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Mat and Brian had spent Christmas Eve with Brian’s family; they decided to bring their van since the house had become quite crowded with his cousins, nieces, nephews, and so forth. It’s not like the two minded being so close together all the time, for one they just spent the last several months together touring, which had Brian thinking a lot about the two’s relationship. Brian couldn’t remember the last time the topic of his and Mat’s relationship came up, it was a while that’s for sure, but as of recently the topic was constantly on his mind. They were older now, shit like that only gets in the way, and he was so fucking lucky that the shit from their highschool, college, and earlier days were left in the past, but God he missed it.
The two were sitting on the edge of the van floor with the door open, their legs outside with their feet on the ground. Brian bit his lip trying to keep his mouth shut as Mat exhaled the smoke from the cigarette he was smoking. “Are you excited for tomorrow?”
Brian quickly took a sip of beer before he turned to Mat to answer. “Obviously.”
“It’s weird being home after so long… I guess it always is.”
Brian nodded as he watched Mat smoke. He placed his hand on the floor, or he tried before realizing Mat’s hand was already there. He chuckled. “Sorry.” He quickly moved it placing it just next to Mat’s hand.
Mat exhaled the smoke before he spoke “I don’t mind.” He smiled as he placed his hand over Brian’s shortly before offering the cigarette to Brian. Brian seemed a little flustered as he rejected it.
“I think I'm gonna go to bed…”
“Oh, okay…” Mat put it out in the ashtray next to him. “I’ll lock up the van soon, It's cold.”
Brian just nodded as he stood up, and crawled into the bed. Mat scrolled on his phone for a while, it was past midnight and he noticed a bunch of text wishing him a Merry Christmas. He texted those people back, wished them the same, texted a few others, but when he scrolled to his dad’s contact he ended up stuck on it. He opened their text messages, the last one being from over a year ago. He scrolled through the old messages for a while, scrolling through the old photos of him as a kid, the old wishes of happy birthdays, Christmas’, and other holidays. He felt the urge to text him again, maybe it’d make him happy to hear from his son again, but Mat’s finger couldn’t press the button to let the message go through.
“Can you shut the door Matty?” Mat was almost startled by Brian’s voice.
“Sure thing…” Mat stepped just outside and closed the door behind him. He took a few steps away from the van leaving a trail of footsteps in the snow as he looked at his phone again, he decided to call him.
“Hello… Mathew, do you have any idea how late it is?”
Mat sighed. “I know, I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
“I appreciate that but try again tomorrow, it’s way too late for this shit. I don’t hear from you in months I thought you’d actually have something important going on”
“The phone works both ways.”
“How about I call you tomorrow? Promise.”
“Fine. I’ll talk to you then…”
“Okay…”
Mat almost spoke before he heard the call end. “Goodnight-“ he only rolled his eyes before he went back inside the van. Brian was already knocked out so he crawled into bed next to Brian without bothering him.
-
Mat was woken up to Brian practically shaking him awake. “Merry Christmas, Matty!” Mat laughed.
“Merry Christmas, Bri!” He sat up. “Couldn’t give me 5 more minutes?”
“Nope.” Mat smiled as he crawled out of bed. The two changed out of their pajamas, and styled their hair before they opened the door and stepping into the cold. They walked to the front porch and knocked on the door until Monica let them inside, she took a few steps back as they stepped inside and Brian began to take off his hat. He could hear Monica laughing.
“Ooh.” She said in an almost mocking tone. Mat had seemed to already catch on, he was looking up at something, Brian’s eye’s followed to a green and red plant dangling from the ceiling… mistletoe.
“Wait hold on, I gotta take a picture!” She laughed, pulling out her phone. Brian looked at Mat, and blushed slightly as Mat gently put his hand on Brian’s face. Brian put his arm over his shoulder as Mat watched Monica give a thumbs up before gently pulling him closer as he kissed the side of his face. Brian smiled as It left a warmth on his cheek, a strange warmth that he couldn’t feel as he put his hand to his cheek, but one he could only feel in his face. He laughed it off.
Why do I feel so nervous and awkward right now? Is it getting hot in here? He thought as Monica just laughed, she put her phone away.
“Merry Christmas you two!” She gave Brian and Mat hugs and as they walked further inside the two gave Brian’s mom and the rest of his family hugs before making coffee and finding somewhere to sit.
“I’m gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Brian nodded as Mat began walking away.
Brian turned to Monica and pointed to the mistletoe “That wasn’t there yesterday, was it?”
“Nope. I thought it’d be funny.”
“Well It’s not.”
“Oh come on, it was a joke.”
“I’m being serious Mon, me and Mat aren't dating anymore.”
Monica made a “tsk” sound before she spoke “Are you sure you’re over it though?”
“MONICA!” he shouted a little too loud as Mat walked in, he sat next to Brian, he didn’t ask about it, just awkwardly smiled as he opened his phone.
“Brian, be nice to your sister.” Brian’s mom glared at him.
Brian sighed. “Sorry.”
“Me too.” She nudged his shoulder. “I'm just teasing.” She smiled. Brian smiled back, It really shouldn’t bother him, but he’d done such a good job keeping quiet about his feelings for so long, and now he felt more vulnerable than he’d liked.
Brian sighed. “I mean, you’re right… just don’t bring it up.” Brian spoke a little quieter so Mat wouldn’t hear, but he didn’t seem to care too much as he scrolled on his phone. She nodded, the day went well after that, for Brian at least.
-
Monica, Brian, and Mat were the last few people sitting outside by the fire, or rather dying coals by now, in the backyard.
“Is Mat alright?” She whispered to Brian.
“Yeah, he’s usually quiet.”
“Never around you.”
Brian looked over to Mat who looked buried in his phone, his hair fell over his face making it hard to see any emotion through it. Brian turned to Monica as he shrugged. “Try talking to him.” She stood up. “You might not be the only one thinking about this morning… Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” He smiled as he watched her go inside and closed the door behind her. Brian tapped Mat’s shoulder, he saw his eyes were a little watery when he looked at him. “Mat, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot…” He looked back at his hands.
“Yeah?” Brian could feel his heart start to race, it felt like he was in college again, still a fool lusting after Mat, barely able to take his eyes away from his lips. “About what?”
“My dad.”
Oh! Oh… that caught Brian off guard to say the least. His eyes shifted to look at Mat’s after realizing the mood wasn’t as romantic as he thought it was. A little unfortunate, but he didn’t mind being there for Mat. “What about him?”
Mat sniffed. “He said he’d call me today. But shocker! Haven’t even gotten a text or nothing…” Mat handed Brian his phone that was full of Mat texting him asking when, or if he’d call.
“Why do you give a fuck? He’s a dick.”
“Yeah… but we’re back home for a while, I thought he’d want to hear from me…”
Brian sighed “I’m sure he does Matty…”
“I thought he’d be proud… I thought I could prove him wrong and he’d be proud of me or something.”
“You could be a rocket scientist and he still wouldn’t be proud.”
“I just wish he cared…”
“Would sharing a joint make you feel better?”
“If you’re offering.”
Brian handed Mat his phone back before standing up. “Wait here.”
Mat nodded as he watched Brian walk away and return a few minutes later.
“Merry Christmas Mat.” Brian handed the joint to Mat as he grabbed a lighter.
“Merry Christmas Bri.” Mat put the joint between his lips as Brian lit it, he inhaled and coughed out the smoke before passing it to Brian. “I should be glad I don’t have to hear his voice.”
“He’d probably just talk shit anyway.” Brian took the joint from Mat’s hand.
“Yeah… I dunno why I even expected him to call. I guess I just wanna rub it in his face that everything worked out, that I'm happy and he’s… not. Or maybe he is. I don’t fucking know.”
“Do you care?”
“Yeah… I shouldn’t. He’s just a dick.”
“I could’ve told you that!” Brian took a second hit before passing the joint back to Mat.
“He probably wants me to think he’s too busy for me.” Brian shrugged before he heard his phone buzz, he chuckled when he saw Monica had sent him the photo from earlier. “Whose texting?” Brian showed him the photo.
“Aw. You look handsome! Can you send that to me?” Brian blushed and nodded. “So, who’s idea was that? The mistletoe?”
“It was Monica.” Brian laughed. “She was teasing us I think.”
“I wonder why?” Mat looked at Brian as he took another hit.
Brian shrugged “I dunno ask her.” Mat’s hands were shivering as he handed Brian the joint.
“Are you cold?” Brian asked.
Mat shrugged, but Brian didn’t need an answer as he pulled off his sweater and traded with him as he took the joint.
Mat pulled the sweater over his head, it was warm. “Thanks.”
“Not like I need it.”
“I was kinda zoned out today… sorry.”
Brian started to feel bad, he was so focused on his own feelings he didn’t even notice how quiet Mat was, or that he was so focused on his phone. “It’s okay Mat.” He took a deep breath. “I should’ve noticed you were off, I was just thinking a lot.”
“About?” Mat asked.
“Ah, nothing.” Brian waved his hand away, before passing the joint to Mat.
“About what Bri?” He asked again, he scooted closer to Brian as if he already knew the answer and was fucking with him. Mat took the joint from his hand but not before touching his fingers on accident. Brian felt like he was burning up even though it's cold out, Mat was practically pressed against him and he felt the same heat that he felt earlier except now it covered all the areas he felt Mat pressed up against and his body felt a little tingly because of the weed, which really wasn’t helping him right now. His eyes focused on Mat’s lips, his face was different than it was years ago, a whole lot different, but it was still the same Mat; the same eyes, the same smile, the same lips, the same person, just a little older, a little taller, a little hairier, and a little fucking smarter, surly smart enough to not want someone as fucked up as Brian. Surly… “Stop that…” Mat spoke, Brian’s eyes met Mat’s.
“What?”
“Looking at me like that, like you always used to do, like you wanna kiss me...”
“Sorry.” Brian scooted away.
“...unless you actually have the balls to do something about it.”
Brian reached for the joint in Mat’s hands, he took a hit before exhaling the smoke and taking a deep breath. “Fine.” His eyes looked at Mat’s lips again before leaning in closer, making out was always nice. Making out high? Also fucking nice. Making out while high with Mat Uychich? Fucking life changing! Brian felt his heart racing as they separated “I think I’m still in love with you…”
Mat nodded “Good… cause so am I…”