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When Lex Walked into the courthouse on a crisp Thursday afternoon, the last thing he had expected was for the judge presiding over his case to be one of his Disgruntled Ex girlfriends. (He knew trying to date someone closer to his IQ was a bad idea)
What he had expected even less, however, was the verdict.
See, he was found guilty of every count (Because, quite frankly, he was guilty)
But when it came to sentencing, the sweet southern girl looked him dead in his eyes and said
“As punishment for your Many, Many crimes… You will be forced to work one shift at the Waffle House just off 310 by the seven Eleven with the good bathrooms.”
That couldn’t possibly be that bad, Lex thought to himself as he was told to stand.
What his disgruntled ex had failed to mention is that that shift would start at midnight and be in the middle of the summer with the AC off.
Within the first twenty minutes he was ready to beg for a prison sentence.
He had been given no training, not told how anything worked, and was forced into what he could only describe as scrubs from hell. They were itchy, most likely unsanitary if the smell was any indication, and worst of all clashed with his blue eyes.
He was truly in his own personal hellscape.
His so called ‘co-cook’, who he was pretty sure was a homeless man based off of the sleeping bag tucked in the walk in, Had done lines off the counter of a mixture of powdered sugar and cocaine, as well as setting his supposed wife and child at the counter where they proceed to order nothing and take up space paying customers needed.
And that space was needed. For one AP that place was more packed full of junkies than a rehab center. Lex was pretty sure half the reason was the laced powdered sugar, but quite frankly he was not getting paid enough to ask
He was off in his own thought bubble about the ethics and how he could export cocaine powdered sugar when someone- no something licked his eyeball
“Hey!” the guy holding the offending pet shouted at him “Gimpy and I want Hashbrowns, Mr.Worldwide”
Lex opened his mouth to respond, most likely to snap at him for the bald joke, when he looked down and realised the thing that had just licked his eye was a tiny baby alligator missing one of his feet.
Lex promptly screamed like a girl scout who just saw a knock off cookie and jumped back
“Is.. Is that Gimpy?” HE asked, trying to stave off the whimper in his voice
“WHo else would it be, Baldy? He got caught in a fox trap and lost his leg. Can I get my damn hash browns now?” The disgruntled man had managed to wav over the other cook by then, and he passed over two plates of the potato mush.
“Don’t be disrespecting Gimpy now Mr. Clean” His co-cook said as he wiped his hands in his beard “He's a national treasure. now, don't need me for a few, My girl is here and i'm gonna take her back to the walk in for a quick one”
Lex nodded slowly and watched the man drag a woman who was most definitely not the wife he had seen earlier into the restaurant's pantry. He looked back to the counter to see a hand just barely peeking over the top. When he leaned over to get a better look he was met with the gran eyes of a four year old who was blinking like a cat.
“Hi” She chirped, waving a stack of hundreds up at him
“H.. Hello” Luthor replied, not at all fazed by the amount of money in the girls hands (HE had no idea how much money was a lot anymore, he was to rich for all that)
“Can I get the Unicorn Frappuccino with extra sprinkles? In a tall?” The girl asked, tossing that cash at his face and pulling herself up onto the counter
He blinked at her for a second, having no idea how to talk to kids or what a ‘frappuccino’ was
“...No”
“F*** you then Mr. Egghead, you $%@! @&#$?&!. YOU ABSOLUTE @%$#-GOBBLING &!#@-WAFFLE, $#@&ing MUFFINHEAD I hope your doll’s head falls off and your juice spills and you step on a LEGO and— @#%$&!?@!$#%!!&*#@%!?!!@$#%$!!??&!!”” The girl replied, staring him directly into his bald soul
“I…” Luthor blinked and pat the girls head “Ok”
He picked the girl up by the arms awkwardly and set her on the ground next to him
“Youre… In timeout?” he said. It more a question then a statement
“Nooooooooooo, wait pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee” The girl sobbed, attaching herself to Lex’s leg “Ill be good i promise i just want my drink please dadddddddddd”
Lex stared down at her, more baffled by the girl calling him dad then the string of curses, some even in other languages, she had spouted at him earlier
“I am not your father, nore do I even know your name, so if you could please stop that incessant whining i would like to -”
The girl stopped crying for a split second. Before doubling down and crying even harder
“You… Forgot… My Name is Cinnamon?!?!?!” She managed to sob through tears “You’re the worst dad ever!”
Lex’s eye twitched and he looked over to the guard posted at the door “How many years would i get if I left?” He asked quickly
“50 to life” THe guard replied, watching Luthor pull his gloves off
“Better than this” Lex mumbled, handing the child attached to his leg the bag of cocaine sugar to calm her down enough for him to slip out of her iron grip.
“Get me as far away from this hellish landscape before I kill something” He grit through his teeth, already holding his hands out to be cuffed.