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Caitlyn was laying on her back staring at her ceiling. Despite the comfy bed, she still felt like a small boat on the ocean on a stormy night, not in control of her path.
Caitlyn could only think, “What have I done? What have I become?”
She had let that god damn war criminal manipulate her grief and anger into a weapon she controlled.
But she didn’t think of herself as the victim. No, not about what happened in the past 6 months.
Caitlyn had blindly handed the Undercity right into Ambessa’s hands just so she could find Jinx. The citizens of the Undercity, being oppressed because of her.
But more than anyone, the person Caitlyn hated herself for hurting the most?
The young woman looked to her right.
Violet.
Caitlyn loved her. She still did, for fuck’s sake. But how, Caitlyn hatefully told herself, could she still want me? After she hit her with that stupid fucking gun and just left her sobbing.
That wasn’t Jinx’s fault.
Again, Caitlyn blamed herself.
These thoughts were like a whirlpool, forcing Caitlyn into a sea of despair and hatred where she was drowning.
She had to get up.
Caitltyn slowly raised off the bed, wanting to leave Vi to heal. She can’t stop getting hit, cut or stabbed at her side can she?
Caitlyn dragged herself out of her mind to exit the room into the real world. Struggling to run away from her thoughts, she decided to aim for the kitchen. Maybe eating something would help her for the day.
She gently brushed the side of the door frame when she walked in, which brought back a memory that wasn’t nice, but not unwanted.
~~~
“Caitlyn Kiramman, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Cassandra Kiramman aggressively asked the 9-year-old Caitlyn.
“I wanted to help the painters!” She defended herself.
“That’s not your job young lady. Go to your room.”
~~~
Tears began to materialize in Caitlyn’s eyes, so she brushed them away, not prepared to go back down the rabbit hole. Continuing on into the kitchen, hoping something good was in there, she met someone not good.
“Good morning Cai-”
“Maddie leave.” Caitlyn halted the short, ginger-haired woman in front of her.
“Look. I just want to talk.” Maddie tried again.
Caitlyn just stepped aside and gestured towards the door. Sighing, Maddie reluctantly walked out the door.
“Why do you sleep next to her every night?” Maddie asked, not needing to say Vi’s name.
Caitlyn turned around to face Maddie, “Because I need to know she’s alive. Because I need to tell her what happened in the aftermath of the battle. I need to say sorry.”
Maddie attempted to reply, but Caitlyn interrupted again,
“Are you jealous or something?”
At these words, Maddie finally left, leaving Caitlyn in a temporary peace.
It didn’t last long.
The dark-blue haired, 23-year-old suffering woman fell to the ground sobbing.
“Oh, I look just like Vi when I left her.” Caitlyn whispered to herself, causing her to sob even more.
It was on that kitchen floor when she realised she couldn’t continue on like this. It was that day when she figured out that looking at her past and hating herself for it won’t do anything. It’s like the weather. Looking at it days, months, years beforehand isn’t going to forecast the weather in the next day, month or year.
Caitlyn had realised her mistakes, and regretted them with her entire soul. She had messed up her own life, it wasn’t Jinx’s fault.
Caitlyn wanted to change. No, she needed to change.
For her mother.
For Violet.
For herself.
The future was a beautiful place, once.
Then it wasn’t, she had become lost.
Right then, Caitlyn still couldn’t tell. Forecasts are never completely right. But she knew that she had to fight for the better future she was trying to see.
Caitlyn stood up, no longer crying, and ran out of the Kiramman house. Conveniently for her, an enforcer was standing nearby.
“Officier.” Caitlyn called out.
The enforcer pivoted, “Yes, Commander?”
“Please retrieve Officer Nolan for me. It’s time to begin planning our defence against the Noxians.” She instructed the enforcer.
“Of course Commander.” The enforcer informed their partner before they walked off.
Caitlyn felt she could finally restart. No, begin a new chapter in her life. Nothing she could do would undo what was already done, but she knew she could become a smarter, more experienced person than the one she was not long ago. The girl who fought for the Undercity, for Vi, even without understanding enough about their lives. Caitlyn knew she could be that girl again, but this time, a woman.
This new purpose made the future look a tiny fraction brighter. Not enough, but better than what she believed she had the right to ask for.
Caitlyn turned around, prepared for what the future could bring her way.
Well, at least she thought she was.
—
“Arrested?!” Vi demanded, bursting into the room.