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"Ugh…!” Ena would exclaim, bringing both of her fists to pound onto her desk as she made yet another mistake. Ena was frustrated, maybe a little more than frustrated. She couldn't seem to get her new artwork right, and with the deadline rapidly approaching, she found herself stumped. She didn't know what to draw, let alone even manage to draw a single line. Truth be told, she was overworking herself. She hadn't taken a single break from drawing in over a week. With all these new deadlines piling up with the releases of many new songs, Ena just couldn't find herself able to catch up with the rest of her group mates.
She found herself feeling a tinge of envy of the 3 other members. Why? She didn't know, she thought it was stupid how quickly they were able to finish their parts of their jobs while Ena took her sweet time drawing out her art that probably no one would take the time to admire or to even look at. Ena brought a hand to her temple, attempting to massage her head with the growing headache hitting in hard. Sometimes, she found it difficult to even manage living because of her uselessness she continued to preserve. Sure, she may be complimented by her group mates on how “good” her art was, but it wasn't the same as getting real validation from people excluding her group.
While Mafuyu had often been a little too brutally honest on her artwork, she knew that Mizuki and Kanade would merely fawn on her artwork each and every time she had shown her work to them on their nightly calls they'd have. That should've been enough validation for Ena, but she couldn't help but crave more attention. Compared to her selfie socials, her art socials had hardly drawn any attention towards it. One picture of herself would gain so much attention and even earn compliments by the many people who widely knew her for her pictures, but her art? They hardly even got likes, let alone views. Ena was honestly sick of it. She was sick of the recognition. She was sick of ignorance. She was sick of everything. Ena was good at feeling sick of such little things. She would never falter on that.
She felt as if she were to be way behind everyone else in terms of talents and efficiency. She hated it. She hated how easy it was for her to get swept under the bed. Ena damn near sobbed as she curled in on herself, somehow finding herself on her cold bedroom's floor. Ena didn’t remember how she found herself on the floor, but what she did know is that the time almost rapidly approached their nightly meet-ups. 25:00. She dreaded that call. She didn’t think she could handle that at this very moment. And so she didn’t push herself, continuing to keep herself curled up on her floor. Ena soon found herself getting the inanimate urge to do something. Something that would do her no good. Self-harm. She knew it wasn’t good. She knew that, yet she still craved it.
It was the only thing that kept her sane if she had to be honest. She knew there were many reasons not to resort to self-harm. She found that out the hard way. She replayed the memory of Mizuki finding out about her self-harming behaviors. She stopped only for the sole purpose of not making Mizuki worry more as is. Though, that didn’t stop the urges from spilling out. She was 4 weeks clean, only because Mizuki was nice enough to offer her mental health support and even getting her to use coping mechanisms she would’ve never thought of before.
Ena soon found herself standing on both feet, almost as if someone were to control her body themselves. She walked up to her drawer, almost as if her instincts kicked in as she retrieved her blade from inside the drawer. Mizuki made sure to dispose of all the blades in her room, but she slipped up and forgot about this one. She was glad in that moment that she had forgotten about it because all she wanted at the moment was the pain and the trickling of blood seaming from her legs and onto the floor.
As Ena positioned herself on the floor, she heard the chiming of her phone going off with notifications buzzing through. She couldn’t find the energy to reply, so she did what she did best. She sat down, and with the blade in her hand, she slashed at her wrists. All she saw in the moment was the sight of flesh and blood trickling from down her arm and onto the floor. She didn’t stop the slashing. She couldn’t. She needed to feel something, even if it hurt the people she knew. She didn’t care, not in the moment.
Once Ena found herself snapping out of it, she noticed the amount of blood dripping from her arm to the floor. It was almost enticing to look at. She knew she had to clean it up, but she couldn’t find the energy to do that either. She shakily reached out for her phone, only to see the onslaught of notifications that had appeared whilst she was cutting. She found herself clicking on Mizuki’s contact and reading the messages.
_
Mizuki • 25:05
Enanan~! We have our meet-up today. Did you forget? Enanan is so silly sometimes…
Mizuki • 25:09
Enanan…? Are you okay? You don’t usually take this long to respond, haha, you’re usually so chronically online! Text me if you’re okay though… (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Mizuki • 25:15
Ena? You haven’t responded yet. Me, Yuki, and K are waiting in call for you! They’re really worried, and i am too. Please text back soon.
Mizuki • 25:20
Ena… You told me if anything was up you’d tell me… Please text back. Im worried about you.
_
Ena found herself frowning at Mizuki’s text. That was right. She did tell her that she’d text her if anything was up. She was stupid and stupid for being selfish and self-harming even after Mizuki gave her the support she needed. She shakily sighed, knowing she couldn’t avoid the inevitable of Mizuki’s concern for the girl, and so, she replied back.
_
Ena • 25:29
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to ghost you.
I’m just not feeling good.
Mizuki • 25:30
Are you okay?
What’s wrong?
Do you need anything?
Talk to me, please.
Ena • 25:31
I don’t think i’m okay
Mizuki • 25:31
Do you… need me to come over?
Ena • 25:32
Yeah…
I’m sorry
Mizuki • 25:32
Don’t apologize! It’s okay, silly! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Ena • 25:32
No… That’s not what i mean.
Mizuki • 25:32
What did you mean then? I’m open to anything.
Ena • 25:33
I had a relapse…
Mizuki…?
I’m sorry.
Mizuki • 25:35
Omw, don’t do anything.
Ena • 25:35
what? Im okay, really,
Mizuki • 25:36
No, you are not. I just left the meeting, so it's too late if you’re trying to stop me.
How bad is it?
Have you taken care of it yet?
Ena • 25:37
No…
Mizuki • 25:38
That’s fine, I’ll take care of you
Please don’t do anything in the meantime
I don’t want you to hurt yourself
I’ll help you
I’ll always be here for you.
_
Ena set down her phone after acknowledging Mizuki’s text, not having enough energy to text her back anymore, especially with the unbearable throbbing of her wrist. Ena noticed herself feeling fuzzy, dizziness came through, and obviously, she was tired. She felt like she could fall asleep. And so, she closed her eyes, but she’d regret that later.
_
“Ena…! Ena, wake up…!” Ena woke up to the frantic shouts of a familiar voice, the constant shaking of her body making her more aware of the people around her. She opened one eye, then the next, only to see the figures of two people. Mizuki was crouched down to her side, and… Akito…? Akito seemed to just stand there, his eyes showing concern and… a tinge of fear. Ena would’ve never imagined herself igniting such an emotion from her younger brother. He seemed more focused on the sight of her wrist, which still bled with zero remorse. Ena couldn’t blame him. The look of her wrist looked bad now that she was in a better state of mind. It was hideous, even. Ena snapped out of her trance with the warm hands that clasped over both her cheeks, Mizuki’s sobbing figure coming into view. “Ena…! You’re s-so stupid…” Mizuki would sob out, her hands moving back down to her shoulders to shake her some more before wrapping them around the back of her shoulders to pull her into a hug. Even despite the awkward position, she found herself tearing up. She didn’t mean to cause this. She didn’t.
It just got too hard for her to deal with. Ena found herself gazing up to meet Akito’s eyes, something she never would’ve thought of seeing was his worried face. He was worried. About her. Because of something she did. He just stood there, almost as if in shock. She wouldn’t blame him, though. It was his first time ever finding out that she self-harmed. It was something she was ashamed about, and she knew it brought up concern. While Ena seemed to still be out of it, Mizuki got Akito to get some of their medical supplies they had stored in case of emergencies. Those seemed to happen often as Akito often found himself getting into fights, and for Ena, it was mainly used for minor injuries her drawing got her.
They would’ve never expected to use those supplies for something as serious as this, however. Ena was in a trance as she stared at her wrist. She blinked once, and she had a towel placed onto her arm to stop the bleeding. She blinked twice, and she saw antibiotics being applied to her wrist with the faintest sting to the touch. She blinked thrice, and she saw gauze being wrapped around her wrist. Ena lost all meaning of time in that moment, only seeming to snap out of it now that her wrist wasn’t the main focus of her attention. She caught Mizuki’s gaze as she looked at her, almost as if giving her pity she didn’t like receiving. She noticed that Akito was gone, probably to process what he saw as it was a hard thing to handle all at once.
“Ena, are you okay…?” Mizuki would ask now that she had caught Ena’s attention. Ena only gazed at her blearily in exchange to her worried look she gave off, Mizuki only sighing in the process. “Okay… can you at least let me help you shower? I don’t want your… cuts to be infected… You need to wash them out, too. It'll feel better, though, promise.” Ena sighed but nodded nonetheless, and Mizuki let out a soft yet sad smile in response. “Alright, you ready, Enanan?” Mizuki would say in a slightly playful way, Ena nodding in response to her childish yet endearing words.
Mizuki pulled herself away from Ena slightly, only to place both arms underneath her knees and shoulders, and with that, she lifted the girl up and swiftly brought her to the bathroom they had. Mizuki opened the door with her elbow as she still held Ena in her arms, not before ensuring her weight was supported right. The door creaked open, and Mizuki set her down on the counter, albeit it being slightly messy with her skincare items. Mizuki carefully unwrapped the gauze from Ena’s wrist, sighing in relief and seeing how the blood had stopped its flow. “Okay… stay here, I'll be back,” Mizuki would say, almost as if she were to talk to a fragile piece of glass. Ena hated that fact. She didn't want to be treated as if she were something broken.
Though Ena knew Mizuki couldn't help but be concerned about her, after all, she hurt herself. It only made sense. However, that didn't stop her from feeling bad about it. What else is someone supposed to do after finding out their partner had hurt themselves? Ena didn't know the answer all that well, but Mizuki certainly would. Ena was briefly snapped out of her thoughts when Mizuki stepped back into the bathroom, both a towel and more gauze in hand as she placed them down on the counter next to Ena. Ena didn't seem to quite get the memo when she realized Mizuki wasn't leaving the bathroom, not anytime soon.
“Um… are you… going to go…?” Ena would soon question, Mizuki just nodding a no to that question. “‘Course not! I'm sorry, Ena, I just… cant trust you with you being alone… And… I thought it would be nice to give you a bath to at least make you feel better!” Mizuki would say, Ena just nodding in agreement to Mizuki offering to wash her herself. “Okay… I'm sorry.” Ena would apologize, feeling bad for subjecting Mizuki to this small yet tedious task. “No, no, don't apologize. I just want to make sure you're okay.” Mizuki would hum out as she concentrated on starting up the bath as promised. Ena just watched her with mere amusement as Mizuki didn't seem to understand how their shower worked.
“Oh…!” Mizuki would let out in surprise, dousing herself with a fresh load of water. Ena couldn't help but snicker at that to which Mizuki whipped around and gave her the stink eye. “Quiet, you…” Mizuki would mutter in exasperation. Ena just chuckled more as she finally managed to figure out how to work their shower. Mizuki sat herself on the counter next to Ena as they waited for the bath to fill up. Mizuki wrapped one arm around Ena as they waited, seeming like she wanted to say something but not wanting to ruin the mood. Ena didn't feel like she was in the mood to talk about what happened either, as she was still affected by it.
Mizuki just sighed, looking at Ena. She hesitantly clasped her hand onto her shoulder and talked to her, “Ena… I'm here for you, y’know… I want to help you, I really do.” Mizuki would let out, her shoulders seeming tense, Ena now being hyper aware of how shaken Mizuki had been the entire time she'd been here. Ena just nodded, not wanting to upset the girl further by saying something out of line. Mizuki gazed at the bath before immediately shooting up to turn the faucet off, the water being filled as Mizuki had to drain some of the water out. Ena was only amused at her attempts to work their shower out. Mizuki finally dusted her wet hands onto her shirt with unamusement plastered onto her face. Ena felt awkward knowing she had to get undressed, though Mizuki being the caring girlfriend she was, she hesitantly reached out for her shirt. “Um… may i…?” Mizuki would ask, Ena only smiling slightly at her consideration. “Yeah… you can.” With that, Mizuki closed the bathroom door and locked it, almost as if she forgot to do that prior to her coming back into the bathroom with that towel and gauze.
Mizuki returned to Ena's side, her hands reaching up to her shirt to unbutton it and slip it up her arms and off her body. Mizuki set aside the clothing, not before folding it neatly, then turning back to Ena and carefully lifting her legs to pull down her pants. Ena just watched Mizuki treat her with such care, but she couldn't help but be embarrassed at how gentle she was being with her. Once Ena was fully undressed, Mizuki couldn't help but admire her body, but she was briefly interrupted with a hand grabbing at her face in order to make her stop looking. Ah, she had forgotten how easily flustered Ena was. Mizuki loved that trait of hers. It made it easier to tease her, but also love her a little more.
“Alright, are you ready? This might hurt your wrist…” Mizuki would say, waiting for Ena's word as she nodded, Mizuki taking that as a yes and carefully lifting up the girl and gently placing her in the bathtub. Ena flinched slightly as the water made contact with her wrist as she flung it out, Mizuki grimacing as she understood her pain. “Hey, hey, it's okay! Just take a deep breath, the pain will go away, I promise.” Mizuki would reassure her, Ena still having her face scrunched up in pain. “Okay…” Ena would say hesitantly, waiting for her body temperature to sync up with the baths to place her arm back into the water gently. Ena grimaced but Mizuki gave her a thumbs up to tell her that she was doing well.
After waiting a bit Mizuki burst up to grab soap and shampoo before finally settling back near Ena's side. Ena seemed to lose all means of time after that, slowly being lulled to sleep with the gentle hands caressing her body and the scrubbing of her hair, it was almost a heavenly experience.
—
“Enanan?” Mizuki would call out, interrupting her oh so peaceful nap. Ena would open both her eyes and grumble at the faint light of the bathroom. Mizuki would only giggle in her cute way of hers no one could replicate. Now that Ena was more awake, she grew more aware of the now lukewarm water and felt as if she were ready to leave. Mizuki held an arm out, and Ena took it, gently standing up and stepping out of the bath. Ena shivered as the cold air bit at her skin and Mizuki was quick to come to her aid by wrapping a towel around her. “Oho~ someone doesn't like the cold, does she?” Mizuki would tease, which only resulted in a jab to her stomach with the faint sound of an “ow!” Ena simply watched as Mizuki drained out the remainder of the water before quickly taking place beside her again. Mizuki promptly dried Ena's skin for her, not before setting her onto the counter like beforehand.
As Mizuki was done, she thought they were done with the whole ordeal, before the faint burning of her wrist made her remember what she did to herself. Ena felt a wave of guilt flowing through her, but Mizuki didn't pay much mind as she dressed the wound with gauze again. Ena looked at Mizuki, about to say something, but being cut off. “I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, Ena. I really mean that.” Ena just blinked a few times, before quickly denying what she said. “No, no! That wasn't your fault… It was mine. I could've talked to you, but I didn't. But, I'm okay now!” Ena would exclaim, Mizuki sadly nodding no at her response to which she grew confused of until Mizuki started speaking again.
“You're not okay, you just… you hurt yourself, Ena. I can't be told you're okay after you did something like that, to yourself too.” Mizuki would mumble, clenching her fist onto the towel that remained wrapped around Ena. Ena would sigh and place one hand onto Mizuki’s as they had a silent exchange of comfort flowing through the two of them. Not before long, Mizuki would perk up with taking care of Ena. “Oh, right! I almost forgot to get you dressed! Silly me…!” Mizuki would let out, making Ena more aware of the vulnerability the two shared with her body being so bare in that moment.
Mizuki never stopped taking care of Ena much to her discontent. Mizuki would help with putting on the girl's shirt and undergarments and once they were finally on, Mizuki would carry her to her bedroom once again and tucked her into bed. The moment Ena's head hit the pillow, she felt all the weight of the day fall onto her as she promptly fell into a trance between reality and dreamland. With the slight dip of the bed shifting underneath her, she knew she was safe with Mizuki at her side, and so, she fell asleep.