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When Lucanis woke up this morning after his standard three hours of sleep, he hadn’t been expecting Spite to take control at the first sight of Knight. Nor had he been expecting to find himself back in the Ossuary. No, this isn’t that prison, not really. This is the one he sees in his dreams when he finally succumbs to his body’s incessant need to sleep.
“Spite!” He knows his grievances aren’t going to reach the demon, but it still makes him feel better to grumble about it. “Let me out of here right now!” Nothing. Like he expected anything else?
“Why are you expecting anything else? You’re just a monster masquerading as human.” What? No. He has to be a person, right? Knight sees that much in him, at least? Right? Knight wouldn’t see him and Spite as one person.
“How can you be sure? Have you asked? How sure are you that Knight isn’t lying to you? He’s a Crow. It’s what you do.” No. Knight doesn’t lie. He doesn’t. It’s one of the qualities Lucanis finds so refreshing about the man he’s falling terrifyingly in love with.
Old anxieties decide now is the time to swell back up to consume him. Knight’s not lying to him. Not like Lucanis is lying to everyone. He has to be. There’s no way he’s the person Knight sees him as. Not broken and haunted as he is. Not possessed by a demon hellbent on making his life miserable.
“You’re better off forgetting him. He doesn’t deserve to deal with your mess. You don’t deserve him.” Knight’s never been bothered before? Knight doesn’t even seem bothered by Spite.
“You don’t even call him his name.” A spike of stupid pride explodes violently in his chest. He knows he should be giving the man the same respect Knight gives him, but it feels too much like letting himself become attached to a man that might leave him by using his actual name. “Mierda! How could you for anything for him?”
He’s right. How could he give Knight anything when he’s so much of a mess that he can’t even bear to call the man he’s too far gone for by his name.
Emotion chokes him up. He can’t do this. He can’t keep Knight chained to him like this when he’s not even a person anymore. Not when he’s become an abomination. Not when he can’t even deal with his own trauma.
“Luca’s so much stronger than he thinks.” Huh? That’s… No. That can’t be Knight because Knight is too good and pure to be mixed up in this mess. He can’t drag Knight into his mess.
“Look at what you’ve done. Knight will never see you as a person again.”
“Luca’s just as much of a person as I am, he just has a whole second person to share his body with and that’s really hot.” A pained, confused squeak rips from his throat. He doesn’t deserve Knight.
“You’re going to bring Knight down with you. Is that what you really want? You’re not even a person.” He deserves to have all of his broken pieces left on the floor where they fell. Not swept up and—
“I know you’re hurting, Luca. I may not really know how you feel, but I know what helps my siblings and I’m going to help you as best I can.” He hurts. He’s done nothing to deserve this. How can Knight care so much about him when he’s not even a real person anymore. He’s just a killer. Just an abomination.
“You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for.” Warm arms surround him, pulling him off the cold dream ground he doesn’t remember falling to.
“How can you be so sure?” Tear fall from his eyes, warm and salty. “What remains once you get through the pain and possession?”
Knight holds him tighter. “Just because your damaged doesn’t mean you any less you, Luca. It doesn’t make you less of a person.”
“But—“
“So you’re a little different— so what? Am I less of a person because of my differences?” He pulls back just enough to look at that stupidly handsome, understanding face. He… Knight’s got a point. “You’re never going to be someone I’ll fall out of love with, no matter what happens, so why do you think I’ll leave you alone?”
“But why?”
Knight blinks at him. “You’re you. That’s not going to change because you’re a little hurt.”
“Kal?” His voice cracks pitifully in a display that Caterina would’ve punished him for years ago. Kal just grins widely, beaming at him. “Why?”
“Turns out I love you, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same for me.” How can it be that simple? Things are never that simple. “’Sides, how could I love you any less when you come with a whole second boyfriend built in?”
“You like Spite, too?”
“Why not? He’s pretty neat too if you actually get to know him.”
“He’s a demon.”
“And? He’s still his own person. Just like you.” He… Doesn’t have an argument for that. Even if he did, Lucanis is pretty sure Kal has a point.
“… I suppose I can try?” He’s not really sure why he’s agreeing, but like every other time with this man, he’s off his game enough that he’ll agree to anything he’s asked. Weirdly, he doesn’t mind.
Kal beams at him. “Let’s get out of here!” Oh… Right… Lucanis might be a bit confused about everything, but he lets Kal drag him along anyway. Spite cheers in his head, happy to be acknowledged.
Lucanis has the distinct feeling something in him has shifted. Weird how Kal has this effect on him when they’re in the same space. Even weirder how Lucanis doesn’t want it to stop.
He blinks, finding himself staring at Kal’s bright grin with Spite hovering at the edges of his vision and the rest of the de Riva’s standing around nearby exchanging bets. A mix of emotions fill Lucanis’ chest. He needs to think. As loathe as he is to leave, he needs time to clear his head. Kal will understand, right?