Archive of Our Own ^beta

Suho didn’t mean to stare.

He had never been one to actually really pay that much attention to his classmates, or what was going on around the classroom. He had more important things to worry about, like getting some shut eye and making sure he woke up in time for lunch.

But for some odd reason, he had found himself glancing around the classroom.

Suho’s eyes found themselves glancing across the room, to one of the occupied desks.

It was his classmate Sieun that was sitting there. His head was down, he had airpods in and was clearly absorbed with his studying. As usual for the quiet boy.

Suho had decided from the first day of class that Sieun was his favourite classmate.

They had never spoken before, they had hardly ever even looked at eachother.

But he was Suho’s favourite.

Because Sieun knew how to mind his own business, Sieun didn’t meddle in anyones life, nor did he get involved with the petty conflicts that somehow arise in the classroom. He looked untouchable in a way, unobtainable.

Suho knew he wasn’t though.

Every passing remark made at Sieun, every shove against a wall or hit taken had an effect on the boy. Whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Which is why even if Suho didn’t really get involved with his classmates, when he was awake in class, he’d find his eyes lingering towards Sieun. He doesn’t think that the other boy has noticed his staring, or if he has noticed he hasn't cared to call Suho out on it.

Maybe he doesn’t call Suho out on it because he knows that there are alot worse things than staring.

But he looks at Sieun, because he knows that one day something is going to snap in him.

A person can only be pushed to their limit so many times, before something inside them cracks.

Suho has a morbid curiosity, as to what it will be like if Sieun snaps.

Sieun is not a big kid by any means, in fact he’s noticeably smaller and thinner then almost all their classmates. But the thing about people like Sieun, who don’t have a lot of physical strength behind them, is that they have this kind of rage that can come out when they feel like they're backed into a corner.

People like Yeong-bin seem to fail to grasp this concept. This idea that if he keeps pushing at Sieun, that Sieun is going to snap back at him one day.

If someone like Sieun snapped back, it wouldn’t be pretty.

People like Sieun, when they snap it’s brutal.

Because the moment he snaps, it’s not going to be because of one thing. It’s an accumulation of all the little and big things that he’s never been able to forget or let go of, it’s going to be a moment where Sieun will not care about the consequences of what he does.

Which is dangerous for the people around Sieun.

But it’s also dangerous for Sieun.

When Sieun snaps, he will either take out all this anger and resentment that he has on the person that pushes him over the edge one day. 

Or,

Sieun will take it out on himself.

Though they had never spoken before, Suho would definitely notice if Sieun’s desk in class went unoccupied.

Afterall, Suho would be saddened by the absence of his favourite classmate.

One day, as he’s mindlessly staring at Sieun from across the classroom, the boy just so happens to turn his head.

Their eyes meet.

It must have only been five seconds of eye contact, but those five seconds will be embedded into Suho’s brain for as long as he lives.

Because as he sees Sieun’s eyes, he’s reminded of all the whispers and taunts that he’s overhead about the boy’s eyes being creepy.

Suho had never cared about the comments, not had he ever really thought of Sieun’s eyes that much.

But in that moment, it could have been the lighting, or the timing, or maybe he was just tired and not thinking straight, But-

Sieun’s eyes are beautiful.

The staring doesn’t linger, Sieun turns back to his textbook and Suho turns his head around to face the wall.

Sieun will never say anything about this moment to Suho, and Suho should be inclined to to do the same, but as his head is turned the thought that keeps running through his head is:

How could anyone hate something so beautiful?

Maybe he is just really tired; he’ll try to sleep the thought away.

(It never goes away, even after he and Sieun become friends. The thought is always there)

~~~~~~~~

When Suho ‘accidentally’ knocks on Sieun’s apartment, it’s what he likes to refer to as a moment of fate.

Or maybe he had just so happened to see Sieun walk into that apartment building when he was out making a delivery one night. It was a mindless thought though, he really was looking for another apartment in the building.

It just so happened that he may or may not have also known that Sieun lived in this building.

Perhaps he secretly hoped to run into him in the hallway or something.

Maybe that hope had been enough for him to will their fateful interaction into existence.

Because the door he happened to knock on was Sieun’s.

He pushes himself into Sieun’s space, and his eyes twinkle.

Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful.

It actually kills Suho to leave the apartment that night, and if he thinks he could convince Sieun to let him stay he would.

But he knows he won’t let him.

But maybe one day he would.

Suho clings onto that hope for the rest of his shift. And a little more after that.

~~~~~~~~

As predicted, Sieun snaps one day.

Of course it’s a day that Suho is late, he doesn’t know what started this but when he walks into the classroom he sees Yeong-Bin on the floor, bleeding.

There’s blood on the curtains, and the boy is hardly moving.

Their classmates are watching on with a mix of horror and shock, but part of Suho knows that they all knew a day like this was going to come. Suho’s sure that some people had even bet on it.

Suho, had always been a firm believer in not crossing the line.

When he was MMA, this rule was drilled into them. That you do not go any further than necessary, because the consequences could be deadly.

Suho looks down at Yeong-Bin, laying on the floor and bleeding. And there is not a single doubt in his mind that the boy had done something that had made his current position deserved.

He heard something along the lines of Sieun saying: “I told you to stop.”

Which is enough for Suho to feel like Sieun’s reaction to whatever Yeong-Bin had done is fairly reasonable. Afterall, it seemed Sieun had given the boy a warning, and he had just been stupid enough to ignore it.

Yeong-Bin, was always going to end up like this.

Whether it was by Sieun’s hand, or if someone else that the boy had pushed to their limits.

Suho feels no remorse or pity for him, this was the consequence of pushing people.

But when he sees that Sieun is about to kick the boy in the head, that is when he intervenes.

Truth be told, Suho could not care less if Yeong-Bin lives or dies.

But he does care that Sieun seems to be completely out of his mind in anger, that Sieun himself doesn’t seem to really know what he’s doing.

He pulls Sieun away, makes a joke about being his guardian angel and something about not crossing the line.

Truth be told, Suho feels like he’s faltering under Sieun’s gaze.

Because when he looks in Sieun’s eyes, he can see the anger, the fear and the frustration.

But what’s frustrating to Suho, is that even when Sieun’s eyes look like this -

His eyes are still so beautiful.

Their conflict in the classroom comes to an end, Sieun goes with the teacher.

Suho goes to work afterschool like normal, but as he goes about making deliveries the only thing he can think of is Sieun’s eyes.

But that’s all Suho ever seems to think about these days.

~~~~~~~~

When he sees Sieun on the bus, Suho starts to believe that it really is fate that he keeps meeting the boy with the beautiful eyes.

He gets his attention, ands says:

“Maybe we were married in a past life.”

It’s the only explanation that he can really think of for why he’s so drawn to the boy, who looks like he’s walked right off the page of a fairytale. But if he was married to Sieun in a past life, then Suho has an obligation to be a decent husband in this lifetime as well.

Which is why when he looks at Sieun’s eyes, as the leans his head out of the bus window to call out the words:

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t hold it against Sieun, he knows exactly what the other boy is apologising for. Suho honestly didn’t expect an apology from Sieun anyway, Suho himself isn’t sure if he would have apologised after that.

But as he looks at Sieun’s eyes, he can see that the other feels guilty about what he did, he can see that he’s being genuine.

Which is why he says:

“If you’re really sorry, treat me to a meal.”

The light goes green, Suho flicks a heart up at Sieun then drives off.

He doesn’t actually expect Sieun to treat him to a meal, but it’s a nice thought.

The two of them sitting down for dinner together, maybe it can be at the restaurant Suho works at, maybe when he closes his eyes in the classroom tomorrow he can pretend that they could afford one of those really fancy restaurants.

The kind of restaurants where they would wear suits and ties, and be called ‘Sir’ by the waiters.

He’d be a real gentleman too.

Suho would pull out Sieun’s chair for him, and would offer to hold his things. Compliment him a dozen times.

And maybe just maybe, he’d actually get to see Sieun smile.

But he knows the chances of that are slim.

Sieun never smiles.

~~~~~~~~

But one day, Sieun does smile.

And it’s beautiful.

So beautiful, and Suho is never going to forget how it looked when Sieun looked at him like that.

His eyes practically sparkling.

If Suho had taken a photo of it, he would’ve had it framed in a museum.

If he was a painter, he’d constantly berate himself for never being able to capture the shine in Sieun’s eyes just right.

From the day that Sieun smiles at him, Suho makes a change in his thoughts.

From then on, Sieun isn’t just his favourite classmate or friend anymore.

Sieun is his favourite person in the whole world.

~~~~~~~~

The rest of his time he spends with Sieun feels like a beautiful blur.

He thinks that as long as he has Sieun by his side he could do anything.

Beomseok comes and goes.

Suho feels a little bad, but a part of him had never fully trusted the boy.

It was all in the eyes.

Sieun’s eyes were genuine.

Whereas it always seemed like Beomseok was hiding something behind his.

But it doesn’t matter; he still has Sieun.

He can see in Sieun’s eyes that the boy feels guilt over what happened with Beomseok. 

And Suho tries to get him to let it go.

There used to be a nickname that his classmates would call Sieun, ‘the emotionless doll.’ But as Suho looks at him from across the table under the starlight as they have a drink, he can’t seem to find any truth in those words.

Sieun so clearly feels so much, and he shows it all in his eyes.

He just thinks that they all miss it, because they never look at Sieun properly.

But Suho sees Sieun.

He sees him.

And when Sieun looks at him, it feels like the boy sees Suho as well.

~~~~~~~~

But all good things must come to an end at some point.

Suho’s birthday being the tipping point.

When he finds that he’s alone, he is filled with both a burning anger and a crushing sadness.

Because he thought that Sieun saw him.

Sieun isn’t at school the next day, and Suho makes the decision to go to Sieun.

As he walks up the stairs of the apartment building, he is resolved in the fact that he’s going to yell at Sieun, give him a piece of his mind and demand an explanation. He’s angry, but he’s hurt more than anything.

He really was ready to yell at Sieun.

But then he saw him.

The first thing he notices is the guilt in his eyes.

The second thing that he notices is the cast on Sieun’s arm that the boy so obviously tries to hide.

He forgets that he even planned to yell at Sieun in the first place.

“Are you okay?

He asks, already knowing the answer, even if Sieun gives him a different one.

Sieun barely reacts but gives him an attempt at reassurance.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Suho tells him.

Because he plans to see Sieun tomorrow.

After he has dealt with this thing that drove a wedge between them, after he gets rid of the things that made Sieun’s eyes be racked with guilt and pain.

He will make sure that Sieun’s eyes will shine again and that he will be able to smile freely.

~~~~~~~~

He doesn’t get to see Sieun tomorrow.

Nor does he see Sieun for the next two years and seventeen days.

He wakes up though, and the first words out of his mouth are:

“I need to go to Sieun.”

But in the end Sieun comes to him.

And Suho sees him.

He looks at Sieun, and some things have changed about him.

But when he looks at Sieun’s eyes it’s clear to him that one thing hasn’t.

Sieun’s eyes are still beautiful.