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Three months can make a huge difference.
That is, three months ago, you’re ninety percent certain you wouldn’t have been attracted to her. At all.
Not to mention that three months ago, you know for a fact she had a crush on you. Back then her little quirks drove you nuts, so you ignored her. You ignored her for another girl who's fucked-up way of showing affection involved making you feel like shit. And you couldn’t move on.
Summer is long. Three months with no school, no obligations, and no worries. Unless your name is Karkat Vantas, in which case summer means brief moments of high drama and weeks of boredom and avoiding your friends. Rejection stings, but you really didn’t expect it to take three months to move on.
Anyway, that was three months ago. And you’ve never been one to dwell much on the past. Or so you keep telling yourself.
Now, things are different. Nepeta no longer hangs on your every word. Not that she really did before, but now she’s even more removed. From you anyway. Some of the assholes you keep pace with still hang out with her. You only see her in the halls, usually too preoccupied to notice you.
You’re not sure what changed. Maybe it’s the fact that the obnoxiously large coat she always wore has been traded in for an old bomber jacket (you always liked bomber jackets, and it’s still green. You love the color, it complements her hair perfectly), maybe it’s the way she doesn’t wear a cat tail at school anymore, maybe it’s that she’s finally grown up a little and stopped letting her hulk of a best friend make all her decisions for her. Maybe it’s that Terezi isn’t taking up your entire sphere of vision with her ego anymore.
Maybe it’s that she’s not interested in you anymore. Maybe it’s that you can’t ever stop and notice someone, give them the time it takes to fall in love, until it’s clear that they aren’t interested.
It’s probably the last one. If everything else has changed over the past few months, surely she has too.
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He’s never really cared about you. You’ve known that for a long time, but it doesn’t matter. He was still the object of your affection, so you tried to remove yourself. It got easier once fall came and you had no classes together.
Or so you tell yourself.
Summer is long. It means drama, romance, the kind of heartbreak reserved for people who can see each other once a year and love each other anyway. Unless your name is Nepeta Leijon, in which case summer is reserved for a different kind of heartbreak.
Anyway, summer is over now. You have school and your friends to keep you interested. You don’t need to worry about him anymore.
But you don’t really believe that. Three months hasn’t changed him at all. Oh sure, he’s taller, and he still dresses almost exactly the same. But that’s one of the reasons he’s so cute (you always hated the fact that the reason you fell for him in the first place was his physical attractiveness. Does it make you shallow if because you thought he was cute, you got close enough to like the rest of him? You hope not). Kanaya calls his fashion “unique,” Terezi calls it “drab” you just think it works. Maybe that’s why you can’t get over him. Maybe it’s how adorable he is when he gets grumpy, or how much more adorable he is when he smiles.
Maybe it’s that he’s never been interested in you at all. Maybe it’s that you can’t ever fall in love with someone unless there’s a distance, never be interested in what you know you can have.
It’s probably the last one. If nothing else has changed over the past three months, why should he be any different?
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It took you ten months to confess to her. Ten excruciating months. And you thought three was bad.
The July night was hot. Kind of an obvious statement, but you want to remember every last detail. You sat up on top of the high dive over the pool, after everyone except the teenagers and the occasional devoted twentysomething were long gone. Hundreds of little lights on strings were hung back and forth across the pool and the deck. The concrete block underneath you was a little damp, and you remember being depressed. Your life had been distinctly lacking for about a year, and it was really starting to get to you. Having no personal magnetism and no physical attractiveness, combined with a corrosive personality, did not exactly lead to many (or any) relationships. (Weren’t you supposed to not care about how you looked? Just have self-confidence? You never could believe that, and it made you feel shallow.) The voice over the speakers said the pool would be closing in an hour, and then the speakers went back to playing cheesy summer pop music. You sighed and looked up at the moon. It was just starting to wax again, more than a sliver, but not by much.
The whole school year had come and gone. She was still uninterested, and why should she be? You knew you wouldn’t want to fall for an ex-crush. The only time you’d really been around each other at all, it had just been kinda awkward. The rail around the diving block was smooth and starting to warm slightly from being in contact with your back. All the little lights around the pool went nice with the night sky and the moon. It looked like something out of a fantasy.
She came up the steps behind you, and it was the last thing you’d ever expect.
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Ten months is just less than a year. It took you ten months to realize that you needed to at least say something, anything. Even the rejection you were so sure was coming would be better than the prolonged state of longing that you were stuck in.
It was pleasantly warm that night, a few weeks before your birthday. After a long afternoon with your friends, you finally decided that you had to know. Better to know than to remain uncertain forever. You were wearing a green two-piece suit that Kanaya told you over and over again you looked fine in, but it wasn’t enough to convince you. (There you go again, worrying about physical appearances. It still makes you feel shallow.) The lights over the pool looked like a million pale yellow stars, with a sliver of a moon up above them that looked like something from a movie. The perfect sky for falling in love. The tired voice over the speakers said that the pool would close in an hour. Now or never.
You saw him on top of the high dive, alone. The concrete under your feet was rough and starting to cool after a long day in the sun. His leg swung from the end of the block, making lazy circles in the air.
You climbed up the ladder behind him, and hoped beyond hope that the night wouldn’t end, and that you could just wait for him to come down. Karkat’s never been the type to come down, though, so you had to go up and get him.
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“Hey.”
“Hey.” Your leg swings back up onto the block. She looks incredible.
“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” You finish climbing up after him, and sit just across from him.
“Yeah.” You- laugh? It wasn’t really a laugh, it was more of a small, breathy noise. Almost a sigh, but not quite.
“I just- I think I need to talk to you about something.” He’s so cute, almost curled up into a ball at the corner of the block, looking out over the water.
“Really?” You wince slightly, hoping you haven’t been too obvious. She moves a little closer.
“Yeah. I have to tell you something. It’s important.” You’re struggling to find the words.
“I’m all ears.” You forgot how nice her voice is. Quiet, and happy and sad all at once.
“I… think you’re really nice.” That is not what you wanted to say. You try again. “I mean, Karkat, I like you a lot.” You’re blushing, and you pray he can’t see you.
You’re taken aback. Is she trying to… “I mean, I like you a lot too. Really a lot.” No. No no no. That isn’t what you mean at all.
“I’m glad that you like me.” Why can’t you just say it? Three little words, easy enough, right?
“I’m glad that the feeling is mutual.” Three words. You’ll just spit them out.
“I love you.”
After a moment, you both look at each other. You think you might be crying, but they are too. So you lean in and kiss each other.
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After a moment that you wish hadn’t ended, she pulls away. The smile on her face is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.
The shy little smile on his face is the best thing you’ve ever seen.
“Take a leap of faith with me?”
“Sure.”
You stand together, and on the count of three, you step into the pool together. The water is cool and clear, the lights reflecting off the surface in the strangest, most beautiful ways.
You climb out of the pool, hand in hand. The months won’t be as long together.