Archive of Our Own

Jax was pissed. 

Not only was he being mentally abused by a bipolar mask and ribbon, the only spot he could go for relief was being occupied with the last person he wanted to see. Well, maybe not the last, but Ragatha was for sure up there.

“Jaaaaaxyyyy,” Her voice comes out like knives on a chalkboard and he thinks about skipping his designated break to avoid this. Then again, Gangle would probably force him to watch more worktime propaganda if he did.

The importance of your breaks and why you should just fucking do what we tell you. 

Nah, he'll risk the ragdoll high on stupid sauce instead.

The designated break area happened to be a spot behind the building that reeked of the trashcan beside him and greasy burgers. If Jax was anywhere else, the smell would've ticked him off even more. Now, he couldn't care less.

“I'm so glad that I get to spend my break with you,” Ragatha giggles as she slides further down the wall she was leaning against. Doing so, her cap falls down to cover her face and another fit of giggles.

“Yeah, yeah, just sit there and shut up, will you?” He bends down-pressing his elbows into his knees- and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. No idea how they got there or why Caine decided to give them to him, but given the day he's had, he doesn't care. Taking a drag from it, Jax knew better than to feel anything but an empty sensation.  Everything in the Digital Circus was like that- All smoke and mirrors, no substance. Yet when the toxic smoke fills his lungs, he's shocked to find a forgotten yet familiar feeling.

He can actually taste the cigarette.

Food- Nada.

Drink- Nothing.

But a cigarette?

“Caine's fucking twisted.”

A sharp gasp from across from him. He completely forgot about his coworker, “Jax, watch your mouth. Fuck is a bad word.”

“Ragatha, you just said-” He's interrupted by yet another giggle, “What's funny?”

“You called me Ragatha.”

“That's your name.”

The giggling stops, replaced with a pair of wide eyes. Well, wide eye and a blue button, “It is? Huh. Who woulda thought. Hey, but it's not like you call me that much anyway. Rags, Raggy, Dollface. I think you even called me Rag Butt once.”

He remembers. She was annoying him on an adventure to Candy Island, telling him to not eat all of the candy or he’d get a stomachache- “ It’s hard to get a stomachache when you don’t feel anything, Rag Butt. ”

“You can remember that, but you can’t remember your own name?”

“I remember the nicknames because they come from you, silly. Silly billy bunny boo,” She points a finger his way, then hides her smile behind her hand. This was getting weird. He’s about to opt out of the rest of this break when she perks up, wide eyed and suddenly full of attention, “I got it, why don’t we come up with cute pet names for each other that no one else knows. That way, it can just be our little secret that no one else gets to be a part of ,” The last part comes out in an almost hostile tone as if she was warning him. But then, it being Ragatha, it melts down to her typical peppy yet extremely high expression, “I think I’ll call you… Fluffy Butt,” She throws her head back in a laugh, “Yeah, that’s it. Fluffy Butt. My Fluffy Butt. Fluffy Butt and me.”

“Ragatha, I swear, if you ever call me that in front of anyone-”

“Fluffy Butt, weren’t you listening? No one else can know these nicknames, so of course I won’t say it to anyone else. What kind of friend do you think I am?”

Jax chooses to ignore that. Any other day, maybe he’d enjoy the banter with her. Hell, he’d even come up with a few nicknames of his own for her. Maybe slightly less cutesy and something that would really get on her nerves. But given the current state of her, he doesn’t believe that anything could do that. So, instead, he takes another long drag from the cigarette between his fingers. It helped ease the stress of the day. How long was this adventure supposed to last anyway? It’s already felt like days yet it’s only lunchtime. At least, he thinks it is based on the rush that they just suffered through. The clock was broken and, slowly, his mental well being was becoming as well.

Jax gets to the butt of his cigarette before he chances another look at the woman sitting in front of him. Something seemed off with her, though. Instead of giggles, her lips pressed together. Her eyes were hazy as they ran across his face. Pondering something maybe? Curious about something? She looks like she’s sobering up. Good. Maybe that means an end to the weird nicknames.

“Fluffy Butt,” Spoke too soon, “Can I ask you a question?”

“No.”

“But it’s important.”

“Don’t care.”

“But- But-”

“ Whaaaaaat ?”

“You’re really tense today.”

He looks her over, waiting for something else, “Was there a question there?”

“A what?”

He rubs his eyes. There’s a headache forming that he tries to chase away. He’s probably only got ten minutes left of his break, but that’s plenty of time to pull out another cigarette, light it up, and try to ignore Ragatha. Until she finds her way to the space between his knees and leans in to squish his cheek. He swats her away, but it doesn’t deter her.

“Hi, you.”

“Uh… Hey?”

“Whatcha got there?”He follows her gaze to his hand, then he takes another drag of it and puffs the smoke out to the side.

“An ice cream cone. What’s it look like?” He expects another fit of giggles or another nickname that’ll annoy him. But when she touches his knuckles, pulls the cigarette to face her lips, and she gives him a look of approval, his brain seems to go haywire, “Raggy, I was kidding. It’s not really an ice cream cone.”

“I know that,” She doesn’t wait for a reply. She pulls the filter between her lips and inhales. Jax watches her face light up as the end of it burns down. Pulling back while leaving her fingers on his hand, she puffs out little clouds of smoke. Jax must’ve been staring a little too closely seeing as she’s now matching the energy. The eye contact felt intense. Even though they spent nearly every waking hour together- Being stuck in the same messed up universe and all- it was rare for them to just have a solitude moment like. Gangle wasn’t crying in the corner or trying to become the second coming of a dictator. Zooble wasn’t pissing him off every chance they got. And Kinger… Well, he barely knew where he was half of the time and the other half he's just screaming.

Pomni doesn’t bother him as much, but this was probably the first time since she’s shown up that Ragatha hasn’t been going all gaga over her.

It was just them. Something about that makes his chest feel tighter. It doesn’t help that when he refocuses on her, there’s this weird glint in her eyes, practically daring him to look away again. He doesn’t. He couldn’t if he wanted to. The gaze was… Flirtatious.

That is, until the smoke must’ve gotten to her as she slouches over in a coughing fit.

“God, Ragatha, you’re not supposed to inhale it.”

Several coughs, “Give me a break, it’s been a while since I’ve done this.”

“Well, obviously, we’ve been stuck in this digital hell for… Wait, you used to smoke?”

“Sometimes. Not often. You know how extreme my mother could be,” She tells him.

That he does. He’s heard plenty of stories of her relationship- or lack thereof- with her mother. The guilt-tripping, the yelling, the abuse. He hated those stories. Not because she would openly tell him, but someone like Ragatha didn't deserve that type of treatment. Especially from someone who was supposed to take care of her. It honestly made him angry. Then, another feeling altogether showed up. Him and the woman in front of him used to be close. They used to talk often about their lives before. Back then, it was just the two of them and Kinger and there wasn’t much used trying to get any conversation out of him. Which forced them to become friends.

Friends .

Something changed, though, that he couldn’t exactly understand. Except, he could, but that was a whole different problem in itself.

“I think I started when I was around your age. I never liked it, but I guess it did help take the edge off of things.”

Jax just about forgot about the age gap between them. His twenty-two to her thirty, but time means nothing here, so why would he think about it? Jax feels like he’s aged ten years here while never gaining a day.

“Not something you have to worry about now. The only real stress here is whatever adventure Caine tosses us into.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Her arms go to wrap around her shoulders. She’s stuck in her own head again, so he does the only thing he knows to do to comfort her.

“You’re terrible at smoking.”

Mock her.

And to his surprise, it works.

A smile spreads across her mouth followed by a chuckle, “Like you’re some sort of expert on it?”

“Do it better than you,” To prove his point, Jax brings it back to his mouth, then puffs smoke to her left side. While he does, her attention seems to shift to his mouth. A hazy gaze startles him. It’s not long before he leans closer to her, “Here,” His free hand finds her back to pull her in. When she does, he lifts the cigarette to her lips, “Just inhale slowly,” She does. The light burns between them, then he pulls it away, “Now, don’t breathe it in. Open your lips and exhale just as slowly,” The gray smoke comes out. This time, she didn’t end up coughing. He took it as a victory and he gave her a smirk.

She, however, took it as an opportunity to bring their lips together.

It’s in an instant that he grips her shoulders to put the few short inches between them back, “Geez, Raggy, what the hell are you doing?”

“Uh… Kissing you?” She responds as if it was the dumbest question he’s ever asked.

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I wanted to, silly,” She pokes his cheek again. Ignoring the nicknames being brought back into conversation.

“Has the stupid sauce gone straight to your brain? We don’t do that.”

“We just did, remember?” She goes searching for the cigarette again, but he grinds it to the ground to put it out, “ Hey .”

“Seriously, answer me. Why did you kiss me?”

“Because I… B-Because…” She shrivels into herself, focus shifting to the ground, “... I wanted to?” He stares at her, “For a… Long time, actually.”

Huh .

Of all places to get a confession like that, a fast food place called Spudsy’s was definitely not at the top of that list.

The silence that follows between them is deafening. Jax hears the slight ringing in his ears that you get when things around are too quiet. Ragatha doesn’t move- Just stays pressed between his knees, still wrapped up in herself, and she looks practically scared shitless. It’s not often that she looks this vulnerable. She prides herself on having over positivity. Something that Jax finds annoying, so it’s a nice change of pace to see her like this.

He tries to overlook the I’ve-Wanted-To-Kiss-You-For-A-Long-Time confession because there’s no way he can comprehend meshing that to their years long friends to enemies relationship they’ve got. It’s a lot easier for him to understand the way she’s looking right now. Red yarned hair clings to her forehead and it nearly shields her eyes from him. But he can still very much see the haze- Whether from the stupid sauce or the kiss, he can’t tell. There’s a pink tint across her cheeks. Seeing her blush was a lot more common than seeing her vulnerable. Mostly when he’s teasing her and something he does really gets under her skin. He won’t admit it, but that pink tint is a driving force for him. He likes that he can get a reaction out of her. He gets a reaction out of all of them, but one from her is treated as a victory. He’s used to it coming from a place of annoyance. Not from telling him that she’s technically into him. God, that was weird to hear.

The thing is, though… Does he feel the same way?

Guess there’s only one way to find out.

“Wanna make out?”

Her response is exactly what he assumed, “ What ?”

He finds her back again. This time, to pull her fully into his lap with her knees on either side of his thighs. She obliges, “I think you heard me.”

“Y-You… I mean, we… You actually want to-”

“Wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t,” He tucks red hair away from her face. He really means it. He can tell by the way his heartbeat picks up when she brings their foreheads together.

“Okay.”

It’s all he needs to bring her eager lips back to his- Finally .

There’s a rhythm they find where he rubs circles into her skin while she snakes her hands around his neck. Every once in a while, she’ll find one of his ears to massage and he can’t help but grin into the kiss. He feels weird admitting that this doesn’t feel as bad as he thought it would. There’s this spark between them that makes it feel almost familiar for him. Maybe years of knowing someone gives you more clarity when that line between friends and something more is crossed. And, dammit, if it isn’t being crossed.

Ragatha’s lips grow more intense and he feels dizzy when they part. She tastes sweet- Figures .

He puts more edge into it by finding her chin and dipping her head backwards to deepen it. This earns him a soft whimper from her. He grins into the kiss again, Ragatha takes this as a challenge. She shuffles forward just enough to push her chest into his, finds the space between his shirt and neck to stroke purple skin. He shivers when she mumbles something about gaining the upperhand.

That’s the thing when it comes to the two of them, it’s always a back and forth motion. One of them needs to win their imaginary rivalry.

She annoys him by being too sweet, he hides centipedes in her bed.

She brings up an embarrassing moment for him, he teases her for an equally embarrassing one.

She insults him, he insults her- She grazes her tongue over his bottom lip .

He finds her lower back to pull her closer, nearly wrapping her legs around his waist. This seems to bring them out of the fog. Only a breath between them, he leaves kisses on her lips, her cheeks, her neck. She giggles at the contact, so he does it again.

“Jax, stop, that tickles,” But she makes no effort in stopping him.

“Why do you think I’m doing it?” He kisses her again. Following it is a soft sigh and something he doesn’t expect at all.

“Jax?”

“What’s up?”

“I think I’m in lo-”

“ Time’s up! ” The backdoor slams open as Gangle glares at them, her happy mask never faltering. Ragatha startles so much that she nearly falls backwards onto the concrete ground, “Your breaks have been over for well over a minute. Time is money, people,” She ticks at her wrist watch before slamming the door back closed.

The space between them returns back to normal when the both of them stand up. He dusts the residue of the ground off of his back while she wipes the residue of their kiss off of her lips.

“So, uh… I’ll see you in there, yeah?” She stutters. He nods, readjusting his hat.

“Yeah, yeah, I-I’ll see you in there,” He responds as he watches her shuffle back inside. Leaving him with the impending feeling that can only come from a very awkward conversation they’re going to have to have.

He wonders if he can talk Caine into giving him some of that stupid sauce.