Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Drops of scarlet laced the grass in the dark of the night, just past sunset. There sat Nightshade, the remnants of tears dried up against their face from just minutes prior, now as hardened as their expression as they stared down at their arms, pale as paper now layered in bloody cuts, already sticking and clotting to their skin.

They were hiding away in the woods behind the fairly large campsite of the Spawn, scared to be seen as weak as they felt in that moment. It was Sunday, the day of offerings to their great Spawn, the being Nightshade and their religious group-- although it was truly a cult-- worshipped. Everyone was to bring something of value to burn in the spawn-shaped fire laid in the center of the site. Dead animals, items given by the deceased, material goods worth all that could be scraped up by the rather moneyless members of the cult. For Spawn's sake, even a burger from McDonald's could be offered if it costed all that you had in your pockets. But Nightshade? They offered nothing.

They had worked with their partner, Azure, on Saturday to try to capture one of the stray cats that could be found by the few houses that lay by the nearby lake. However, once they'd finally lured a sleek black cat to them after hours of prompting it gently with food from a distance, Nightshade looked it in its honeysuckle-colored eyes and, gripping the steak knife they'd stolen from a diner, broke down into manic laughter in Azure's arms. The cat, spooked, bolted off into the distance the moment Nightshade let out a pained laugh and collapsed onto their lover. They'd been too overwhelmed by the love and time they'd taken to get close to it, and the emotional attachment sent a dagger through their heart at the thought of harming it. Sympathetically, Azure had offered to kill it for them, or to at least give them what he was going to offer, but they couldn't take him up on it. They couldn't let that cat get hurt, and they didn't deserve to rob Azure of his relationship to the Spawn because of their inability to give their own sacrifice.

Now they lay hidden away from camp as they tried to wipe away the blood on their arms that they'd dug out with that very same steak knife, trying to mute their emotions. When Amarah, their mentor, had found Nightshade empty-handed, they were taken to his tent and violently slapped and beaten for their incompetence. They deserved it. They deserved all of the pain. They were a pitiful follower of the Spawn for their inability to give as little of themself as a cat that they didn't even know. At least, this is what they thought as they'd dragged that knife along their wrists. Now they sat in guilt and shame.

In the past, they could hide their self-injurious wounds easily from passersby, but this? This... this was too far. This was more than it used to be. It stretched beyond just their wrists and covered their entire inner forearms... but they felt they had to do something to keep their smile strewn across their face. They couldn't let themself slip, not even in front of the man bruising them for their sins. The cult of Spawn pressured everyone to express contentment with their first life, and Nightshade was determined to take that all the way, but with the sheer guilt, fear, and brink of tears welling up inside of them, they had to take matters into their own hands. They had to prove to themself that they were better than that fear, that they were in control of it. How else could they prove to their Spawn that they were capable of handling the divination of a second life, rumored to be excruciatingly painful when done properly? They had to be able to handle the pain, but most of all, be able to control their reaction to it. Their reaction to anything, in fact. They had to keep smiling.

They wiped away at the blood, smudging it across their hands as Nightshade tried clearing it off of their arms, but most of it had dried already. They sighed, slightly relieved at the fact that they won't have to rush to clean stains off their sleeping mat before Azure awoke.

Azure.

The thought had been lingering in their mind for a long time. Nightshade's devotion to the Spawn had been wavering in the eyes of Amarah, unstable and not with as much dedication as many of the other cultists. They needed to do better to continue up in the cult. They'd given up their life as a normal robloxian to live amongst the worshippers of the Spawn. They couldn't blow their chance by wasting offering days because they'd thought to sacrifice a cat on a whim and didn't have the guts to do it. They had to plan something in advance. They had to prepare something meaningful.

Azure had been raised up in the cult of the Spawn, and his devotion, while seemingly casual and more modern compared to the rest, was unquestionable. If Nightshade sacrificed such a pure worshipper in the name of the Spawn, they'd redeem all of the potential they'd wasted. What was more worthy to such a powerful, beautiful, generous being than the adopted cultist taking the life of their lover who would give everything for the Spawn? Maybe the Spawn would even protect and divine them. Nightshade would prove that they had control over their emotions. They would prove that they were capable of this.

They bit their lip in hesitation, scratching at the cuts they'd just made. The idea of a life, even two lives, without Azure was... horrifying. But the Spawn was their lord, the being that protected and cared for them. He would look down upon Nightshade and condemn them for their lack of reverence for him. They'd be separated from Azure no matter what. The cult of Spawn only doomed their love, but if Nightshade sacrificed him... perhaps there was a chance. They possibly could live together, first lifer and second lifer, without worry for their devotion not being enough. Never another beating from Amarah. Maybe they could finally be at peace. Exactly, exactly! Azure would revive that... that painful, excruciating resurrection... and they'd spend the rest of their lives together free of the burden of not being enough for their great Spawn.

Slowly, Nightshade placed their hands on their knees and pushed themselves upward, their arms weak and shaking as they placed their knife back into their pocket. Soon enough they were walking back barefoot in the grass towards the campsite, their arms behind their back in a respectful manner. They stopped at a sleek, dark gray tent with two lanterns guarding the entrance. It unzipped and in stepped Nightshade, silent against the muted nighttime air. Their head cocked as their face twisted into a smile when they saw their partner, Azure, sleeping rather messily and spread out in the dark of the tent, before their eyebrows creased and they bit the inside of their cheek. The thoughts swirling around their mind burdened them as they shifted part of the covers that rested on top of Azure to slide themself underneath alongside them. Nothing in the thundering of guilt and regretful ideas that stormed against their head could persuade Nightshade's intentions at this moment. They stiffly lay down on their back, arms straight at their sides instead of wrapping around their lover the way they always did. They'd decided.

Next Sunday, early in the morning, Nightshade would take Azure's hands and... sacrifice them for the Spawn. Their Spawn. Nightshade's eyes began to weigh down and they turned their head over to gaze upon Azure, whose soft, blackish-brown hair was covering his eyes, just as the way his long-rimmed hat always did. He really was the most perfect person Nightshade could ever dream of. Certainly the Spawn would think the same. There was an entire week left to weave the perfect death for the love of their life, and only a week left to devote to him.

From here, only 7 more days, Nightshade, they thought to themself.

Chapter Text

"Where is it that you are taking me, Azure?" Nightshade prompted, their forearm covering their eyes, wrist turned inward.

"You'll simply love it, Nightshade, I promise. I found it just for you," Azure spoke over his shoulder, smiling, one hand holding his hat tight against the wind, the other hanging onto Nightshade's. Together, they raced through what Nightshade could feel was a vast, stoneless field lain with soft soil and long grass that brushed just below their knees. It was wet and left their legs and feet damp with dew. It may have been very early in the morning, but holding onto Azure's hand, Nightshade felt themself filling with this sense of peace and rejuvenation. Every step forwards left them wanting more, to frolic in loving, ignorant, blinding bliss with Azure forever. All that held them back was their fragile secret. Soon enough, however, they came to a halt, almost tripping over their own feet at the stop. Azure gently placed a hand on their shoulder to catch them, laughing softly.

"Don't worry, I'd never let you fall. You can uncover your eyes now," he spoke gently, slowly lowering Nightshade's arm for them to present them with something they weren't as prepared for as they thought. They stood barefoot in front of an expansive stretch of gentle purple nightshades that reflected the early light of sunrise, glistening and rustling as the breeze passed through. Just beside them sat a grand willow tree, draping itself around them to protect them from the glare of the sun. Nightshade gazed in awe, taking note of the seemingly perfectly sized path that guided between the nightshades that made it safer to explore the fatally beautiful flowers. As they breathed in and sighed, smiling at the sight, a sense of peace flooded over them, but when they shifted their gaze to Azure...

"Nightshade?" Azure choked out, and Nightshade realized that Azure wasn't taking in the same view that they were. The arm that had been covering their eyes was now flipped, held softly in Azure's larger hands. Their smile widened awkwardly and they rapidly pulled themself away, folding their arms in an attempt to comfort themself as they avoided Azure's overshadowed gaze. However, their eyes were drawn back to him as he spoke once more.

"It's okay, love. It's okay. You know I'll never judge you." his voice began to steady. "I love you. I'll always love you, and I want you to feel okay enough that you don't have to do this anymore. Do you mind if I look?" He slowly reached out his hands, palms up, waiting for Nightshade's consent. Hesitantly, they turned back to Azure and let him take their hands in his, gently flipping them over to assess the damage. He scanned their arms silently, caressing the side of the cuts with his thumb. "This is rather intense. Moreso than what you've shown me before. We should cover them with bandage pads or gauze to protect them, and maybe it'll give you a bit of comfort. It's going to be okay, Nightshade. It really is. You're so, so incredibly loving and deserve so much more than to keep bearing this pain." His words flowed from a place of heart that Nightshade would never comprehend. A place of the deepest understanding and care only came from one person in a lifetime. A couple of moments of silence passed as the breeze rustled the willow flowers, casting glints of sunlight onto Azure through the gaps of tree.

"I-I apologize, Azure, I... I do not intend to burden you with it. I do not intend to hurt you." Their own words took them off guard. It wasn't what they should be saying to the man they were going to have to betray, but the guilt of their own self-injury having to concern the one they loved the most would eat them alive.

"You never have to apologize to me for what you do to yourself. It doesn't hurt me, but I'll never stand back and watch you suffer. I'm here by my own choice to carry the weight with you if it means you can at least stand on your feet." The words came so easily to him. Nightshade wished that they could return the favor of all the love and gentleness that came from Azure, but they never knew how, but he didn't seem to care. His love never wavered.

Had they not vowed to never cry again in front of another soul, they'd have collapsed into Azure's arms and sobbed enough for the entire field of nightshades to drown. Instead, as the moments of quiet passed between them, they stepped forwards, hesitating before scooping their arms under Azure's and around his muscular frame, falling down to the grass together as one. Azure's frown twitched and soon curved into a smile, a small laugh escaping their lips. Just the sound of it eased up Nightshade's forced smile, melting into a sweet smirk as they rolled over, laying besides Azure with their arms sprawled out, gazing through the gaps of sunlight in the willow tree that cast a loving shade over them. It may be good to stay like this for a while longer, Nightshade pondered, as an apology in advance for ending your first life. They decided that next offering day, they wouldn't focus so deeply on emotional detachment. They'd guide their knife with all of the love in their heart. They'd reward Azure the assurance of a second life. Everything would be alright. They'd live in peace together. It'd be perfect... right?

"I'll do anything for you to feel better, Nightshade. I love you," Azure whispered towards the sky. Nightshade felt their pale face heat up.

"Then would you wish to meander the flower fields together?"

"I'd love to," Azure smiled as he placed his hands on the soil behind him to push himself up into a sitting position. Beside him, Nightshade did the same, but instead of resting there, they quickly kissed Azure on the cheek before rapidly leaping up to their feet and dashing towards the trunk of the willow.

"Only if you may catch up to me, love!" They called back over their shoulder, whipping out their steak knife and strongly forcing it into the bark of the tree. When they were certain it was stable, they swung their leg up and placed a foot onto it, pushing themself up and reaching their arms upwards towards the nearest, thickest branch they could before they could lose balance. Now they were digging their nails into the bark and hoisting themself up until they could swing a thigh over it and sit against the trunk for a moment. Their feet dangled a decent distance above the ground now, with Azure directly below them racing towards the knife that now served as a step. Giggling, they lifted one foot on top of the branch and held onto the one above them for balance and they stepped out towards the tip until the branch above reached too high and Nightshade was left to depend on their own ability to control the direction of their weight.

"You trapped yourself!" Azure exclaimed, and Nightshade stood processing for a moment when they realized how ridiculous they looked, letting out a small giggle as Azure strongly hoisted himself up onto the same branch with a hell of a lot more ease than when Nightshade had. They watched as he rose to stand just as they had, stalking down the branch without the help of a supporting one.

"Heh heh, you caught m-" Nightshade began, before they realized... they were tipping over. Before they could catch their balance, they felt their foot lose traction and let out a gasp. Soon enough wind rushed past their ears and they felt a rough, burning scraping against their arm as they failed to latch onto the branch with their hand. They hit the ground with a heavy thud against the soil, but the drop had been low enough to tank. What couldn't be tanked, however, was the now dirtied and scraped cuts on their arm.

"Nightshade!" Azure called out, quickly dropping down beside them, clutching their hat against the air rushing by. They immediately fell to their knees to examine Nightshade, breathing heavily.

"Praise be the Spawn, it appears I may only have a.. scratch." The end of their sentence was hissed through gritted teeth as the shock was over and the throbbing in their arm became prominent.

"I'm sorry that I let you fall." Azure rushed their words out, frantic about the freshened wounds. "We need to disinfect this as soon as possible, and we need to cover it. I should've done so sooner. There's an abandoned building up the hill-- we might find gauze, rubbing alcohol, something, we just need something. Water! We need water too, to clean it off. Oh my Spawn, I'm so sorry Nightshade. I'll make sure everything is okay." Words were spewing from his mouth as they came to him as he fret over Nightshade while they sat calmly, mildly entertained by the attention. Just as they were about to stand up and brush themself off, they were lifted from the ground, scooped into Azure's arms. Oh Spawn, he's strong, Nightshade couldn't help but lay vulnerably in his arms in awe for just a few seconds. He set them on their feet and brushed the dirt and pieces of grass off their legs for them, trying to redeem himself for not catching them when they fell, even though doing so would've dislocated something. Still, Nightshade accepted the love and eventually Azure was finished. He took them by the hand and guided them away from the willow tree, gently pushing the draping flowers aside to part the way for the two of them. He was leading them towards the nightshades.

"Are the flowers not poisonous?" Nightshade inquired.

"I actually bought a thick pair of gardening gloves so that I could carve out a path through them. Took me a couple of days, but it was worth it to make an area that we could mess around in," Azure replied a bit shyly, proud of their work but embarrassed at the thought of gloating about it. Nightshade loved the way he always seemed the ramble when he spoke. It felt real. It felt human. It felt loving. As they weaved through the light purple collage of plants, Nightshade's mind wandered. They were processing just how many times Azure must've been to this field preparing it to show to them. He didn't need to explore it like Nightshade had requested earlier, but he was going to. For them. The realization made Nightshade's heart ache. Had they ever given him such a thoughtful gift? Sure, they'd saved a little bit each day for a few months to buy him a collection of extensively detailed books about plants. They even taught him how to read so that he could actually comprehend the contents of the books. Still, they felt they'd never done something as thoughtful as this. They gave of their skills while it felt like Azure gave of his soul. They spent so long pitying themself for what they interpreted as an inability to properly reciprocate love that they didn't realize how nicely the pair balanced each other out. One could give of their mind while the other gave of his body. Even so, Nightshade felt a guilt rising in their chest. Azure would never harm them. They couldn't say the same to him.

A couple of minutes later, they found themselves at the steps of a door of an old gray cottage composed of stone bricks, broken windows, and moss crawling up the sides. There was even as much as a water well laying at the side of it. Something about it, though, felt... homey. It felt safe. Just a small little house that sat on top of a hill overlooking a field of nightshades and willow. It was comforting. It seemed old-old, however. A couple of centuries old. Still, Azure pushed forwards and twisted the doorknob, letting out a small bit of dust that had collected around the doorframe. On the other side he was met with cobwebs and the entrance to a kitchen, with a small dining room to the left. He held onto Nightshade's hand and led them behind him so that he could clear out anymore webs.

"Such a lovely little place. Surely the old owners would've kept some first aid stuff. Do you think the term first aid existed when this house was built?" Azure prompted as he started towards the kitchen cabinets, the dusty wooden planks beneath them creaking and rattling as they walked as one.

"It is of my knowledge that the term was invented just before the 1900's," Nightshade responded, just as curious.

"I have yet to read up on architecture, but I think this house is quite a bit older than that, don't you think?" He swung open the doors, immediately met with a coughing fit at the huge puff of dust that erupted. His fingers were already tipped in dirt and dust.

"My Spawn, I would never have guessed!" Nightshade laughed, now covering their mouth with their hand. Azure's coughing slowly transitioned into a laugh as he cleared his airways, ready to shift his attention back to the contents of the cabinet. Nightshade leaned to the left, trying to catch a glimpse of what was inside over Azure's large frame, but it seemed empty besides a couple of now very well-aged wine bottles. "No luck?"

"For Spawn's sake, how are all of these empty?" he hissed, now tossing through every lower cabinet, releasing floods of dust. "Love, can you search for a pantry or medicine cabinet somewhere?" Nothing answered his question but the scarily loud silence. Nightshade's focus had transferred to the wooden knife holder that sat atop the counter, between a container of spoons and whiskers and a small mug coaster. Their expression dropped and their eyes lay fixed on the sharp edges. Their mind whirled with whispers that weren't in their own voice.

"Nightshade?" He paused, turning around, pivoting on the knee that his weight sat on.

They snapped back to the present, the voices in their head dissipating like ash. "Yes, do not worry, I shall find it!" They sounded a bit too chirpy, but they didn't know how else to keep Azure from assessing the reality of their mental state. Spinning on their heel, hands folded behind their back, Nightshade waltzed away smiling, passing through the dining room and eventually into another room with stone flooring. Not stone bricks, but actual rocks that hadn't been very thoroughly smoothed out. It was a fun change of pace, literally, considering they immediately almost lost their balance when they weren't looking down. Once they caught themself, they lifted their head to scan the room. It was decorated charmingly, with a couple of chairs and a lush looking sofa collected around a fireplace, separated by a large beige rug and a coffee table carrying an empty vase and two more coasters identical to the one they'd spotted a couple of moments ago. Behind the sofa was a dusty bookshelf coated in webs, yet still stocked, unlike the kitchen cabinets. The book spines were decorative and colorful. Azure would be ecstatic.

Nightshade's mind started to phase away again. They imagined themself laying in Azure's lap on the sofa as he reread his favorite book about poisonous plants while fire lapped at the stone bricks in front of them. It was a comforting scene. There was something else, too-- a small shadow that they couldn't quite make out before they zoned back to reality. Medicine cabinet. Right. I suppose there's nothing useful here. They backed up, reluctantly turning their back to the living room that endeared them so much. Behind them was a staircase leading to the floor above them, and with a good feeling about what might be there, they placed a hand on the railing-- before immediately reeling it away when it was met with a thick coating of dust-- and started upwards, letting the steps creak and crackle underneath their feet. Once they'd made it up, they wandered around, exploring different rooms. One was what seemed to be an old studio. It looked like the perfect space to paint. Nightshade had always wanted to start learning how to paint, dreaming of being able to create beautiful portraits of them and Azure together. They didn't know why it called to them so much, especially when they didn't have any walls at the camp to put it up on, but it still felt like a nice way to pass time and capture the special moments they'd had together. Maybe they could even sell some paintings to spoil Azure more. Another room was a cozy bedroom with dressers, a mirror, a table with a typewriter, and even a king-sized bed. With how messily Azure slept, it'd be a dream to have one of those in their tent. After a couple more rooms upstairs, they finally came across a bathroom. All that it contained was a bathtub and a counter with a cabinet and a mirror, which Nightshade immediately darted towards.

"Azure! May I ask that you come here?" they yelled over their shoulder as they kneeled down, praying to Spawn that it'd have what they needed just to make Azure happy. When they swung open the doors, they were met with a collage of items, a direct contrast to the contents of the kitchen. The most eye-catching object must've been a steel bucket taking up most of the space, probably used to fill up the bathtub. Luckily, just as the cabinet began to overwhelm them, Azure arrived at their side to peer inside along with them.

"Here we go," he smiled as he reached in and pulled out a soft black tube of... wait, what? It didn't look like bandages. "You know, love, I've read somewhere that doctors wore black until the 1800's. They must've experimented a bit with dying cotton black when they made gauze, too. I'd be willing to bet that this place has existed since the 1700's, don't you think?"

"...So it is actually gauze?" Nightshade gazed at it curiously, wide-eyed sitting on the bathroom floor with their partner intrigued by the history of medical standards. They loved how enthusiastic he always was when he got to share the information he read. He was proud of it, and Nightshade was proud of him.

"Yeah! Cool, right? Now we can wash you off with that water well outside and wrap you up before we head back to make it to prayer. Plus, the bandages will go with your outfit. By Spawn's good grace, we really are blessed, aren't we?" Azure smiled, energized. Everything seemed alright now, especially in such a cozy environment. The house felt like home. "We should hurry, however. The clouds are collecting, I think it may begin storming soon enough."

Together, they whisked their way through the collection of nightshades, each lost in silent thought. Nightshade held onto Azure's hand, wrapped around the warmth as they faced the cold of the oncoming storm together as they were working their way back towards camp. The wind teased and threatened to tumble away Azure's hat, but he clutched it, mindful of how heavy the breeze whipped it. Just a short while ago he'd been using those same hands to lovingly pour water over Nightshade's wounds and gently wrap them in the fascinatingly colored gauze. Throughout the procedure, they couldn't help but bite their lip nervously. Could they care for Azure's wounds the same way when they murdered him? Was it even worth it to try? But nothing was going to stop them from carrying out the act nonetheless. The Spawn had blessed them with lives that dripped rich with love and care and it deserved the praise of a sacrifice just as loving being carried out in its name. He would be eternally pleased with them. in the midst of their foggy-minded thoughts, a small blip on the tip of their nose caught their attention. Slowly, the clouds began to rumble, and more and more cool sensations trickled along the surface of their skin. The rain was easing into the field, growing heavier and heavier.

"Such a good thing I brought this, hm?" Azure smiled as he lifted his hands up to his neck. He tossed his scarf behind him and gently unbuttoned his gray leather poncho, lifting it high above his head and huddling up next to Nightshade to cover them, protecting them from the rain. "Let's go, we should hurry!" He shouted against the now deafeningly loud downpour, met by thunder crackling in the distance. He picked up his pace and Nightshade followed his step, eventually dashing through the empty field with haste. As they sprinted against the storm, Nightshade couldn't help but allow themself one more self-indulgent thought of the sacrifice, a new idea arriving to their head.

In 6 more days, they envisioned the scene, I will stab you here, in this field, with all the love I bear in my heart to bring us closer to the Spawn.