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I’m shaken to my side and my eyes are forced shut. Even my ear plugs can’t completely drown out the screams of all the people around us.
Everything is so bright and dark at the same time. The night is making me delirious, not to mention how tired I am after so many hours on my feet, but even the more peaceful aspects of the night are robbed by the flashing colored lights and constant movement.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it so much.
Why am I even here?
But when I open my eyes, once they adjust to that sludge of rainbow hued blinking, I find the reason again.
It’s you.
It’s always you. You’re the only one who makes me feel this way. When I look at your smile, I almost can’t deny it.
Why did I let you drag me here? Why did I force myself onto this ride? Why would I ever be caught alive in this sea of things specifically designed to bring me hell?
Because it’s you.
I don’t even need to ask myself anymore, really. Of course the answer is you. Only you. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else. No one else would dare to put me through this and still beam so genuinely at having me by their side. No one else thinks that this experience would be improved by my grumpy face.
Maybe I’ll smile. Only for you. It’ll be forced, but that’s how you know how much I love you. I do it all for you.
And I know that when we head back home it’ll be my turn to choose what we do. I’ll make you pay. It’ll be all waiting on me hand and foot to take care of all the aches I’m definitely going to leave this carnival with.
…But you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Of course you would. You would love anything as long as it’s with me.
And I guess, even as hard as it is in situations like this, I could find it in me to love anything as long as it’s with you.
I wouldn’t say I like this. Really, I’d rather be anywhere else. Probably at home. Probably resting by now. But I like you. I guess that’s similar enough.
Maybe if the warmth of your smile bleeds enough into the world around you, I’ll be able to love this place too. These places that make you happy that I hate so much, maybe I’ll learn to love them too. The same way I love you.
The ride knocks us together again, particularly harshly.
I grit my teeth. I really hate that feeling. This stupid machine really has no right to be shaking me around like that, nor you.
…But you’re laughing and smiling at me again. You squeeze my hand and I see you mouth those words, “Hina! I'm having so much fun! I love you!” and through the noise I can still hear the affection in your voice even though you’re shouting.
I love you too.
Ugh. The things I do for you…