back.”
They couldn't believe they hadn't considered something like this, they almost felt guilty for bringing it up, but something else just barely overpowered that feeling as they spoke up.
“Y-ya’ can't be serious can ya’?!”
They almost yelled, before reminding themselves of the man sleeping in the room over.
“What on earth do ya’ think you’d be ruining?”
They questioned with a twinge of sadness as the other grimaced before replying.
“All of THIS!”
He snapped back, standing up and gesturing all around as tears welled in his eyes.
“My dynamic with you, the friendship I JUST got back with, his SAFETY, I can't risk screwin’ all that shit up with you two just because my heart was made wrong! I dont WANT to be a fuck up like I was before!”
He sobbed, tears spilling over. The moment he realized both the crying and how loud he was being he choked out a quiet apology. It went relatively unnoticed however as Maxi charged at him and grabbed both of his wrists in their ironclad grip, looking him dead in the eyes before speaking sternly.
“I dont know who put these sick fuckin’ ideas in ya’ head but the moment I find out im gonna kill the son of a bitch. What in god's name are ya’ sayin’?! Ya’ aint losing me EVER thats for damn sure, ya’ heart wa’dnt made wrong in the slightest and by god ya’ not a “fuck up”! Did.. did one of us say somethin’ to make ya’ think that?”
They questioned, the fire in their voice simmering down into fear toward the end. He blinked back tears in surprise before replying.
“W-what? No- of course not i-..i'm sorry i-”
“Love, quit apologizin’..
They introjected, sighing and finally freeing his hands and wiping away his tears. He still refused to meet their gaze, but he set a hand over theirs, leaning into the touch.
“Kinda a.. fucked up thing to say cause like.. how do I reply ta’ that without apologizin’?”
He sniffled with a weak smile.
“Oh, save it.”
They replied jokingly before shoving him back onto the bed and crawling onto it with him. They didn't give him much of a choice as they grappled him by the chest and wrapped themselves around him like he were a stuffed animal, allowing a brief beat of silence before continuing.
“I'm not gonna make ya’ say nothin’ to him;”
They began to speak, taking off his beanie and playing with his hair as they spoke.
“But all im sayin is this.. he wouldn't be here if he didnt at least care about ya’ a little bit. Ya’ don't gotta feel like yer walkin’ on eggshells in yer own damn house just fer the sake of appeasin’ him when he don’t care about anythin’ like that. He cares about you, and you care about him. He’s not gonna fuss at ya’ over nothin’, ’specially not somethin’ like this. Ya’ aint powerless kids anymore. Nothin’s stopping ya’ two from havin’ a heart to heart about how ya’ feel.”
They affirmed, continuing the soothing motion of weaving their fingers through soft locks of dirty blonde hair.
“I just..don't wanna lose him again.”
He mumbled as he turned around and wrapped his arms around them firmly, as if they’d disappear if he let go.
“Ya’ ain't losin’ neither of us, We love ya’ too much.”
They assured.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t screw up still;”
He murmured into their chest.
”I still loved him when I left the first time. What's stoppin him from doin’ the same? If anything..it would only be fair for him to leave now, y’know..make it even. I would just be givin’ him a reason s’all..”
He lamented with a sad chuckle at the end, burying his face into their chest in hopes they wouldn’t see his pitiful expression.
“Ya’ not bein’ fair and ya’ know it. You didn’t know what had happened, all ya’ saw was ya’ best friend gettin’ all hateful, ya’ didn’t know why. This is yer chance to do it right this time.”
They stated, rubbing soothing circles into his shoulder, partially comforting, and partially just them fidgeting.
“And what if I ruin things for good?”
He countered.
“Well what if you don't? What if things get better?”
They replied softly.
“I don't wanna risk them getting worse.”
He mumbled into them.
“Well, you took a risk when you chose to kick it with me, and were still together. Now he’s back even after what happened. He’s still here even after you quote on quote “fucked up” the first time, you really think you having a crush like old times is gonna make him ditch you? He cares about ya’ too dumbass, quit gettin’ in ya’ own head. ‘Sides, it's not like he was innocent either, no one was, that's the woes of bein’ a person.”
They stated before ruffling his hair. He sighed defeatedly for a moment before replying.
“Even if everythin’ was as easy as yer makin’ it sound, his folks are still around, and he’s scared shitless of them. I can't blame him either. The worst thing they ever did to him ended up bein’ my fuckin’ fault.”
He sniffled.
“What’re talkin about?”
They inquired gently.
“God did I not even tell ya’ about this? God I only found out more recently but uh..;”
He paused, contemplating if it's even worth it to say, they simply waited patiently.
“Back in middle school we uh..we had kissed. I had proposed the idea as “practice fer kissin’ girls” pft, yeah right. Well, turns out.. his sister had seen, rummaged through his shit and found a journal of his talkin’ about his sexuality and junk. So.. she outed him and he ended up getting sent to one of those “wilderness camps”. If I had just kept my mouth shut with that stupid idea..”
He lamented. It was silent for a moment as they processed what they heard.
“You.. that wasn’t ya’ fault at all! Was his demon spawn sister’s! He had told me a bit about the camp thing at connors awhile ago before the whole arm thing but.. not about..you two. Guess I can see why, would be a little weird at the time. “Hey me and ya’ husband used to smooch hope ya’ not mad haha” prolly aint a great thing ta say ta someone ya’ tryna’ make amends with. Right now it's a little funny though. Not what happened after but, ya’ know. Look, what i'm tryna say is quit blamin’ yerself. When me and him had talked he said the same thing I did too, was her fault, not yers. And even if ya’ did have blame in it, which ya’ DON'T, he clearly aint holdin’ it against ya’. And as far as his folks go, they don't know he’s here, and they aint gonna find out at all. And if they DO, we can have Pandora handle it.”
They refuted, he didn't reply, an uneasy silence fell upon them for just a moment before Maxi spoke up again.
“He doesn't hate ya’, no one who's important does. Ya’ not screwin nothin’ up by committing the crime of having a heart. Like I said, I won't make you say nothin’ to em. I hope though.. that you DO of ya own volition before he picks up shop when he’s better and moves out and ya’ waste the perfect opportunity.”
They advised. A beat of quiet filled the room before he let out a quiet sigh.
“If I say I'll think about it will ya’ quit buggin’ me about all this?”
He murmured tiredly, weakly holding onto them.
“Mm, maybe for tonight, might hound ya’ about it more tomorrow though.”
they replied quietly, both of them knowing that “might” was actually a “Im going to”. He sighed with relief and nodded.
“Works for me, all that fussin’ made me more tired than I already was. I’m sorry about that by the way.” He said, nuzzling into them apologetically.
“It's fine mate, just hope ya’ didn’t wake yer little valentine up.”
They snickered, him giving a scoff and playfully covering their entire face with his hand in retaliation.
“Ugh, don't say it like that, besides, yer interested in him too! We’re lucky that man can sleep through anythin’. I remember back in school he’d always be the first to fall asleep at the sleepover. Man, I rearranged all his furniture so many times just to mess with him!”
He chuckled as he reminisced, now smiling his usual dorky grin.
“Sounds about right, almost doodled on his face last time we were at connors. Here, I’ll get the lights and all that, you get ready fa’ bed.”
They stated as they reluctantly let go of the man and stood up.
“Hey, I'm tired, not incapable! Let me do it!”
He said as he stood up and darted over to one of the lamps.
“Ey just let me do something’ nice fa’ ya’!”
They exclaimed, sprinting over to the same lamp and grabbing tobys arm before turning the light off themselves.
“Wh- no fair!”
Toby said before turning the light back on, only to turn it back off again.
“That was so stupid- hey!”
They shouted as he darted over to another light, both of them laughing as Maxi chased him down.
The night carried on like that for a few more moments, after their playful impromptu wrestling match over light sources they both crawled into bed together tiredly. They loosely tangled themselves into the other in their typical nightwear, unable to see each other if not for the moonlight seeping in through the curtains. It was comfortably silent for a few more peaceful moments. Eventually the quiet was broken by Toby, speaking just above a whisper.
“I love ya’, sorry I don't say it much. Feels like I kinda only do when somethin’ bad happens. That ain't fair.”
He mumbled apologetically.
“We're both guilty of it, it would be weird if we started saying it now. For the record though, I love ya’ too.”
They replied, resting their chin on his head.
“Well shit I'd hope so!”
He replied, holding up his hand and flashing the wedding band. They rolled their eyes in response and scoffed.
“What eva’ happened to that just bein’ fa’ the sake of my visa?”
They questioned in a playful manner.
“Mmmmm were both liars that's what.”
He murmured into their neck sleepily.
“Mm, maybe you, I'm only here for my papers.”
They replied, sighing tiredly into soft strands of hair.
“Ya’ married me, moved in with me, have sex with me regularly and use me as yer personal pillow every other night just for yer papers?”
He countered.
“Yeah, real dedicated and whatnot.”
They answered.
“Right.”
He scoffed. He lifted his head up afterwards before placing a slow, soft kiss on their lips, them leaning into it with no complaints. They shared that moment for a few peaceful seconds before Toby reluctantly pulled away, returning to his previous position of designated little spoon of the night and Maxi resting their head on his again, a faint smile on both their tired faces.
“Night, Em.”
“G'night mate.”