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"Let your hair grow… it’ll suit you…"
"Just like you?"
Remus laughs, the cigarette flame dancing in front of his face; Sirius looks at him lovingly and strokes his curly hair, cut very short at the temples.
Remus is handsome.
Remus is thin, fragile, gentle...
Remus is not masculine. Not the way one usually see a young man.
Sirius doubts himself.
"Do you want to try makeup today?"
"So tired of putting makeup on yourself, decided to make others beautiful? Well, go ahead."
Remus holds his face under the brushes and squeegee. He likes the smell of cosmetics, soft and pearly, the powder gets into his nose funny, Remus sneezes. Sirius looks at his work with pride, he almost managed to smooth out all the sharp angles of his face.
Almost managed to make Remus androgynous.
Almost managed to… No. Shut up. You can't say that to your loved ones, especially to such vulnerable (tender (important) people like Remus Lupin.
And yet, it's hard for Sirius.
"Maybe we should turn off the light?.."
"Sirius, why have you started closing your eyes?"
Remus looks at him tiredly and disappointed. Just now Sirius has been hugging him around the waist under his sweater and whispering dirty things in his ear, and now Sirius’s picking at his hangnails and mumbling something about his family and upbringing.
Remus doesn’t understand.
Remus is just hurt.
Sirius keeps talking: that he wants to hold Remus’s hand on the street, kiss him in front of everyone, get married, start a family, love him "properly" and openly.
He wants them to be like everyone else.
He wants them to be normal.
Remus’s nose is stinging.
"I just wish…"
"I was a girl?" Remus asks, and his voice trembles with undisguised contempt. Some other Remus, who hadn’t yet gone through Sirius’s strange requests, would have started explaining a couple of months ago that they were normal, that there was nothing wrong with Sirius dating a boy... but not him.
"Is that the only reason you asked and offered all this?"
Sirius looks at him guiltily, clearly seeing how Remus is cooling towards him with every new second of silence. The same Remus who always trusted him so much. The same Remus who was even able to forgive him after the Prank.
And now this Remus gets out of bed and leaves with a tired look, leaving Sirius doubting everything.