Chapter Text
Hyun-Ju had built up a lot of courage to leave her house by herself for the first time in forever. Usually she would go out to a bar with Nam-Gyu and he would convince her to relax and not care what others think. She was grateful for him, if it wasn’t for him she wouldn’t be walking to the bar by herself right now.
She kept on adjusting her outfit, not wanting to stand out because her outfit looked messy. She had always seemed to want to look put together and always care what others thought, and ever since her transitioning started, the feeling had seemed to become more powerful instead of fading away like she told herself years ago.
As she saw the bright neon lights in front of the bar, she was starting to second guess everything. What if people thought she looked weird? What if they started to misgender her? The thoughts started to consume.
Her hands began to shake, just the thought of one wrong look would send her into a spiral. She sighed and started to rub her temples. Maybe this wad a mistake…Maybe she should turn around and walk back home.
Going back to the comfort of her own home and working out sounding really good right now..No…She was going to do this, she was going to walk into this bar with all the confidence she had in her, and she is going to have a great time.
She inhaled and held it for a few seconds before exhaling, repeating this sequence until she mustered up the courage to join the line for entering the bar.
It was an odd feeling to her, walking into the bar without Nam-Gyu’s energetic presence by her side, but she had to adjust, she had adjusted her life many times before, this moment shouldn’t be different, but it was starting to hit her that she was alone, and nobody looked like they were even going to acknowledge her.
The music that played throughout the entire bar usually would make her ease into the mood of the bar and become social, but she just felt this weight on her thinking about interacting with anyone at all, even the bartender.
It’s such a simple task, just walk up to the bartender and request a drink, but WHY couldn’t she do it? What was this force pulling her back when she wanted to go forward? What was the barrier that was trapping the words in her throat? What was the magnet that was keeping her eyes latched onto the floor?
A small groan of frustration left the tall girls throat. This is stupid. She kept her head down while she turned around to go walk ti the booth, furthest from where everyone was socializing.
“This place is stupid…no IM stupid for thinking I could come here all by myself-“
Her thoughts were interrupted by the impact of someone short running into her. She only barely stumbled back, not really affected, but she immediately felt horrible for running into someone. This night was just becoming a total disaster.
“I am so so sorry! Please forgive me…I..I wasn’t watching where I was walking!!” She closed her eyes and started rambling apologies before she realized she should probably help them up instead of saying apologies they probably couldn’t hear from the floor.
She reached her hand out and the hand she felt grab hers was…very small? The strength it took to pull the person back up was very minimal. She didn’t continued to whisper apologies while opening her eyes, allowing her to make eye contact with someone for the first time this night.
The moment those soft brown eyes met hers she felt a shift in her mood change, like a light switch. She scanned the face that was looking up at her, taking in every feature. The music and the speaking suddenly started to fade out, becoming background noise she could barely hear.
She was overwhelmed by positive emotions, she almost forgot the despair and agony she was just feeling two seconds ago. Her stomach was filled with butterflies that just kept multiplying the more she stared at the shorter girl.
“-Okay?” The short girl spoke, snapping Hyun-Ju out of her trance.
“Sorry, I didn’t quite get that?” She asked, her tone confused but also still in awe at the goddess that her eyes had just laid upon.
The girl in front of her didn’t seem to be mad, which was a good sign for Hyun-Ju.
“It’s okay. I just asked if you were okay?” The girl repeated her question.
Her voice was like an angelic choir singing, like a gentle breeze. It was soft on Hyun-Ju’s ears that she let out a sigh of approval.
“Yes, don’t worry about me…” She replied breathlessly.
Hyun-Ju wanted to hear the girl speak again, the voice brought comfort into Hyun-Ju’s world that felt like it was crumbling apart. The girl’s presence made Hyun-Ju feel like what was missing in her life be revealed to her.
The girl smiled at Hyun-Ju. “I’m glad!”
Hyun-Ju’s heart leaped and almost pumped out of her chest watching the girl tilt her head and smile.
“You’re kinda squeezing my hand…” The girl said.
Hyun-Ju’s face dropped and she looked down at her large hand gripping the smaller girls hand tightly, she hadn’t even realized.
She immediately let go of the girls hand, betraying what her mind and body wanted. Hyun-Ju wanted to grab the girls hand again and gentle kiss her knuckles one by one, telling the girl how beautiful and perfect she was after every kiss.
“You’re really….really beautiful…” Hyun-Ju said, her voice breathless.
She flushed red out of embarrassment when she said the thought that was supposed to stay in her head. she covered her mouth and then her face.
“Im sorrryyyyyyy….” She cried, apologizing to the girl again for about the 215th time in the span of 2 minutes.
The girl let out a small giggle, which made Hyun-Ju’s heart melt even more.
“Don’t even worry about it. Your compliment is really appreciated! Thank you.. You’re also really really REALLY beautiful.” The girl responded to Hyun-Ju’s awkward apology and honest compliment.
Hyun-Ju’s heart felt like it couldn’t take it, like it was going to burst out of her chest any second. Her heart was beating so loud she feared the girl in front of her could hear it beating.
“Young-Mi! Over here!” A voice from behind them called out.
Hyun-Ju snapped her neck around and stared at the person who was calling the girl, who was apparently named Young-Mi, standing in front of her.
Young-Mi sighed, which made Hyun-Ju look back at her.
“Maybe we can talk later? My friends just really are annoying.” She chuckled.
Hyun-Ju laughed softly with her, though her fists were clenched with rage, this girl that she had completely fallen for in the span of a few minutes was being called by some random bastards? She had to keep her emotions at bay.
“Yeah, definitely!” She replied in a gentle tone, trying to not let Young-Mi hear the jealousy in her voice.
Young-Mi took Hyun-Ju’s hand and shook it.
“I’ll see you….” Young-Mi said, trying to figure out the tall girls name.
“Hyun-Ju.”
Young-Mi smiled and let go of her hand.
“That’s a beautiful name. I’ll see you later, Hyun-Ju.”
Hyun-Ju watched as Young-mi walked by her over to her friends…the jealousy pooling up inside of her.
Her expression went from being lovestruck to being angry. She stormed over to the booth where she was originally going to sit. Instead of staring at the table, rethinking her decisions like she planned on doing, her eyes kept staring at the short, brown haired girl.
Her gaze softened once she saw Young-Mi start to laugh, though there was a pain that stabbed right through her knowing Young-Mi was enjoying other people’s presence.
What if people wanted to date Young-Mi? NO! They didn’t want her like Hyun-Ju wanted her, she knew it. Nobody would be able to want Young-Mi like how Hyun-Ju wanted Young-Mi.
She was unconsciously digging her nails into the table, leaving little marks in the table where paint chipped off. She tried to relax herself but staring up at Young-Mi made her heart swell with excitement, and immediately get hit with dread once she saw Young-Mi interact with her friends.
She didn’t wanna take Young-Mi away from her friends…She just wanted to be around Young-Mi and hold her small and delicate hand…maybe even hold her waist, Hyun-Ju was imagining how small Young-Mi’s waist would be in her large grasp.
Young-Mi had unintentionally made Hyun-Ju obsessed with her. Hyun-Ju would do anything for Young-Mi, and would do anything to date Young-Mi…